T2 FF :Kaisi Teri Khudgarzi...Discont note on page 134 - Page 83

It was dark and Arjun was again back on his chair for the night. It wasn't unusual though. Arjun had spent endless number of nights on this chair but last few months have changed a few things. First getting back Riya in his house, took him back home almost every successive night of her stay. Then Sameer and Ayesha's wedding lock took him out from his cabin and inside Sameer's house for a night.

But nothing, not even his own home or his own room, could bring him the peace that this leather chair had always given him. The dark ambience in the dead of a night, the silence in the otherwise noisy corridors, the thick brick walls that efficiently covered his defeated state and the table which always kept him away from all those clumsy thoughts, soothed his disturbed nerves more than anything in the world. The room, the chair and the walls had always witnessed his deserted state, his anger, his self-destruction and his grief. They have witnessed the changed Arjun Rawte unlike others.

Arjun knew himself, even how strong he would try to show others, he was always the weakest when he had to convey himself. Most of the time, he didn't know how to express his feelings or he would just mess up everything while trying to do it. Sometimes he would just convey the reverse of what he actually wanted to say. Words were the most fragile weakness of ACP Arjun Rawte.

Today in the morning he had seen Sakshi hurriedly leave Sameer's cabin and walk out towards the gate without giving a glance at anyone else. Though it was a matter of a few seconds he hadn't missed the dejected look on Sakshi's face while she pretended the happy smile at the other curious staff members. The ever talkative girl had gone totally silent, replying the other's curious questions in a word or so.

Arjun had tried to talk to her the night after she had walked out of Sameer's wedding function but couldn't reach her. She had first ignored his calls and then switched off her phone. The whole night the phone remained switched off and he regretted on being so ignorant of her. But then even if he had visited her at her place, she might have just shoved him out abusing him with all her might. Not that he blamed her for her anger but the feel of regret and helplessness was engulfing him somewhere down into the soaking mud.

His futile attempts to reach her annoyed him and he kept the phone aside and tried to sleep, leaving a special reminder to check on her in the morning. But like any other night, sleep was nowhere around him. The moment he would close his eyes his disturbed mind would get back to the moments with Riya, trying to sooth itself, leaving him more shattered and broken. When finally the images started tormenting him, he walked to the terrace, only to find the solace of his broken soul there. Riya.

The back of the chair slanted as he leaned his weight on it. Just a night back, he had her so close to him. The warm embrace, the unspoken desires, the desperateness of the moment came fleeting back at him. He closed his eyes trying to ignore every thought that clouded his senses, but they kept coming back leaving him awake all night.

[If anyone has forgotten..this flashback is the continuation of the terrace scene at Sameer's house]

They didn't know how long they had spent in each others arms. It seemed like a life time and still they didn't wanna give up on the other. None had voiced out a word, no accusations, no griefs, no tears, it remained as their silent apology to have broken the other unknowingly or knowingly.

The breeze was getting chilling as the night passed and moved towards the dawn. Arjun could feel Riya shiver as the cold breeze touch her exposed skin or blow into her dress. His arms would habitually wrap her closer giving her the warmth of his body. She wouldn't object either. There wasn't any moment of uncomfortness anymore between the two. They felt like the only solace of the otherwise shattered hearts.

Another gust of wind blew brining in a few drops of water with it. Arjun felt her lips move as the droplet touch at her back. He loosened the grip on her and looked up at the sky. Occasional thunders lighted the sky at times. Though it wasn't the season of occasional rains, it might start pouring today.

'lagta hain aj barish hogi...' Riya's voice made him look back at her. She had stepped away from him and was again trying to control her flying hair, while the anklets chimed between her fingers.

'tum payal kabse pehene lag gayi?' he asked slowly pulling the ornament from her palm.

