Sonali Bendre is stubborn at one level and feminine at another. Even though life has toughened her a bit, she considers herself foolishly emotional. She's private and takes a while to make a friend, but her husband remains her best friend and her family her world. She may have started doing movies due to her economic necessity, but today she will do them only if the role excites her enough to prioritise it in her life over her son and family. Ahead of her upcoming release 'Once Upon A Time In Mumbaai Dobaara', she talks to TOI about her principled father, her chivalrous husband Goldie Behl and why she loves her mother-in-law as much as her own mother. Excerpts:
You will be seen after many years in Once Upon A Time In Mumbaai Dobaara. What made you take up the role?
The most important reason was that it's Shobha (Kapoor) aunty's film. She and my mother-in-law (Madhu Behl) have been friends for 45 years now. Also, I have a great working relationship with Milan Luthria with whom I have worked before. Milan used to assist Bhatt sahab with whom I did my first film Naaraaz, then Angaaray, Duplicate and Zakhm. Bhattsahab is amazing and can leave a really strong impression on you. Anybody who has spent any time with him will want to spend more time as he has always been so stimulating mentally and is such an evolved person. I did his last lot of films before he retired from direction and in that sense, I did not get the full blast of the Mahesh Bhatt magic, but whatever I got was still magical. The way he explains anything to you is so effortless. When he talks to you, he is talking only to you and makes you feel special. Milan follows the same school.
Let's talk about your background?
I am a Maharashtrian but was not brought up in Maharashtra as my father worked in CPWD and was transferred every two years. So I have always been a gypsy. I, therefore, could not make good friends and it still takes me a long time to form attachments. We moved to Mumbai after my Class X, where I joined Ruia College. In one of the fashion shows, the girl who had to walk could not make it and I was asked to step in. I had never worn heels in my life before that, but got the first prize and started getting modelling assignments. That's where I got spotted by Bhatt sahab. I come from a background, where there would be one mirror above the basin that was used by everyone in the house. If you spent more than five minutes in front of the mirror, you would probably get a whack. My mother was so strict that if anyone complimented me for being pretty, she would not encourage that discussion. My mother was always clear about one thing '" that her daughters will not be housewives. She would tell us, 'Whatever happens, you will work, unless eventually you want to give up working.' My elder sister had wanted to work for an airline, but she had not been allowed.
I was allowed as I had convinced my parents and they felt confident that I could look after myself. The frequent moving was extremely difficult for my mother and she probably felt a lack of independence. Goldie is a storyteller and can get a story out of anyone. So I discovered, through him, that my father had a big problem with dishonesty. He did not stop others from taking bribes, but would not take it himself. So he was indirectly a block for others and hence would be transferred before we would even settle down. Everybody around us had so much more than we had and we could not understand it. I had this sexy image, which they did not have a problem with, but they would, for instance, not let me endorse a gutka or a cigarette brand.
Post retirement, my dad looked after my work and even today, it's a joke with my team that with him you need to get all the bills. Even though it irks me, he will prefer to take an AC bus as against taking the car. Goldie has a great equation with him and I have now learnt to respect his feelings. The advantage of that, of course, is that even today I can't back answer my parents.
When you came back home, you were not a star, you were cleaning your dishes and making your bed. It took me a while to understand where my father was coming from. Any gift coming home was sent back as he would ask us, 'Have you done anything to earn it?' So we would send it back. It was frustrating at times, but it kept me sane. Because you are not indebted, the way you behave with a person is different. You don't owe anybody anything. I dealt with my producers in the same way and there was, therefore, a lot of self-respect.
Let's talk about your husband Goldie Behl?
He is 38 and is younger to me. I met him on the set of Naaraaz as he was producing Bhatt sahab's next film Angaaray of which I was a part. I was reading my book on the side and he was trying to get my attention and was kind of cute. We became friends and lovers for five years and are now married for ten. His sister Shrishti was and remains my closest friend even today. Goldie lost his father (Ramesh Behl) at 13 and consecutive year, he lost his grandfather, and so he grew up among five women '" his mother, grandmother and three sisters. He has always been around women, who are all strong and opinionated, which is lovely as he knows how to handle a woman with a mind of her own and not feel insecure about it. My parents are naive in their morality of things and so without realising it, I landed up being ethical and having strong opinions. He can deal with that. He can deal with the fact that his wife was an actor and a celebrity.
In fact, he feels proud of the fact that the male population finds me sexy. If we are at a party together and I am being photographed, he is fine just being there and will always tell me, 'This is your time, this is what you do' and then we will again be together after the picture is taken. There is never any kind of discomfort about that. If a man gave you a compliment, Goldie will not punch him and instead will tell him, 'Yes you're right, I appreciate it.' I love that about him. What we promised each other is that we appreciate each other's good things and can laugh at each other's bad things. He thrives on chaos and I need to be organised and lots of incidents come from this situation. He has a lot of patience and is mature for his age. What he likes about me is that he knows he will get an honest reply from me as I don't lie well. He is the romantic and I am the logical person. More than anything else you have to be friends and he is my best friend. I would love to say that I love my son Ranveer most but even today, I love Goldie the most in the world. I couldn't ask for more.
You are an independent woman but you have a strong feminine side to you. Is that true?
I don't want to be equal to a man. We are different and are meant to be that way. Women are more resilient than men. I thrive on the difference between a man and a woman and love a well-behaved man opening doors for me and a certain amount of caring that happens. I am happy to be a woman.
It's rare that you continue to be friends with Shrishti Arya, who is your sister-in-law now.
She is the most underestimated woman and is such a happy-go-lucky person. She is seriously intelligent and is bloody good at her job. She has a large heart and as a sister-in-law, she has had a big hand in keeping our relationship the way it is as it can easily go down different routes. Shrishti learns from her mother. When we got married, my mother-in-law gave me the choice to live separately and said, 'My son lost his father early and is very protective about all of us. I know what he will want to say and you will feel the pressure. I have daughters and know how you will feel, so I am fine with your decision.' It sounds like a cliche but I feel for my mother-in-law what I feel for my mother and it's because of what she gives me and how she makes me feel.
Which was the most difficult period of your life?
When I started working, my father went through his lowest phase of his life. He always felt that whenever you need to, you must help your family and when it comes to it, your family will help you. But he had been conned under his nose. The little he had was lost when he was trying to get his daughter married and we were close to being on the streets in Mumbai without a roof over our heads. That was his growing-up. Goldie and I have also been down in the dumps together, but it is not as bad when you are together. I grew up early in life but I suppose, I got more in life than what I had imagined.
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Anupamaa
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