Setting It Right - A BB Continuation | Chap 26, Page 11 - Page 3

Chapter 7- His Personal Inferno!

22nd November 1942, Deenpur City Hospital

Batuk Roy Chaudhary had never felt so hopeless before. Not when he effectively lost his father, not when Big D sent him to Italy, not even when he believed that Big D was dead.

And everything had been going so so well… while Big D was still distant, he had come back, he had promised to be there for Batuk and help him recover. And for the past two days, he had been there, supervising each and every aspect of his treatment. But today, it all imploded.

Batuk was now able to breathe and speak properly, and the doctor had said he would be discharged the next day. But that evening, Big D had asked him to recount the events of the last 6 months. It had been extremely difficult recounting each and every one of his deeds over the past 6 months, seeing exactly how much Big D was hurting on hearing of them. But what had cut Batuk to the core were his Dada's parting words.

"Wajah jo bhi ho, Kaka ne chahe kuch bhi kaha ho, par saari kuraafat tumhari sochi hui thi, saare gunaah tumne kiye thay, apni marzi se!! Socho Batuk, tumne jo kuch bhi kiya, kya woh kisi bhi tarah se Humane bhi kehlata? Kya badla itna bada hou gaya tha tumhare liye, ke tum insaniyat tak bhul gaye?"

Batuk never felt smaller than he did at these words, and at Big D's hurt, disappointed gaze as he said them.

I disappointed my Big D. He thinks I don't deserve to be called human.

Accompanying the guilt, was the fear. He was afraid that he finally managed to push

his Big D away permanently…

That he had succeeded in making his Big D so upset…

So upset that he might not return to him now.

So upset that his Big D would not even want to see his face even if he died!

The extremely depressing thoughts were wreaking havoc in his already frail state of mind.

He was feeling as if he was sinking in a deep, dark, lonely and cold ocean. He felt as if he had hit the bottom. He desperately wanted to rise up to the surface, but he felt as if some unseen chains were holding him down. Something was keeping him submerged…making him fight for his life…making him feel hypoxic… making him feel as if he would just die!

Closing his eyes, he gave up the battle with the chains and the ocean going on in his mind. He was stuck in that abyss...all alone.

Helplessly waiting for his death now, he tried to think of all the people he loved, one last time.

His hyperactive mind started conjuring up the images of all the people he cared for. A reel of past memories started flashing in front of his eyes.

He saw almost everyone...

Big D

Bondita

His niece and nephew

Sampoo Maa

Som Dada

Baba

Shashwati…

He even saw his Kaka's face that stirred up extremely bitter memories…

And then he saw her face.

His eyes shot open and a gasp escaped his mouth on seeing her beautiful face once again.

A soft smile adorned his lips as he breathed her name fondly,

Mallika… My Mallika Baby…

The beautiful memories of their relationship flashed in front of his eyes.

He never showed it to her, but he acknowledged her presence in his life and cared for her deeply. More than his lover, she had been a close friend, privy to some of his darkest secrets and she even turned his partner in crime too.

His fond memories suddenly halted as the recollection of how he had thrown her out of his house a while ago surfaced to his mind.

Flinching at how he had treated her then, his heart suddenly felt extremely ill at ease. He didn't know why, all of the sudden he was feeling so restless.

And that was when his eyes landed on the telephone lying on the small table adjacent to his hospital bed.

He didn't know what came over him. Acting on their accord, his fingers dialed a number…

And an inexplicable relief settled over his veering and extremely messed up emotions as he heard the familiar voice on the other end.

"Hello?"

"Mallika? It's me…"

He barely whispered as a lone tear slipped from his eye.

He didn't know why Mallika's voice had managed to pull him out of those unseen shackles of his mind.

Her voice had somehow miraculously brought him back to the surface…

He could breathe now…

He didn't know why he was feeling so relieved on hearing her voice.

However, her next words doused all his emotions in a jiffy!

"BRC? You have some nerve… Mujhe tumse koi baat nahi karni!"

She was angry...very angry! And Batuk's heart missed a beat as his sudden fear of abandonment consumed him again.

Trying desperately to make peace with her, he pleaded,

"Mallika Baby, please don't hang up… I really need you right now…"

He heard her scoffing off from the other end, followed by her angry outburst,

"Of course, jab tak tumhe zarurat nahi hoti, tab tak tum mujhe ignore karte ho, aur bhatakte ho bhanwre ki tarah iss ladki se uss ladki ke paas. Mai koi toy nahi hun Batuk, ke jab chahe use kiya, and jab chahe utha ke phenk diya. Mai bhi insaan hun, meri bhi feelings hain, mera bhi heartbreak hota hai. Mien tum se kyun baat kerun abh Batuk? Takay tum mujhe hamesha ki terha use ker ke phir se discard ker dou. Sunn lou, mien aisa nahi kerun gy abh. Mien tum jaise toxic insan se baat nahi kerna chahty. Got it!"

Mallika's hateful words crushed all the emotional vulnerabilities of Batuk. And hearing all these negative words pulled out the rude and callous BRC out in a flash. The urge to hurt her back was quite powerful as he yelled back indignantly,

"Toxic insan? Mien? Are you in your senses Mallika? Mien ager toxic hun tou tum khud kia ho? Aur kia kaha tumne? Mien 'use' kerta tha tumhien?"

Pausing to catch his breath, he continued bitterly,

"Ager mien use kerta tha na, tou tum bhi mujhe use kerty thyn. Miene kabhi tumse koi loyalty ke waade nahi kiye thay. Humaara rishta kabhi bhi exclusive nahi tha. Mien hamesha se hi aisa tha...jaise tumne kaha...Bhanwra… Lekin phir bhi tum ne mere qareeb anay ki koshish ki. Italy se India agayee...mere ghar mien zabardasti agayee. Miene tumse kabhi koi pyar ke jhoote waade nahi kiye thay. Miene tum se kabhi nahi kaha tha ke tum mujhse kisi qisam ki koi umeedien lagao. Mager tum ko yeh enough nahi tha. It was you who wanted more, not I."

His heartbeats were getting erratic now as he said his next words,

"Ager mien toxic hun, tou tum bhi kam nahi ho. Tum tou criminal ho Mallika. Bhool gai ho tou yaad dilaon ke kis terha tumne mere big D ke bacchay ko marne ki koshish ki thy. Tumko pata tha ke woh baby mere liye mere Big D ki akhri nishani tha uss waqt. You knew how attached I was to that baby. Lekin tum ne aik second ke liye bhi nahi socha tha usko marne ki koshish kerne se pehle."

He heard a small gasp from the other end followed by a low sniffle.

He stopped...feeling confused.

Is Mallika crying?

He thought to wait for her reply, but then his earlier guilt came back to him. Feeling his burst of anger suddenly draining, he quietly said,

"Mallika… ager mien ghalat tha tou tum bhi ghalat thyn. Miene tumhien ghar se bhi isi liye nikaala tha… jiska mujhe abh afsos hota hai. I shouldn't have done that. But I was so angry that time. Even now, it makes me furious. I could have handed you over to the police also. Was I wrong Mallika? Tum ne bhi tou mere big D ke bacchay ko marne jaisa paap kerne ki koshish ki thy na. Tum hi kaho, what choice did I have?"

A dead silence fell over the line as Mallika's breath hitched in her chest on hearing Batuk's indignant accusation.

He was right...of course.

Mallika quietened on the recollection of the horrible crime that she had tried to commit.

Out of her possessiveness and jealousy, she had stooped so low that she had been about to turn into a killer!

The guilt was never-ending.

She had left the RC mansion a while ago, but the memories of her wretched deeds kept her awake on most nights in Delhi, at her parents' house where she was staying now.

She had vowed that she would confess to her crime in front of Bondita... but she couldn't agonize an already traumatized pregnant lady more, especially at this point of her pregnancy.

The silence was getting really long as she was lost in her thoughts.

On the other end, Batuk was getting restless. Feeling his anger surging again on her quietude, he snapped,

"Mallika? Bloody hell say something!"

A sigh escaped her mouth as Batuk heard her voice over the phone, with all it's earlier anger gone, and now laced with tears and remorse as she said,

"I know Batuk. Miene waqai paap kia tha. I know ke Mushrooms daalna was wrong… By God pata nahi kya soch rahi thi mai tab. Mager yaqeen kero Batuk, miene soch rakha hai ke mien Bondita ko sab sach bataongy. Aur woh jo saza dena chahay gy, mien seh lun gy. Bass next month uski delivery hojanay dou. Phir mien uss ke samnay sab confess ker du gy jo kuch miene kia , and kyun kiya and I will apologize also."

He was expecting her to arrogantly deny what he had said. But her words and the way she spoke now doused all the residual flames of his anger too. His emotions were completely messed up. One moment he was snarling at Mallika, and the next moment he felt like crying … wanting to open his heart in front of his friend with whom, as his heart told him time and again that he had done something wrong somewhere along the line too. Surprisingly, when his head had been full of shit, his heart still managed to try to tell him the right things.

Sadly, he had ignored his heart all along.

A heaviness settled on his chest as he realized that he had one friend, but now, even she was not there anymore. She was drowning in her own sorrows.

He didn't know what he wanted to do with her now. She had been wrong...he had been wrong… When everything was wrong then why did he still want to continue talking to her?

Wondering the same, after a pause, he said in an even tone,

"Mallika, next month ka wait karne ki zaroorat nahi hai. Thanks to the immense stress I put her under, Bondita went into early labor. After a near-death experience, she delivered twins...a son and a daughter!"

Hearing the good news, she exclaimed,

"Oh wow, Batuk...That's awesome! Tum toh bahut khush hoge na? And Bondita? Woh theek hai na ab?"

A small smile coming on his lips as he felt her genuine happiness on this news, he said lightly,

"Of course! Mien buht khush hun. Buht cute hain woh bachay. Bondita bhi ab buht khushi hogy."

And then, recalling something, he said,

"Arey Mallika, aik aur bhi good news hai. Bataoon?"

She sensed his excitement through the line, and a smile adorning her lips, she replied,

"Of course… batao na?"

Feeling elated all of the sudden, they were like two kids. Their fight was big… they had wronged each other… but somehow, they had found back some pieces of their original camaraderie now.

Batuk was happy that he could share his feelings with someone… At least there was one person who still was listening to him.So, without wasting the opportunity, he excitedly said,

"Mallika, you won't believe this. Pata hai, Big D is back! Woh zinda hain! He was alive all along. Tumhe pata hai, Bondita ne mujhe uss din kaha tha, that ager woh zinda hai, matlab uske Pati Babu bhi zinda hai…I had laughed at her whimsy… but she was right!"

A shocked gasp escaped Mallika's mouth on hearing this.

"WHATTT?? Wow man! That's really great Batuk, ghar pe sab buht khush honge na?"

The mere mention of "ghar" suddenly dampened his spirits. Trying hard not to make his anguish evident, he said,

"Haan, I am sure ab sab khush hi honge."

His response struck her as odd. And so, she asked,

"You are sure ke sab khush honge! Iska kia Matlab hai Batuk, you don't know?"

For the 2nd time during this call, a dead silence fell over. When he didn't reply for a few seconds, Mallika asked again,

"Batuk, kia hua? Sab theek haina?"

Heaving a deep breath, he finally replied, his voice thick with emotion.

"Nahi Mallika, sab theek nahi hai. Mien theek nahi hun. Big D asked me to leave the house. After all, maine unki Bondita ko maarne ki koshish ki thi na… Woh bhi ek nahi dou baar. Mai yahan hospital mein pada hu, yeh sochte hue ke kal jab mujhe discharge milega, tou mai kahan jaunga?"

When he had kicked her out of his house, she had firmly decided that she would never ever think about him again.

When his call came out of the blue, she was caught off guard. She had tried to show him how furious she was, and she was sure that she still didn't want to do anything with him again, but over the course of their conversation, somehow they had slipped back into the easy friendship that was between them.

They were many things to each other… but she knew that at the core of their complicated relationship, their friendship was still special.

And so, hearing what happened to him after they had broken apart, her heart that she had deliberately turned into ice started thawing.

Giving up, she asked worriedly,

"Tum hospital mien kyun ho, Batuk?"

Sighing, feeling like a real loser, he replied in voice filled with self-loathing,

"Kuch nahi Mallika. I drank so much to drown all my sorrows and my misplaced anger that I ended up with alcohol poisoning. Kisi naik insan ne club se mujhe rescue kia tha by chance. Aur bass… tab se yahan pada hun… coma wagera ki nobat agayee thy. My scary nurse told me that the docs were really worried. Sochta hun, marr hi jata tou accha hota. Abh yun uss khatarnak nurse se ghabra ker tumko tou na pareeshan kerta na!"

His last remark was to lighten the mood somehow.

Acknowledging his effort, hiding the deep pang of anguish she felt on hearing about his health, she asked softly,

"Are you lonely, Batuk? Wahan koi bhi nahi hai kia?"

He didn't reply immediately. Instead, after choosing his words carefully, he decided that she deserved this much,

"Abhi akela nahi hun. Tum se baat ker rha hun tou akela nahi feel ker rha. You are making me feel better, Mallika."

Mallika's heart pounded heavily in her chest on hearing his quiet revelation.

She had known him as a very blunt, rude, self-obsessed man who used to address himself as BRC.

But talking to him today, Mallika had the strangest feeling that his BRC mask had slipped off, and she was finally seeing the real Batuk.

She had always suspected that the callous BRC had a better version somewhere in the depths of the depths of his personality.

And the person she was talking to now, despite the fact that he really had called her when he needed her, but she still didn't feel as if she was being used.

Instead...she felt…

Strangely nice!

And so, she gently asked,

"Kia Big D buht naraz hain? Woh aye bhi nahi tum se milne?"

Reacting to her gentleness and care, his heart felt like it was melting.

This was special...his mind told him

She was special...his heart told him

Trying to recover from the intensity of these emotions that he was feeling, he replied to her question,

"No no… Big D aaye na… woh roz aate thay… but aaj mujhe unhe batana pada ke maine past 6 months mein kya kya kiya unki pyaari Bondita ke saath."

His voice cracking now, he said,

"Mallika, Big D was so hurt! Meri wajeh se mere Big D itna ziada dukhi hogaye thay. Aur honge bhi kyun nahi? Mallika, he saw me trying to burn his wife down… pata nahi kia hogya tha mujhe… I kidnapped two newborn babies just to make Bondita suffer. And then I locked everyone in the house while trying to set fire around Bondita. Big D saw me doing all that. Aur abh unko sab pata hai ke mien kitna gir gaya tha. I think, abh sab over ho gaya hai, woh ab wapis nahi aayenge...meri shakal bhi nahi dekhenge shayad…"

Mallika had nothing to say to that. She was feeling an intense amount of sorrow on what she heard just now. She could understand how the callous BRC must have completely overcome the nicer version, Batuk.

Now that she was finally meeting this Batuk, she knew instinctively that he wasn't capable of harming anyone like that. But his other version, the cold, animalistic BRC who had thrown her out of the house too, was indeed capable enough to kill someone.

Feeling just very sad for her friend, she finally said after a gap,

"Batuk, abh kia socha hai tumne? Kia kerou ge?"

He was lost in thought for a while. And then he said,

"I don't know. My heart says that I should say sorry to the people whom I have wronged. Lekin Mallika, Kya sirf sorry kehne se, apologize karne se, sab pehle jaisa hou jaata hai ? Sab kuch thik hou jaata hai kya?"

After some careful contemplation, she replied,

"I don't know Batuk… I think it depends on humari mistake kya hai… Papa says that apologize karne se apna hi burden kam hota hai, but agar humnein koi damage kiya hou, to usko repair karne ki bhi try karni chahiye…"

"And agar damage repair nahi kar paaye tou?"

"Toh I guess bas sacche mann se Sorry bol dou… And umeed rakho ke saamne waala forgive kar de…"

Her advice was sound...logical.

It gave him a little ounce of hope as he asked, hesitantly,

"Mallika… Humare beech ka damage repair ho sakta hai kya?"

At this point he didn't know what he wanted to fix, the friendship they shared, or the relationship she wanted. He didn't even know if deep down, he also wanted something more than friendship?

All he knew at this moment was that he couldn't bear more damage in his already crumbling life. And he really, really needed Mallika there with him...in her most original and sweet role...that of a real friend.

He waited for her reply with his breath caught in chest.

Finally, after a while, he heard her quiet voice,

"I don't know Batuk. Humare beech ka damage repair hoskta hai ya nahi, iske liye I think humein pehle figure out karna padega ke damage kya hua hai, and kitna hua hai, and agar isey fix karne mein koi point hai bhi ya nahi?"

