Tired of waiting for a monologue of priya. That's why tired something to write. It doesn't include all the details of current narrative of the show. I tried to write from pri's place of guilt and desires.
Note : English is not my first language. Forgive me for the grammatical and spelling mistakes ❤️
A fool's paradise
In all mist she woke up to a dark place. Her feet dug into sand. Her eyes were heavy with tiredness and worry. But is she really awake? She ia standing withing wilderness. She feels someone is watching her. Who? There she is. Wearing a white frock! Suddenly priya felt a ping in her heart.
No! It's not her. It's her. Her! The girl whose name priya can't take anymore. The girl who will never forgive priya. The girl who died. Or the girl she couldn't save! The promise which priya made to ram ; from safeguard the girl's marriage to give her a wonderful life. It's all broken. Cause she died.
Priya became restless, her breathing hitched. She wants to call her. Hold her to never let her go away again.
Instead she heard a voice, 'Di', priya look up, still, eyes with remorse, hands shaking, asking her for a hug. She wants to cling on to, 'shivi', priya finally blurted. Her years of stance broke. Finally. Her illusion broke.
Shivi smiled at her and said, 'Di, why weren't you there when bhai was alone? Why did you leave when he needed you the most? My pri di would never do it. Akki's di would never do this "
Priya nodded. She accepts. She accepts that she crashed all of the lives around her. She was wrong. She tried to save a young life but at the expense of what? Ram's pain? Shivi's injustice? Her own remorse? But what could she do instead? Tell a brother whose child died in his arms to let go of ishan! Would the request be fair? At all! Priya knew that ram would have understood. That's what he does. He understands. But how many times priya would tell him to understand?
Priya shut her eyes. In all guilt and tiredness. But she opened in the next moment. No, she has to stop shivi. Take her back to ram. She started searching for the light. 'Shivi'?
'Priya, meri bacchi', priya looked back. That's her ma. Priya smiled. How much did she miss her ma? Her lap. Her words. Her haat ka khana. Her love. Her trust that everything will be alright!
Trust. She broke the trust. Priya's trust. Ram's trust. Another illusion broke. Priya stood there still. Eyes filled with tears. A daughter is calming herself not to jump into her mother's arms. Telling herself not to trust her anymore. Remembering how the mother betrayed the son. Remembering her words 'ram bohut acche insaan hain'.
Priya breathing slowed down. She was desperate to breathe. She take her hands out.
She touched something soft. She knows this touch. It's her. Their daughter. 'Mumma', the softness whispered. Priya smiled. At pihu. At herself. At the world. 'pihu', pri called. She looked before. There she is. All decked up in a pretty frock, hair done but with fula hua gaal. Pri smiled. 'Typical pihu with bhooki'! Priya opened her arm, waiting for her little angel to fill her heart with all warmth of the world. She closed her eyes, waited only to meet with emptiness.
Priya opened her eyes, with curiosity. Pihu looked back at her. With question. With tears. Arms opened but legs still. 'Mumma', 'Who is your Prince charming? Who is shivi bua? What did ishan bhaia do? Who am i? What's our next adventure? Where are you mumma? Why are you so far? Why don't we live with nani, masi?'.
Priya smiled. Like always. She has always smiled at her child. It's not her facade. It's real. It is the promise she made to her unborn. That she would give her all the happiness. She would build pihu a world where only love exists. Where rain is beautiful. Where kindness is a permanent solution. Just the way her papa would make pihu feel.
But priya forgot. She is no ram. She is priya. How could she think she would make her past, her baggage, her wrong decisions, her bad luck vanish? How could she think she were right to keep pihu to herself? How could she think that she won't let her curses touch pihu? She once chose pihu over ram, over themselves. Cause she knew, ram would want their daughter to be safe too. But how much she could do! Is pihu happy?
'Mumma', 'Who is my papa? What's crilimal?'
Priya lost it. Priya lost her strength, her facade, her zeal, her truths, her lies, her life! She was losing it all. She moved back. She wants to scream. She wants to hold.
She wants to hold onto her lifeline! Her ram. She wants to tell him to make her forget it all, to hold her tight, to give pihu the answers, to make it alright, to trust her again, to take pihu away from her, to give her the best life. She wants to cry! Cry her heart out. In the arms of ram. For one last time.
For one last time she wants to stain ram with her cursed tears. She wants to say sorry. Sorry for coming to his life. For ruining it forever. For loving him. For making him weak. For snatching his father, his sister. For embracing him only to leave. For telling him the atrocious lie, for causing him the nightmare, for making him think that he was never good enough! For not loving him enough, for not gaining his enough trust. And finally for not being able to strong enough to fight for him and his child together. She wants to say just sorry. It will never be enough but she has nothing in her to give and take his pain away.
Priya's tears finally rolled down. To her heart. Calming it. Just like the shore touching her feet. She looked beside. Saw the man holding her hand. He tightened the grip. She cried her heart out in ram's arms. Tired, drained, helpless.
She finally looked up at the face of her man. She looked into the eyes. She searched for forgiveness. She searched for emptiness cause only then it would be filled with happiness again. She wants ram to forgive her. She wants ram to get away from her bad luck. Far away. To the width and depth of a sea full of purity, happiness. She has to go away.
Her breathing again slowed down. She knew she was wrong. She has wronged. But.. Those two people need her too. No. She has to come back. Come back to tell ram that he needs to be cautious. He needs to be strong. He needs to face his fears. He needs to face his love, his promises, his mother! This time, how can priya leave him alone? No. She has to come back.
Priya sushed. Sushed all the cacophony of waves. She wants to listen to the symphony. The symphony that would make her come back to life. She faintly could hear 'Priya'. She smiled. That's him. She again heard 'Mumma'. Her breathing got steadied. For one last time priya has to become Mrs. Priya sood kapoor who would fight anyone to make her mr. Kapoor happy.
Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
