Here's one good reason why Ranbir, Kat shouldn't marry anytime soon

by FP Staff Jan 12, 2015 14:51 IST

#Katrina Kaif #Ran-Kat #Ranbir Kapoor #Ranbir Kapoor marrying Katrina Kaif #Ranbir Katrina engaged

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Gossip owes it to these two. Imagine trying to run a Bollywood supplement without speculating if Ranbir Kapoor and Katrina Kaif have ever had fights over the TV remote, wet towels on the bed and texts from exes. Imagine not having to wonder if Katrina and Neetu Singh get along as famously as Amit Shah and Mamata Banerjee. Imagine, not waiting with bated breath, for some blood... err, wine... to be spilled on Guccis, Diors or in the great tradition of Madhur Bhandarkar films, on blow-dried heads when Katrina and Deepika turn up at the same party.

Now, picture Katrina and Ranbir married. And everything from the forever-angry mother-in-law and disagreements over whose Prada shoes should get a better spot in the wardrobe become absolutely normal. What if, once they get married, Bollywood lovers relegate them to the spot reserved for 'annoying married friends' and no gossip is 'gossipy' enough. Consider a gossip column writer coming up with the following headline: 'Neetu Singh fumes over apne haathon se banaya paratha going cold as Katrina-Ranbir battle hangover'. And someone skips the article when it surfaces on his Facebook timeline and instead clicks on, "Ten reasons why Kamaal R Khan is a true feminist". That's a tragedy the Bollywood gossip industry couldn't possibly bear, right?

After all, Katrina and Ranbir have accounted for more gossip in the last couple of years than even Anushka Sharma's alleged lip-job and Virat Kohli's performance could together garner. And gossip writers have had their hands full rustling up articles from nothing. For example, the hotly-circulated news in today's DNA, suggesting that they are very, very sure that Ranbir and Katrina Kaif are engaged. Did they spot a ring or a 'xoxo' picture posted by an indiscreet friend on Instagram? Nope. And that's exactly why DNA is sure that they are engaged.

"But one thing that caught our eye in all her pictures from the party was her left hand buried in her jeans' pocket! It seemed as if Kat was trying to hide her hand from the cameras, perhaps she hid her engagement ring under there! There is not a single picture of her from the party wherein her left hand or her ring finger can be seen!", gasps the writer. Eagle eyes indeed!

Actually 'there is not a single picture of her from the party wherein her left hand can be seen' sounds as ominous as the news of Sajid Khan being spotted near the director's chair on the sets of a film. However, our photographer atFirstpost seemed to have done the impossible - snapped Katrina Kaif plus left hand minus 'ring' at the last big party in Bollywood, Farah Khan's birthday bash. The only distracting things in the picture are Katrina's cheeks, which look like someone has slapped marmalade on them.

Prior to that, NDTV reported that Neetu Singh has cropped Kaif out of a family picture and posted the same on Instagram. They alleged that the original picture, posted by Kapoor's cousin Natasha Nanda, had Katrina in the picture. One of them - between Neetu and the outlet which first reported it - was surely watching too many saas bahu serials.

And much before the couple had admitted to dating even, there were these stories confirming their affection.

One column on Open, spoke about an actress who lived in a house in Bandra, talking to her 'superstar boyfriend' and baby-ing him on phone, will getting, errm, a bikini wax. "A disgruntled beauty salon employee has been telling friends that she will never again make a house call to this A-list Bollywood actress who gave her a hard time recently... midway through the exercise, the actress received a phone call, presumably from her superstar boyfriend whom she affectionately referred to as "Baby" during the conversation."

(Given that the article specifically talks about an A-list Bandra actress who is a resident of Bandra and has a 'superstar' boyfriend, the writer didn't do a great job of not revealing her identity.)

What says 'relationship' more emphatically than calling a man while getting a bikini wax? Perhaps only a hidden left hand at a party.

With Katrina and Ranbir married, there will be no ring to fret over, no vacations which would seem out-of-place to theadarsh bharatiya readers and Katrina will be smiling back from all pictures. And with that, the Ran-Kat gossip industry will meet a painful demise, which will perhaps end with the Durga Vahini putting Ranbir Kapoor on their cover as the 'achiever of the year'.

The tragedy will be ever worse because, obviously, there's no worthy successor for the duo in India right now. The only exciting thing about Ranveer and Deepika is how the former managed to snag the latter, despite his rather disturbing choice in shoes. While, we're tempted to say his pecs make up for everything and Ranbir, it's still something we could try fretting over.

Anushka Sharma and Virat Kohli have flaunted their couple-hood more than Sonam Kapoor has flaunted Fawad Khan. No mystery there. Nobody thinks there exists a woman who can equal the love he has for his own biceps in Hrithik Roshan's life. Aamir and SRK are plain boring now, we have given up on Salman and we are yet to start caring about who the kids - the Alias and Varuns - are dating.

No wonder then Ranbir and Katrina fed gossip industry like an indulgent Punjabi mother - "Here, another gossip" , to be said in the tone of 'Beta, aur ek paratha kha le'.

They can only hope that the duo don't get married anytime soon. At least not until our gossip mags can build up a successor to them in the dating game.