Releasing his breath now, he understood her stance as he said,

"I think you are right… Mujhe pehle wajeh dhoondni hogy. Lekin Mallika, Agar mujhe ye damage fix karne ki wajeh mil jaaye, toh kya mai tumhe call kar sakta hu?"

Feeling a spurt of joy bursting in her heart on realizing that he was not treating her callously and carelessly anymore, and was ready to put in some effort for her sake, Mallika couldn't stop her smile at this question as she replied,

"Number hai tumhare paas…"

A/N Hello guys! Hope you enjoy this chapter, and that you have read the previous chapter on Wattpad too. We hoped to show a contrast between how Rudhi needed to initiate physical intimacy to strengthen their emotional bond, and how MalTuk needed to eliminate any physical intimacy to reconnect on the emotional level. I personally disliked how MalTuk and Mallika suffered due to lack of time, and wanted to add some character depth.

Also, special thanks to Saffi! Her portrayal of Batuk in My Destination, My Bondita immensely helped in developing our Batuk, especially his own views on love, romance, intimacy and relationships.

Please do let us know how you liked it.

Chapter 11: The Untrodden Avenues

30th November 1942, Roy Chaudhary Kothi

Mallika’s heart slammed in her chest as his deep voice resonated in her ears.

Clutching the phone receiver tightly, she tried to control her racing heartbeats as she whispered in the phone,

“Who am I talking to? BRC, or Batuk?”

A smile appeared on his lips as he softly answered,

“Jis se tum baat kerna chaho, Mallika.”

An answering smile adorned her lips as she confided,

“I think I liked Batuk better…”

He lightly chuckled in the phone on her reply and said,

“I will try to be the version of myself that you like, Mallika. Aur yehi meri doosri wajeh hai to fight for us!”

Doosri wajeh?

Confused, she asked quizzically,

“Doosri wajeh? What do you mean? Pehli wajeh kia hai?”

Taking a deep breath, he contemplated his words as he replied to her carefully,

“Mallika, tumne kaha tha na ke mujhe pehle evaluate kerna hoga ke humare relationship mien kia damage hua tha, aur mien usay kyun fix kerna chahta hun?”

“Haan…” she replied, slowly, wondering what his reply would be.

However, his reply was not the answer that she was expecting. Instead, it was a question,

“Mallika, do you remember our first fight?”

Her confusion notched up a little higher. They seldom fought… but their reason had always been one - Batuk’s infidelity. Their first fight also was because Batuk had kissed another girl when he had been snogging with Mallika too. It had also been the longest fight, resulting in them not speaking to each other for close to two months.

Feeling the bitterness of that fight, she said tightly,

“Haan…Batuk. Mujhe sab yad hai.” And then, wondering aloud, she said, “I am surprised ke tumhien kaise yaad hai woh sab?”

The flashbacks of their fight and the reason of it were enough to make him a little contrite. However, the way they had made-up brought a smile on his face as he replied to her,

“Mujhe bhi sab yaad hai, Mallika. I may look stupid and dumb to you…mien shayad itna intelligent hun bhi nahi, lekin meri memory buht sharp hai. Mujhe humari first meeting bhi yaad hai jab hum college ke freshman mixer mien milay thay. I still remember your short black dress that stole my heart right away!”

Pausing, he closed his eyes with a soft smile lingering on his lips. His voice turned dreamy as he recalled their earlier days of togetherness.

“You and I hit off immediately na… I remember humari pehli baat hi India se related hui thy. You were the only Indian girl there, and both of us were missing home a little too much that night. Tumse mil ker I felt a sense of belonging… Meri homesickness kuch kam hui thy.”

Reminiscing how their mutual attraction had brought them closer, he smiled and said,

“I remember our first kiss too. Tumhien yaad hai miene kaise aik damm se aa ker tumko kiss kia tha? I had caught you by surprise, haina?”

Hearing him now talking so fondly of their time together, after every rough patch they had seen in their relationship, a dull ache settled on her heart as tears formed in her eyes. Recalling their first kiss, she whispered,

“I remember… I was surprised…but more than that, I was so happy. Tum mere sath baatien kerte thay, milte thay, lekin physically tum mere pas nahi atay thay. Aur mien, on the other hand, chahty thy ke tum mere pas aao. I never asked you Batuk, uss din tum itne achanak aik damm se kiss kerne kaise aye thay?"

Heaving a resigned breath, he opened his eyes and replied,

“You remember my friend Frank, don't you? Usne mujhe uss din bola tha ki mien tumse jis terha se baat kerne ke liye marr raha hota tha, jis terha se humari friendship aur mutual understanding progress ker rahy thy, Frank ne kaha ki mujhe tumse pyar hogya hai.”

A gasp escaped her mouth. She knew that she loved Batuk, but Batuk had never uttered this word for her unless they were making wild, torrid love and he was whispering no-nothings in her ear in the throes of passion.

Hearing her silence and intuitively knowing what she must be thinking, his fingers curled around the coiled wire of the telephone, he told her somberly,

“That scared me Mallika. Mien darr gaya tha yeh sunn ker. Miene tumhien yeh bataya tha na ki mujhe Big D ke pyaar ka anjaam dekhne ke baad pyaar se allergy hogai thy. So, bass…Frank ki baat sunn ker I got scared. Mujhe laga ki what I felt for you… jo mien mehsoos kerta tha…woh shayad sirf physical aur superficial level per tha. Aur mujhe laga ki ager mien tumhari oar apni physical urges ko satisfy kerun ga tou mera dil bhar jayega. I thought it would be enough to satisfy me. Iss liye miene uss din tumhien kiss kia tha. And then…one thing led to another. We became lovers.”

And then, sighing again, he confided in her,

“I know Mallika that I made it look as if tumhara involvement hi mujh mien tha ziada. I know I made you feel that you wanted more from me. I know I tried to keep you at a distance…tum exclusivity chahty thyn aur mien commitment se hi bhaagta tha. I know miene yeh sab kia… lekin iski bas yehi wajeh thy ke…”

Her breath was caught in her chest as she waited for him to cite his reasons…the real ones!

Taking a deep breath, slowly running his fingers over the black diary now, he confessed for the first time in his life,

“Mallika, meri tumse duur bhaagne ki wajeh yeh thy ke jis ko mien superficial, physical attraction samajh raha tha, woh kuch aur tha… It was deep… and I didn't want to explore it further. I thought, doosri ladkion ki taraf badhun ga tou yeh attraction khatam hojayega. Lekin…”

Expelling another deep breath, he pursed his lips to contemplate his next words carefully, and then, after a heavy silence, he quietly said,

“I made myself believe that it was helping. Lekin… I want to be honest now. It didn't! And that scared me a lot. More than that, I was worried because I was losing the friend I had in you during the process. Uss first fight mien bhi I deliberately kissed that girl to make my feelings for you go away… Tum ne dekha…tum ko bura laga. I was callous enough to tell you that it was what I wanted! But the truth was, it wasn't! Lekin yeh sab mujhe uss waqt nahi click ker raha tha Mallika. And you weren't helping there either. Tum meri non-exclusivity wali ghatiya baat bhi maan gayee… And although I know that for you, I was the only one back then, lekin meri bewakufi ne mujhe tumhare liye exclusive nahi rehne dia tha. And…Mallika… I regret that now.”

Silent tears were rolling down her cheeks now on listening to something so ironic… and yet beautiful… these were some sweet confessions from the mouth of Batuk Roy Chaudhary… who had been so caustic towards her in the past!

It was hard to believe…but it was something that her heart was accepting. She had carefully erected many walls around her heart to prevent it from completely melting away for this strange, eccentric man. But, her efforts were failing…her walls were crumbling. They had already started crumbling after their first phone call a few days back, but now, her heart was opening in more ways than she wanted.

He heard her sniffles from the other end, and tears pooled in his own eyes too as he blinked rapidly to prevent them from falling. After a while where both tried to compose themselves, he finally said,

“I remember all the details of that first fight. I also remember what I had said when I had tried to make up with you again. Miene kaha tha ki mujhe tumhari zarurat hai. Aur Mallika…”

He paused, again trying to choose the best words for her. After some careful contemplation, he softly but firmly said,

“Mallika…yehi mera reason abh bhi hai. Call me selfish…lekin mere liye hamesha ek hi reason raha hai to fight for us, that you were the only one I could talk to, jo mujhe samajhti thi… You were the only one jo BRC ke peeche ke Batuk ko dekhti thi…Reason hamesha se at the core yehi tha, lekin mien usko alag direction mien le jata tha... superficial level per. Uss waqt bhi I tried to mask my feelings by indulging in physical love with you, and jab that didn't work, tou I tried to distract myself with other girls. Lekin abh mien aisa nahi kerun ga. Because now I have realized that this was my reason, lekin maine tumhien koi reason nahi diya to hold on to this relationship…But I want to do that now…”

Mallika’s breath hitched on the phone and Batuk heard it. Trying to desperately explain his point in better words, he said,

“Mallika…hamesha mien hi emotionally tum per lean kerta tha. But this time I want to become someone on whom YOU can lean on too. I want to become someone jo tumhien samjhay... tumhara thick and thin mien sath de jaise tumne hamesha mera dia… even abhi recently bhi. You were there with me when I was dying because of Big D’s supposed death. Lekin miene tumhari qadar nahi ki. Mien woh abh kerna chahta hun. Aur yehi meri wajeh hai to fight for us this time.”

After saying what he wanted to say, he fell silent. The ball was in Mallika’s court, and Batuk had decided to give her the chance to think about the future of their relationship. He had decided to go against his nature and wait patiently!

But it was hard!

And Mallika understood this. Wiping her tears, she softly said,

“I appreciate you telling me all this, Batuk. Mujhse bhi ghaltiyan hui thyn humare relationship mien. Mien woh bannay ki koshish kerne lagy thy jo mujhe lagta tha ki 'tum' pasand kerte ho. I tried to mold myself into someone jo mere khayal se tumhien pasand tha. I shouldn't have done that. I started pestering you so much that I turned myself into a doormat. Aur abhi jab mien Tulsipur aayi thi, tab bhi, I was so caught up in my own insecurities that I couldn't really be there for you. Mien tumhara pyaar banne ke chakkar mein tumhari dost banna bhul gayi. Tumhe na theek se console kar paayi, na hi tumhe theek se advice de paayi."

"Aisa nahi hai Mallika!", Batuk quickly interrupted. "Just your presence was enough to make me feel better. And tumhari insecurity bhi meri wajah se hi paida hui na?"

Feeling a fresh wave of shame and remorse washing over her, she pressed the bridge of her nose, and then tiredly said,

"Mager Batuk, phir bhi yeh ghalat tha. Mere actions ghalat thay. Aur yeh sab ghalatiyan kerne ke liye tumne mujhe nahi kaha tha. Yeh meri khud ki mistakes thy. I now understand it. So, for the past, let's try to bury it and forgive each other for the mistakes we made towards one another. But…aagay kia kerna hai, I don't know… I really don't know."

And then, expressing her vulnerability, she whispered,

"I am scared, Batuk.”

Sighing resignedly, he clenched his eyes shut as if trying to block out the feeling of pain that his heart felt just now. It took him a while to recover from her “polite” blow, but then he said,

“I understand, Mallika. And, let's be honest… I have given you enough reason to feel scared too. So…It's okay. I understand your stance.”

Thinking that Mallika had completely rejected him, he was about to end the call when her soft voice rejoiced him as she said,

“Lekin Batuk, I was your friend from the beginning. And I don't mind continuing being that even now. I ..I think let's give both of us a chance again. Let's begin our relationship as friends again. Phir aagay dekhte hain… maybe we will eventually evolve into something that Bondita and Anirudh dada have. Woh lovers ke ilawah bhi aik doosre ke liye sab kuch hain. Woh best friends hain…woh partners in crime hain, woh aik doosre ke confidante hain. I… I envied that relationship Batuk…and I got very jealous when I saw you trying to mimic that with Bondita back then too. Lekin... sach yeh hai ki ager mujhe aise relationship ka chance milay tou I will feel myself to be the luckiest woman alive.”

Hearing her honest confession and her innocent wish, a smile formed on his lips as he absently ran his finger on the message written for him in the black diary and asked,

“Do you really want that, Mallika? Anirudh Dada aur Bondita ke beech jo hai, woh buht dangerous hai. I am seriously allergic to it, and I still don't know mujhse hoga bhi ya nahi.”

Smiling in response as he repeated the words he had said that day, she asked,

"Batuk, uss din tumne kaha tha that tum kisi se pyaar nahi kar sakte kyunki tumne apne Big D ko aise ladki ke liye barbaad hote dekha hai jo unke zindagi mein wapis nahi aayegi. Kya tum tab Bondita ki baat kar rahe thay?"

"Haan Mallika, Big D in aath saalon me usika intezaar kar rahe thay."

“But Bondita wapis aa gayi na? Aur dono kitne khush hai ek saath. Phir tum kyun ho unke relationship se itna allergic, Batuk?"

Sighing harshly this time, his smile dropped as he said tightly,

“Yehi tou masla hai. It is a one-way kind of a relationship. Big D hamesha Bondita ke liye sacrifices kerte rahay hain. Tumne khud dekha… apni jaan tak per khel gaye woh Bondita ke liye. Lekin Bondita… she just enjoys what she receives from Big D, mager I don't believe usne unke liye kuch sacrifice kia bhi hai kabhi. Woh hamesha apni marzi kerty hai, aur hamesha Big D uski marzi ke agay jhukte aye hain. Big D ki khushi, unki marzi ke baare mein Bondita ne kabhi socha hi nahi.”

Frowning now, she recalled her recent telephonic conversation with Bondita, and said,

“But Batuk, Bondita is not the selfish type. I mean… jab mien Roy Chaudhary haveli mien thy, miene tabb bhi dekha tha. Woh tou buht generous aur loving hai. Aur abhi jab miene uss se kuch din pehle phone per baat ki thy, tab bhi woh...”

"Wait a minute… Tumne Bondita ko phone kiya?"

"Haan…" Her voice dropping a notch, she said quietly, “I confessed my crimes to her, Batuk.”

A loud gasp escaped his mouth as he exclaimed,

“Bloody hell Mallika! You really did that?”

His response was a little upsetting, but she decided not to dwell on it, and after a little pause, she said,

“I needed to confess, Batuk. I had wronged her. I told you before na that my guilt wasn't letting me live.”

Chewing on his lip now, Batuk was anxious. He asked impatiently,

“Phir kia hua? Bondita buht naraz hui hogy na tumse?”

Drawing some air, she took a deep breath and then replied,

“Haan… of course. Aur uska naraz hona justified bhi tha. Lekin Batuk, mere itne baday crime ke baad bhi she didn't yell at me… she didn't insult me. You won't believe, usne mujhe aik chance de dia to earn her forgiveness!”

Slowly releasing his bated breath, he thought for a while and then said,

“Well… I have to give her that. She has a big heart. Woh mujhe bhi bachpan mien meri ghaltion per buht easily maaf ker dety thy. So, maybe…that hasn't changed yet.”

And then, as if it dawned on his just now, he asked her,

“Wait a second… Chance dia? To earn her forgiveness? What does that mean, Mallika?”

Smiling a bit on his impatient tone, she relayed everything that happened during her conversation with Bondita. And then, her smile deepened as she said,

"Bondita ne mujhe kaha ki uski forgiveness earn kerne ke liye mujhe kuch kerna hoga."

Perplexed, Batuk stood up from his desk chair as he wondered out aloud,

"Bondita ne maaf kerne ke liye shart lagai? She's not like that…" And then, a memory flashed in his mind as he gasped,

"Bloody hell, Mallika!!! Usne tumhien bhi kia Murgha bann ker anda dene ko bola?"

The notion was so absurd that Mallika couldn't help but burst into a fit of laughter.

"Murgha! Anda!! What are you even saying, Batuk?"

His heart warmed on hearing her dorky laughter once again after such a long time. He absolutely loved how she used to carry her desi, Punjabi side with her, unapologetically, and with an air of confidence and a persona of haughty indignance back in Italy. He used to find her extremely adorable back then, and her spontaneous laughter always made his heart flutter.

Even now, her laughter pulled the strings of his heart ever so gently, and smiling to himself, his cheeks turning a bit red in embarrassment as he mumbled,

"Uh... woh... bachpan mein... Aik baar miene aik ghalti ki thy tou Bondita ne mujhe yehi saza di thy. But phir her own heart melted and she forgave me just like that." The warmth of the fond memory also started slowly engulfing his heart and he lightly added, without thinking much,

"Waise Bondita aisi hi hai. Maaf ker hi dety hai. Uska dil buht bada hai."

