Parents in Serials

I was thinking of where to post this topic but i decided on this forum because Saurabh's role got me started onthinking on this topic. What i am confused about these days - watching Zee TV soaps primarily is, the role that the parents of lead actors/actresses play. In Astitva, before the leap - Abhi's parents were being weird towards Simran - typical saas-bahu situation, and Simran was tolerant of all this - typical response of a matured 35 year old woman! OK with that. But what about the role played by her own father. It seems to me that Saurabh is more to blame for things going wrong in Simran's life than anybody else. There is always complaints rather than support. When there is support, it stems from a resigned attitude rather than a genuine sense of support. Same situation in 'Tumhari Disha' - Disha's Aayi (Suhas??) is making decisions for her. I agree that in a traditional indian setting, parents play an important role in their children's lives. What is outrageous though is that ALL these parents emotionally exploit their children shamelessly. With the stigma attached to divorces, i can understand the reactions of parents of the females, but at the same time, it seems that they care more about their own comfort/happiness than that of their children. e.g. Saurabh being fussy about being left alone when Simran decided (recently) to go live with her in-laws to win back Aastha, causing Sia to stay back. They had shown a couple of discussions about not living together as a family - but not for one second did Simran feel that the happiness of her own kids was more important than that of her father!!!!!!!!! In the real world, this dependence on parents doesnt exist. I noticed the same trend even in 'Kashish' - Pia's father being the one who took the decision that even though Pia has left Anand, she should wait before taking a divorce. In 'Kareena Kareena' - kareena's mom lives with her own father and plays a significant role in kareena's life - "tum yeh nahi karogi varna mujhse bura koi na hoga" types of stuff.

What i cant digest is how come parents are being so pushy towards thier grown-up children??? I understand the care/concern aspect but at the same time i cannot understand this pressure that is almost continuous. Are we moving from a trend of tyrannical saas-bahus to imposing ma-baap??

I see your point to some extent. I do agree that emotionally exploiting children is not good. But I can say that it is very common for Indian parents to be protective about their grown kids.. Saurabh Mathur can be annoying at times but I can understand the father-daughter relationship well because my dad is really protective about me too:-).He certainly does not take major decisions in my life and my parents have given me complete independence, but I have no problems turning to my parents for help and advice if I need to..I value and respect their opinions a great deal. As for the love and bond for my daughter - between my daughter and parents I love and adore both of them equally and could never choose one against the other and neither can I give any less importance to my parents than I do to my daughter.. I do agree that emotionally blackmailing kids is the norm in some serials and they over do that, and is not so very common in everyday life.

You have an excellent point krutilynn.

In India, it's a fact that some parents, be it a boy's or a girl's, continue to try to exert pressure on their fully grown up kids and decide half the things for them. I have known at least half a dozen cases where men and women with their own teenage kids being presurised by their own family to take/not take certain decisions, and in case the kids do not agree,there issues a major fight. This mostly happens if the parents are placed financially well in life and have the power and influence which at many times come into handy of the kids. Unfortunately, in some cases, it's not even in the best interest of the kids !!! We want to think otherwise, but it's not so. This is true of both sides of in laws, depending on who is more dominating or agressive.

Thankfully I myself never had to face this kind of situation, but yes , in the name of advice and good intent, some parents do try to regulate their kid's life. Saurabh and Abhi's mom are more common than we care to think.

I completely agree with what you have said krutilynn. However, I find
Saurabh more annoying of the two set of parents. As far as Abhi's parents
are concerned, yes his mother was a typical tyrannical saas to Simran.
However she did change her attitude . The fact that it did not affect
Simrans married life too much initially is because of Abhi. Abhi has
always been a very headstrong individual who has not listened to his
parents often, whether they were pro-Simran or anti-SImran. One should
also give credit to Abhi for living with Saurabh when his old parents are
living alone too. I think Saurabh pressurising Simran is a result of Simrans
dependency of him. Abhi has defined the boundaries with his parents
fairly well and I think that is why his parents respect those boundaries. I
am not saying that you should insult your parents but at the same time if
you clearly and implicitly state that you are an adult and that you are
capable of taking your own decision, most parents would respect that.
Please see I have said most. I am sure if Simran had told her dad to back
off or been assertive at some point may be Saurabh would have been
different. He does not interfere in Rashmi's life as much after all.

Originally posted by: frosty

I completely agree with what you have said krutilynn. However, I find
Saurabh more annoying of the two set of parents. As far as Abhi's parents
are concerned, yes his mother was a typical tyrannical saas to Simran.
However she did change her attitude . The fact that it did not affect
Simrans married life too much initially is because of Abhi. Abhi has
always been a very headstrong individual who has not listened to his
parents often, whether they were pro-Simran or anti-SImran. One should
also give credit to Abhi for living with Saurabh when his old parents are
living alone too. I think Saurabh pressurising Simran is a result of Simrans
dependency of him. Abhi has defined the boundaries with his parents
fairly well and I think that is why his parents respect those boundaries. I
am not saying that you should insult your parents but at the same time if
you clearly and implicitly state that you are an adult and that you are
capable of taking your own decision, most parents would respect that.
Please see I have said most. I am sure if Simran had told her dad to back
off or been assertive at some point may be Saurabh would have been
different. He does not interfere in Rashmi's life as much after all.

I agree with you on most points. But I think some people tend to be closer to parents than some others.. Of course in the case of Saurabh Mathur he overdid it at times, maybe because he and Simran stayed together for 18 years. Simran also adored and loved her dad. Most children who are sensible do try and explain to their parents politely and gently that they are capabale of taking decisions.

I think there is nothing wrong in Saurabh Mathur staying with his daughter after marriage because he was alone (Don't know where Rashmi stayed). Abhi explained to Aastha the reason for doing so - saying his parents were younger than Saurabh and they had each other. As we once discussed, I think they could have split time between both parents, that would have been the best arrangement. I am glad though that Ajai Sinha did not take the cliched direction of "parents staying only with sons". That is something I don't believe in and I feel both girls and guys have a responsibility towards parents. Glad that this serial was different in that way 😊

I dont see anything wrong with either parents living with their married children...but like "frosty" said, there should be limits of interference and inter-dependence. I mean we consider men who are attached to their mom's pallus as being unreasonable, same applies to people like Dr.Simran...
I am myself extremely attached to my parents, and i ask for their advise constantly, but i know that they have never once tried to emotionally exploit me into doing something because they thought it was the right thing to do. Saurabh Mathur is shown to make decisions for Simran, or else make her feel guilty about her own decisions...thats just disturbing 😊

Originally posted by: krutilynn

I am myself extremely attached to my parents, and i ask for their advise constantly, but i know that they have never once tried to emotionally exploit me into doing something because they thought it was the right thing to do. Saurabh Mathur is shown to make decisions for Simran, or else make her feel guilty about her own decisions...thats just disturbing 😊

I agree. Emotional Exploitation is wrong..Saurabh Mathur can go to extremes and I guess that's typical fo serials! Plus at times I found him hypocritical, the way he hated Abhi and he himself had had a physical relationship with Anjali.. (Though I agree he repented later)