Naseeruddin Shah exudes so much aura that it is difficult to not be taken in by that. The saving grace is that he looks down while he talks and that helped me start my conversation without being conscious. He has released his autobiography just yesterday and is getting ready for his upcoming quirky release Finding Fanny. Excerpts:Who do you love the most in the world?Myself. I think everybody feels that way about oneself. Without running down anyone else, I think each person is secure within himself, loves himself the most and is most protective of himself.
What are you like as a person?I refrain from forming an opinion about myself, as you can't be objective. Since I am an actor, I have a little more objective curiosity, but it is all a question of how you perceive the person. The same person who I perceive as most wonderful on earth, for you, may be the most despicable and for good reason. I like that I have the ability to persevere and that's what has helped me in good stead. I have worked at my abilities, even though it seemed from a completely hopeless position. My strengths are that I look beyond the surface, when I look at and perceive people. The surface means nothing to me whatsoever. I don't know if I am always accurate at my perception, but it helps me understand people better. One of my strengths is having a ear for the spoken word, which is what I treasure the most and enjoy the most and which is why my theatre is gradually progressing more and more towards that, rather than any kind of spectacle. I think I am a loyal friend, I am clear in my likes and dislikes, and a strength that I have discovered because of Ratna is, my love for the family. Which I thought I was beyond and I thought that I had nothing to do with, but that is a strength I have discovered in myself. One of my weaknesses is my inability to act in popular movies, which I have tried very hard, but I have always not quite hit the mark. I have been passable in some, but never been good at it. But it is a shortcoming I have learned to live with, as I feel nature has compensated me in other ways. I don't suppose it's possible to do both.
READ: Finding Fanny: 6 Reasons to watch the filmTalk about your wife Ratna Pathak Shah?She is very organised, which is the exact opposite of what I am. I don't like living my life as a routine, as it gets very boring. She is always considering the other's point of view and that qualifies her as being extremely generous. She is kind and considerate and also very passionate and hot-tempered, so there are a lot of explosions, which is also okay by me. They are fun to get over, I suppose. She has made my life complete.
Were you not able to do commercial cinema or did you not want to do it?Well, there is a lot of it that I don't want to do, but there is some that I did feel like doing and did, quite a lot in fact, but I was never at ease, never at home in those kind of films, never felt tested. I was cast in the role that was convenient to cast me in, but they were never challenging roles, be it Karma or Tridev, which are my two big successes. I am not particularly fond of either film. The films I love are films like Masoom, Jalwa and The Dirty Picture. I am not averse to commercial cinema and the most gorgeous film ever made is Mughal-E-Azam, followed by Pyaasa and Guide as a close third. These are my favourite films and not a Satyajit Ray film. I love Raju Hirani's films and am eagerly awaiting his next one. I like Farah Khan's films, but didn't like her last one Tees Maar Khan at all. I loved Queen, Gangs of Wasseypur Part 1, Dev.D, Paan Singh Tomar. These are the kinds of films that we should make as they use commercial form that our audience is addicted to, and we cannot get away from that, much as I may dislike it. I would happily see a Raju Hirani, Anurag Kashyap or Ritesh Batra's new film. I am not a snob that I am made out to be. These are my favourite films and not a Satyajit Ray film. I love Raju Hirani's films and am eagerly awaiting his next one. I like Farah Khan's films, but didn't like her last one Tees Maar Khan at all. I loved Queen, Gangs of Wasseypur Part 1, Dev.D, Paan Singh Tomar. These are the kind of films that we should make as they use commercial form that our audience is addicted to, and we cannot get away from that, much as I may dislike it. I would happily see a Raju Hirani, Anurag Kashyap or Ritesh Batra's new film. I am not a snob that I am made out to be.
Do you like anyone from the current lot of actors?Ranbir Kapoor certainly. I like Ranveer Singh as well as he is a great ball of energy, though I have not seen as much of him.
Deepika Padukone is where she deserves to be, right at the top. Utterly gorgeous girl and it will be interesting to see what super success does to her, but I think her upbringing is strong enough to withstand that. I feel she is a marvellous girl and I really like her. And, of course, I love and find Nawaz, Irrfan, Manoj Bajpayee, Kay Kay Menon, Vijay Raaz, Arshad Warsi very skillful. Ranbir is not just depending on appeal to carry him through. He is a young man determined to better his work and he seems to have inherited the best parts of both his parents.