Mallika, who was still giggling at the cute tale that Batuk told her about his childhood, heard Batuk's last remark and wondering out, she asked,

"Waise Batuk, jab tum jantay hi ho ke Bondita kitni achi hai, tou phir kyun tumko uss se itni nafrat hai? As far as I see, mere hisab se tou woh tumhari best friend reh chuki hai. How can you hate her so much then?"

All the warmth that Batuk's heart was basking in suddenly vanished, and his heart shivered in the sudden blast of cold that consumed his whole body, mind, and soul!

Why did he hate Bondita so much?

He knew he hated her…

He thought it was because his Big D died for her…

Lekin Big D tou zinda hain… so… yeh reason tou waise hi moot hogya.

Kaka ki baat bhi galat hai, Big D ko bhi Bondita se koi issues nahi hai.

Why else did he hate her?

The frigidity turned into a shunned, perplexed silence as he pondered over Mallika's question.

Mallika felt his silence, and she understood his internal battles.

She knew that he was looking for reasons again...but this time, his lookout was for all the wrong reasons!

And being his friend, Mallika decided that she needed to nudge him in the right direction. So, without waiting anymore, she somberly said,

"Batuk, miene kaha tha na ki Bondita ne mujhe forgiveness earn kerne ke liye aik task dia tha. Poocho ge nahi ke woh kia tha?"

When he could only mutter a small "Hmm…", she said, emphasizing on each and every word,

"Batuk, miene Bondita ke babies ko maarne ki koshish ki thy. Iss major crime ke liye woh mujhe sari life jail bhi bhijwa sakty thy. Lekin usne bola ki…"

Pausing to take a deep breath, she said,

"Usne bola ki mere jaisi educated ladki ko India mein reh ker, yahan ki aurton ke liye, women empowerment ke liye kaam kerna hoga. Bondita aur Anirudh dada ka jo mission hai, usko agay badhanay mien help kerna hoga. For one year. Ager mien yeh ker lety hun, tou Bondita mujhe maaf ker de gy. And after that one year, I will be free to go wherever I want."

Batuk felt numb.

He really didn't know what to say or how to react to this piece of information.

Mallika was getting emotional once again on recalling that conversation with Bondita as she said in a quivering voice,

"Batuk, socho. Us ladki ka dil kitna bada hoga jo mujh jaisi paapi ko bhi aik chance de rahy hai apne buray karam ko acchay karam se badalne ke liye. Just imagine Batuk, woh mujhse kuch bhi kerwa sakty thy. Ager woh mujhe apni maid bannay ki bhi saza dety tou mien accept kerty. Lekin usne mujhe jo 'saza' bhi di, woh bhi actually doosron ki bhalai ke liye hi hai. She's not using me for herself… she's giving me a path jis per chal ker mien apni jaisi kitni aurton ke raaste ke kantay chun sakty hun. Aur indefinite period ke liye bhi nahi. Just for a year. At the end of the day, dekha jaye tou usne choice bhi mujhe hi de dy!"

Pausing to let all this sink, she asked him quietly,

"Abh tum mujhe batao Batuk, kia yeh ladki tumhare Anirudh dada ke jaisi hi nahi hai? Anirudh dada ne apne ander ki roshni se Bondita jaisi mashal ko agni di. Abh Bondita agay mashal se mashal jala rahy hai... Anirudh dada ne jis terha loagon ke liye asani paida kerne ki koshish ki, Bondita bhi wahi ker rahy hai. Woh sirf unki patni hi nahi hai, woh Anirudh dada hi ki extension hai. Bondita Anirudh dada mein aise ghul mil gai hai, absorb hogai hai, ke uske actions, uski soch, sab kuch unke jaisa hi hogya hai. Koi kisi mien iss terha beghair kisi strong feeling ya emotion ke kaise ghul sakta hai? Ager Anirudh dada uss se pyar kerte hain, tou khud socho Batuk, how is it possible that his love remained one-sided all this while? Jis terha ke woh hain, koi bhi kaise unse pyar nahi ker sakay ga? Aur baat kyunki Bondita ki hai, jis per unhone, as you say, apna sab kuch luta dia, woh Bondita kaise unki feelings reciprocate nahi kerty hogy? Bondita jis terha unke har har rang mien dhal chuki hai, aisa kaise hoskta hai ke woh apne aap ko sirf iss liye badli ho kyunki bass woh uske pati thay aur usko unse koi lagaav hi nahi tha?"

Giving him time to reflect, she said after a while,

"Abhi thodi deir pehle mien yehi keh rahy thy na Batuk ke jab hum relationship mien thay, uss waqt I had changed myself for you. Miene waise hi bannay ki koshish ki thy jaise mujhe laga ki tumhien pasand hai. Lekin Batuk, miene aisa kyun kia tha? Tumne yeh socha?"

She heard him expelling his breath. She knew he was dumbstruck. He really was! She knew he was listening to her very intently, and so, she said,

"Miene aisa iss liye kia tha kyunki mujhe tumse pyar tha, Batuk. Koi apne aap ko isi liye badalta hai kyunki woh samnay walay ki nazron mien 'acceptable' and 'admirable' hona chahta hai. Mera aisa kerna iss liye ghalat tha kyunki aise kerne mien miene original Mallika ko kahin peeche chhod dia tha. On the other hand, Bondita hamesha se Anirudh dada jaisi hi thy. She didn't change herself. Instead, woh Anirudh dada ki modified version hi hai."

She waited for a while to let Batuk's mind process all of this, and then she said,

"Jab mien Haveli mien thy, tou aik raat tum club chalay gaye thay. Bondita iss liye udaas thy kyunki she thought that her 'Patibabu' was avoiding her. Aur mien iss liye udaas thy kyunki my boyfriend was ignoring me. Uss raat hum dono ne beth ker buht baatien ki thyn. Bondita ne mujhe tum loagon ke childhood ke baray mien bhi bataya, aur uss ne apni poori story bhi sunai. The way she was talking about Anirudh dada...Batuk… woh sirf 'pyar' nahi tha. Aisa lag raha tha jaise woh unko 'worship' kerty ho. There was so much reverence, respect and fondness in her tone for your dada. Jahan tak miene samjha hai, their love story is pretty unique. Tum ne bhi mujhe bataya tha ke kaise Anirudh dada usko aik responsibility samajhte thay pehle. Lekin miene un loagon ki relationship ko buht carefully analyze kia hai Batuk. I believe Anirudh dada ko uss se shayad attachment bhi isi liye start hua hoga kyunki woh unhi jaisi thy. Unko us mien apne jaisa spark nazar aaya hoga. Aur aisa hi shayad Bondita ke sath bhi hua hoga. Woh dono aik sphere ke 2 halves hain. Both the halves connect to make the sphere complete. Ya keh lou, Bondita apne pati babu ka mirror image hai. I believe, Un ka pyaar buht organically develop hua hoga… Aur woh dono taraf se hi equally hoga. Aisa ho hi nahi sakta ke Bondita Anirudh mien ghul jaye aur Anirudh Bondita mien dhal jaye... beghair bepannah pyar ke. Aur rahi baat sacrifices ki, ya efforts ki, tou tab Bondita ke efforts kam ho sakte hai kyunki woh bahut chhoti thy, aur Dada pe dependent thy. Isme kuch galat nahi hai. Aur saare efforts, saari sacrifices obvious nahi hoti. Kya pata, agar tum Anirudh Dada ki nazron se dekho, toh Bondita ka contribution bhi samajh jaao?"

She knew it was some really heavy talk that she had had with an ill but still recuperating Batuk, so, stopping for a bit, she thought for a while and said,

"Think about it, Batuk. Jo ladki aisi hai, jisko tum bhi bachpan se jante ho...jo tumhare dada ki parchaayee hi hai… tum uss se kia waqai utni nafrat kerte ho jitni tum believe kerte ho? Aur ager kerte ho, tou kia woh waqai uss nafrat ke layak hai? Think about it carefully, Batuk. Aur jaise tumne humare liye reason socha tha, waise hi iss baray mien bhi soch ker mujhe batana. Mien tumhare reason ko sunnay ka wait kerun gy."

After another long silence, Batuk sighed and finally spoke.

"Thanks Mallika, you have given me a lot to think about. Mein reason dhoond ke tumhe call karunga."

As he was about to end the call, she interrupted him, her voice hinting the smile that was playing on her lips,

"Waise… tum bina reason ke bhi call kar sakte hou… reason milne ka wait karna zaroori nahi hai"

Despite all his emotional turmoil, an answering smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he replied,

"Sure... Mallika... and thank you… Waise.." he paused, and then, very sincerely added,

"Mallika... I would love it ager tum bhi mujhe call kero jab tumhara mann kere. I am... I am always available for you… just one call away from you."

Her smile deepened as a faint blush reached her cheeks and she replied happily,

"Zaroor…"

"Also, tumne bataya nahi ke Bondita ne diya task poora karne ke liya kya plan hai tumhare paas?"

"Arey haan! Tou mujhe na, yahan Delhi mein ek Women Welfare group mila hai hai jahan mai…… "

Batuk listened intently as Mallika rambled on about her work at the Welfare group, unable to stop himself from smiling like a loon, and fervently wishing that this conversation never ends.

____________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 13: Special

Emotional Healing Begins

1st December 1942, Roy Chaudhary Kothi

Anirudh made his way towards Batuk's room with a spring in his step and hope in his heart; the hope that the plan that he and Bondita made, their attempt would work in dispelling the gloom that surrounded Batuk.

However, on entering the room, Anirudh was surprised to find the messy but empty bed.

Feeling panicked, he looked around the room for Batuk frantically, until his eyes landed on a huddled figure slumped over the desk.

A tremor of trepidation ran along his spine as he hurried over to the slumped up Batuk, and quickly checking him to see if he was alright, he slowly expelled a breath of relief.

A small smile came to his lips as he noticed Batuk sleeping with his head on the desk, and peace written all over his face.

The smile lingering around the corners of his mouth made Anirudh very happy. Finally...his brother didn't seem to be shrouded in the darkness of gloom as before.

Batuk is okay, he is just asleep. Shayad apne kisi dost se baatein karte karte aankh lag gayi hou, he thought, spotting the telephone receiver still resting on his neck.

Anirudh caressed Batuk's head lovingly, before gently untangling the receiver from under his hand. As he was about to return it to its cradle, he heard a strange noise.

Curious, he put the receiver to his ear, only to be startled on hearing the extremely loud snores coming from the other end. Anirudh hung up with a chuckle.

Lagta hai Batuk ka dost bhi doosri taraf sou gaya. Chalo, kisi se tou baat kar raha hai Batuk. Kitne araam se sou raha hai, uthane ka mann bhi nahi kar raha, mager dawai waqt pe dena bhi zaruri hai…

"Batuk… " he called gently, caressing his head again. "Utho, mere bhai… "

"Big D...aap aagaye? Good morning…" Batuk said with a sleepy smile, stretching his arms out lazily, before realising his position, and straightening up with a jerk.

"Big D... woh mien… phone…" He looked around for the phone, before noticing it back in its place.

"Maine phone wapis rakh dia hai Batuk. Tumhara dost bhi araam se kharaatay maar raha tha."

"Mallika", Batuk mumbled, as last night's conversation came back to his mind.

Anirudh was not expecting a female name somehow. So, straightening up a bit, he asked quizzically, his eyes carefully watching Batuk's flushed cheeks,

"Kya kaha tumne?"

"Woh...Big D...Mien jis dost se baat kar raha tha…" he gestured to the telephone. "Mallika naam hai uska."

Watching him stutter a little nervously, Anirudh's face beamed with happiness at seeing the signs of improvement in his brother's mood and overall demeanour.

Biting back his smile, he asked teasingly,

"Achha… buht hi achhi dost hogy na… isiliye tou baatein khatam nahi hui…"

An answering smile adorned Batuk's lips as he replied dreamily,

"Sabse khaas hai woh…"

And then, suddenly realising what he just said, he hurriedly got up from the desk chair and muttered,

"Woh, mien fresh hou ke aata hu."

Watching him run into the bathroom with a red face, Anirudh shook his head as he chuckled. He was relieved to find his brother behaving like a normal person after a long while.

He was sure it was because of that "sabse khaas dost."

Still smiling, he decided to wait for the day when Batuk would formally introduce him to this "khaas dost" of his.

_____________________________________________________________________________

"But Big D, hum kahan jaa rahe hai?", Batuk asked as he was combing his hair, simultaneously observing his excited older brother through the mirror.

"Surprise hai Batuk! Tumhe pata chal jaaega jald hi." said Anirudh with a fond smile.

Batuk couldn't stop his eyes from moistening. The last time he had attempted to have a light-hearted conversation with his Big D had been when Anirudh had come to visit him in Italy two years ago. And while Anirudh had done his best, Batuk had felt like he was talking to a corpse. It had been clear that Anirudh had forgotten how to be happy ever since Bondita had gone to London.

"Bondita ki wajah se hi mere Big D ek zinda laash bann gaye thay!", He angrily thought.

"Aur Bondita ke laut aane par hi Big D phir se hasne lage!", his inner voice injected.

Batuk shook his head to stop the inner thoughts as he reminded himself,

Big D khush hain, mere liye itna hi kaafi hai. Kyun khush hain, isse kya farq padta hai! Big D ko khush dekh ker mien bhi buht khush hun!

And indeed, he was extremely pleased at seeing Anirudh smile so freely. And even more overwhelming was the fact that he was the recipient of that smile! Not Bondita, not Rudhir or Aaradhya, but him.

Mager yeh Big D ko mujhpe achanak itna pyaar kyun aaya? Mera head caress kar rahe hai, mujhe tease kar rahe hai… Hou kya raha hai?

"Chalein Batuk?"

Anirudh's voice snapped Batuk out of his thoughts, as he decided to stop overthinking and followed his brother out. He couldn't brush off the confusion entirely though.

Anirudh led Batuk down to the courtyard where Sampoorna, Bihari, Shashwati and the rest of the children were gathered. The children greeted him happily, and he too, found himself smiling back at them lovingly. Sampoorna Maa and Bihari also had soft smiles playing on their lips.

His eyes then met his Shashu-bear's, and he found her smiling enthusiastically too. Suddenly feeling nervous and giddy, he then looked at his brother and asked hesitantly,

"Big D aap mujhe yahan kyun…"

Instead of replying to him, Anirudh smiled and gently urged,

"Aankhein band karo Batuk."

His confusion amplifying to million folds, he frowned and stuttered,

"Bb..but...Big D…"

Putting his finger on his lips, Anirudh gestured to him to stop asking more questions. When Batuk quietened, that was when Anirudh smilingly urged him again,

"Aankhein band, Batuk!"

Batuk closed his eyes with a resigned sigh. He felt a larger, stronger hand sliding into one of his hands, and then a smaller one holding his other hand. He recognized both the touches...one was of his Big D's, and the other was of his Shashu-bear's.

Despite his utter confusion, a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he allowed his siblings to lead him forward.

And then, he heard Anirudh's calming voice gently instructing him,

"Abh apni aankhein kholo Batuk."

He slowly opened his eyes, still wondering what was going on.

However, the sight that met his eyes was one of the most beautiful and most unexpected sights in the world!

He was standing in front of the small wooden cot in the backyard, and lying against soft cushions on it were two little babies, gurgling happily.

Batuk's heart dropped at seeing those babies as he instantly acknowledged who they were.

After all, he had known them for the longest time…

They were his precious niece and nephew…

His Big D's children...

Rudhir…

Aaradhya…

As if he was in a trance, he blinked once, twice, thrice to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

The babies were like a magnet, and he was feeling helpless in front of the strong wave of love that washed over him. He wanted to throw all the caution in the world and just hug the two babies and never let them part from him again.

But his past deeds…

The ugly face of self-doubt raised its head and made him wonder hopelessly,

Do I deserve this…?

The feeling of an insane amount of love was suddenly replaced by his guilt over his past actions. Feeling numb, he just stood like a statue in front of the cot, looking longingly at the babies. He didn't know what to do now.

He wanted to cry out loud as he felt his heart squeezing painfully.

He didn't even know if he was going to be a good influence on the babies.

He looked at his hands. He found them dirty…

With these hands, I tried to kidnap these babies… With these hands, I tried to burn their mother alive…

He no longer knew if he could use these hands to touch these babies again.

And that thought broke his heart into millions of pieces.

His precious babies were right in front of his eyes and he couldn't hold them… not even touch them.

Noticing the myriad of emotions playing across his brother's expressive face, Anirudh's heart clenched in pain on seeing unchecked tears falling from his brother's beautiful eyes.

The haunted expressions on his face were enough to tell him that his brother was going through a massive internal battle.

Drawing a deep breath, he laid his hand on his shoulder, and said quietly,

"Jao Batuk, in se milo. Yeh tumhare Rudhir aur Aaradhya hain...aur yeh kab se apne Super Chachu ka intezaar kar rahe hain."

