Posted:
The one I want to explore
In cont with the latest seggy...
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An ephemeral relief dawned upon Anandi as she saw her husband's chest rising and falling much more rhythmically now. Seeing him sleep so peacefully after a whole day full of distress and disappointment felt like a warm comforter to Anandi. He had been too disturbed since he and Jagiya returned from Luxmiganj. The fact that he couldn't do anything for Ganga and her baby had taken a toll on him. Being the collector and the head of the operation, he was taking it all on himself. And how much did she try to explain him that it wasn't really his fault she couldn't convince him enough.
A wry smile crept across her face as she stroked his stubbled cheek softly, cupping his firm jawline. She gulped on her own juices. Since their encounter eight months ago it was the first time she had seen this defenseless side of her otherwise virile man. And to her sheer surprise it nipped her heart more than she had ever thought. It wasn't that she hadn't seen him in pain till now. When he called off the marriage proposal with her or when she had seen him walking out of the bedroom when Jagiya held her hand in his supposed amnesia; all these times she had seen him flutter and wince. But probably it was the first time that he had shared his pain rather than bottling it up. And how much hard she tried she couldn't prevent herself from relating it to the pain she gave to her...due to her incapability. It made her feel choked in the throat realizing how much pain she was giving to him. If a stranger's agony affected him so much then how deeply his wife keeping away would be bruising him; she thought with a heavy heart as a drop of tear streamed down her cheek. She cursed herself for causing so much hurt to him.
"Mujhe maaf kar deejiye Shiv...main aapko itni taqleef de rahi hoon. But I promise one day I will make up for all this" she whispered looking longingly at his stressed face and lied down facing him.
A thick lump of moisture rose in her throat as she quietly studied his features. There was something about him that penetrated deep into her existence. His tenderness, his compassion, his purity, his pain, his love, she could feel it all within herself. It was strange how sometimes seeing him she never felt she had known him since months only. Even in all the years she was alone, it felt as if a reflection, a nuance of him was as close to her as her own conscious. She sighed at the mere intensity of the thought. Surely she had shared more with this man. More than she knew and could fathom. If not in this life then somewhere else ...may be in some other time and space.
Goosebumps raced up her arms as she gave herself into sleep, breathing in small sighs and still thinking about the niceties of the feeling of deja vu she had so suddenly developed for her husband. The feeling that she knows him not from outside, but somewhere from her own inners. The feeling that in him, an unknown quest has come to a fulfillment. And what all she wished for now, was an ecstatic exploration of her treasured discovery.
Goosebumps raced up her arms as she gave herself into sleep, breathing in small sighs and still thinking about the niceties of the feeling of deja vu she had so suddenly developed for her husband. The feeling that she knows him not from outside, but somewhere from her own inners. The feeling that in him, an unknown quest has come to a fulfillment. And what all she wished for now, was an ecstatic exploration of her treasured discovery.
Finally the dark, deep night gave way to a new dawn at Anandi and Shiv's doorstep. Soft, muted light crept into their bedroom through the mullioned window and woke up Anandi. An instinctive smile touched her lips as she looked over at her husband, his sleeping face looking blissful. She gave a sigh and closed her eyes again. There was more of him she had felt in between this night. More than what she slept with and woke up to. She couldn't understand how. Probably she felt him in her dream. Yes! She saw Shiv in her dream. But how exactly it all happened she couldn't remember. Just a few vague glimpses and one equivocal feel of him. That's all she remembered about it. Smiling bemusedly at her own disposition she pulled out of the bed and made her way to the kitchen leaving him to catch some more sleep. About an hour passed as Anandi busied herself into her morning chores being thoughtful not to wake him up early this morning. Winding up with her cooking, shower and morning prayer she went to wake him up with morning tea and saw him sitting on the bed with a thoughtful expression on his face. Tucking a sweet assuring smile on her lips she made her way to their bed.
"Good morning" she whispered tenderly keeping the tray on the side table.
"Good morning" he mumbled smiling faintly to her. "Leejiye aapki adrak wali chai" smiling she looked up to him as normally as she could.
"Anandi mujhe kuch kehna hai aapse" he mumbled holding onto the saucer she handed.
"Kahiye..."
"Anandi I am really sorry...for the last night"
"Sorry?Par kisliye?"
"For the way I behaved. I just stressed u unnecessarily.I shouldn't have spurted my pain and made u so worried" Her smile transformed to a depressed frown as she ehard his words.
"To aapko afsos hai ki aap ne mujhse apni taqleef banti. Mr Shivraj Shekhar ko lagta hai ki apna dard baant kar woh shayad thode chote ho gaye mere saamne" she blurted leaving him surprised.
"Nahin Anandi mera matlab woh nahin tha"
"To phir kya matlab tha aapka?hun? Maine humesha aapke saath apni har taqleef baanti hai.Yahan tak apne dil mein jo dard itnse saalon se daba kar rakha tha woh bhi kah diya maine aapse.Lekin aap aisa nahin kar sakte.Humesha apna har dard ander hi rakhna chahte hain. Kya mujhe itna bhi haq nahin ki main aapki taqleef bant sakun"
A wave of contentment ran down Shiv's spine as he heard her words. She sounded like a typical wife. It was obvious he keeping to himself made her feel alienated and distant to him. After all she was his wife and for her, harboring him wasn't just a responsibility but a desire too. Moving an inch closer to her, he gently cupped her face and made her look into his eyes. He took one of her hands onto his and squeezed it gently. "I am sorry Anandi. I am sorry that I share so less of myself with you.Maine hi aapse kaha tha ki aap shayad mujhe zyaada achche se nahin janti lekin I never realized that its my fault. Shayad maine aapko khud ko jan ne ka mauka hi nahin diya. But I promise ab se aisa nahin hoga. I promise I will never try to withhold or hide anything" she finally smiled at his assuring words.
"But Shiv aapko nahin lagta ek dusre ko jaan ne ke liye humein ek dusre ke saath aur samay bitana chahiye. What about going to honeymoon. I know you are planning it, once again without my knowledge!!" she chuckled as he gaped dumbly at her 😆
Jhanak
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