Gauri OS - reposting as old id has been deleted.

The bitter one...

'The bitter one' - this has always been the way i think everyone must be referring about me.. right since my birth... to be born as the only girl child to my farmer parents in a remote village in rajasthan must have been a bitter experience for my parents especially my mom. I remember my dadisa always cursed my mom for giving them a girl child- me! My dadisa when she was hale n hearty always planned n plotted of getting my daddy married the second time to get an heir to the family... hah as if we were the illustrious royal family!!! what did we have anyway to be proud of or to give to an heir as an inheritance? a piece of land which was slowly getting barren, a pair of malnourished bullocks and a shanty which we called our house... my daddy also wanted a son .. and would had easily married another woman if he had enough money... as no person would give their daughter to a poor family..so daddy carried his life with me and mom. My mom though illiterate always taught me to be strong and never give up ones rights..."your man is yours and no matter what, you should never give up fighting for him..." she always said. now i think in a way our poverty turned a boon for her as because of our poverty her man was only hers n never married again!!

My dad, though he loved me as I was his child always had this 'unsatisfied ' look whenever he saw me. thats why maybe he sent me to school so that I could be away from his eyes at least for sometime of the day. I loved going to school as it was a place where everyone was welcomed and was treated equally. this was a place where there was freedom of thoughts and made one dream high, very high!

i dreamed of-course! to b the most successful,powerful and rich person in this village. I felt if one day I have all these qualities, no one would dare to call me ' the bitter one'! One day I would have my own man all for myself just like my mom, I would never ever give up on him!!!!

But who knew one day will come in my life when I will have to indeed give him up??? Who knew one day will come when mom's teachings would fail to change my decision? The toughest decision of my life... to leave Jagat...

Chapter 2...Mind's Mirror

Jagat...it all started by this name don't you think? False name...false man..false identity...
at least the little jagdish whom I briefly met over my childhood marriage disaster was a better person...at least he was honest enough at that age to retaliate, to say 'no' to marry again. He had a conscience then, but why not now? Why not when it was me? Why always me? The bitter one, the second choice, the discarded one? Why me? Kyun?

Tears started rolling down the beautiful face..tears that were kept at bay since a long long time. This woman indeed had been strong over the past few weeks...She stared at her own image in the mirror, The beautiful face, soft long dark hair that gently touched till her waist, the glowing complexion, the lovely dark eyes, the lovely curves on her body and an attractive persona.. She had it all...The charm, the intelligence, the passion, the attitude and a promising career... she was the youngest and one of the most promising Surgeons in her hospital, probably Maybe the most promising in her entire batch of fresh MS graduates in Mumbai!!!! The world seemed to be at her feet but then why did she feel that she lived way beneath this world in hell? Why after 'acquiring' everything she felt she has nothing left?

Is it because maybe she did wrong to that other woman Anandi? Was the reason why she is left alone was because of the cycle of karma that her dadisa always taught her? "The one who does wrong to others, always has to face the same in the end" daidsa always said so...But even dadisa did so much wrong to her mother by taunting her, trying to belittle her and trying to get daddy married to other woman...hah hypocrites all of them... She was right about them all the time - the villagers, ignorant, illiterate , emotional fools. They always stayed in their own ponds the ugly toads, never aspired to see the rest of the world, to improve their mind sets...She was better off without them.. As far as anandi was concerned, why should she take the blame of doing 'wrong' to her? it was jagat's fault all his fault..what did she do? just marry the man she was blindly in love with, accepting and loving a man so much..that too after knowing he was married already... So wasn't her love higher and better than anandi's/ who kept pining and grieving for a person who had nothing to do with her anymore? It was anandi who never let go, never moved on... So why should she take all the blame ? No that was indeed not her fault... Anandi's woes were the fault of the unruly and vain villagers, her parents who got her married as a child..Oh how she hated child marriages and all the other customs thrust by the ignorant villagers...She really hated the villages and the villagers from the core of her heart..

But then why she always tried to impress them? tried to show off her abilities to them/ tried to prove herself in front of them? Her abilities and achievements were already recognized and appreciated by the highest ranking doctors of her hospital... she did not needed appreciation from the foolish villagers...but then what was it that she wanted?

Love... maybe love and respect re the things that she was craving from them..but why from them? Maybe because they never gave her those two things...Maybe gaining their respect somehow became her goal...Her natural tendency of achieving everything under the sun made her run behind all this...She was always the other woman in their eyes..She always wanted them to change their mind-set about her and try to look at her from a different perspective.. she tried a lot but their eyes were blindfolded by anandi's character...they never saw beyond anandi..She never thought that anandi was bad, just that anandi somehow felt a bit strange to her, a bit unreal...in this world of cut throat competition for survival, how can one lady be so unnaturally nice and selfless? she always thought that there was more to anandi, the real anandi than what she showed to everyone..there were more dimension to this lady than anyone else could see and only she could see those things and to some extent her mommy.. but how will they the ignorant, illiterate villagers see through anandi's sweet talks and innocent face? The villagers and the haveli people always sucked up to these emotional talks and fake care given to them by anandi..that's why these people never come out of these emotional barricades...these fools never learn to move on..