He couldn't believe what he heard.

Big D is asking me to meet his babies?

Me? Their Sinner Chachu?

His heart thudding heavily in his chest, he rose wounded eyes full of uncertainty to look at his brother closely.

Kia Big D waqai aisa chahte hain?

Yeh koi mazak tou nahi hai?

Understanding his misery, Anirudh gently smiled and nodded his head, encouraging him to go ahead and meet the babies.

Batuk felt as if he had been given the entire universe on a golden platter! Needing no further invitation, he covered the distance remaining between himself and the cot, and fell to his knees in front of it. His tears were running along his face uncontrollably, and watching him like that brought tears in the eyes of all the people standing there too.

He still wasn't sure if he should touch the babies. His hands were trembling and he tried holding them together to stop their involuntary movement because of the emotional whirlpool he felt he was caught in at that moment.

Noticing his reactions and understanding the sensitivity of the situation, a pair of small arms wound around his neck as Shashwati hugged him from behind and said,

"Cool Dada… dekho tou. Yeh dono babies kitne soft se hain. Inko touch kero tou lagta hai jaise cotton balls ko touch kia ho. Aur yeh Rudhir haina, aap isko ungli dou ge na tou yeh apni choti si mutthi mien aap ki ungli bhi pakad le ga. Aur yeh Aaradhya...she loves it when you snap your fingers in front of her eyes! Aap dekho tou Dada…"

Holding her arms with his violently trembling hands, he whispered brokenly,

"Shashu-bear… they will get scared of me. I… I can't… mien kaise…?"

Untangling herself from Batuk, she went in front of him, and now, facing him, she wiped his tears and took his hand in hers gently.

She then guided it towards the babies and said,

"Cool Dada, aap introduce kero na apne aap ko inse. Aap dosti keroge tou yeh kerein ge na. Come on Dada, introduce yourself…"

Anirudh was watching the loving scene between his two siblings and a warm feeling settled in his heart upon seeing Batuk responding so sweetly to Shashwati. He felt sad on seeing Batuk's reluctance and uncertainty in meeting the babies, but his reactions were making him more sure than ever that the plan he and Bondita had devised was definitely going to help Batuk feel better.

So, squeezing his shoulder from behind, Anirudh gently said,

"Haan Batuk...introduce yourself. Play with them. Yeh meri aur Bondita ki wish hai ki humare bacchay apne Super Chachu se duur na rahien...aur unke pyar se mehroom na rahien."

Anirudh's soft words felt like elixir pouring into his ears. They were like a salve on his open wounds. The overwhelming rush of emotions felt like a tidal wave. He broke down completely only to let this wave wash away all his fears and concerns, all his self-loathing, and his past sins! However, the feeling of uncertainty was still there somewhere.

Holding onto Shashwati's hand tightly as if he was still afraid that his touch may cause something bad to the babies, he sobbed and brokenly whispered to them,

"H...hello Rudhir! He...hello Aaradhya!"

And then, sniffling, he tried to stop himself from crying. Clearing his throat after a few seconds, he started again,

"Rudh...Rudhir ...Aaradhya… mm...mere babies … Kaise hou tum dono? I am sorry bacchas, ke mien itne din aapse milne nahi aa saka…"

His tone was laced with the genuine remorse he felt as he said,

"Beta... Aapko aisa tou nahi laga na, ke Chachu aap dono ko bhul gaye hai?"

And then, with sheer desperation, he extended his hand that was clutching Shashwati's, and as if he was still doubting himself, he urged Shashwati to guide his hand and make him touch the babies.

Intuitively understanding her brother's plight, Shashwati took his hand and had him caress Rudhir's small curled fist first.

Feeling a jolt in his entire system, fresh tears formed in his eyes as his other hand automatically extended towards Aaradhya on it's own. Cupping her tiny face ever so gently, he whispered to them,

"Rudhir, Aaradhya...trust me aap ke Super Chachu aap ko nahi bhoolay thay. In fact, aap dono ko hi sabse zyada miss kiya hai miene! Aur aapko tou pata hai na! Ki aap kitne zyada khaas hou mere liye."

Smiling, Shashwati took her hand out from Batuk's grasp. He had regained his lost confidence and he was now able to touch the babies gently on his own. Not only that, he was communicating with them nicely too.

Standing up and leaving her Cool Dada to have his "moment of glory" with Rudhir and Aaradhya, she looked at her elder brother.

He smiled at her, and nodding his head in approval of her actions, he signaled her to stay close to Batuk.

Nodding in understanding, she signaled Anirudh's other kids too, and they formed a circle around Batuk and the babies.

Soon, the atmosphere filled with laughter and love as Batuk forgot his crying and got busy entertaining the babies and trying to establish a rapport with them!

Anirudh smiled happily on seeing them like that.

He wanted to give space and time to Batuk to talk to the babies for as long as he wanted.

So, making sure that Shashwati was with him during the entire meeting, Anirudh decided to go and sit at one of the chairs lying in the courtyard. It wasn't far from Batuk and the babies, and he could still hear some of Batuk's words too.

A sigh left his lips as he noticed with relief that Batuk had now completely stopped crying and was making funny faces and cooing sounds to make the babies happy.

Shashwati and the other kids were laughing with Batuk and enjoying his antics. Sampoorna and Bihari had gone back inside.

Watching the sweet little scene in front of his eyes, with all his kids having a great time, his heart filled with tenderness as he silently said,

"Thank you, Bondita. Yeh sab tumhari wajeh se possible hua hai. Ager tum na kehtyn, tou mien chahte hue bhi Batuk ko kabhi humare babies ke pas nahi le ker aata."

Lost in his thoughts, his gaze momentarily shifted towards the window of their room on the first floor. His Bondita was inside the room.

Na janay kia soch rhy hogy iss waqt woh?

Babies ko bilkul bhi apne aap se alag nahi kerty hai. Pata nahi abhi kia mehsoos ker rhy hogy woh? I wish woh bhi iss waqt yahan hoty… hum sab ke sath.

That was when Batuk had turned and looked at his brother too.

Finding him gazing at the window towards his room, Batuk felt something stirring in his heart as he thought to himself,

Bondita…

Yeh sab tumhare kaaran hua hai.

Heaving a deep breath, he decided something, and then, leaning into Shashwati's ear, he whispered,

"Shashu-bear, I need a favor. Mera aik kaam ker dou please."

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Chapter 25.1: Four Steps to your Heart

A/N:

Hello friends! First of all, extremely sorry for such a late update. First, it was Ramadan, then a crazy work routine, then Eid, then some more work, a new Korean show, a little bit of this, and a little bit of that all added up and delayed our write-up.

But we are very thankful to all of you who waited so patiently.

So, for you guys, we have written an extremely long (ass) chapter 😛

We will post it in two parts.

Consider it as a delayed Eid gift from us 😁

However, the chapter is very MATURE and the reader's discretion is STRONGLY ADVISED.

A fair warning, it's an 18+ chapter, especially part 2. So please, tread carefully 😛

Also, another fair warning! The mature scene is NOT between our Rudhi 😛

So those who were waiting for a scene between them, we apologize in advance.

But we hope that you will like what you read.

Please let us know your views through your comments and votes.

Love you all,

Ashley & Ayesha

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29th July 1943, Roy Chaudhary Haveli, 10:00 pm

It was 10:00 pm. At this time Batuk would normally be on the phone with Mallika, but like last night, there would be no phone call coming.

Unlike yesterday, however, he knew why.

It was because she wasn't in Delhi. She was here, in Tulsipur, in the room right opposite his own.

He was sprawled on his bed, fiddling with the locket in his hands, as his inner voices were debating what exactly to do in the situation.

"Well, there is nothing to think about here, woh yahan hai, you want to speak to her, tou go speak to her." One voice declared.

"Is that wise?" His voice of reason asked. "I mean, just earlier today you almost lost control. Naah, wait for tomorrow, you can speak to her then. And for heaven's sake- Don’t be alone with her!"

No matter how much he tried to focus on other things, Batuk found himself drifting to the moment they shared earlier that day in the playroom.

The moment when he realized just how close he was to her.

The moment when their eyes locked, and the world stopped.

He didn't know what he would have done if Rudhir had not realized that his Chachu was ignoring him and made his displeasure known. Very very loudly.

Just thinking about that moment made him feel warm all over.

"See?" His sane mind pointed out again. "You would have definitely gotten carried away. And who knows how Mallika would have reacted."

A small, hopeful voice from his heart interjected,

"Why would she have reacted badly? Miene feel kiya! She was caught up in the moment too!"

His voice of sanity and reason rejected the hopeful thought promptly,

"Was she? Mager phir usne unn hints pe kyun nahi react kiya. Na tumhare hints pe, na gharwalo ke teasing pe. Meri maano, don't go there. Tum usko intimidate kerouge."

The hopeful heart was not ready to back down though as he reasoned,

"She did react! She blushed, she smiled, she was hoping tum confirm kerouge unhe! You saw that! So stop overthinking and GO!!"

Batuk desperately buried his head in his pillow, hoping that this would stop the voices in his head.

Bloody Hell! He thought. Miene Mallika ko approach kerne se pehle itna kabhi nahi socha! Not since that shopping trip four years ago!

The thought of that shopping trip sent an already forlorn and anxious Batuk down the memory lane.

Batuk stared down at his shoes in confusion. He didn't know the exact reason as to why he had been pacing outside the University Girl's Hostel for the past half an hour, thinking about an excuse to approach a girl he had just met once. He didn't even know why there was the urge to meet her in the first place! After all, BRC didn't chase girls, THEY chased HIM! Yet, he was here - despite every rational thought in his head telling him to walk away - and still thinking of an excuse to meet her, to talk to her.

"Hello, Jee! Tum idhar kya ker rahe hou? Kisi se milna tha?" a voice interrupted his thoughts. He looked up, smiling to see that it was the girl he wanted to approach - Mallika.

"Haan woh mein tumse hi…" he almost blurted out, before checking himself. "I mean… Umm… Tum… Are you going somewhere?" he finally asked, effectively changing the subject, he gestured to the handbag she was carrying.

"Haan na! Woh kya hai na, mere paas zyada western kapde nahi hai, aur aise kapde pehnun…" she pointed to her blue Salwar Suit, "tou log ghoorte hai ajeeb tarah se… Isiliye jee, shopping jaa rahi thi."

"Ohh…" he said with disappointment. He had hoped to spend time with her. To get to know her better. After all, she had been occupying his thoughts since the mixer last night. He looked around desperately, searching for an excuse to prolong the conversation. Finally, he noticed something.

"Umm… tum akele jaa rahi hou? He asked her. “Matlab normally log shopping kerne kisi friend ya family member ke saath jaate hai na? Taaki woh tumhe choose kerne mein help ker sake? Tumhare friends directly market mein milenge?"

His words brought a shadow on her face that she quickly tried to erase. Infusing all the positivity that she could muster, she said brightly,

"Woh kya hai na… Mera ab tak koi dost nahi bana… Abhi abhi aayi hun na… Aur phir yahan pe sab kuch thoda alag alag sa hai… Tou time lagega… Well…" she shrugged her shoulders. "Aik baar yahan ke culture me thoda ghulne lagungi, tou dost ban'ne hi hai… Tab tak akele hi… "

The matter-of-fact way that Mallika confessed to her lack of friends made Batuk feel multiple emotions at once. Although she had tried to mask it all, Batuk had felt a pang in his heart.

A part of him admired her optimism, her confidence that it would change with time.

Another part, the 12-year-old boy who was once in the same situation, empathized. And finally, for some inexplicable reason, there was a part of him that wanted her to not be sad. He wanted her to be smiling and happy, not lonely and wistful. He quickly came to a decision.

“Okay then, let’s go!” he said, as he looped her arm around his own and started dragging her in the direction of the market.

“Arey, arey arey…” She exclaimed, “Kahan le ja rahe ho mujhe Jee?”

“Tumhe shopping jaana tha na?”

“Haan mager… Tum?”

“Well, normally shopping trips pe friends saath jaate hai na? And hum friends hai, tou… ”

“Hum friends hai? Really Jee?”, she asked, touched. He simply nodded in response.

“Okay… Thank you…” She said, letting him lead her. After a few minutes, however, she chirped up again. “Don’t mind haan, but tum meri clothes select kerne mein help… I mean…” she trailed off, gesturing to his wild hairstyle, suspenders almost falling off and ratty shirt.

Batuk didn't know what to quite feel right then. Should he be offended by the clear insult to his style sense, or pleased that she considered him close enough to mock him like this?

“Oh hello!” He indignantly exclaimed. “Mera style sense buht awesome hai! Dekhna tum, you will like everything I pick out!”

She DID like everything he picked out. Batuk thought with a smile. Mallika's outfits over the next few years in Italy, and even after returning to India were of similar styles to what Batuk had chosen for her.

Until now…

When Mallika joined them after a nap and a shower, she was wearing the same blue Salwar Suit that she had worn on the day of the shopping trip.

This sudden realization made Batuk go back to his thoughts from the morning regarding the change in Mallika's dressing.

Kya waqai yeh uski style nahi thy? Kya miene usey force kiya aise kapde pehen'ne mein jo usko pasand nahi? Kya “Original Mallika '' waise hi kapde pehen'na chahty hai jaise aaj pehene thay? Aur… aur kya aisi aur koi baat hai? Jo mujhe uske baare mein pata hi nahi?

The questions continued to overwhelm him until he only had one solution left for his dilemma.

No… he decided, as he stood up, the locket still clenched in his hands.

I need to find out, she… I have to ask her… Mallika kabhi bhi mere wajah se apni identity nahi lose ker sakty… I… I should go to her now…

He stalked out of the room like a man on a mission. His eyes were focused not on the corridor or the door, but on Mallika, who he knew was inside, and the questions on his mind. As a result, he didn't even realize that Bondita had just exited the room until he heavily collided with her.

"Uff!... Batuk ke bacchay! Dekh ke nahi chal sakte?" She muttered with irritation, before suddenly realizing where Batuk was headed to. "Aur waise? Itni raat ko aik jawaan ladki ke kamre ke bahar kyun mandra rahe hou? Acchhe ghar ke ladkon ko shobha deta hai aisa kerna?"

Batuk's face turned red, and he stuttered,

"Umm… Boudi… Woh I…"

Noticing his heightened complexion, Bondita stifled the laughter that had been bubbling inside her since morning. Anirudh and her had noticed how the bhanwra and titli were being with each other.

Well, actually everyone in the family had noticed, and all of them had secretly enjoyed their clumsy and futile efforts to hide their feelings too!

And then, she was Bondita…Batuk's boudi. How could she miss a chance to pull his leg?

Biting her lips to stop herself from laughing, with a perfect poker face, she said,

"Arey… yeh tou Mallika ka locket hai na? Lautane jaa rahe hou? Abhi iss waqt…itni jaldi kia hai? Arey, mera matlab hai kal lauta dete…"

Batuk's complexion turned redder as he mumbled,

"Boudi… woh mujhe ussey kuch baat bhi kerni thy…"

Bondita was having a blast!!

Still stifling her laughter, she teasingly said,

"Ooooh… Ab samjhi… Woh tumhari Sabse khaas dost hai na… tou yeh puchhne ja rahe houge ke woh comfortable hai na, ya usey kisi cheez ki zarurat tou nahi hai na? Arey tum chinta mat kerou, miene abhi sab check kar liya hai… sab theek hai… Aur…” she rose on her toes to whisper in his ear. “Shower bhi sahi se chal raha hai… usey repair ki koi zarurat nahi hai.”

The last remark turned Batuk the deepest shade of red. It was a bold reminder of his rendezvous with Mallika in her shower a few months ago.

He had been pretending to be Anirudh back then and Bondita had almost caught him making out with Mallika at that time. It could have been quite scandalous if Bondita did not blindly trust her "Pati Babu” and had believed the feeble excuse of the shower being broken!

The reminder of that incident made him feel like laughing while still getting flustered as he exclaimed,

“Boudiiiiiiiiii”

And then, thinking it was best to avoid going to Mallika's room, after all, keeping the locket in his chest pocket, he sighed and said resignedly, “You know… I am just… I am going to sleep now…” he turned back to his own room, only to be stopped by Bondita grabbing his arm.

“Arey buddhu, mazak ker rahi thy mien… Jao, milo usko… Woh jagi hui hai… Aur haan, mujhe lagta hai woh tumhara hi intezaar ker rahi hai…” Bondita told him with a broad smile lurking around the corners of her lips and a teasing, meaningful look in her eyes.

Forgetting all his earlier dilemma, he blurted hopefully, “Really Boudi? Tumhe sach mein aisa lagta hai?”

