Wow tinoo! I love your post! And I thank you for bringing such perspectives and taking the example of the serial's characters beyond obvious story-stuff.👏
I never thought of Anandi this way...or even about anything in life in such a manner...
You asked:
''When should I take a stand in the name of self-respect and go out on a spree to punish someone when they do me wrong ... and when should I just let it go?'''
I think one should have a calmer approach to life. Shouting and fighting like JaGo is also useless. In fact, if Gauri had been a little more patient and tactful she might have won over the whole family and proven herself a superior version of a conventional beendni. Even if she had just made a ''show'' of being patient, calm and tolerant, I think she would have made it. They would have thought she is a finer and upgraded version of Anandi - educated, smart, but also rooted to tradition. But she couldn't even create an illusion to achieve her goals!
Coming to Anandi, while I do agree that the ''universe'' is finally helping her out now and things are gradually falling in place, still I think it's just a serial. In real life, justice may not come, things might never fall in place all by themselves. People who've ruined you, might not regret what they did, like DS is regretting now.
In real life, being proactive is very important. That's what I have now learnt in life...I have been waiting for years for certain things to get right. Prayed to God, given hopes to myself that things will get better...but it doesn't really happen all by itself...
We all have the urge to punish someone who has done us wrong (I have that too, for different reasons for different people!). But I have now begun to realise that we first need to set our own life right. Holding yourself together, getting back on your own feet, dealing with your own weaknesses and gaining strength mentally is more important.
You can't fight any wrong-doer if you yourself are weak...and hoping that someday the wrong-doer will be punished naturally is like chasing a mirage. Mostly those who trample on others never get punished and even if they do, they're too thick-skinned, vain and shameless to even consider that as a punishment!
Letting go...it seems almost impossible to me...I believe we remember each and everything that happened to us. Scars always remain, even if pain subsides.
In cases like that of Anandi, I think such women DO need to fight and get that cheating guy sent to jail. True, it won't bring any gain to Anandi or lessen her pain or give her back the years she lost. But it will teach a lesson to all such men (and their chosen new women) who are callous and indifferent towards plight of others and are blinded in their pursuit of personal freedom & wish fulfillment.
For the same reasons, victims of rape, eve-teasing, harassment or domestic violence also need to drag the wrong doer to court.
What if you don't have a Bhairon or Phooli to speak for you in your own life? Then you will have to take things in your own hands and make the wrong-doer realise his mistakes.
Speaking out and taking a stand are important. One need not insult others or create a drama. One can make others realise their mistakes in a more civil way too.
Staying silent, bearing everything and doing basically NOTHING in the hope that things will mend themselves someday, Universe will give me what I lost etc. is no way to deal with things. We do have to take steps to build our own strength and no matter how impossible it seems, we need to try and ignore naysayers instead of indefinitely waiting for them to change their stance. I am sad that Anandi never had a proactive approach. She should have called Teacher ji, instead of her mother doing it for her! She should have studied when she had declared 5 years ago, that she would! Sitting in room, moping, crying to Devi Maa or Kanha ji can solve all problems only in serials, not in real life.
Reactions also depend on intensity of others' attacks. If someone is being too gory, exploitative, violent and is literally torturing you and making you live in hell, then not only drag that person to court, even shame him in front of family/society and see to it he's punished the severest manner possible - perhaps give him a taste of his own medicine yourself, like Kiranjit Ahluwalia did in real life!
I think even if you may not be able to PUNISH the wrong doer, but you must make him realise his folly and make others see what mistakes that person has done or how cruel he has been. Accusing someone is one thing, but exposing his wrong deeds is different. Politely showing the other person a mirror is necessary.
If your kid or sibling or even a parent did anything wrong - something which is legally, morally a huge mistake or injustice and ruins someone's life, then you should not hesitate to take action against their deeds. Covering up blunders is wrong.
You may think I no longer have to deal with this person in my life, but it doesn't mean you let him get away with what he does or keep him ignorant of his folly.
It also depends on mistakes. Some misdeeds of others do little serious damage or are temporary.They can be ignored. But some things are outright blunders and ruin others' lives! That destructive stuff needs to be dealt with strictly.
Keep your self respect intact (and self respect has to come from one's own self first, learn to respect yourself), keep boosting your own strength and do keep moving ahead. Punishing others or making them realise their crime is okay, but there should be no punishment or revenge ''spree'', coz that crazy ''spree'' is somewhere also going to harm you also.
And if you think that punishing others is harming your own progress and healing then drop the idea of punishment. Do what helps you heal, move ahead in life and be ultimately happy.
[P.S. - Thanks again for bringing this topic. I realise even I need to stop being a victim of circumstances in certain things in my life and take a proactive approach. Giving view on others is simple but one has to learn and apply many things in one's own life too. We have our takes on Anandis, Gauris and Jagyas - but somewhere, at some point of time, all of us have some way behaved like them and dealt with stuff in a faulty manner!]
Finally, negative reinforcement and punishment are necessary. Otherwise people will never realise that they are wrong or have harmed someone. There's no use of laws, social conventions if they are to be ignored to shelter a person who you once loved!
Sampoorna
