Fun-Opsis December 12, 2011 (Monday)

FUN-OPSIS DECEMBER 12, 2011

Monday Dec. 12, 8.00 A.M.:

Sadistic Big Boss, turns on full blast, his Cheap Chandni Chowk Speakers.

Today morning, it is Mika and Company booming in with their boisterous number,"Singh is ,King, Singh is King, Singh is King---- Singh is ,King, Singh is King, Singh is King".

No prizes for guessing Mahek Chahal springs out of her bed like the only enthusiastic hen out of an extremely lazy flock and is visibly thrilled at this early morning proclamation of why Singhs are Kings while Mishras, Pandeys, Sharmas, Vermas, Chatterjis, Bannerjis, Swamis, Iyers, Menons, Nairs'ALL OTHERS are in one word- just NOBODIES!😭

Off-late Amar Upadhyay too forces himself to be able to get up with Mahek and gyrate with her in tandem. A media bird has chirped to us that male viewers hate Amar for sharing space with Mahek's morning gyrations for her devout fans. Ugly distraction he is at best.

Rest of the housemates are in various stages of life forms. Most seem dead. Juhi is vigorously pressing and rubbing her eye lids. One of these days like a kancha-a marble, one of her eyeball might come out in her hand we are afraid. Sunny Leone, as every other day, gets up and kisses that pic that she keeps under her pillow every night. Could be of Guru Nanak, her mom, her dad or the tattooed chap with whom she has starred in many of her creative works that are legally and illegally downloaded world over!😲

Dec. 12, 11.00 A.M.:

Big mouthed Sky, Mooli Parantha lover Juhi, Girgit Amar and confused Shonali are doing Khusar pusar in each other's ears. To make up numbers, Bimbo Sunny is also there but her contribution is limited to adoringly staring at Sky.

20 feet away from this close knit group, Kid Sid is staring at the group like a slum kid greedily staring at a fat rich kid slurpily licking his Robin Baskins Ice-cream cone!

Kid-Sid actually resembles a Lhasa Apso or Cocker Spaniel puppy greedily and helplessly staring at his master's family as they relish their breakfast infront of the dog's begging eyes. No one spares even a look in his direction. It is sad really. Kid Sid two three times yells out,"Amar, Amar'..Sky'Sky." No one looks in his direction. He hides his face between his knees as he sits down.😕

Big Boss has his own crazy ideas and suddenly his Ahuja speakers start blaring full blast, Daler Mehandi going ballistic with,"Tunuk Tunuk Tun,--- Tunuk Tunuk Tun,-- Tunuk Tunuk Tun,--- Tunuk Tunuk Tun-TARA RA RA----". Such is the unexpected horror that most of the housemates jump up. Even Juhi who had been in her Ardh-Uttan Paad Aasan, doing since last 30 minutes what she does best'her secret donations'GUPT DAAN!

Gates open and a tall Sardar with Golden zari turban and sherwani enters to the beat of Daler Mehandi's Tunuk Tunuk Tun.

Sunny asks Sky,"Ye kaun hain?"

A look of recognisation sweeps over Sky's maniacal face and he screams,"Siddhu paa ji. Its Navjot Singh Sidhu!" Blaring music and all start dancing with Sidhu Paa ji, he hugs them one by one, except Sunny. He just folds hands and does a Namaste gesture to Sunny. Careful Politician!

When two or more people talk to one another it is called Conversation. In Siddhu's case he speaks, all else listen and at the end he says he had a great exchange of ideas and a very fulfilling convertion.

Today it is no different!

Daler Mehandi shuts up and Siddhu starts. Starts a typical, 'Sidhu Brand conversation."

SIDDHU (in his high pitched scream): Oye Chak De Phatte, Nabh De Killi'Oye Subah Jullundhar, Sham nu Dilli'Oye Chak de, Chak de, Chak de, Chak de, Chak de phatte, Chak de Phatte!'''.brrruaaahhh'.brrruuuaaahhh!

SIDDHU (Continues with his mesmerizing performance): Oye Main kehta hoon poore desh ko garv hai tum sab par. Big Boss ka ghar na hua, Chandni Bar ho gaya, Mahek se sab ko pyaar ho gaya-----Hink Hink Hink Hink karti hai Shonali Nagrani, Sky pila raha hai sabko paani, ------Juhi chaachi chhod rahi hai Parmaanu Bomb, Sunny se karwa rahe hain Item Songs''.Sid ko bana diya hai Bandar'..Politics chala raha Amar hai andar'.oye thoko taali-Khataak!👏

All seem mesmerized. Sky's mouth is so open that a sparrow can consider making a nest there.

SIDDHU: Oye mujhe Parliament ke winter session mein bhi haazri lagaani hai, 3 baje Luminous Inverter ka ad shoot hai aur sham ko Laughter Challenge ki shooting bhi hai. Jaldi jaldi bolo kisko kya poochna hai Oye. Big Boss ne sirf 5 lakh diye hain, ab koi pooche is zamoore Big Boss se,---Oye 5 lakh mein kya aata hai aajkal?❓

KID SID (who had been neglected by all so far, quickly seizes his moment): Ghantaa aata hai paanch lakh mein Sir'he he-he he (extremely scared expressions, looks for approval)

SIDHHU (Slaps him on back): Theek kaha mere dost, Oye Ghanta hi aata hai 5 lakh mein, aur Ek hi ghanta diya hai maine Big Boss'Daago apne-apne questions! Oye sharmao mat, Poochho-Poochho!