This time, Bondita smiled warmly. Tapping his shoulder encouragingly, she said “Really… Ab jao tumhari Mallika ke paas… Bas dhyaan rahe ke Kakasasurjee ko pata na chalein… Tum jaante ho na unhe… Fizool mein Mallika ko hi galat samjhenge…”

Batuk felt as if Bondita had handed him the entire universe!

“I know Boudi… I will be careful… And Boudi…” he suddenly grabbed her in a bear hug and quietly exclaimed. “Thank you thank you thank you!!” before releasing her and running to knock on Mallika’s door.

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She had been feeling restless since the clock had chimed 10 PM. It was the time when she used to talk to Batuk daily on the phone.

Their telephonic conversation had become something of an addiction… a need, precisely. Where, like an addict, she started to crave hearing his voice…

It used to make her feel close to him.

The telephone was somewhat a blessing for her as it used to bridge the gap between him and her.

However, the difference tonight was that she was not in some other home, some other city. Instead, she was in the same haveli where Batuk was.

And that was making her feel giddy.

The whole day they had been together. But with everyone else around, they hadn't gotten any alone moments with each other.

She blushed as she recalled that one instance in Rudhi and Aaru's playpen where Batuk and her had almost lost their control.

They had been awkwardly interrupted by Rudhir. And although she felt disappointment in her heart, her mind had thanked that little Don for his timely intrusion.

Ager kiss hojata tou? Mien apne aap ko roak nahi paaty. Batuk ki nazrien… poora din jaise woh mujhe dekhta raha, mien kaise khud per control ker paaty? Ager woh kiss kerta tou mien definitely respond ker dety. Aur phir wahi hota… Usko lagta ke yeh wahi purani Mallika hai… jiski koi self respect nahi thy. Usko lagta ki… mien wahi desperate insecure girlfriend hun jo uski attention ke liye kuch bhi ker sakty thy. Aur phir woh mujhse phir se chidd jata…

A wave of depression settled in her heart as the memories of how she used to go out of her comfort zone, out of her way for him… just so that Batuk stayed true to her!

Sighing, she recalled how they had become intimate for the first time.

After a period of friendship and occasional make-out sessions, Batuk had gone and had his way with another girl at the university.

When Mallika had found out, she had felt cheated.

Although they hadn't reached the phase where they had declared to be each other's lovers; however, she had accepted him as her boyfriend in her heart. And when Batuk kissed another girl, Mallika genuinely felt as if he had cheated on her with someone else.

They had a crazy fight. For two long months, they stayed apart from each other.

Each day had been hell for Mallika…

She understood that her feelings for Batuk were very irrational… and already very deep.

Apparently, the two months being apart from Mallika had not been easy on Batuk too. Because eventually, he was the one who had broken the ice and tried to make up with Mallika, sneaking into her hostel room to do so.

And the naive girl that she was, her heart was overjoyed as she believed that Batuk had "returned to her'' and she had to do everything and anything to keep him bound to herself.

During the makeup, they had lost control and all the pent-up desire that they had felt for each other had flooded. They ended up having sex for the first time.

For Mallika, giving her to him, body and soul meant everything.

It meant that he was her everything.

But for Batuk, exclusivity was a completely alien concept. The second he felt that his feelings were getting deeper for her, he would cheat on her to break the cycle.

And, all of this tug of war of emotions from both ends resulted in them getting caught up in a toxic loop. She would try to bind him to herself, while he would entertain her and then go feast on others also. Then they would fight, make up, and repeat everything again!

With time, Mallika had become more and more insecure. When she came to Tulsipur in his pursuit, even then she tried to do everything that could make him return to her eventually.

Even if it was just for sex.

She wanted him to need her as desperately as she used to feel for him.

And so, even at the cost of blackmail, she had managed to make him come to her room every night even when he was pretending to be Anirudh.

But… all of that was futile.

She realized her folly later.

You cannot bind human beings to yourself forever through coercion and manipulation.

Later when Batuk had called her from the hospital and they resumed their friendship, she strictly told her heart to never ever go ahead of itself. To never manipulate Batuk into anything.

And so, she had pledged to become his sab se acchi dost only.

Jo woh chahay… jaise chahay. Mien uski dost reh ker bhi tou khush hoskty hun na?

She had made herself understand this.

But for the past few months, things had started changing between them again.

Out of nowhere, Batuk would say something on the phone that would make her heartbeats fast again.

She used to reprimand herself for reading too much into his meaningful remarks. And although her heart would start tugging her toward Batuk again, she would deliberately try to shut it up and focus on her mind that kept reminding her of her earlier resolutions.

However, all her firm resolve had come down to zero today.

She wasn't able to stop herself from falling into the magnetism that he exuded.

She wasn't able to stop the awakening of forbidden desires that she had buried in her heart and had locked away!

And as if this was all not enough, the 10 o'clock circadian rhythm had started making her extremely restless too. She wanted to talk to him… but…

Pata nahi woh kia ker rha hoga? Aik hi ghar mien hote hue call bhi tou nahi hoskty…

Kia kerun… kaise samjhaon apne dil ko ki…

Mallika… you have to control yourself! Batuk is … confused. Deep down he's just expecting honest friendship from you hi. So, just focus on that. Stop dreaming as if something else is going on in his mind.

Even…

If there is something else going on between us…

I have to control myself. I cannot … Ager Batuk ne mujhe ghalat samjha tou?

I will lose his friendship too…

Ohh, man!!!

Please, God!!!

Help me!

Her sadness at her inability to keep her emotions in check in front of Batuk was amplified by the true state of misery her heart felt.

She had gone and taken a bath to clear her head and make herself relaxed.

As she had come out of the bathroom, she was clad in a knee-length powder pink silk nightie. Her hair was wet and she was trying to dry it when Bondita arrived to check on her.

As she left, Mallika stole a glance at the telephone set by her bedside table.

Quickly shaking her head to admonish herself for even hoping childishly to hear his voice on the phone, she focussed all her attention back on her hair.

Rolling them in a white towel, she then sat by the dressing table and took out the skin cream that she had brought with her luggage.

It was her night ritual to pamper herself with her favourite Italian floral-scented cream.

As she got busy with her nightly routine, she heard a knock at her door.

Assuming that Bondita had returned with something else to say, she just called out,

"Come in."

She had bent down to apply the cream lavishly on her long, exposed legs.

And so, her heart stopped the minute she straightened up and saw the reflection of the handsome man in the mirror who was standing behind her.

Their eyes met in the mirror, and she didn't know why the solemn way he was gazing at her made her insides warm… and liquid.

For Batuk, it was like looking at a beautiful goddess… The woman of his dreams.

When he had entered the room, he thought that she would still be clad in her modest shalwar kameez.

However, watching her in a short pink nightie, with hair covered in a towel and her skin flushed with her hot water bath earlier, his heart had missed millions of beats in a second.

Her innate grace and the sensuality she exuded without even trying was, for some unknown reason, very soothing to his raw nerves and fragile self-control!

Instead of wanting to jump at her to kiss her senseless, he rather felt as if he was caught in a daze.

The way that she had been shocked to see him… her innocence… and her beauty were like a mind-numbing drug to him!.

He wanted this moment to freeze.

He wanted to continue looking at her…

A part of him was relieved to see her choice of clothing. If she was shocked to see him there, it meant that she wasn't expecting him to come.

If that was the case, and still she wore a sexy little nightie, it meant that she was not doing anything for him.

And… surprisingly… this realization brought a joy to his heart that he had not expected at all!

As he smiled warmly at her reflection, she slowly put the cream back on the dressing table and rose from the chair.

Turning to face him, she tried to control her heart that had started galloping in her chest cavity.

Clearing her throat, she looked into his eyes and asked cautiously,

"Batuk… tum yahan? I wasn't expecting you jee… Mujhe laga Bondita…"

He noticed her nervousness, and it surprised him again. He was familiar with a very bold Mallika. But this blushing, shy and nervous Mallika was evoking many other feelings within his soul.

Trying to ease her into the conversation, smiling playfully, he asked her teasingly,

"Kyun Mallika jee? Roaz 10 bajay ke baad aap Bondita se baat kerty thyn kia?"

As her eyes widened on hearing such an unexpected reply, he chuckled and teased some more,

"Tulsipur aatay hi MUJHE bhool gai ho? Abh bass Bondita hi chahiye tumko?"

She was so shocked that she didn't even process what she was saying as she exclaimed,

"Nahi nahi… mien tou tumhara hi wait…"

Realizing what she had revealed, she bit her lip and flushed.

Batuk's smile had widened from one ear to another as he just teasingly added,

"Ahan!"

Trying to pull herself together, she took a deep breath, and said cautiously,

"I mean… Mien yehi soch rhy thy ki tum call kerna chaho ge kia… but then I realized how stupid I was being… Bhala aik hi ghar mien bilkul aamnay samnay ke rooms mien hote hue call kaise hoskta hai?" She let out a nervous giggle as she continued, "Phir… mien bas… I mean… I was wondering ki… umm… tum shayad abh subha hi milna chaho ge mujhse."

His gaze had turned meaningful and knowing, and that was more flustering.

Apart from the playfulness that he had exuded, she didn't want to appear as a wanton, attention-seeker friend once again.

The thought that she had vowed to keep her emotions in check made her a little sad once again.

He noticed the range of emotions running across her expressive face. And surprisingly, he felt her sadness.

Her feelings were affecting him too. He felt his heart getting hurt on seeing her like that. And so, to cheer her up again, he jokingly remarked,

"I was shocked to see you in this nightie, you know?"

When she looked up into his eyes, confused, he smiled and said,

"Bhayee… mien tou soch rha tha ke tum apne wahi silly pyjama aur baggy si shirt mien milo gy. After all, that's your favourite attire na?"

Mallika's eyes widened again. She knew what he was referring to!

Back in Italy, during one semester break when she caught the flu and periods simultaneously, she became very lazy. She owned a pair of very comfortable pyjamas. During her period of sickness, she didn't change her pyjama tees for two days straight, wearing them day and night! The supposed night dress no longer remained exclusive for nights!

That was the time when she had just started seeing Batuk.

He used to visit her to get her medicines, soup, and one thing or the other. Although the environment wasn't so liberal, he still managed to go to her somehow. And on the 2nd night in a row when he saw her in the same ganda sa huliya, he couldn't stop himself from laughing at her.

When he made fun of her, that was what finally prompted her to take a bath and change her clothes.

After that, this had become a ritual. Normal nights when she would go to Batuk's place, she would wear perfectly sensuous yet comfortable stuff that he loved too.

But when she would fall sick, she would seek some strange kind of refuge and solace in her torn, ragged pyjamas and tees that Batuk hated.

She even took some of Batuk's used and ready-to-throw-away- tee shirts, much to his ire.

He didn't know why, seeing her in his shirts used to make him feel very strange, very intimate emotions- something that he actively tried to avoid confronting back then.

He never stopped her, but he always showed how he preferred her in anything but those silly torn pyjamas and shirts!

Hence, when Mallika got deeply involved with him, she herself stopped wearing all those things that would make her even slightly unappealing to his eyes.

Now, after such a long time, hearing him mention those wretched but extremely comfortable pyjamas surprised her. But watching his playful smile, forgetting her momentary sadness a few moments ago, she felt a smile reaching to her lips too as she said,

"Kia Batuk! Woh tou mere… you know… Lazy days ki attire hai. You know I like to sleep in comfortable clothes anyway. Aur yeh nightie mien kia burai hai? It's so soft… and comfy…"

Running an appreciative glance along her body, his gaze turned a little intense. All playfulness gone now, his voice turned a notch hoarser as he said,

"Yes… it's soft…comfy… and extremely beautiful. Just like the woman who is wearing it!"

Mallika felt her heart stop-once again!

Batuk had said many things to her during their intimate moments that indicated that he found her attractive. But he had never called her beautiful like this.

Her insides warmed as a wave of pleasure washed over her.

Noticing his darkening eyes, her heart restarted beating painfully in her chest.

As her breathing started to quicken, he dropped his gaze to her long, beautiful neck.

Mallika felt the skin on her neck begin to flame as his gaze lingered there.

And then, coming closer, he looked into her eyes and said,

"I have to return something to you. And actually… mere abhi yahan aanay ka one of the reasons yeh bhi tha."

Her brows drew closer as she looked at him in confusion.

Reaching into the chest pocket of his night robe, he drew something out of it.

Mallika's brows straightened as she saw what he was returning.

The gold locket that she had so lovingly got custom-made by a jeweller in Italy.

She had fallen for him even before they had gotten intimate for the first time. And she hoped beyond hopes that Batuk felt the same way for her.

Out of the giddy excitement of first love, she had decided to get a physical reminder in the form of an object about their budding romance.

The heart-shaped locket with beautiful red roses had two partitions. And in each partition, Mallika had put his and her photos.

When she had collected the locket from the jeweller, she had excitedly shown it to Batuk. She had hoped that he would love it too. But his reaction was very different.

The moment he saw that heart-shaped locket, the bold proclamation of even the idea of love had made his blood run cold.

And when she requested him sweetly to put the locket and chain around her neck, he had gone berserk!

First, the idea of love and devotion, and then the intimate thought of having his photo dangle close to her heart made him extremely angry.

All his fears and allergy to love had resurfaced.

He didn't want to feel anything deeper for Mallika. And he didn't want her to mix any physical attraction they felt for each other with love too! He didn't want her to harbour and nurture such stupid feelings… and so, with all the coldness in the world, he yelled at her brutally!

He refused to help her wear that locket… He saw how her eyes teared up and how hurt she was, but he ignored everything and stormed out of that scene. Shortly after, he cheated on her.

His reaction was extremely upsetting.

However, later when they made up, he placated her somehow and she decided to leave the locket boxed in her drawer only.

But when she came to Tulsipur, she had decided to resort to stubbornness and do anything that could remind Batuk of how close they used to be.

Using it as a weapon of blackmail and manipulation, she had started wearing that locket in Tulsipur. And Batuk couldn't stop her then!

Later, when they broke up and she went back to Delhi, she used to miss that locket very much. But then she made herself understand that leaving her past and all the memories and objects associated with Batuk behind was perhaps the best idea to move on.

But that's a separate fact that she could actually never forget the feel of his picture close to her heart.

And all those feelings stormed her as her eyes took in that locket in Batuk's hand now.

Her eyes teared up as she recalled everything from the past, and Batuk saw that too.

His own heart was breaking apart at the memories of his vicious reaction towards that beautiful locket and her sweet sentiment back then.

And so, very softly, cupping her cheek, he told her somberly,

"Mallika… yeh tumhara locket mere ghar mein reh gaya tha. Bondita ne mujhe lautaya tha sometime back. Tabb se… I have been treasuring it. Lekin aaj samay aagya hai ki yeh apne asal owner ke pas wapis pohanch jaye."

As tears started rolling down her cheeks, his own eyes got wet too. Gently skimming his fingers along the skin of her neck, he whispered,

"Aaj samay aagya hai ki yeh locket apni original jagha pohanch jaye… Jahan yeh sajta hai… Jahan ke liye yeh bana hai. Miene pehle tumhare sath aur iske sath buht ghalat kia tha. But today, I want to make amends. Please allow me to put it across your neck, Mallika."

It was such a heartbreakingly beautiful moment. Both of them were super emotional… and yet the desire and heat between them were just amplifying with each passing second.

Her breath hitched at the feel of his fingers along the skin of her neck and her heart was ready to explode at the way he had said those words!

All tears forgotten, her eyes involuntary closed as she arched her neck, giving him access to do anything he wished to do.

His own heart beating fast and his eyes still wet with the guilt of mistreating her in the past over such a beautiful thing, he slowly closed the gap between them.

Very softly, he leaned in closer to tie the chain around her neck.

She shuddered as his warm breath fanned across her skin when he leaned in some more to hook the clasp of the chain.

Batuk felt how her breathing had quickened and his own heart did somersaults!

Admiring the locket finally in its rightful place, he couldn't stop himself from brushing his fingers across the chain.

And then, he reached for the locket dangling across her chest that was heaving with her rapid, shallow breathing.

Her eyes were still closed, but the way her body was reacting to his proximity and touch told him how much she desired him truly.

And instead of feeling entitled, he felt… humbled!

He didn't deserve her affection… and yet, that was all he needed!

She was all he needed to live!

And no matter how much he had tried to escape from his feelings for her before, he didn't want to do that anymore.

Lost in the sensual daze that had been casting shadows over them and that they had been trying to ignore, very gently, he flicked a finger across the locket, touching her skin there too in the process.

Mallika gasped as her eyes fluttered open. Batuk's heavy-lidded gaze shot to hers, and he saw desire and longing lurking in the deep pools of her eyes too.

