NEED HELP!!!!!

Hello friends, I wasn't sure if I could post this here but as this is a place where we can put our views and thoughts, wanted to share something with you guys.. I really hope I can find some way out and get some solutions.

I have a very good friend who is also a very good human being, and someone who has a selfless heart. He is someone I genuinely connect with cos we both are very similar. But there is something happening in his life (which he isn't ready to tell me) that is really bothering him and he seems depressed. He had once told me that he never got his due no matter how hard he worked or how sincere he was.. also he always faced betrayal in his relationships no matter how loyal or committed he was. Also luck never came to him. So I assumed he was sad cos of his work and past relationships and he had basically lost the trust. But later I came to know that there is more to it. I realized that the reasons are not only these but much more cos of which his outlook towards life had changed and he is so negative about it. I asked him but he isn't willing to talk about it. He says his life is so worst and pathetic.. his life is not in his hands.. things are never gonna change cos there are some problems which is very huge and will always stay.. I asked him if he had shared about it to anyone before.. He said he had talked abt it to many but it only remained in words.. He is still in the same place today and now he has decided to keep his mouth shut and see what else is waiting for him. From his words, he seems totally frustrated with his life. I try to encourage him a lot and give him positive words but he has become so negative about it(cos of whatever is happening in his life) and says that his life is more of a destiny than his deed. He tried a lot of times but life pulled him back on the same track where it wanted him to go... So one can figure out how frustrating that can be 😔. He says he is surviving only because of his strong will.

I am deeply concerned and worried about him.. It is very heart breaking to see him this way cos I have seen the other side in him too, the fun loving and witty person.. But he seems to be suppressing this side of him and bring the other side where he appears to be serious and a sad soul. If I put my concerns in front of him he asks me not to worry.. The problem is he will silently take the pain but not talk about it. But for me it is more than heart wrenching to see him like this cos he is someone who deserves to be happy in his life and just because he asks me not to worry I cannot STOP worrying about him day and night. I cannot see him living like this.. in so much worry, pain, agony and frustration! And he silently takes it.. he is someone who doesn't express himself.. But I feel I have a very good understanding about him cos I connect with him on many levels. So somewhere I can feel what he is going through even if he doesnt tell me. So I really want to help him.

But how can I help him until he tells me what the problem is??? No matter how ugly or embarrassing it is I still wanna know cos I am not here to judge.. I am here to listen and care.. and I have always assured him this. But he still is hesitant to talk bout it. But that problem is getting in me now and I am thinking and looking for ways to help him and make his life better. Don't know what the problem is (may be its related to family or something) cos he says his life is not in his hands.. and a man who always suffered in his life be it at work-relationships, will obviously feel negative about his life. But I want to take him out of it and give him a good state of mind.. But how do I make him tell his problems?? The problem surely seems huge and I wanna know!!!! How do I make him say it??? How do I help him??? I just want him to be happy.. He is a very good human being! He deserves to be happy.
Please guys, tell me some ways out if you can 😭

SHOCK THERAPY do usko 😡, pyar se kaam nahi ho raha then that will work 😆

Originally posted by: mahatma123

SHOCK THERAPY do usko 😡, pyar se kaam nahi ho raha then that will work 😆

I think you cant do anything. When he doesn't want to share, from where would you bring the solution for him? You should give him some space and leave him alone if he really wish to deal with his problem alone.

Your friend seems to be going through depression and it would be better if you can encourage him to seek help from outside. Sometimes people find it easier to open up to therapists or rather unknown people since they fear of being judged by their own. Anyways I hope he overcomes this trying times and feels better about himself

Originally posted by: Divine-Pearl

I think you cant do anything. When he doesn't want share, from where would you bring the solution for him? You should give him some space and leave him alone if he really wish to deal with his problem alone.

Or if you feel that there is something serious, inform his family members about 'something is wrong with him'

I am not sure whether i should say this or not but I guess there is some mental illness problem like OCD. A person cant talk about it to close people. How to describe it? That i feel like to wash hands after every two minutes? Or I feel like to repeat certain action after few minutes? They feel people around them would consider them 'Paagal' if they tried to talk about it. Ask him about it.

