Anandi's current state of mind looks real to me

We have some discussions going on in the forum regarding Anandi's indifference/gloominess when they fix the marriage. Yes. She asked Shiv to marry her. Now it is happening. Shiv is a nice guy and the family is also very nice. She should be happy at the turn of the events. But she is not happy. Why?

I want to share my personal story.. At the time of my marriage proposal, some confusion had happened. That led my Mom to fall sick(similar to Bhago's case..falling sick worrying abt daughter)..marriage got fixed..but Mom was too sick and was hospitalized in a seriously deteriorating condition. And everybody decided for a rushed up early marriage. When they fixed the marriage date during engagement, i had a hell lot of emotions going on in my mind.

Basically I wanted to back off from marriage..There was no specific reason for that. I had agreed for the marriage earlier and there was nothing against the guy or his family. But I didn't want to think of marriage itself.. Actually I felt so much aversion towards marriage... The thought of my mom's condition and also the guilty feeling(though I'm not responsible as such..) that Mom fell sick worrying about my wedding, and the helplessness I felt the way my family is going ahead with the decision without considering my state of mind, the feeling that too much is happening too fast... All these shook me..

Anandi could have said no to Shiv..Anandi could have stopped the marriage proposal..Same way I could have put my foot down and stopped the marriage. I could have told I'm not ready for marriage and asked for more time. I didn't do that. I had my reasons for that.

Mom was almost gone. But Dad was still there. I didn't want to make things more difficult for him. I chose the easy path(of going ahead with marriage) so that he would have the peace of mind..Mom fell sick worrying about me, I didn't want that to happen to my Dad. Though Mom was not physically present for the wedding, I knew that,I am doing what she wanted me to do.

On wedding day, I was kind of like a robot. I just followed instructions..I did what people asked me to do. My mind was numb..It is like you are under some kind of anesthesia..where you cannot think of your own but can follow the orders. I think Anandi is going through similar feelings. If somebody had asked her to smile, she would have smiled. When Dadisa asked her to get ready she did that, when she was asked to touch elders feet she did that..Poor Anandi, she wouldn't have thought about the smile, otherwise she would have smiled :-) What to do if your mind is blank and you completely forget about the smile thing !!!

We wonder why she is not thinking of Shiv's feelings..When She is not able to think about her own feelings, how can she think about somebody else' feelings..

Is the whole thing fair to Shiv? May mot be fair in short time. But Yes, in long time. Once Anandi overcomes her grief(of losing Mom , of failed first marriage), she will give 200% to the marriage. Shiv knew very well the reason behind Anandi's yes. He agreed for the marriage knowing the situation. If he is okay to marry her with her current emotional baggage, thats his choice. He is finding happiness in making Anandi happy.. Anandi obeyed her elders. She told the truth to Shiv. She didn't promise him anything. Shiv accepted her as she is. She is not warm towards him. He knows that and is not taking it personally. He is optimistic and persistent in his efforts. I think it is a temporary phase for Anandi..She will slowly get out of the numbness. Then we'll see a happy Anandi.

Originally posted by: brick_red

We have some discussions going on in the forum regarding Anandi's indifference/gloominess when they fix the marriage. Yes. She asked Shiv to marry her. Now it is happening. Shiv is a nice guy and the family is also very nice. She should be happy at the turn of the events. But she is not happy. Why?

I want to share my personal story.. At the time of my marriage proposal, some confusion had happened. That led my Mom to fall sick(similar to Bhago's case..falling sick worrying abt daughter)..marriage got fixed..but Mom was too sick and was hospitalized in a seriously deteriorating condition. And everybody decided for a rushed up early marriage. When they fixed the marriage date during engagement, i had a hell lot of emotions going on in my mind.

Basically I wanted to back off from marriage..There was no specific reason for that. I had agreed for the marriage earlier and there was nothing against the guy or his family. But I didn't want to think of marriage itself.. Actually I felt so much aversion towards marriage... The thought of my mom's condition and also the guilty feeling(though I'm not responsible as such..) that Mom fell sick worrying about my wedding, and the helplessness I felt the way my family is going ahead with the decision without considering my state of mind, the feeling that too much is happening too fast... All these shook me..

Anandi could have said no to Shiv..Anandi could have stopped the marriage proposal..Same way I could have put my foot down and stopped the marriage. I could have told I'm not ready for marriage and asked for more time. I didn't do that. I had my reasons for that.

Mom was almost gone. But Dad was still there. I didn't want to make things more difficult for him. I chose the easy path(of going ahead with marriage) so that he would have the peace of mind..Mom fell sick worrying about me, I didn't want that to happen to my Dad. Though Mom was not physically present for the wedding, I knew that,I am doing what she wanted me to do.

