Single and happy? - Page 2

Originally posted by: psawyer

@Mru - absolutely agree with you. What is this word "settled" that has become so popular in this context? So an unmarried person is unsettled?! I get really annoyed when my family uses this term with relation to marriage. I don't want marriage to be my defining characteristic - oh, that girl, she is married/single/widowed. Not, she is a doctor/teacher/good human being/an excellent pianist. No, she is "settled"

Hehe.. Vasu.

I can totally understand. Though I am not *single*, but I have gone through the *you should be settled* talks. Now that I am *settled*, I am all *set*? But, no, Now I have to *have kids* to be really *settled* and then after I have kids, am I *set* for life? Nopes, Now I have to get my kids *settled* in life. Vicious circle of *settling*. I am not sure when a person is said to be truly *settled*!!!.

So I say , I am completely *unsettled* and damn proud of it. 😆

-- Mru

Originally posted by: Mru_bee

hahaha.. Anu 😆

Yes, I know Avantika was a free spirit. But I was talking more in terms of the dialogue.

The dialogue says at one point " Jab tak Aap akele khush nahee reh sakte, tab tak aap kisi aur key saath khush nahi reh saktey" I love this philosophy.

The main argument for marriage mostly is " you shouldn't be alone" , and I agree with the flaky Avantika philosophy of being happy when being alone too ...

-- Mru

LOL sach hi toh hai...you ARE the die hard Chandana fan, haina? Along with Anju in that forum all in love with the pair of Rohan-Avantika😆

I liked that dialogue too and I agree with that as well...but I guess I'm not viewing this from the whole society pressure angle of what is perceived as being "settled"...I was viewing it from a broader human perspective that goes across cultures...Avantika TOO was looking for companionship in whatever way she could find it...and I'm willing to guarantee that in the fag end of her life, no matter how fun this philosophy sounds to her now, she would have wished that she could have found someone to share her life with. I'm not saying that just for the sake of that one should "settle" into marriage...but that doesn't mean that ppl can be happy being single for the rest of their lives either...you WILL feel the pang of loneliness at some point for sure...it is human.

You can be happy otherwise, period...your happiness isn't contingent upon being single or married...there are many other things you can find happiness in life to keep yourself happy on your own terms...but a craving for companionship shows in some form or the other...in Avantika's case, by jumping on Rohan all she could in this epi to drag him along to do "fun" things with her...why? She could have done those fun things ALONE also, nahin?😆

So, I'm just silently reading the discussion and I'll post my replies later at night once I'm home.. 😆

LOL, Anu - I'm sure she could do those things alone...

More than an actor's fan, I was super impressed by the series on a whole. Rohan-Avantika pairing would have been too flaky .. hehehe

Ok, coming back to the topic (before Fivr goes *headdesking 😆 ).

Hmm.. if the feeling of being lonely is one of the reasons, then it is also possible that one would outlive one's partner by several years or be married and yet be alone. Finally we are always alone, when we die. Having memories of a good life, comes with having experienced them, whether with husband, or kids or other family or friends. Being married increases the chances of having a companion next to you, when one is at the fag end of life.

*she would have wished that she could have found someone to share her life with*, I am sure she would have but would that have made her unhappy, I think not. It was her choice and she was happy. That I think follows for everything, being single or being married.. as long as one is happy, it doesn't make one status more desirable than the other.

* Errr.. I am not advertising being single for life, Just feel, it should be a personal choice, and society should not be the judge of whether it is the right or wrong choice.

Another Mru Philo *Being Single is a State of Mind.. Be Single, Be Free and Be Happy* 😆

Just realized, I rambled a lot.. blame it on the low sugar.😆

-- Mru

Hey Fivr, nice post - I am only 21 so I really haven't 'seen the world' yet 😆 but my quick views intermingled with my forseeable hopes :P:

Is it possible for a girl OR a guy to be unmarried "past their prime shadi wali umar" and be perfectly happy/content with it?
Well, yes there are possibly some people out there who are perfectly happy without a jeevan saathi past that marriagable age, maybe because daily life routine has gotten them into a habit whereby it never occurs to them that they are lacking that companionship. Hectic lifestyles take over, and the 24/7 need to make money funda becomes more important, so much so, that those individuals forget the need to 'seek a partner.' Maybe such girls or guys are happy surrounded by the company of their parents and would rather stay with them, or maybe that lack of a partner is made up for by being surrounded by friends or work colleagues. 😕 In the end, it depends on how that person's environment is and what sort of culture they are living in etc etc.

I personally, from experience, have heard back in India of cousin brothers and sisters who are unmarried and that have hit 30 or are past it. People talk and to be honest, judgements are created by others, even by those living abroad, where such issues, would be thought to be ignored. I guess at the end of the day, our culture plays a role in creating that need to get married at a young age. I find it weird that my cousins aren't still married. Yes, despite living abroad, one does, due to parents' influences and constant drumming of such issues, start to pick up and create such opinions. However, I myself would want to get married before such 'taane menne' are thrown on me 😆 Also there are other issues like fertility (blame it on the scientist factor) and 'get married, have kids, shed the weight and maintain it' factor that I think will work well 😆

I agree with you that end of the day, men and women want companionship, and eventually it wil catch up, that 'akelapan' will be more prominent and like you said, seeing friends getting married and siblings/cousins YOUNGER than you get married, would create those sighs and 'if onlys.' Also, isn't that the whole purpose of us being on earth? We as humans have emotions, the biggest one of 'love' so that we can find 'the one' and pass on genes to the next generation and so forth. No one can escape love- there are some who have been able to live a life on their own, be it for religious reasons (devotees), personal family reasons or simply because they just feel like they're better off living life solely for themself rather than sharing it with someone. I couldn't do that 😳

I do hope that they show those elements in Priya's life...hopefully it would be more thoughts that would be projected, in relation to her loneliness...a few words and subtle scenes, where expressions say it all type thing...
Thats my POV 😆

As Vasu said, there is a difference in being alone and being lonely. Being single does not necessarily mean that the person is lonely. A much married woman can too feel lonely.

As a 20-something, being single for rest of your life may seem impossible. As you age, into your 30s and 40s, you just become comfortable with the idea of being single for life and the family pressure also wanes down. The society of late, especially in the metros, is more accepting of single women. Although there are wagging tongues who may even question the sexual orientation.

No one is perfectly content with anything. People do encounter pangs, but how you deal with it that matters. Just because a woman feels lonely, she would not jump in bed with the next available guy.

Talking of permanence in relationships, you cannot count on it in the day and age where every third marriage in the capital ends in a divorce, of which one in five is within the first year itself. Have seen marriages of 15-20 years ending in a divorce. Can always trust one's family to look out for us.

Originally posted by: Eventide

Talking of permanence in relationships, you cannot count on it in the day and age where every third marriage in the capital ends in a divorce, of which one in five is within the first year itself. Have seen marriages of 15-20 years ending in a divorce. Can always trust one's family to look out for us.

You can but uptill a point...what happens when your family passes away and you are the only one left?

If we can't count on the permanence of other relationships, we can't on that either...in one way or the other, they all end...but it is us human beings as a species that are coded to look for companionship so that life goes on...Again, I don't say marriage is the only solution but you can't discount the basic human need for companionship either...Generally we all have our families and they are the only ones that love us unconditionally...but one day it all passes away in the cycle of life too...generally speaking...ofcourse anyone can die at any time...there are no guarantees for any age.