His heart melted upon seeing his beautiful girl's response… His desire escalated as his gaze dipped to her partially open mouth.

Her soft, inviting lips were devoid of any lip colour. The urge to taste them again took over his entire being as he inched closer.

Their lips were just a mere inch apart and it was taking all his effort to stop himself from just slamming his mouth onto hers… rummaging his tongue into the softness… exploring every corner of her tongue and mouth with his own as if it was the first time!

He was lost in the deep sensations when he felt her tears falling on his hands that were cupping her cheeks.

Startled, he snapped out of his haze as he took a small step back to see properly what was wrong.

The hurt in her eyes and her tears suddenly made him realize that he had crossed a line.

Feeling horrible, his hands dropped from her face as he took another step back.

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Hello all, since Chapter 25.2 contains mature content, we are only posting it on Wattpad. You can check it out on the link below.

https://www.wattpad.com/1224498030-setting-it-right-a-batuk-anirudh-bondita-kaka

Hope you like it!

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Beautiful Ash and Ayesha ❤️❤️

I was also disappointed about the way Batuk's part seemingly ended with just one slap and one sentence. I believe that Ani will not abandon Batuk without listening to his side and will try his level best to make Batuk realize his mistakes or rather crimes. Thank you for writing this epilogue and a proper closure 🤗🤗

Kaka's reaction is expected. As usual he put the full responsibility on someone else, conveniently forgetting that he is also a reason for all these 😡

This is the Nazuk Kali we know and love ❤️His turmoil is beautifully described, torn between his love for his younger brother and anger for what Batuk did to his Bon. As usual apni patibabu's rakshak babu Bon saved Ani from his confusion and turmoil by supporting his decision without any hesitation ❤️❤️

Another beautiful chapter describing Batuk's mental condition, his trauma, guilt and resentment. Batuk got the punishment he feared the most, abandonment by his family, especially by his Big D which he couldn't handle. Batuk's good side is still alive but now it is weak. It can defeat the dominant monstrous side with proper care from his family and a little help from a doctor. I'm sure our Nazuk Kali will do that. Poor Kali is already feeling guilty.

Thank you Ash and Ayesha for this insight into Batuk's head ❤️❤️

Dear Ashley, I really liked this chapter. It's Lovely.😍😍 infact they have not properly whitewashed Trilochan character. Else it will be a problem again for Bondita and her kids also. In future he will definitely be an obstacle for his grand daughter's progress. They should have given 2 more weeks to clear all problems beyond them everything. In last episode, Trilochan promising that he will treat men and women equally, will not bother who is born all should get equal rights for education, and survival.

Chapter 5: Thunder of the Past, Storm of the Present!

Trilochan Roy Chaudhary's eyes widened with shock on hearing such an accusation, and that too, from Anirudh's mouth, in such a tone!

It was true that the kaka-bhateeja duo had had their fair share of arguments in the past also, but this time, Anirudh's tone and pitch was quite frightening. Trilochan Roy Chaudhary felt a genuine feeling of dread mixed with an equal amount of rage as he yelled back at Anirudh,

"Anirudh!! Kuch hosh hai tumko ke tum kia keh rhe ho? Hum per aisa ghatiya ilzaam lagate hue tumhien sharam nahi aayi?"

Anirudh's ice cold expressions hardened some more as he acidly replied,

"Ilzaam?" And then he huffed sarcastically. A look of sheer disappointment slashed across his features, his tone of voice dropping a notch down this time, and the coldness was replaced by an intense remorse as he said,

"Kaash kaka ke yeh sirf aik ilzaam hota. Kaash yeh sach na hota ke mere kaka hi mere bhai Batuk aur meri biwi Bondita ke asal gunehgaar hain."

Tears pooled in Trilochan Kaka's eyes as Anirudh's words pierced through his heart. Forgetting his anger now, he asked in a hurt tone,

"Anirudh beta...yeh tum kia keh rhe ho? Hum kaise apne pyare bete Batuk aur Bondita Bahu ke sath kuch ghalat ker sakte hain?"

Anirudh couldn't believe his ears. Kaka was asking such questions so naively as if he was born yesterday only!

Kaka's denial and refusal to even acknowledge what exactly he had done made Anirudh supremely angry once again, and he said dangerously,

"Kaka...aap ne Batuk ko mout ke munh mien pohancha dia aur aap puchh rhe hain ke aap ne kia kya hai? Ya phir aap bhul gaye, ke Batuk yahan wapis kis maqsad se aaya tha? Aur kiske kehne pe?"

He saw Kaka flinching upon hearing this, but Anirudh had a lot to say, and he was not going to stop now just so that his words do not hurt his Kaka. He really had had enough, and after heaving a deep breath as if mustering the strength to even talk about it all, he started presenting a list of all the crimes that his Kaka had done!

"Batuk ko aapne Bondita ke khilaaf bhadkaya tha. Aap ko pata tha ke Batuk ko Bondita se issues hain. Bajaye yeh ke aap baday buzurg hone ke naatay Batuk ko samjhatay ya usko Bondita ke liye dil mien jagha paida kerne ke liye manane ki koshish kerte, aapne ulta Batuk ko Bondita ke khilaf bhadkaya...usay Uksaya.

Aur Bondita se bhi aap ne jhoot bola."

He paused and looked at Bondita who was standing in one corner and his heart squeezed in pain as he saw her face getting pale with tears running down her cheeks. Silently apologizing for the hurt he knew he was about to cause for Bondita, he averted his gaze towards his Kaka who was now just weeping guiltily.

Taking another deep breath for courage, he continued his tirade,

"Aap ki rudiwadi soch ne hi aapko yeh sochne per majboor kia ke Bondita ki safalta se mujhe koi problem hogy."

A gasp escaped Bondita's mouth and Anirudh's guilty and apologetic gaze met her hurt eyes. She hadn't known that her beloved kaka sasurjee used to think so low of her!

Her reaction flared up Anirudh's anger and remorse again as he said,

"Dekhiye aap apni Bondita bahu ko kaka. Usko yaqeen hi nahi hai ke uske kaka sasur jee uske baray mien aisa soch sakte hain. Mujhe batayien kaka, kaise yaqeen dilaon mien Bondita ko ke jin kaka sasur jee ko woh bachpan se itna sammaan dety ayi hai, unhone uske sath kia kia nahi kiya!"

Kaka's face turned red on hearing this as he said pleadingly,

"Anirudh! Aise na kaho."

And then looking at a bitterly crying Bondita now, he said,

"Bondita bahu, tum tou janti ho na ke hum tum se kitna pyar kerte hain. Aaj se nahi, bachpan se hi. Apni bahu nahi, beti maana hai hum ne tumhien."

Going towards Bondita, Anirudh held her in his arms, trying to console her. Her tears were falling like rocks on his heart as he felt bile rising in his throat,

"Beti maana hai? Jhoot! Ager beti maana hota tou aap Bondita ke sath woh sab kabhi nahi kerte jo aapne kia. Chhoti umer mien uss per kushal grehni bannay ka bhaar daala. Mahvaari ke aatay hi aap ko uss chhoti si bacchi se santaan chahiye hogai thy. Yehi nahi, aap ne mujhe nasheli jadi bootian khila ker mere sath bhi aur Bondita ke sath bhi ghalat kerne ki koshish ki thy. Balke kaka, woh 'ghalti' nahi thy...PAAP tha jo AAPNE kia tha. Mien uss waqt aap se buht ghussa hone ke bawajood kabhi yeh sab nahi keh saka. Lekin mien abh kahun ga kyunki yeh ghussa mere ander buht saalon se hai. Aapne Bondita ko sirf zabaan se beti kaha hai, lekin dil se usko beti nahi maana hai. Aap ke liye hamesha 'Bondita' ehem nahi thy. Aapke liye yeh ehem tha ke Bondita aik acchi bahu bann ker kis terha aapke ghar ki shaan badhaty hai. Kis terha Bondita ke zariye Roy Chaudharion ki shaan badhay, aap ko bas yehi chahiye tha. Barrister bann ker jab usne aapke bete yani mujhe phaansi se bachaya, tou woh aapko manzoor tha. Lekin jaise hi uski apni aik pehchaan bannay lagy, samaaj mien aik alag maqaam bannay laga, aap insecure hogaye! Aap ko lagne laga ke kahin aapki bahu aap ke qaabu se na nikal jaye. Kahin aisa na ho ke woh itni independent hojaye ke aapko waisa samman na de jaisa abh tak dety thy. Aap ko laga ke kahin Bondita itni masroof na hojaye ke woh aapke ghar mien apni services dena bannd ker de!"

Shaking his head in extreme disappointment, a sigh escaped his mouth as he continued,

"Aap chahte thay ke Bondita humesha mere peechhe rahe. Aur apne iss maqsad ko poora karne aapne Batuk ko mohra banaya. Aapne Batuk se kaha ke aap ko darr tha ke Bondita mujhse aagay na nikal jaye… ke uski udaan se mujhe takleef hogi. Aur woh bewakoof, aa gaya apne Big D ko bachaane. Usne woh sab kiya jo aap chahtey thay, Bondita ki safalta ko rokne ki poori koshish ki. Aur aapne kya kiya Kaka? Jaise hi Batuk aapke kahe raaste pe nahi chala, aapko do pal nahi lage usko gunhegar thehrane mein. Daal diya saara dosh uspe hi… Kitna asaan tha na yeh aapke liye?"

He was feeling the pain of each and every word that was leaving his mouth. Clenching his eyes, his hold tightened around Bondita. After a moment's pause, he opened his eyes that were bright with unshed tears as he said hurtfully,

“Jab miene Batuk ko ghar se nikaala, aap ne aik baar bhi uski kheriyat maloom kerne ki koshish ki thy? Aap ko pata bhi hai ke woh kis haal mien hai? Miene usko dhoonda nahi kyunki mien uss se ghussa tha, mager aap ke tou usne sirf marzi hi poori ki thy. Jo jo aap ne uss se kerwana chaha tha, usne kia tha. Mien nahi tha tou meri jagha aap ne Batuk ko Anirudh bananay ki koshish ki. Mien aa gaya tou aap ko aik minute nahi laga Batuk ko apne se duur kerne mien. Jab tak woh aapka mohra bana raha, aap khush thay, lekin jab uska junoon hadd se agay badh gaya tou aap ne bhi usko iss terha apni zindagy se nikaal ker phenk dia jis terha woh koi makhhi ho jo aapke khanay mien gir gai ho!”

He was so tired… he felt like he was getting out of breath. Pausing for his breathing to get normal, with eyes full of agony and accusations, he said,

"Aapne sirf Bondita aur Batuk ke sath ghalat nahi kia. Aapne mere sath bhi buht ghalat kia. Aap ko kaise laga ke Bondita ki safalta se mujhe jalan hogy? Aapne mujhe bachpan se paala hai Kaka. Kia aap mujhe bas itna hi jantay hain? Aapko nahi pata kia ke Bondita mere liye kia hai?"

Looking deeply into Bondita's wet eyes, his gaze lovingly caressing her features, he said slowly ,

"Bondita meri rooh hai. Mujh mien basti hai yeh. Koi mera naam leta hai tou mujhe lagta hai ke woh 'Bondita' keh raha hai. Alag nahi hai yeh mujhse. Yeh mera lakshya hai, mera maqsad, mera sakun, mere jeene ki wajeh, meri zindagi hai. Iski taraqqion ki prarthna mere dil ne din raat ki hai. Iski safalta se mujhe kaise bura lag sakta hai?"

Bondita's heart thudded heavily in her chest as her heartbeats accelerated on hearing such beautiful words.

Forgetting all the pain that she had felt earlier, fresh tears of love pooled in her eyes and her lips trembled with a melting smile. Raising her fingers to his cheeks, she gently wiped his tears.

Anirudh felt as if his sunshine had returned. Some of his pain vanished on seeing his Bondita smiling again, however, his angry tirade was still not over.

Patting her head assuringly, Anirudh released her from his hold, and turning towards Kaka, he said,

"Kaka aik baat hamesha hamesha ke liye samajh lijiye. Mujhe apni tareef se ziada Bondita ki tareef acchi lagty hai. Meri khud ki tareefien bhi sari Bondita ki hi hain. Mera sab kuch Bondita ka hai...taareefien bhi, aur safalta bhi. Aur yeh sach aap ko waise hi maanna paday ga jaise aap apne Bhagwan ko maante hain. Dil se. Beghair kisi sawaal ke. Beghair kisi shaq ke."

It was hard for a stubborn man like Kaka to understand such things. He had remained silent upon all the things that Anirudh had blamed him for in Batuk’s case because somewhere, deep down, he also knew that he was the main instigator. He acknowledged that he did use Batuk’s gullibility and his dislike for Bondita for his own nefarious reasons. However, he couldn't agree with Anirudh on what he said just now for Bondita. So, he opened his mouth again to defend his stance,

“Anirudh, beta, hum jantay hain ke hum se kafi ghaltiyan hui hain. Lekin Bondita bahu ke maamlay mien hum ya humari soch ghalat nahi hai.”

Heaving a sigh, he further tried to justify,

“Dekho beta, hum yeh nahi keh rahay ke Bondita acchi patni ya bahu nahi hai. Mager Bondita ager tumse aagay nikalne ki koshish kere gy, tou kia woh tumhari sahi maainay mien ‘Dharampatni’ kehla sakty hai?

Dekho beta, humari baat dhiyaan se suno aur samajhne ki koshish kero. Yeh tou humara dharam hai, sanskriti hai ke patni hamesha pati ke peeche hoty hai. Kabhi pati ke barabar ya aagay nahi hoty. Aur Bondita bahu mien humien aisi buht si baatien nazar aaty hain jo usko aik ‘Dharampatnii’ bannay se rokty hain. Woh tum se tark kutark kerty hai, tumhari baat nahi maanty aksar. Hum yeh nahi keh rahay ke woh hamesha hi ghalat hoty hai. Woh tumhara samman kerty hai, seva bhi kerty hai… humare ghar ko sambhaalty bhi hai. Mager yeh sab tou dharm ki anusaar uska farz hai. Yeh ker ke woh kuch naya ya alag nahi ker rahy. Sadiyon se humare desh ki aurtien aise hi apne pati aur parivar ki seva kerty ayi hain. Abh aise mien ager Bondita bahu barristery kerne ghar se baahir niklay gy, tou kia woh ghar ka khayal rakh payegy? Ager uska kaam tum se bhi ziada badh gaya, tou kia woh tumhien tawajjah de payegy? Tumhari seva ker payegy? Nahi na!

Aur tum khud hi socho, Woh tumse aaga nikalne ki koshish kere gy tou kia yeh humari reet hogy?. Uski safalta ka palda tum se bhaari hojayega tou woh kaise tumhare liye sahi maainay mien ‘Dharampatnii’ bann sakay gy? Hum bas yehi chahte thay ke woh tumhare liye waisi hi hojaye jaise ke humari reet ke hisab se usko hona chahiye. ”

Both Anirudh and Bondita couldn't believe their ears. For Bondita, it was like a blasphemous blame that she had tried to beat Anirudh in any matter. Also, she was truly upset that her kaka sasurjee used to think of her like that!

For Anirudh, it was truly disappointing. He knew that his kaka had a patriarchal mindset and he was pretty orthodox too. Anirudh was aware of how regressive his Kaka’s thinking was. But he would go to such an extent- that Anirudh didn't know. So, it was truly upsetting for him. Being stubborn was one thing, but adamantly refusing to even try understanding his folly was really frustrating for Anirudh. He was tired of explaining such things to Kaka for such a long time. But he was just not ready to even acknowledge that his point of view could be wrong too…His ego and his sense of self-righteousness had brought them all to this point that one of the Roy Chaudharys was now lying on a hospital bed, fighting for his life!

Trying one last time to put some sense into his ‘mule-headed’ Kaka, his voice resonating throughout the study as he said,

"Aap ab bhi nahi samjhe na Kaka, Bondita meri Patni hai, meri ‘Ardhangini’ hai, isiliye nahi kyunki woh meri seva karti hai ya mera samman karti hai, balki isiliye kyunki woh mujhe poora karti hai. Mien ek daasi nahi, saathi chahta tha, aur Bondita har maainay mein meri saathi hai. Bondita ki udaan se mere guroor ko kabhi koi thes nahi pohanch sakti, kyunki Bondita hi mera guroor hai. Aap yeh baat samajhna chahien tou accha hai. Lekin nahi samajh sakte tou abh mien aapko aur nahi samjhaunga. Bass aap se itni minnati hai ke aainda meri patni, mere bacchon, aur mere bhai-behnon ki zindagy ke sath aise na kheliye ga jaise aap ne abhi kia. Mien abh mere bhai Batuk ke liye jo bhi kerna chahun ga, aap mujhe nahi rokien ge.”