KID SID: Sherry Paaji, yahaan pe ye sab log group baazi karte hain. Main munh pe baat karta hoon, isliye inhone mujhe group se alag kar diya hai,'.Meri samajh'.

SIDDHU: Oye bas bas. Meri baat gaur se sun. Sun meri baat tu---------- Samandar mein susu karne se Tsunami naheen aati, Bandaron ki Saazish se Sherni naheen ghabraati! Oye jhund geedad-kutton ke hua kare hain oye'.Tu Sher ban, Sher! Main kehta hoon Sher ban aur apni Riyasat khud bana tu----

JUHI (Rotten expressions, tilted head): Maaf keejiye Sherry paaji magar doosre shabdon mein aap Sid ko sher aur hum sabko geedad keh rahe hain'..ye toh galat baat---

SIDDHU (in Spare me pose): Oye bas bas. Ab samajh mein aaya tera Pati aajkal itna khussh kyun hai? 6-6 Paranthey khaakar 20-20 dhamaake karne waali aurat! Tune Navjot Singh Siddhu pe ilzaam lagaya? Toh sun'.Ekta mein bal hai! Akeli lakdi toot jaaya karti hai, saath rehne se taakat badhti hai'.'Tum sab saath ho, kaamyaab banoge...Main kehta hoon Ekta mein---

AMAR: Haan Sir haan ekta mein bal hota''

SIDDHU (quietens down Amar showing his palm at his face): Main kehta hoon band ho mutthi toh lakh ki, khul gayi toh fir khaak ki Guru. Dil ki baatein dil mein rakho Guru'

AMAR: Jee Sir Dil ki baatein'.

SIDDHU (once again quietens down Amar showing his palm): Arey pehle duniya se naa darna seekho, jene se pehle marna sekho. Parliament mein Manmohan ji ne kaha Dawood Ibrahim ko chhoda nahin jaayega----Chhatti thok ke Navjot Singh Sidhu ne kaha,"Sir-Pehle usko pakad ke toh dikhao!"---Points towards Sky and says to Amar'"Haan mein haan milaana chhodo, bahaduri se jeena seekho aur'

AMAR: Sir haan Bahaduri se jeena----

SIDDHU (Interrupts Amar very roughly): Baat sun be Amar Upadhyay'.

AMAR: Ji Sir?

SIDDHU: Kya tu meri biwi hai?

AMAR (surprised): Ji Naheen Sir.

SIDDHU: Kya tu Google hai oye?

AMAR (more surprised): Ji Naheen

All seem stunned by this Siddhu special.

SIDDHU (stroking his moustache): Yaar tu meri Biwi naheen, Tu google bhi naheen. PHIR KYUN'AAKHIR KYUN TU apne aap guess karne lag jaata hai aur suggest karne lag jaata hai Oye? Jabki meri baat bhi poori naheen hui abhi Oye? Kamaal hai bhai tera'..

ALL BURST INTO LAUGHTER. Shonali goes-Hink-Hink- Hink-Hink- Hink-Hink- Hink-Hink- Hink-Hink- Hink-Hink- Hink-Hink- Hink-Hink- Hink-Hink- Amar's haalat is like kaato toh khoon naheen.

SKY: Abhi Main kya bolta hoon Siddhu Sir, Umesh Yadav accha fast bowler mila na India ko? Kya speed hai!

SIDDHU: Oye khaali speed se kya hota hai Guru? SWING honi chaahiye SWING. Jo bowler ball ko SWING na kara sake woh us abla naari ki tarah hai jiska Pati bhari jawaani mein mar gaya ho, Pitaare ke us saanp jaisa hai jiska saara ZEHER, nikaal liya gaya ho oye'👎🏼

SHONALI (Starts Sobbing): Siddhu Sir'(Sob, sob, subuk-subuk), Mahensh Bhantt ne mujhe Zeher film mein heroine ka role prominse kiyaan thha. (Sob, sob'). Aath maheene tak maine aur kuncchh naheen kiyaan'..ye haalant hon gayin thhi, ki mere paas Zeher khareendne ke bhi paise naheen thhe'.(hooo----hooo---sob, sob-subuk-subuk..bhooo, hooo)

Mercifully Mahek saves the situation and pulls her away.

MAHEK (kutti smile in place): Aayiye Shonali ji'Zeher ke paise hum denge aapko'Hum denge Zeher ke paise aapko.

SIDDHU (Continues his monologue): Toh main keh raha thha, Sky bacche, sirf speed se kucchh naheen hota, SWING bahut zaroori hai mere dost.

SUNNY LEONE (pipes in): Aap sahi bolta hain. But Swinging mein kya problem'pareshani'pareshani hai? Main dono side swing karti hoon'..

