'Sometimes ideals have to take a back seat'
In the fourth part of an exhaustive and exclusive interview with Shah Rukh Khan, Savera R Someshwar and Saisuresh Sivaswamy asked him for advice for today's youngsters.
SRK, who thinks he understands their language and emotions, feels very strongly about the youth following their heart.
Audio: Listen to SRK's message to the youth
http://specials.rediff.com/movies/2007/feb/15sd1.htm
The actor also spoke about his setbacks like Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani and Swades.
If you had an opportunity to speak exclusively to younger people, people who are just setting out to achieve their dreams, what will you tell them? And what will you tell those who are not successful and who are despairing, and what will you tell the successful who for whatever reason had forgotten the difficult days?
In some strange way, all that I've done in the last 17-18 years through my work is to speak to the youngsters. I've never spoken to anyone else because I understand their language and emotions. I've been a youngster who's had to grow up too fast because of the (early) death of my parents. I missed out on my youth. At the age of 16, I lost my dad. By 20-21, I had to start getting more responsible than I should have been. By 25, I was completely on my own with a sister to look after. I think I missed on these 10 years where I could have had a chance to be youthfully wild.
I wish I can afford my kids to have a wild youth. When I say wild youth I mean flights of fantasy, have fun. Have no worries. Go wrong because there's a long life in front of you to rectify them. Do things your heart tells you to do, otherwise for the rest of your life you will be doing what your boss tells you to do.
I could never do it. I had to take up a job as an actor and I'm glad I did. I could give a huge speech to youngsters, because I really feel like that. I am re-living my youth now after having achieved a level of comfort where I think I can be on a flight of fantasy.
When I was 34 I said, listen, I am good enough now to go back to being that age between 17 and 27 in my head because I don't have to worry about my future anymore. It doesn't matter if I don't have parents, I have been able to take care of myself.
I'd like to tell everyone that this is a little speech I am going to say on KBC for boys and girls. There are only three things to life that you should remember. Honesty, hard work and humour. These are the three things that will take you through the good times and the bad. Ideals are important and you should stick to them but to be in a position of choice sometimes ideals have to take a back seat. The world is a difficult place, make sure you get into the position of choice. Do not sell your soul but keep it locked for a while if need be. Once you are in a position of choice and you are successful, do not ever sell your soul or make the wrong choices. Then god, or your own conscience will never forgive you.
If you have failed, there's a huge life to go ahead with. I've read too many good books, and I am sure even the youngsters have, to know all the sayings about failure. But I read a recent one, which was very nice: Try, fail. Try again and fail better!
I think that's how life should be. Let me at least try and fail better next time, if I can't succeed.
I know reality is much deeper than just words or a successful guy who is a movie star or a rich middle class guy who's made it big who's giving all this spiel. But this is the experience I've learnt in life. That's what I am writing in my book actually. To be able to tell youngsters that there's nothing special about being special. It's very special to be ordinary.
There was a line in Crorepati which I wanted to tell youngsters ke you are not a crorepati because you come and win on KBC, tum crorepati isiliye ho kyunki tum crodon mein ek ho.
'I wish to be always remembered'
You come from a middle class background. A lot of your success and attitude is attributed to that grounding. Your children don't come from the same world. Is it a cause of worry how their sanitised upbringing, king size lifestyle will impact them?
Yeah, I am very worried. I get quite worked up about two aspects of my children's upbringing. One is that I hope my name as an actor, or as an entertainer, or as a person who has been working in the media, should be as it is now. I wish it to be always remembered. I work to be remembered. I'll never be immortal but I feel that with that bigness, my shadow is not so big that my kids can't come from under it. I hope they are able to live beyond the shadow of their father's name.
I am being a little presumptuous here, I am assuming that I will be remembered for a long time but I will not be wrong to start thinking like that. I am 41, I have been working for 20 years, I have done well for myself, I just hope my name is never going to be, the shadow is not so long and dark that my kids can never come out of that, whatever job they decide to go and work in, whether they want to be actors or they want to be computer engineers, whether they want to be in medicine. That is one thing that worries me, and I don't know how to do anything about it. I am just hoping it doesn't happen.
The second part is: yes, my wife (Gauri) is very middle class. It's very strange to be sounding on about middle class when you have a BMW outside your house, which is one acre big. But these are the peripherals of the job.
You know, people think I bought this big house I wanted to live in a big house. But the idea is I am from Delhi and everybody lives in big bungalows there. For a Delhi-ite it's not a big house even though I am a middle class boy.