'maat pucho, Sab Ayesha ki kartoot hain, khud shadi kar rahi hain, aur mujhe dulhan ki tarah sajna parega, sukar karo, uski sari demands nehi mani, warna sach main dulhan hi lagti,' Riya giggled turning back to the wind to knot up her hair,

'kyu aisa kya demand kiya tha usne?' Arjun asked her,

'kya nehi kiya wo pucho...shadi wali dress, jewellery..pagal hu kya, socho aise koi dress up karta hain dost ki shadi mein?' she turned an questioning gaze at him,

Arjun smiled at her.

'Sameer, Aisha yelog humare dost kaha hain Riya? They are our only family. Family member ki shadi main aise dressup to kar hi sakti thi..' Arjun explained,

'pata hain per sach kahu? Ab chahti bhi hu to maan nehi karta...wo sab kuch jo pehele khusi deta tha, ya irritate karta tha, ab sirf takleef deti hain...aur main tumhari tarah itni takleef main...' she turned back her gaze at him.

He looked away, turning his back at her. He didn't want to see the pain in her eyes again.

'ek baat puchu tumse Arjun?' Riya walked close to him.

'hmm,' Arjun replied giving a distant look.

'tum Sakshi se...' the words trailed off as a thunder broke hard and the light flashed at his face.

In the tiny faded moment Riya noticed the stiffened jaws, which stiffened further with one mention of the name. The sky roared as Arjun turned to her instantly and the anklet fell from his released fist on the ground. His eyes held a fear which later was replaced with disappointed and anger. She stepped back from him looking at the fallen anklets. She was suddenly feeling scared of him.

'Arjun...main...' she murmured, looking up from the chimming anklets.

'tum kya janna chahti ho Riya?' he asked her, narrowing his gaze on her.

'Wo...nehi kuch nehi...' Riya replied and looked down. She signed and bent down to pick up the fallen anklet.

Riya picked it up and held it in her fist. She was lost looking at the end of the metal hanging from her fisted palm when she felt a tug at it. She looked up to find Arjun kneeling in front of her holding on the loose end. She frowned at him and his gaze turned away, though his fingers still kept clutching on the metal.

Riya left the anklet and stood up. She turned back to leave when she heard arjun's voice in the darkness.

'Main Sakshi se pyar nehi karta Riya...maine to kabhi bhi...' he started speaking,

'per Sakshi tumse pyar karti hain...' riya turned back at him,

Arjun nodded his head exhaling sharply into the air. Riya again returned back beside him.

'tumne Sakshi ko ye baat batayi?' she asked him,

'haan...sab bataya usse...per tab tak bohot late ho chukka tha...uske parents ko bhi pata chal gaya aur...everything messed up...ab Sakshi mujhse nafrat karti hain,aur mujhe daar hain kahi khud ko hurt na kar de,' he replied looking at the lighting sky,

'its obvious na Arjun...she is hurt, by the only one whom she loved and trusted blindly,' Riya spoke up defeated,

'maine to hamesha sabko hurt hi kiya hain Riya. Pehele Aayi, fir tum, ab Sakshi..main chaha kar bhi kabhi kisiko khush kyu nehi rakh pata Riya?' he asked her, looking at her closely,

'tumne fir kabhi Aayi se nehi mile?' she asked him concerned,

'nehi...unki aakhon main pyar dekhne main daar lagta hain, aur firwo akeli thori hain? Mr. Rawte bhi to hain unke saath...main aayi ko aur takleef nehi de sakta,' he replied back, leaning his back on the wall parapet,

'meri wajah se tum bilkul akele par gaye ho na? na family na koi apna...Sam bhi tumse bohot naraz tha na?' she looked up at his face holding on his shirt, with tears in her eyes,

'I deserved it Riya.. meri galtio ki sazaa...khair, meri baat choro, tum to abhi ek kabil undercover officer ho, department main kafi famous bhi ho, tum apne papa ke pass wapas nehi gayi?' he asked her wiping the wetness below her eyes,

Riya signed and dragged herself down on the ground. She sat there with her back leaning on the wall. She felt Arjun's intense gaze on her. She picked up a small pebble from the floor and threw it at a distance.