SIDDHU (irritated): Oye jubaan ko lagaam de tu na-muraad. Shukar mana meri party ki sarkaar naheen hai, Center mein. Teri swing Amreeka ko mubaarak, manhoos ladki!'..Sardar ko gussa naa dila, warna Bees chamaat lagaunga, Chaar ginunga'Chupp kar, khotti!🤢

All are taken aback by this wild turn of events'..

Suddenly there is a stink in atmosphere and Siddhu immediately feels giddy, shivers a bit, staggers and falls down. Somehow he gets on his feet, visibly shaken'..Siddhu pulls out his handkerchief and stumbles a bit before finally regaining his balance.🤪

SIDDHU (Screams agitatedly): Main kehta hoon kaun sad gaya hai yahaan? Aur kaise log ho tum? Tumhein kucch mehsoos bhi nahen hua kya? Ufff'.kaise bardasht karte ho aisi bhayaanak badboo?? Oye ye toh Municipality ke gutter se bhi badtar thha oye'..

MAHAK (Kutti smile & examining her nails): Hamein aadat ho gayi hai Siddhu Sahab'

JUHI (Roni soorat): Ji Siddhu saahab. Aadat ho gayi hai'pata naheen kaun hai ye'.

SIDDHU: Oye Sau sunaar ki, Ek Lohaar ki, aaj naheen chhodunga main muzrim ko. Chalo saare gole mein khade ho jao. Sab banao Gola------'chalo'.

ALL stand in a circle and Siddhu starts the time tested formulae of finding out the culprit of such ghastly crimes in India! 😲Places his right palm on each housemate one by one and loudly chants----

SID(AADA)- JUHI (PAADA), Amar(KISNE), Sky(PAADA?), Mahek (RAM JI), Shonali (KI), Sunny (GHODI)----continues the circle'..SID (NE), JUHI (PAADA!)

SIDDHU (Angrily staring at Juhi): Main kehta hoon tu Cheen ke border par kyun naheen chali jaati? Kyun sata rahi hai in masoom logon ko? Oye Tu agar Tibet ke border pe 3 din khadi ho jaaye toh Cheen Tibet khaali kar dega aur Dalai Lama ko apna desh waapis mil jaayega Oye'.Main toh Big Boss se appeal karta hoon ki Huzoorewaala, is aurat ka potential yahaan kyun barbaad kar rahe ho?...Abey Juhi Parmaar, Tere andar hai Mooli ki Bharmaar. Mooli ke paranthey khaana itna pasand hai toh oopar se kaayam choorna kyun khaati hai kambakhat? Bacchon ki jaan legi kya?

SIDDHU (Rushes towards the exit door continuously blabbering): Bahut go gaya oye. 5 lakh ka ghanta poora----- Jaan bachi aur lakhon paaye, Laut ke Siddhu ghar ko jaaye'.Chak De Phatte, Nabh De Killi-Subah Jullundhar, Sham nu Dilli'Oye Chak de, Chak de, Chak de, Chak de, Chak de phatte'''.brrruaaahhh'.brrruuuaaahhh!

Sid is staring at the group like a slum kid😆

JUHI (Rotten expressions, tilted head): Maaf keejiye Sherry paaji magar doosre shabdon mein aap Sid ko sher aur hum sabko geedad keh rahe hain'..ye toh galat baat---

SIDDHU (in Spare me pose): Oye bas bas. Ab samajh mein aaya tera Pati aajkal itna khussh kyun hai? 6-6 Paranthey khaakar 20-20 dhamaake karne waali aurat! Tune Navjot Singh Siddhu pe ilzaam lagaya? Toh sun'.Ekta mein bal hai! Akeli lakdi toot jaaya karti hai, saath rehne se taakat badhti hai'.'Tum sab saath ho, kaamyaab banoge...Main kehta hoon Ekta mein---🤣

funnyy oye 🤣

Originally posted by: alexstar

Sid is staring at the group like a slum kid😆

JUHI (Rotten expressions, tilted head): Maaf keejiye Sherry paaji magar doosre shabdon mein aap Sid ko sher aur hum sabko geedad keh rahe hain'..ye toh galat baat---

SIDDHU (in Spare me pose): Oye bas bas. Ab samajh mein aaya tera Pati aajkal itna khussh kyun hai? 6-6 Paranthey khaakar 20-20 dhamaake karne waali aurat! Tune Navjot Singh Siddhu pe ilzaam lagaya? Toh sun'.Ekta mein bal hai! Akeli lakdi toot jaaya karti hai, saath rehne se taakat badhti hai'.'Tum sab saath ho, kaamyaab banoge...Main kehta hoon Ekta mein---🤣

funnyy oye 🤣

Originally posted by: cruiser51

Thanks Alex bro! 👏😛

Ur welcome cruiser ji, however im not a bro😕

Originally posted by: alexstar

Ur welcome cruiser ji, however im not a bro😕

Originally posted by: cruiser51

Terribly-terribly sorry Alex ji...goofed up!😲

NO prob😊