It is very strange but the thought is that we are very middle class as far as how we deal with things is concerned, how we talk in the house, we don't have a lavish lifestyle beyond the fact that the peripherals that come with my filmmaking or film stardom. The problem is everyone who comes home is on television so earlier my kids would think everyone works in television. Whether it is Karan Johar or Hrithik Roshan or Abhishek Bachchan or Preity Zinta or Rani Mukerji or Kajol or Juhi Chawla. They walk into the house and my kids would say dad, everybody works in television. But they have understood now.
I am not strict but I am very clear that one aspect they don't ever forget, that if I can't educate them well being a star means nothing. And I try to do that, I teach them personally, I take a huge interest in what they do, and I am very sporting by nature so I like them to do sports. I do what my father used to do with me. He was an educated and middle class man of good nature and polite. So I try and be all that. The only difference is there are too many hoardings of mine in the city. That's the only difference between my father and me.
I worry about it, but I am giving it my best shot. I hope I never have to make a movie for my son, and I hope whatever he decides to do, I hope I never have to make him an actor. I hope he is an actor by choice, I hope he likes what he does, and I hope he never has to compare himself to me however good or bad I might at the end of my career.
I believe youngsters should do their own thing. I don't get disappointed when I see a youngster with his navel pierced; or long hair; or strayed jeans. I think all that is part of fashion. I will not stop my kids from being like that because that would be strange. But I believe you should have good education and values.
'No woman has made a pass at me'
How do you handle female adulation, does your wife get jealous?
I find it strange because I have no female adulation. It's been many years and lot of people ask me why I haven't had affairs and why one doesn't hear about me going up to women or whatever. I've never had a woman come up to me and say anything nice to me.
But women love you!
I am sure they do, and I love them back. I think somewhere there's a line, the way I am, it has never crossed anybody's mind to really propose to me. I think only my wife got stuck. I've never had a woman make a pass at me. Unfortunately. And I am too shy to make a pass at a woman. I've too much respect for women. Maybe that's why they like me.
I know nobody believes that. About 10 days ago, people from Tehelka had come -- my old friend Tarun Tejpal (Editor-in-Chief, Tehelka) -- they were asking me questions. I was saying that I was shy of women, and I think I give vent to that complex of mine. Though I'm a romantic hero in films, I have never been good with women. I have lots of girlfriends, but they are all my friends. I play with their kids more than I play with them. But I've never been able to go up to a woman and say anything to her, nice, kind, romantic, interesting, wild, or you know, sexy. And I've never had women do the same to me either.
As a matter of fact, all my heroines earlier thought I was not attractive. Strangely, after 20 years, Juhi and all still say the same.
'I know when a film is a hit'
How do you handle setbacks, like for instance when Swades sank?
I knew Swades is the kind of film that would not do well commercially. I was very clear on that. I told Ashutosh (Gowarikar, director) the first day when he narrated the story to me. Ashutosh is a very old friend, again one of my oldest friends in Bombay, and I said this is not going to work dude commercially, and he said no Shah, this is going to work.
I said no, it won't work, but it's a beautiful thought because he said something like, my dad thinks this film should be made. So I've made a good film and a commercially successful film like Lagaan, the next say I should have to my work is about the condition of villages in our country and how it can be improved.
I said let's go ahead and do it. I'm equally sure when I know when a film is a commercial success, like Don because you've been in the business long enough.
I think I got a little unrealistic with Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani. That was shocking, it was unexpected the kind of downfall that film had. And then, of course, you find an excuse and say okay, it was ahead of its times. Because when you see News Now, this is exactly what we were talking about in Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani, the commercialisation of media.
Not many shocks shock me, I know where the film is headed; the reason I do a film is, mostly, I feel like doing it. Now I have done a film called Chak De India. It doesn't have a heroine or songs; it's about hockey in India played by women! You can't have a more negative subject to make a commercial film than that. Nobody understands hockey, nobody plays hockey and women's hockey? God! But I think I should say something about that because I used to play hockey, my dad used to play hockey, I want my son to play hockey.
And I think women should be given equal opportunities in sports. They should be big stars in every field of sports. I am a sportsman by nature. So you do a film like that, and of course I know Chak De India is not going to be, in terms of commerce it's not going to be a Rs 120 crore hit. But it will be a good film, and it will be liked by people and hopefully will make some money so we'll make another film like that.
http://specials.rediff.com/movies/2007/feb/15sd1.htm
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