But she knows the importance of moving on in life and that's exactly what she has decided to do'Her mother kept crying non stop and praying to god to give 'sadh buddhi' to jagat and make him change his mind about her laadoo. Mother kept thinking what will happen to her ladoo, she will stay alone forever, no one would marry her now, (now that it is confirmed she is pregnant again with jagat's child).. and a lady without a husband is nothing in this world.. Today as well her mom has gone with her dad to some temple, to pray . Mom had been doing this praying and temple visits and fasting ever since jagat had left them..She never tried to stop her as she thougt if that what gives her mother peace of mind then let her do it...

As far as she was concerned, she had decided to move one in life, to go further in her career, earn money, buy the biggest house in Mumbai (even bigger than the stupid old fashioned badi haveli) have many cars, as she loved driving..it really de stressed her and gave her a positive high..She had decided she was going to conquer the world one her own , without anyone's support because eshe had it in her!! She knew she was far better than anandi in achieiving her goals. She had already proved that she was even much better than Jagat who by now would be living a comfortable life in the badi haveli sitting on the lap of his dadisa and sleeping on his bed comfortably with the spineless anandi who by now would have accepted him by open arms.. If it would had been gauri, she would never take back such a filthy man. Never ever.. after all that jagat did to her, he still wanted to keep her as his mistress she thougt 'Because a couple of days back Laal Singh had called her to tell about jagat beinf=g unwell and admitted to then hospital..hah!! Jagat the spinless git trying to use laal singh to get connected to her again. That's what jagat wanted didn't he? A lovely wife at village and an amazing 'mistress' at Mumbai!! 'Mistress..that was what he had made her..mistress.. all her efforts of trying to become a 'wife' were left futile..not because she did wrong but because she wanted to be a wife of the Wrong man..The slimy , lazy git who never knew what hard work was all about..

But why is she thinking of him? No Gauri, you have decided to move one, who had already started off well by burning all jagat's clothes and things..Then why thinking about him now? It has been decided that you will eradicate everything related to Jagat from your life..and everything means everything!!! And she meant what she thought'This was the day she had marked on her calendar ..to get 'it' done!!!! She happily sent away her parents to visit a shrine and temple for a week long pilgrimage, of course for her parents it was to pray to god to get jagat back in their daughter's life' and for her it was to get 'it' done!! Later she could pass it off to her mother that the earlier reports were wrong and that she was not expecting jagat's child.. She knew this plan would work and her mother would believe it as gauri herself is a Doctor'She would be free to carry on her own life and not be bothered by Jagat ever again..today was the last day she would ever have any kind of ties with him'.She quickly wiped off her tears, set her face proper and took her purse and went off to call for a rickshaw..

She reached the hospital on time for the appointment. She was apprehensive about what she was going to do'The nurse called her name' The doctor said he needs to first do an ultrasound scan one last time to make sure this abortion would not affect her body and organs'

The doctor applied the Ultrasound Gel on her stomach and moved the equipment on her stomach feeling her uterus and checking the readings on his computer screen. She knew all this already, it was the usual ultrasound procedure . Finally after a few minutes of readings, The doctor said ok nothing is the matter everything is fine. We can proceed to get it done'..no future health complications are foreseen for her after 'they' are aborted. .(Ok good thought Gauri).. However, first he wanted her to sign the usual abortion related disclaimer and forms before giving her a local anaesthesia ' Hang on'did he say 'they'?? That means'could it be??? No '.It can't be'

She was confused, alarmed and anxious all at once'She asked the doctor to clarify'The doctor said " Indeed it is a 'they''at this stage of pregnancy'. I can't see much details but can clearly confirm that there are two heart beats'." You are expecting twins'..

Gauri was plain shocked'. Her Dadisa's words started ringing in her head.. "If you do wrong to others'you will get the same".. And here she was about to do wrong to her own unborn babies'

But they are not babies until they are born'Gauri thought'her medical studies had taught her that already..- that they are called foetuses..not babies..but another set of words of her college professor (who had taught her this subject during her early MBBS )started ringing in her head "Well as a doctor I would call them foetuses but as a human being they are and will always be babies for me'tiny little rays of life, of hope, of happiness."'Her mind was engulfed in thoughts while her hand lingered on the abortion papers to be signed'..