The last remark shocked Kaka. His devious mind started thinking instantly.

Bhai-behnon

Batuk…

What was Anirudh getting at? He only had one sister, so why did he say “behnon?” Aur Batuk ke liye abh yeh kia kerne wala hai? Kahin yeh jazbaat mien aa ker kuch ulta seedha tou nahi kerna wala?

Unable to control his tongue once again, completely ignoring everything else that Anirudh had said about Bondita being his Ardhangini, he instead asked inquisitively,

“Behnon se kia matlab hai tumhara, Anirudh? Aur Batuk…uska kia? Ilaaj kerwa tou rahay ho. Aur kia kerna hai uska. Bass usko Italy wapis bhej dena uske baad.”

Anirudh’s blood started boiling in his vessels at such a garish display of cold callousness and obnoxiousness. Unable to control his anger, this time, he yelled,

“Behnon ka matlab hai Shashwati, Tupur, aur Tapur. Aap ne in teeno ke sath bhi ghalat kia. Mujhe Chandan nagar se wapis bulane ke liye aap ne Shashwati ka baal vivaah teh ker dia tha. Mien Shashwati ke maamlay mien bhi aap per kabhi koi bharosa nahi ker sakta abh. Aur Tupur Tapur ke sath bhi aap ne kitna ghalat kia. Batuk ne tou jo gunaah kia tou kia, lekin aap Som ko samjha sakte thay…Tapur ki izzat ki hifazat ker sakte thay…Batuk ko un dono ko ghar se baahir kerne se rok sakte thay. Aap yeh sab ker sakte thay, mager aap ne nahi kia. Aap ki yehi dikkat hai Kaka. Aap ko jahan aage aana chahiye tha, aap wahan chup rahay. Aur jin maamlon se aap ka koi sarokar nahi tha, un mien aap ne hamesha taang adaai aur isi wajeh se itna nuqsan hogya.”

As Kaka’s mouth dropped open in shock on hearing all this, Anirudh’s angry voice boomed across the hall, making everyone tremble as he added,

“Abh mien apni behnon ko bhi izzat ke sath wapis laaonga, unko apne sath rakhun ga, unka khayal kerun ga, aur aap KUCH BHI nahi bolien ge.”

Pausing for this information to sink in, he then took a deep breath to calm himself down a bit, and said,

“Aur rahy baat Batuk ki… tou uske maamlay mien bhi aap abh kuch nahi bolien ge. Woh bhai hai mera. Iss parivar ka hissa hai. Jaise aap ne usko shareer ke saday hue hissay ki terha kaat ker phenk dia na, mien aisa nahi kerun ga.”

Looking into Kaka’s eyes, he said coldly,

“Batuk iss parivar ka hissa hai, mera bhai hai, aur mien usey bhi iss ghar mien wapis le ker aaonga.”

And then, emphasizing on each word, his voice turning menacing as he bitingly said,

“Hamesha apni zimmedarian aap ne doosron per hi daali hain. Tou abh yeh bhi mien khud hi dekhun ga. ABH. AAP. NA. KUCH. KEH. SAKTE. HAIN. AUR. NA. KER. SAKTE. HAIN!”

With those parting words, Anirudh guided a still crying Bondita out of the study. Sampoorna followed them out, but not before throwing her Jethji a venomous look, leaving him alone in the study, wondering how things had gone so spectacularly wrong.

Chapter 12.1: Entering the "Villa Pisani Labyrinth!"

A/N The Villa Pisani Labyrinth is one of the hardest mazes in the world. It is in Italy. Our Batuk's mind is that kind of a maze too...and well, he's from Italy also! So, as the name suggests, this part of the chapter is going to delve into the maze that is Batuk's mind. Let's get some insights now! This chapter is divided into two parts.12.1 is heavy on the emotional side. 12.2 is heavy on the sexual side. Hence, reader discretion is strongly advised.

30th November 1942, Roy Chaudhary Haveli, 10:30 PM

Bondita had just finished feeding Rudhir, and like a little good boy, he had slept peacefully in her arms now too.

Adoring her baby, Bondita just pressed a small kiss on one of his hands, and then, very carefully got up from the sofa and put him in his cradle.

Bondita had fed Aaradhya first, and Anirudh had taken her to the bed to make her fall asleep while Bondita fed Rudhir. She had turned her back towards the baba-beti duo as that angle was more comfortable for her to sit. So, she couldn't see the other two people in the room, but she could hear some cooing sounds from the bed and some faint sounds of soft kisses being showered on their daughter.

However, after a couple of minutes, the sounds from both baba and baby had quietened, and now, as she turned towards the bed after putting Rudhir in the cradle, the scene in front of her melted her heart.

Aaradhya was cozily sleeping not on the bed, not in her baba's arms, but on his chest! And baba looked equally happy and cozy while he also slept!

With a fond smile, Bondita went towards the bed, by Anirudh's side. His arms were protectively closed around Aaradhya; even in his sleep, he was making sure that Aaradhya's spine was supported and she wouldn't roll down from his body.

Her smile deepened on realizing that Anirudh's habit of being excessively overprotective for her had now found an expansion and transference towards their babies.

Old habits don't die, after all!

A sense of peace and love washed over her as she bent to very gently, and very softly detach Aaradhya from her baba. Anirudh stirred in his sleep when Bondita slowly lifted his arms to pick Aaradhya, but then, letting Bondita take her, he changed his position and continued sleeping.

Sighing, Bondita looked at the wall clock and wondered,

I think Pati Babu is exhausted today. I shouldn't wake him up.

Looking at him lovingly, deciding not to disturb him, she went towards the cradle to put Aaradhya there too by her brother's side.

For the past couple of days, Bondita and Anirudh had fallen into a routine. After putting both the babies to sleep at night, usually around this time, Anirudh would help Bondita with her warm tub sitting session followed by a hot massage and love-making.

His love was proving to be the medicine that could help her heal faster than any elixir in the world.

And while he was taking care of her, she also made sure that he got his regular massage too for the recovery of his muscular strength.

However, it was a separate tale, how all their therapeutic massages used to turn sexual in the end!

But it made both of them happy and more relaxed, so it was definitely proving good for their physical and emotional health! His love and attention were calming her down, and her post traumatic stress and paranoia had considerably gotten better with time. However, there were still times when the fear of losing Anirudh or kids would grapple her heart, and make her turn into a sweating ball of anxiety. She didn't like these changes in her, and she didn't know how she would overcome them.

Normally, in times like these, talking to Anirudh used to soothe her nerves a lot, but tonight, Anirudh had slept.

Bondita sighed as she realized that it meant no talking, no massage, no hot water relief, and no sex tonight!

Drawing a resigned breath, she took her nightgown from her cupboard and went to the bathroom to get changed.

She was habitual of wearing a light sari at night. But after her pregnancy, due to hormonal changes, her breast size had increased, and so, all her blouses had gotten tight on her. She had sent her new measurements to the tailor, and currently he was in the process of stitching her new blouses too.

In the daytime, she was able to manage because her heavy, Banarsi saris sheathed her properly. But at night, after seeing her struggling to feed the babies in those tight blouses, Anirudh had brought her a couple of long, flary nightgowns, in beautiful colors and alluring designs. All of them had an inner negligee too, and they were made of the finest silk and satin. Their smooth material and the airiness that they provided was something that Bondita had fallen in love with. And not to mention, it had become very easy for her to feed both the babies together too.

Choosing a lavender-colored nightgown, she decided to ditch the inner negligee for that night.

After changing, she went towards the dressing table, and taking out her comb, she started humming in a very low voice.

However, as she was gently running the comb in her long tresses, a sudden memory flashed in her mind and her humming stopped abruptly and her hands stilled.

"Big D, Aik tou aapki pyari Bondita ke hair itne lambay hain ke jaise kisi horse ki mane! Usko combing mien hi itna time lagta hai… ooper se uski humming ki aadat while she combs! Bloody Hell! She's super annoying, Big D. I don't know aap usko kaise bardasht kerte thay! Mien tou uss se itne se dinon mien hi tanng aagya hun!"

Feeling a pang in her chest as sadness and anger started settling in her heart, she forgot the comb in her hand. Her gaze fixed on her reflection in the mirror, one memory after the other started flashing in front of her eyes of some very recent events!

____________

A few days back, when Shashwati had suggested two names for her babies, she sounded so sure and adamant that Bondita found it a little odd.

Feeling a little suspicious, she had asked Shashwati about how she came up with the names, Rudhir and Aaradhya. In response, Shashwati had given her a half-baked truth, and it was quite evident that she had tried to hide something from all of them.

When she had suggested Aaradhya's name, she had given elaborate details about the meaning and how she chose that name after some thorough research with her mom. But it struck a little odd to Bondita when Shashwati just said, "kitaab mien se pasand kiya" for the choice of Rudhir's name. She hadn't launched into any details regarding this name, which made Bondita conclude that it wasn't exactly chosen by Shashwati!

Then who had chosen the name Rudhir?

The question was what had made her follow Shashwati and find her reading a familiar black diary in her room.

Feeling intrigued, Bondita had managed to get her hands on that diary, and she was surprised at the confirmation of her doubt that it belonged to her Pati babu. She knew that he used to write in the diary sometimes, but since their marriage, she hadn't seen him opening it much. Perhaps it was because he had found his Bondita back and he no longer had the need to pour his feelings out onto some pages.

She had never read her Pati Babu's diary before. But she was surprised how it got into Shashwati's hands and why she was reading it as if it was an interesting story book!

Puzzled, she was about to open the diary from the first page when she saw a peacock feather bookmark, acting as a partition in the diary, dividing it into two halves. She hadn't seen the bookmark before in her Pati Babu's stationery items, so feeling more confused, she opened the diary from the bookmarked page.

And what she saw there caught her breath in her chest.

It was an entry...but it was not in her Pati babu's handwriting.

But it mentioned her…

And her… no… Big D's son!

"Batuk…" a low whisper escaped her lips as her eyes frantically roamed on the pages of the diary.

The first half of the diary was filled in Anirudh's writing, while the second half, having around ten to twenty pages, was filled by Batuk.

Her heart started trembling in trepidation. No matter how much she had recovered from the post-traumatic stress that was caused because of Batuk, his handwriting, a physical proof of his existence made her tremble in fear again!

She instinctively wanted to close the diary when her gaze accidentally read a word in Batuk's entry:

Rudhir

Her confusion multiplied ten times, she took a deep breath to snap out of her dread, and with trembling fingers, opened the page fully to read the content of the entry.

My very dearest Big D,

You must be thinking...why am I here again?

Kia kerun dada… kisi ko nahi bata sakta ke mujh per kia guzar rahy hai. Kaka ne mana kia hai ki aap nahi rahay ho, iska ghar mien kisi ko nahi batana. But Big D… mien apne aap ko buht akela feel kerne laga hun.

Akela tou mien tabb se hi hun jab se aapki pyari Bondita ke stupid family ne humare family se dushmani ki thy.

Akela tou mien tabb se hi hun jab se aapki pyari dulari Bondita ki wajeh se I had to be sent to Italy.

Lekin dada...abh jo void feel hota hai naa… yeh dukh ke AAP nahi ho… it's not letting me live, dada.

Bass aik hi aasra hai mujhe tou abh. Aapka ansh...aapka beta...You know dada, you are going to be a dad soon?

Mien buht khush hun. Aapka baby hi mere liye only consoling factor hai iss waqt.

Miene tou uska naam bhi soch lia hai- Rudhir.

Iss mien 'Anirudh' ka 'rudh' aata hai na… iss liye I just love this name. Yeh baby bhi tou aapka hissa hi hai. Iss mien se bhi mujhe aapki hi khushbu ayegy na? Isi liye… I am just dying to hold this baby.

Aapki Bondita mujhse keh rahy thy ke mujhe kyun lagta hai ke aapka baby boy hoga? Waise tou aapki Bondita ki mien baat ziada sunta nahi hun, lekin phir bhi, she's right here actually. Beta ho ya beti, iss se tou waqai koi farq nahi padta mujhe… lekin mera dil chahta hai ke beta ho aapka… Kyunki uss mien mujhe aap nazar aaoge na.

Dada… I can do anything to see you again… to get you back in my life again.

But it isn't possible na…

Bloody hell dada!!! Kyun aap ne uss Bondita ke liye jaan di? Aik baar bhi mere, kaka, Som dada, baba, Shashwati… kisi ke baray mien nahi socha aap ne?

Kyun kia Dada aise?

I wish… I could turn back time, dada. Mien woh ghadi hi aapki qismet se mita deta jis mien aap ko life mien 1st time Bondita mili thy.

I just wish...ke aisa hoskta...Phir sab sahi hota...haina?

Drawing a shaky breath, she sighed as she read one of Batuk's many entries.

Running her hand across her face, she tried to cool herself down.

What the hell was this?

Jaise kisi chhotay bacchay ko shikayatien lagani hoty hain teacher ko!

Hadh hai!

This Batuk can never grow up!

Feeling cross, her eyes landed on the last lines of this entry, and suddenly, her heart started thudding heavily in her chest.

Mujhse problem aik taraf, there is no denying that this stupid, immature boy loves his dada very much.

Feeling a little sad for him now, she thought for a while.

Should I read this diary? Isn't it like snooping into something private?

She wondered, but then another thought came to her mind,

"I think padh lety hun. Kia pata mujhe yehi samajh aa jaye ke aakhir isko mujhse problem hai kya?"

Caught in between mixed feelings, she thought some more, and then, very reluctantly, decided to read some more to get insights into Batuk's head.

Taking a deep breath, she opened another page after the one that had the bookmark inserted.

The words made her jaw drop in an instant though!

Hello Big D… yaar… Aap hote tou iss Bondita ko samjhatay. Iske apne hi ronay chalte rehte hain. Pati babu yeh ...Pati babu woh...bla bla bla.

Mien tou tang aagya hun iss se! Aap kaise bardasht kerte thay isko?

Ohh wait...aap ko nahi bataya na. Actually, and UNFORTUNATELY, aapki pyari Bondita mujhe, yani BRC ko 'aap' samajhty hai. Stupid girl! Waise tou badi smart banti hai, mager mera itna sa dhoka nahi pehchaan paayi.

Pehchaanti bhi kaise? Aap se pyar kerty hoty tou hi aap ki aur meri similarities mien se difference dhoond hi leti na?

Dada dekho na… aap ne iske liye kitni sacrifices ki… kitna kuch saha. Lekin yeh Bondita… she just took away everything from you. Aakhir mein tou aapki jaan hi le li isne!

Aur abh yeh meri zindagy barbaad kerne per tuli hai. Ajeeb si hai. I avoid her like a plaque, lekin woh aaj mujhe keh rhy thy ke mien uske sath pyar se pesh aaon!

Pyar? Mien? Woh bhi iss ladki se jisne mere dada ko khaa lia?

Bloody hell! Never!

Abhi tou isko malum nahi hai ki mien kon hun. But she keeps blabbering ke Batuk ayega tou mien yeh kerun gy, Batuk yeh Batuk woh!!

Bloody Hell! Kaan hi pak jatay hain mere tou iski bak bak sunn ker.

Rehem aata hai mujhe aap per. Kia kia sunna hoga na aap ne iski wajeh se?

Aur abh aapka baby bhi...bechara majboor hai. Kia kere… us bechare ki mamma hi aisi ajeeb si hain.

I wish dada… mien aap ke baby ko apne tummy mien rakh sakta. Pyar se nurture kerta… Apne Big D ke baby ko kisi torture mien na daalta.

Ya dada… I wish… aap zinda hote, aur Bondita kahin chali jaty. Baby humien de dety.

Phir kitna accha hota na, dada.

Aap ko bhi samajh aajaty eventually ke usne aapko sari life use hi kia tha.

Aap ko bhi moka mil jata to 'fall out of love' with her.

That would have been the happiest day of my life, waise…

Kash

Aap hote.

Feeling the urge to slam the diary on Batuk's face, her face reddened and a frown appeared on her forehead as she wondered crossly,

"What the hell was this? Aise shikayatien laga raha hai jaise hum school mein hou aur yeh teacher se complain kere ke 'Teacher teacher, Bondita ne mera eraser chhupa lia!' Gadha aik number ka…Shikayati tattu. Stupid!"

Hurling insults at him in her heart made her feel slightly better. Drawing another deep breath, she tried to control her anger now as she flipped the page and read another of his entries:

Oh God Dada… aapki biwi kia cheez hai aakhir? Aur aap usko jhelte kaise thay? Mujhse tou aik second bardasht nahi hoty.