'I am successful as an officer Arjun, but I am a big failure as his daughter. Main unke pass kaise wapas jau?' she replied back still looking at a distance.

The words made him realize her distressed and shattered self and he kneeled before her. They sat in front of the other, their knees touching each other as they conveyed their pains. Riya's gaze was still stuck at a distance. Arjun could feel the deep pained look in her eyes.

'Arjun, Papa had never wanted me to become an officer. He had always disgraced this profession for a woman. It is true I have proved him wrong. A lady could be an equally good officer as any gentle man, but trust me Arjun what I have gained in all this while couldn't even pay for the tiniest part of what I have lost. I lost myself, my peace, my strength, I lost you arjun. I don't know how many times I have hurt you, I don't know how much I am bruised, myself. I have lost emotions, I hardly can feel nowadays. i have turned completely immune to laughter, to happiness, to life. I was injured an innumerable times, I have killed a thousand lives. I have lost my motherhood. I have destroyed my family. I lost my friends. Whats there that I can boast about in front of my Father? What would I tell him? I am a famous IPS officer who has recived a bravery award for her undercover mission? What if he ever asks about His daughter? I am no longer the daughter, the girl he had loved and nurtured with so much of care. I am scared Arjun that he might disgrace me for this...' Riya burst into tears, holding her head in her palms.

Arjun held onto her palms and allowed her to cry. His eyes didn't move from her. It had started drizzling, wetting the back of his palm. She was shaking while she cried the tears of loneliness and regret. Arjun was reliving all the moments when he had seen her heavily injured in an undercover mission but couldn't even dare to meet her in person. He would ask about her health, would even arrange for special security with officers he trusted with, but everything would just swallow down when he would keep himself behind the door of the cabin she was admitted. She never had come to know, how much concerned and stressed he was when she was hurt.

He felt her hands move and Riya wipe her cheeks, trying hard to compose herself. He removed his palm when he remembered the last case when ETF had helped her with her undercover case about Albert Dcosta and someone had informed about an injured Riya. Though she had recovered gradually and Sam had kept the whole matter into wrap all the while, he didn't much know what had actually happened to her in the mission. Though it disturbed him his arrogance never asked her.

According to the medical report she was severely beaten and a drug was injected into her vein which made her weak and numb. The case details were quite less and said the evidences she had collected in the operation were destroyed or taken away. Later the case was closed as a failed undercover operation and within a month the file went missing.

Though it all was a feed for his disturbing instincts, he hadnt bothered much then, as the commissioner seened to have covered the case with utmost case. Even Sameer was a part in hiding stuff then. But today he could feel the instincts kick back and his curious self wanted to know exactly what had happened to her, which needed so much of wrap.

'Riya can I ask you something?' he asked,

Riya nodded her head still wiping her moist cheeks.

'Albert Dcosta ke case mein kya hua tha? How did you fail and how was it that you didn't have any backup for the evidences?' he asked her, concentrating his gaze on her face, which looked strange,

Riya looked up at him for a moment and then turned away. Her face had drained color and she looked scared. She blinked her eyes several times and stood up.

'tumhe iss bare main kyu janna hain?' she asked, the voice slowly getting firm,

'tum Sam ko ya Mujhe report kar rahi thi. Achanak kuch din se gayab aur fir ek aadmi ne hume inform kiya tumhari body beach main pari hain. We need to take you to the hospital immediately. Wo aadmi kaun tha? Aur baad main ye case close ho gaya...kyu?? Tum injured thi..kisne injure kiya tha tumhe?? Fir kabhi ye case reopen kyu nehi hua? And most important 6 months ka mission and you didn't have a single evidence in backup? How? What was it Riya? Sab wo case dabane pe tule the, kyu?' he asked her,

'tum iss case ke bare main kyu janna chahte ho? Ye kafi purana case hain..aur..' riya muttered, her voice was shaking and she looked disturbed,

'mujhe batao Riya...main janna chahta hu...kya hua tha tumhe?' he probed further,

'mujhe iss bare main kuch nehi kehena...Arjun wo mera case hain...I cant..' she hesitated,

'kyu nehi bata sakti? The case is closed...fir ab to...kya chupa rahi ho tum?' he asked again, this time getting more serious,

Riya remained silent but her features showed her fear and reluctance. Arjun clutched onto her arm and she turned to him scared.