On wedding day, I was kind of like a robot. I just followed instructions..I did what people asked me to do. My mind was numb..It is like you are under some kind of anesthesia..where you cannot think of your own but can follow the orders. I think Anandi is going through similar feelings. If somebody had asked her to smile, she would have smiled. When Dadisa asked her to get ready she did that, when she was asked to touch elders feet she did that..Poor Anandi, she wouldn't have thought about the smile, otherwise she would have smiled :-) What to do if your mind is blank and you completely forget about the smile thing !!!

We wonder why she is not thinking of Shiv's feelings..When She is not able to think about her own feelings, how can she think about somebody else' feelings..

Is the whole thing fair to Shiv? May mot be fair in short time. But Yes, in long time. Once Anandi overcomes her grief(of losing Mom , of failed first marriage), she will give 200% to the marriage. Shiv knew very well the reason behind Anandi's yes. He agreed for the marriage knowing the situation. If he is okay to marry her with her current emotional baggage, thats his choice. He is finding happiness in making Anandi happy.. Anandi obeyed her elders. She told the truth to Shiv. She didn't promise him anything. Shiv accepted her as she is. She is not warm towards him. He knows that and is not taking it personally. He is optimistic and persistent in his efforts. I think it is a temporary phase for Anandi..She will slowly get out of the numbness. Then we'll see a happy Anandi.

I am not judging Anandi's actions as right or wrong. I only want to say that her characterisation looks real to me.

Originally posted by: bunny_fun

I read your POV in the morning but was waiting for me to see the episode to comment... What Anandi is going through is like over whelming emotions all at the same time... Seeing that chain in her neck made her realise that she was not ready...

But, many times in our life we do things that we don't want to do... or because we feel guilty... or because of insecurity or inferiority... etc... When we do these things... and later when we try to think over these things... we become overwhelmed with Why me...??? Why Now ...??? Why all this...??? What am I doing...??? When will life be normal for me...??? Why cannot I just refuse...????

But then, after you cry it out for few minutes you realize the responsibly you have on your shoulders... which is bigger than your self pity or sympathy for your self... You realize you are responsible as a daughter, as a wife, as a mother, as a daughter in law, as a relative there are many roles you play and there is a responsibility associated with each one whether it be small or big... it could be setting a good example for your cousin... it could be respecting the elders to show your daughter to respect them... although it may not be your preference to do that if you were given a choice...

But, if you think about it how many of us have choice...??? I don't say there is no one who can escape... there are people who have done all according to their own will and wish... and they could be lucky... or are they ????

Its all the choices that you make in life at each step of the way that takes your forward to the next step what you choose at one step makes what your choices will be for the next step... and whe we are in between the steps we are always in dilemma or deliberation of which way to go...

We also tend to take a path and go a step and then realize what we are getting into... but there is no way to go back that step and then make the choice again... it is life and it is like that only... you loose a choice and go forward... you have lost it for ever and there is no way you are ever going to get that choice ever again in your life...

For me all this drama remarriage did not make sense...but today what Anandi was going through in those few minutes made a lot of sense... I could understand her as I am like her emotional... bound by family... bound to doing the right thing in the end whether you like it or not... and I also think had the choice been given to her... would Anandi really know what she has to do...??? or what is right for her...??? this question comes up because... she has always done what the elders have told her to do...she has always done only those things that would make elders happy... she has never seen beyond that...never questioned...whether this is what she wants... but that is being a growing adult...now she is a grown up adult... but for the elders you are the same Anandi a little girl for whom you have always made the choices... today for a moment you wanted to become free from all these things and be yourself... but then you realize that there is no where to go... because you are not some person who can revolt... you are not some person who can go against elders wishes... you have always been like that ... you have been raised like that... you cannot get up one fine day and just runaway from there... they are what is made of your life... without them there would have been no yesterday... you have shared sadness, you have shared happiness, they are not just memories... they are the LIFE...

I hope I have not bored everyone here... It was some thing that i felt and wanted to put forth my point to see what others think of it... Please do add your comments ...

Originally posted by: AnjanaYYZ

I would like the people getting upset to walk in her shoes...When does the girl get time to lick her wounds or feel her grief? Its her life, but control is with others. Her consent is assumed. Yes. She proposed to Shiv, but what else could she do with her promise to her mom and DS, her father pressurizing her?

She didn't smile - BOO HOO! Its not like she threw a tantrum at their uninviited appearance when she is at her most vulnerable.

She threw their necklace which was symbolic of her altered life in a moment of panic where she felt adrift like a leave controlled by the wind, SO WHAT... she put it back on with respect once she calmed down and remembered her promise to her mother. She was further gracious with Shiv when she called him back.