Posted:
I am posting this on behalf of QuagMyred, who is not keeping too well these days.
Such is her love for Ansh, that she wrote this against all orders.
I love you M... get well soon!
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What should I write??? I can't express my feelings in words...Knowing this, Collector Saab gifted me this diary, to pen down my innermost feelings...Maybe he secretly reads it too...
Or maybe he doesn't!!
He doesn't need any piece of paper to know my thoughts...he knows me too well...
When I started getting cranky of his physical closeness with Ashima, when she arrived after a week of our marriage, he was the first one to gauge my feelings...even before myself..
But he didn't give me a clue...instead he played along...let me realise by myself...something was wrong with me...
And I realised soon...
I had seen Gauri with Jagya...I had seen them consummating in the next room as mine...
I had felt bad...suicidal...
But the insecurity I got, seeing him with Ashima was different...I felt someone was stabbing me through my heart...
Had I been taking him for granted?
No...I hadn't...
Or maybe I had???
I guess I had...but that day I realised I was a fool...there is a guy, as handsome as a Greek god...loving, caring, honest...a gem of a person...
He loves me...and I am still doubting him...
Maybe, I was doubting myself...but I should not...
I realised I love him...as much he does...or maybe more...
Yes...I love him...more than I thought I could ever love anyone...
Yes...I love him, more than he thought I would ever love him...
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And why shouldn't I love him?
He always lifts me up...figuratively and literally...
He makes me believe that if I want, I can even reach for the stars...
He reminds me how much he loves me, every minute of the day...not by words...but by actions...
He looks at me so adoringly that I always melt in his arms...
He has lifted my self esteem...my spirits...my feminity...
Figuratively and Literally...!!!
I remember...one day in these three months of our marriage, when we had returned to Circuit house and he was still in his office, I decided to prepare something special for him...he loves eating...
He had told me about his favorite dish...plum pudding...which he used to have in London, when he studied there...well! Second favorite after 'halwa'...
I thought of preparing it for him!
So I tied my let-loose hair, in a bun at the nape of my neck...and began searching for the recipe book Ashima had gifted me...
Finally, I found it on the top of the shelf...
TOP!!!
Now this is one of the many things, I really hate about myself...my height...
Look at him...he is so tall! And me...???...I actually look like a Balika vadhu infront of him...
I arranged for a stool to get on the shelf...I was worried...it was 5pm already and he is usually back by 5.30pm...I needed to be fast!
I got onto the stool...and stretched my arm as far and long as I could...
Suddenly, I felt a familiar touch around my waist...
I looked back!
There was standing the centre of my universe, beaming with his lovely smile...holding me from back...and lifting me up to help me reach the top shelf...in his strong arms...
He kissed the small of my back...and nuzzled me there...
I got the recipe book...and hit him playfully at his right cheek, with my left palm conveying to him to get me down...
Without keeping my feet back on the floor, he carried me till the couch and made me sit there...
"Kya kar rahi thhi aap?" He asked, taking my hand in his.
"Yeh dhoondh rahi thhi..." I replied, showing him the book in my hand.
"Yeh kyun?" He questioned, tucking a flick of hair behind my ear.
"Aapne kaha thha na, ki aapko plum pudding bahot pasand hai...toh maine socha ki main aapke liye banaaun..." I answered.
He, in the same moment, took me into a hug...My favorite hug!...and said, "Kuchh mat kijiye aap...bass aise hi muskuraatey rahiye..."
I feel so safe and secured in his arms...
And in his arms, I realise, that there is one thing in this world he really loves more than eating...ME!!!
"Mmm!" I cooed, kissing him at his collar bone.
"But...!" He interrupted my ecstasy.
"Pudding khaana hai na?" I chuckled and asked.
He laughed and kissed my nose.
"Aap change karke aayiye..." I told him, getting up and took up my favorite job...cooking for my Collector Saab...!!!
Advocate Anjali Awasthi
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