Originally posted by: Curlylocks

Your friend seems to be going through depression and it would be better if you can encourage him to seek help from outside. Sometimes people find it easier to open up to therapists or rather unknown people since they fear of being judged by their own. Anyways I hope he overcomes this trying times and feels better about himself

He is likely into depression by now cos of his problems. Yes he might be scared of being judged and another problem is he has his mind set that when things are not going to change anyway and when this huge problem is always gonna be there, whats the use of talking about it? He's basically talked abt it to some people before and done as it always remained in words and nothing really happened. I just want to change this thought process which he is having now. I am not saying by telling me, his problems will vanish but I might be able to encourage him and help him to look at the problem and handle it in a better way..
Thank you for your suggestion and good wishes 😊

Yeah, you feel helpless, as you can't help him. You feel frustrated, as you watch his frustration. I know exactly how you feel.

tbh, there is nothing you can do. The more our desperation to help someone the more we tend to sound superficial. Some problems are quite big (not impossible to resolve) and a lot depends on the attitude too, but they can't be resolved on our part, even if our intentions are the best. Only the person in the situation can sort it out and some situations take time.

I would suggest finding ways to cheer him up, make him laugh, and ask him: What can I do to help you? What can I do for you? What do you want?

He will open up to you when he is ready. Give him that time and space. He needs to sort it out on his own.

He must enjoy something. All you can try to do is add those moments in his life.

He needs to change his attitude though, but you can't tell him that - he has to realize that on his own. I read The 50th Law recently and I liked it a lot. I would recommend that to him, but he won't read it on his own maybe you can read it out to him, whether he wants to listen to you or not 😆

Originally posted by: PC00

Yeah, you feel helpless, as you can't help him. You feel frustrated, as you watch his frustration. I know exactly how you feel.

tbh, there is nothing you can do. The more our desperation to help someone the more we tend to sound superficial. Some problems are quite big (not impossible to resolve) and a lot depends on the attitude too, but they can't be resolved on our part, even if our intentions are the best. Only the person in the situation can sort it out and some situations take time.

I would suggest finding ways to cheer him up, make him laugh, and ask him: What can I do to help you? What can I do for you? What do you want?

He will open up to you when he is ready. Give him that time and space. He needs to sort it out on his own.

He must enjoy something. All you can try to do is add those moments in his life.

He needs to change his attitude though, but you can't tell him that - he has to realize that on his own. I read The 50th Law recently and I liked it a lot. I would recommend that to him, but he won't read it on his own maybe you can read it out to him, whether he wants to listen to you or not 😆

Originally posted by: Katluv

Thank you so much for this suggestion!!😊. I will give him his time and space until he realizes someday and tells me everything! ( I hope he does this soon). I will continue giving him my positive words. Would you also like to share some encouraging/motivating lines from the book that I can tell him. It might just change his attitude 😆😛.

You're welcome.

Good luck! I hope it works out with your friend.

I'm not sure if the book will change his attitude it is hard for a book to do that, but the book encourages the reader to be extremely realistic and self-reliant. These are a few lines from the book.

- Your task is to resist the temptation to wish it were all different; instead you must fearlessly accept these circumstances, even embrace them. The firmer your grasp on reality, the more power you will have to alter it for your purposes.
- You should have a greater fear of what will happen to you if you remain dependent on others for power. The ultimate power in life is to be completely self-reliant, completely yourself.
- We have layers of support that seem to prop us up. But these supports are illusions in the end. Everyone in the world is governed by self-interest. People naturally think first of themselves and their agendas. An occasional affectionate or helpful gesture from people you know tends to cloud this reality and makes you expect more of this support, until you are disappointed again and again. You're more alone than you imagine and this should not be a source of fear, but of freedom.
- When you prove to yourself that you can get things on your own, then you experience a sense of liberation. You are no longer waiting for people to do this and that for you.

In your friend's case he seems to be dependent on people who disappoint him. He has expectations from them, which they are unable to meet. It is easy to read the above in a book (common sense) but hopefully he will follow it.