Abh dekhien, kia hua ki Sampoorna maa made some...what was it… haan… methi… methi ke laddu. She said ke yeh pregnant ladies ko khana chahiye as they are very good for the baby. Abh iss Bondita ko sirf baby ka soch ker hi khaa lena chahiye tha...haina? Lekin nahi… what did she do? She REFUSED!!

Aur wajeh kia thy? Yeh ki usko laddu ka taste nahi pasand aarha tha aur usko uss se vomit jaise horha tha.

Now tell me Big D, yeh bhi koi reason hai? Bhayee, ager tumhien baby se pyar hai tou tum ko yeh sab tou sehna hi hoga. Haina big D? Like… I ate it! Sirf usko dikhanay ke liye… ki taste ki fiker kerna bannd kere. If I could eat it, why couldn't she? And to be honest, itna bhi bura nahi tha. Lekin Bondita aur uske nakhray!!!

Pata hai Big D? I don't know… I don't think Bondita ko aapke baby se bhi koi pyar hai ke nahi?

Kher… aap hote tou uske nakhray bardasht ker lete. Mager miene bhi uske munh mien laddu thoons hi diye. After all, baby ke sath woh laddu uske liye bhi acchay hi hote. But she got angry about that too! Some nerve this woman has!

Anyway… I don't care ke woh kia sochay. Mujhe tou bass iss baat ki chinta hai ki mere Big D ka baby sahi rahay...healthy rahay...aur apne Chachu ke sath happy rahay.

Bass…

That's all I want!

Forgetting her earlier resentment, a wave of sadness washed over her as she wondered quietly,

Mien Pati babu ki life mien nahi hoty tou Batuk bhi shayad aisa na hota jaisa woh ho gaya hai…Mager mien tou pehle se thy. Aur pehle tou mien aur Batuk achay dost bhi thay. Kash, Batuk uss dosti aur humare acchay dinon ko hi yaad ker leta aik baar. Shayad tabb usko mujhse itni chid na hoty.

But having read so far, Bondita had understood two things very clearly:

1- Batuk worshipped Anirudh

2- Batuk never meant any harm to the babies

Sighing resignedly, she closed her eyes as she recalled that methi-laddu incident.

How insanely mad she was at him..at her Pati Babu actually for the insensitivity he had shown towards her.

Opening her eyes, she contemplated Batuk's actions that day and weighed them against his narration in the diary. He had written that he force-fed her those laddus because primarily, he wanted the betterment of the baby. But, there was a secondary reason too: He wanted Bondita's betterment also!

On the surface, majorly he bickered and cribbed about Bondita.

But between the lines, there was a small slip-up from his subconscious, and now, Bondita didn't know if she should dwell on one minor fumble or to focus on his rant against her!

Feeling completely baffled by the two conflicting emotions he demonstrated, she decided not to think much and read on the next entry:

My very dear Big D…

My heart is still shaking as my entire body trembles.

You know, Bondita had gone out, against my wishes, and when she was returning on a rickshaw, she met with an accident as her rickshaw tumbled and she fell down and fainted.

I saw it all happening right in front of my eyes, but I couldn't do anything to avoid it. I was so scared, Dada.

Ager aapki Bondita ko kuch ho jata, tou? Sadly, woh gai bhi meri wajeh se hi thy. So, in a way, mien naa chahte hue bhi responsible hun.

Meri rooh kaamp jaty hai yeh soch ker ke ager uss ziddi ladki ko kuch ho jata tou kia hota?

Uske tummy mein aapka baby hai. Ager aapke bete ko… mere Rudhir ko kuch …

No no… the mere thought of having to lose 'you' all over again is killing me.

Kher...Here I have to give her that she used her brain, and when she was falling down, she had pulled the rickshaw's seat with her too. Iss terha woh seat per giri rather than falling on the ground directly. Iss terha usko low impact face kerna pada.

I somehow managed to bring Bondita home, safe and sound. But I was so mad at her.

Woh jaise hi hosh mein ayi, I scolded her so much. Even kaka was on my side.

Abh hum ne aapki azaad khayal, independent, aur empowered Bondita ko ghar se baahar janay se mana kar dia hai. Mien tou usko court bhi nahi janay de raha.

I know I know Dada ke aap ko yeh sab acchha nahi lagta. Aap aise kabhi nahi kerte. Well, to be honest, mujhe bhi ziada farq nahi padta ke woh kia ker rhy hai AGER uske ander aapka baby nahi hota.

Abh mien ajeeb museebat mein phass gaya hun. Mujhe aapki 'apni marzi ki maalik' Bondita ko lagaam daalni padd rhy hai, and trust me Dada, you have never tried this, but it is an EXTREMELY difficult job!

I am sorry to say Dada ke aap ke laad pyaar se yeh Bondita buht hi bigad gai hai.

Kher… It doesn't matter anymore because I am here aur mien uske nakhray bilkul nahi uthanay wala...na hi uski aik bhi chalne dene wala hun.

I can't take any risks with her. After all, uske ander humara Rudhir hai...aapka beta...mera nephew.

For Rudhir's sake, I will have to continue seeing her tantrums.

Bloody hell! That's difficult!

Pata nahi aap kaise ker lete thay!

Bondita's blood started boiling again as she muttered angrily,

"Batuk ke bacchay! You stupid boy!!! Phir se meri shikayat laga rahay ho! What are you? Two?? Hadh hai stupidity aur immaturity ki bhi!"

The last entry and one of Batuk's statements had made her dare to think that deep down, Batuk did care for her after all.

But now, it was clear…

He only cared for her because she was pregnant with his brother's baby!

Unknowingly, she puffed out her face as she suddenly felt super sad and super angry at the same time.

She didn't want to read anything more, but as if her hands acted on their own accord, she flipped to a random page and read on:

Dearest Big D… Balki… meri jaan se bhi pyare Big D. Today I am very sad. Meri girlfriend… Mallika… usne Bondita ko mushrooms khilanay ki koshish ki dada. She wanted to kill your baby. Mien...I just saved Bondita at the nick of time. Koi Durga Maa ki kripa hi thy ke mujhe samay per pata chal gaya.

Big D, miene Bondita ko bhi daanta...miene Mallika ko bhi ghar se baahir nikaal dia.

Lekin… It hurt. I don't show my feelings to anyone dada, but I feel betrayed. Mallika was someone special. I wish she hadn't stooped so low.

Aur Bondita… pata nahi uss per mujhe kyun ghussa aya tha. Mager miene usko bhi daant dia.

Aik tou woh roty buht hai.

You know what? Raat mein, I sleep on the couch in your room. Aur mien pretend kerta hun jaise mien sou gaya hun. Takay Bondita sou jaye. Lekin woh kitni deir tak jaagty rehty hai. I even hear her sniffles. She cries. Usko lagta hai ki mien, yani uske 'Pati babu' badal gaye hain… Silly girl! Aap ko sahi se jaanti hoty tou she would have known na ke aap koi mousam nahi hain jo badal jaye. Aap ARC thay… aap bass 'aap' hi thay… aur aap jaisa koi bhi nahi hoskta!

But… Pata nahi kyun Big D… Jab mien Bondita ko bina baat ke daant'ta hun aur woh roty hai, tou mujhe accha nahi lagta. I don't know why Dada…

Her previous anger forgotten, tears pooled in her eyes as she noticed how disarrayed Batuk's thoughts were getting with each entry. She was a barrister; she was habitual of looking at evidence from multiple angles. She knew how to read between the lines, and she had a special knack in criminal psychology too.

These entries were… disturbing.

And this time, it wasn't because they were full of nonsense about her! It was because reading these entries had started feeling as if she was reading accounts from multiple people instead of one.

This conflict of emotion, the scattered thoughts, the easily forgotten train of topic made her realize with a pang that Batuk's mental health had probably been deteriorating with each passing day.

She remembered his bursts of anger and his outbursts on various things, and that made her heart tremble with trepidation and dread. She also remembered his occasional caring gestures too, which she now knew were all for the sake of the baby.

But still...there was something that was making her feel sad for Batuk rather than remain angry at him.

Sighing, she saw that she had missed a couple of entries before the last one she read. So, moving onto one of them, she started reading,

Dada... please please please forgive me. I think I broke your dream today. Bondita aik case lene ke liye zidd ker rahy thy, aur usko koi stupid sa award bhi milne wala tha. I broke her trophy. And I even broke her heart.

I didn't like it, Dada. Loagon ko sirf Bondita nazar aarhy hai… lekin Anirudh ko woh bhool gaye hain.

Bondita bhi aapko peeche chhodna chahty hai. Aur mujhe yeh bilkul accha nahi laga. Usko 'aap ke' jaisa bannay ka drama pata nahi kyun kerna hota hai har waqt?

No one can be like you. Not this Bondita, at least.

Kisi ke jaisa bannay ke liye uss se buht gehra pyar hona chahiye. Jo ke Bondita ko nahi tha aap se. So, why this drama?

I don't understand this girl..

Dada, Rudhir is doing great waise. Uski mamma jaisi bhi hon, woh theek hai. Mujhe Bondita ne kuch days pehle bataya tha ki Rudhir has started kicking now. I so wanted to feel that too. Lekin phir… Mien ruk gaya. Bondita ko touch kerna is difficult for me.

Pata nahi kyun… it just didn't feel right. Mere morals koi itne strong nahi hain, jaise aapko pata hi hai. Lekin itne bhi giray hue nahi hain ki mien Bondita ko aise touch kerun jab woh mujh mien 'aap ko' dekh rhy ho. That stupid girl hasnt yet realized that I am me… not you!

Rudhir jab ayega na, tou mien iss Bondita ko bataon ga. Mujh se mere Big D chheene thay na usne

Mien uss se uska baby cheen lun ga.

Aap… Big D...mujhse naraz tou nahi honge na?

Aap mujhse naraz honge tou yeh mien tolerate nahi ker sakta.

Mien family se aur aap se buht duur raha hun… but my heart always belonged here...with you guys...especially YOU, Big D. Abh ager aap naraz hue tou my heart will break.

Please don't let that happen, Big D.

Mien Rudhir ko Bondita se le lun ga. Woh roye gy tou… but she's strong. I think woh seh le gy.

Mien nahi seh paaonga mager.

Big D… please.

Her tears had started rolling down her cheeks now, unchecked.

Batuk's intentions for her and her baby were downright villainous...but the disturbance in his thought process, the way he was shattering down, the way he had poured out his heart on this diary, the way he was trying to communicate with his supposedly dead brother…

It was all so heartbreaking.

Bondita intuitively understood how difficult it must have been for Batuk to go through the pain of losing his brother. He couldn't share his grief with anyone at home except for Kaka Sasurjee - and even she had to admit that this did more harm than good. Instead of taking time to recover from the major setback, he had been forced to hide his tears and pretend to be happy… Not only that, he was in fact forced to pretend to be someone whose death he had been grieving! He had to pretend to love someone he hated.

This was mental torture on it's own!

And, with a very heavy heart, Bondita acknowledged that this new pressure to fill in his Big D's shoes must have wreaked fresh havoc in Batuk's already sensitive mind frame.

No wonder... he turned so unstable later.

Bondita even noticed that his handwriting was also getting messier with each entry.

His gradual mental health deterioration was quite evident from his entries as they were progressing.

Feeling at a loss, sighing heavily, she flipped the pages and came to the last entry. Her heart started beating heavily as she recalled their last unfateful encounter through Batuk's last entry.

Big D… I am very happy today. Bondita ko finally pata chal gaya hai ke mien Batuk hun, Aap nahi.

Pagal ladki!!! Usko laga ki woh mujhse bach ker bhaagne ki koshish kere gy aur mien aise hone dun ga?

She tried… Iss ladki ki fighting spirit ki waise daad deni chahiye. Mujhe behosh kerne ki koshish ki thy isne.

Mager… mien bhi MIEN hun.

Waise dada… aap ki biwi kuch ziada hi ajeeb nahi hai? She said, 'ager Bondita zinda hai tou uske Pati Babu bhi zinda hain!'

What rubbish!

Miene khud...apni aankhon se aap ko jatay dekha hai.

Dada… woh paani buht teiz tha na? It must have been really cold too.

Kash mien aap ko rok sakta.

Mager aap ne Bondita ko raft per bithaya aur khud chalay gaye.

Dada… Aap ko khud raft per chadhna chahiye tha aur uss Bondita ko janay dena chahiye tha.

Mager Rudhir…

Ohh Bloody Hell!!! Ager Bondita bhi chali jaty tou Rudhir bhi…aur Rudhir ke sath uski behen bhi...

Damn it!!! What a bloody fix this is!!!

Arey maine aapko bataya nahi na Dada? Aapke dou dou babies hue hai! Rudhir tou hai hi, mager aapki baby girl bhi hai! Bilkul jaise aap chahtey thay!

Accha dada...suno… miene na, Bondita ko hospital mien akele chhod dia hai. Aapke babies ko… I brought them with me. I will take them to Italy and raise them as my own babies. Mujhe thoda bura laga jab woh bechare roye thay. Of course… unko apni mommy ka milk chahiye tha. I felt a little bad...lekin hum manage ker lien ge. I won't let them meet Bondita. Warna woh babies ko mujhse le legy.

Waise dada...aap ke babies itne cute hain. And they are so small too… slightly premature haina.

Dada… did I do the right thing?

No… I am sure I did the right thing.

Ohh crap! Ghar walay darwazay bang ker rhe hain. Miene unko lock in ker dia haina.

I had to do this dada… Kaka ne tou chameleon ki terha apne colors badal liye. He was with me all along, lekin abh pata nahi kyun woh mujhe itna scold ker rhe hain. He is saying that I am wrong. Abh woh mere Kaka nahi, Bondita ke Kaka Sasurjee bann gaye hain. Jab ki kuch ghanton pehle tak woh Bondita ki nahi, meri party thay!

I am so sad that Kaka has changed sides now. Aur isi liye I had to lock them all in.

Bloody hell! I hear Bondita's cries too from outside. She's here. Pohanch hi gai yeh apne babies ke liye.

Persistent aur Tenacious! That's Bondita!

Imperfectly perfect… but I don't like her at all!

Kher… I got to go now dada. Bondita ko babies ke paas aane se rokna hoga, kisi bhi qeemat pe.

Uske baad mien babies ko le jaonga yahan se.

Phir mien honga, aap ke babies honge, aap ki memories hongy… aur yehi humari new family hogy.

Yeh theek haina, Dada?

Bondita closed the diary with trembling fingers. A deadweight had settled onto her chest after getting some insights into Batuk's head.

She already knew through Mallika's call that Batuk had acted as a guardian angel for her babies.

But now, she also learned his perspective, no matter how misplaced or wrong it was!

Engulfed in a sea of mixed emotions, a thought occurred to her, and opening the diary again, she jotted down a message for Batuk.

She knew Anirudh had brought him back from the hospital, and she wanted to send the diary to Batuk. But how?

Directly going to Batuk was not an option right now. She didn't like to say it out loud, but he still scared her a bit, even though she now knew that he wasn't going to harm her babies or Pati babu.

Sending the diary through Pati babu was also probably not a good idea. Pati babu would take the diary, but she didn't know how she was going to handle this situation further, and hence she didn't want to get Pati babu's hopes up either.

Closing the diary, lost in thoughts, she started walking towards her room when on the way, she saw Bihari entering Batuk's room.

Curious, she followed him there, finding him instructing two helpers to pack up Batuk's possessions to be sent to the kothi. Relieved at finding a way, she handed over the diary to Bihari to be sent over with the rest of the stuff.

After arranging everything and hoping that Batuk would find her message soon, she went to cater to her babies who had started wailing.

___________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 12.2: Reconnecting with the Inner Self (MATURE-18+)

A/N: This part of the chapter is mature and heavy on sexual references, ideally suited for readers aged above 18.

There is mention of “Mirror Meditation” in this chapter. While it is a real thing, we have tweaked it a bit to support our narrative. The “therapy” that we have mentioned is not at all medically verified. It is not a part of any type of psychological counseling. What we have mentioned is just a figment of our wildest (and smuttiest)imaginations!

Lastly, please forgive us if the content of this chapter hurts your feelings or makes you feel bad in any way. Our purpose is just to make people understand the importance of building a positive self-image for ourselves in every situation of life.

The mature scene between Rudhi is just a natural progression of how their love flows. Please do not take it as anything negative.

Do let us know about your views regarding both these parts of the 12th chapter. We derive a lot of encouragement and motivation from your lovely comments and votes.

Lots of love,

Ashley and Ayesha

Due to the mature nature of the chapter, we are posting this part only on Wattpad. Please do check it out

https://www.wattpad.com/1185073711-setting-it-right-a-batuk-anirudh-bondita-kaka

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