Are you a different father than what your father was to you?I try to be. My relationship with my father was very uncomfortable and not a happening one at all. He was old school, who wanted me to always toe the line, found the concept of individuality bulls*** and was extremely disciplined. For him, I was a rebel. I didn't toe the line, did not show any inclination towards academics or doing anything useful with my life. I was obsessed with cricket, with movies and then theatre and he despaired all that. He was a part of the provincial civil service equivalent of the IAS in those days in UP. I had just done my first movie Nishant. My father otherwise never saw movies, but once he was taking a walk down the mall in Mussoorie, when he saw a poster and my name obviously struck him between the eyes, as one of the things he was afraid of was that I would change my name if I entered movies. When I got my first film, I was overjoyous and I wrote to him, but he was held back on his reaction. He feared that I would change my name and so obviously, he was delighted that I hadn't. In those days, all actors did, Muslim actors changed their name for fear of the obvious. So I feel it was a bit paranoid of them and I don't think Dilip Kumar would have been any less successful had he been called Yusuf Khan. So, baba went straight to the theatre and saw this movie and went home and told my mum that he had seen the movie and that I had not changed my name. She got furious with him for seeing it without her, so they both went along to see it for the second time. They were a bit baffled by the movie, but relieved that it was not the usual song and dance kind of stuff. They were both quite happy and wrote me a letter each saying how happy they were.
They chose to write, but why didn't they just talk to you?I had two older brothers, who were both conformists and did very well in their professional lives. I was a rebel. I met my father only once after the release of my film, when I went to Mussoorie, but we could never talk. The gulf had become so wide that he could not conceive what I was talking about. He died soon thereafter and I was not even there at that time. So we could never bridge the distance and it hurts still. I was 25 then. I loved him a lot, but what I resented was that he would not bend at all and would not express his affection at all. And so in retaliation, nor did I. I regret not having reached out and hugged him just once. I never touched him. I shared a lot of warmth with my mother and she lived 20 years after him and we gave her as much a good time as we could. She lived with us and died here.
Are you a different father to your kids? There is something so deeply ingrained in you, almost as strong as genetics, that it affects your behaviour and as much as I wanted to not behave like my father, I am afraid I did. I wish my kids could feel free to put their arms around my neck. Sometimes they do.
Who do you express your emotions to?I express myself most to Ratna. We are friends and that is very important. If you can't bear each other's company, then how can a marriage last? And most couples seize being friends. I have tried hard to be friends with my children, maybe I have tried too hard.
Do you hold negativity inside you?I hope not. I try not to and recognise how damaging it is to oneself most of all. I don't know if I have succeeded as it's a completely useless and harmful thing. And the only form of prayer I believe in, is exuding positivity.
You got a lot of flak for speaking on Farhan's performance in Bhaag Milkha Bhaag. What was actually your point of view?What I said was that it is not a truthful film. What is wrong with that? The filmmakers who wrote the script themselves said that it was not a documentary. You can't depend on poor old Milkha's opinion, who is now 80-year-old, and looks back on his life with rose-coloured glasses. I was very excited when I heard that a film was being made on Milkha, as I was intrigued by the idea of making a film on a man, whose greatest achievement was coming fourth in the Rome Olympics. He missed the bronze medal by a whisker of a second and he too broke the world record and that race is unusual for that reason as all the first four broke the world record. But the film was pedalling hatred of Pakistan as its strongest point and was using an extremely sincere young actor, who worked his butt off. I have not for a moment commented on Farhan's performance. He worked very very hard and managed a passing resemblance in some stills, but he looked more like Brat Pitt as street fighter more than Milkha Singh. He should have lost more weight and been lean like him. Farhan looks magnificent and I heard all the girls screaming when he appeared and that is great and he worked as hard as he could, but an actor cannot be better than the film he's in. That was the way he was guided and full marks to him for that. What I am talking about is the vision of that film. I am questioning the Paki hatred that is being pedalled through the film unneccessarily and I am asking why they could not have made a truthful film about Milkha as it actually happened.
How do you look at your life ahead?I aspire to still be useful and improve what I can. It's too late to improve my abilities as a commercial film hero, so I don't bother about that anymore, but aspire to be a part of films that will be remembered. It was my prayer to be able to earn as much I needed and that has always happened in my life.
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