Bollywood brought under RTI Act

In an unprecedented move that comes as a setback to Bollywood actors and artistes and brings cheer to their fans, stalkers and film journalists, the entire Indian film fraternity has been brought under the ambit of the Right to Information (RTI) Act.

Reacting to the move, Bollywood legend Amitabh Bachchan said, "I have nothing to hide. I have even declared my slipper size (nine), and the fact that even today I don't pick up money thrown at me."

Members of the public will be able to file a simple RTI application to know the details of which actor is having an affair with whom, why Sajid Khan is allowed to make films, which actress had a nose job and even the modus operandi of lifting plots from Hollywood films.

One RTI plea regarding the Shah Rukh Khan-Wankhede Stadium incident has already been answered. According to the reply, the stadium guard asked SRK, "Wankhede kya kar rahe ho?" SRK responded with, "Guard doonga!" to which the guard said he was "already on his guard", infuriating the owner of KKR. Now a film is being planned on the incident called "Oh My Guard (OMG)!"

A Bollywood aficionado was planning to file an RTI to find out why filmmaker Mahesh Bhatt scratches himself so much on TV. The witty producer-director responded with: "Everybody has to start from scratch but to itch his own" and proceeded to vigorously scratch himself on the spot. Sources say he is planning to make a film with a Chinese superstar called Khuj Lee.

Interestingly, the following interaction from a court scene was also revealed by an RTI application:

Sajid Khan: Yes, women are objectified in my films.

Actress: I object your honour.

Sajid: Yes you are.

There are a number of RTI applications already piling up for Bollywood. Mocktale decided to list some of them:

1. Why are cops always late in films?

2. Why doesn't a hero's gun ever run out of bullets?

3. How do heroes (and SUVs in Rohit Shetty films) manage to defy gravity and physics?

4. Why does an actress/actor always die in a love-triangle?

5. How does a group of strangers know the exact dance moves when a hero/heroine starts dancing?

6. Why are people in films always struggling for money for some operation? Hasn't anyone heard of health insurance?

7. How is it that the villain's men die in a single shot but the hero's friend takes ages to die after taking some 35 bullets and mouthing some emotional lines and teary goodbyes?

8. Why is the sole honest politician usually an aged man who gets bumped off in the middle of the film?

9. Why is Salman Khan allergic to shirts?

10. One gentleman wants to file an RTI application to find out if Big B is his dad ever since he heard him say "Rishtey mai to hum tumhare baap lagte hain."

Hopefully the film industry will answer these queries soon.