'Riya...' he called out,

'Stop forcing me to give out my professional details ACP Arjun Rawte, or I might have to complain about this,' Riya barked at him and walked out hurriedly taking the steps downstairs.

The gestures from Riya and the last few words gave a strange feel to Arjun. His strong cop instincts pricked him and he knew there was something she was hiding. He had not taken much attention towards the case earlier but now he wanted to look into it himself. He knew Sameer had earlier wrapped it up carefully and not much information was revealed in the white sheets which thickened the files. But now, he had to know the secret behind it. Something told him, it was necessary.

************

Aisha checked her watch again and signed. She was continuously checking the lights inside Sameer's cubicle from the past 2 hours. It was still glowing. Almost all the staffs have left by this odd hour and she has rejected every offer to drop her home. She had once tried to speak to Sameer, but he had kept himself busy inside his cabin from the morning and had ordered everyone to avoid disturbing him, until it's absolutely necessary. Something inside disturbed her and she knew it was related to the morning incident at Riya's house.

Aisha shut down her computer and started bunching up the papers. Though it was just the second day of their marriage, she understood she might have to leave alone for home tonight, or he might not return at all. It was his habit. He always kept himself busy and secluded when something disturbed or stressed him. The disadvantages to staying alone in a busy city for a long time.

She stood up picking up her bag to leave. She gave a last glance at Sameer's cabin. There wasn't any change at all. The light was glowing and she could see the sillhouette of the figure working at the desk through the thick glass door. In any other day she would have barged inside and pulled him out with her, but today things were much more tensed than she could think. She would have to get the things clear with him as soon as she can. But what worried her more was, how everything to turn out to be. She didn't want to lie to him and she knew he would understand, but things were much sourer than she could have imagined. Especially when Mac had returned back in her life.

She blinked her eyes and stepped ahead towards the door slowly. She quietly walked through the corridor and moved ahead towards the main door when her gaze spontaneously turned towards Arjun's cabin and she saw him as usual sitting inside lost in some deep thoughts. She was in a delimna if she should interlude his trance and stood their looking at the lone figure when someone tapped at her shoulder. She turned back with a jerk and found Sameer looking at her. He had the usual casual expression on his face. Neither he looked stressed nor angry.

'tum abhi tak gayi nehi?' he frowned at her,

'bas abhi nikal rahi thi...wo,' she turned towards the glass wall which showed Arjun sitting on his chair,

'iske bare main soch rahi thi?' Sameer followed her gaze,

'pata nehi ye banda firse kab wahi purana wala Arjun banega...iski zindagi kab thik hogi?' she replied irritation visible in her voice,

'purana wala Arjun, ye shayad hi kabhi baan paye aur shayad wahi acha hain Aisha...iski purani zindagi ki wajah se isne bohot se logo ko takleef di hain...aur kuch takleefe kabhi khatam nehi hoti...shayad ab wo dard ka matlab samaj le,' sameer replied back,

'Samaj jayega to kya takleef kam ho jayegi? Jo dard usne diya hain...jo galtiya usne ki hain...wo kabhi nehi mit sakta... wo galti hamesha chubti rahegi... hum sirf usse ignore kar sakte hain aur kuch nehi...aise apne ap ko takleef deke..' Aisha mumbled back,

'kuch zakham aise hota hain Aisha jinne hum ignore nehi kar sakte...aur kar bhi de to kabhi kabhi wo khud samne aa jata hain,' Sameer said looking at Arjun.

Aisha looked at him instantly. Did he mean to speak about her? Or was he giving her a hint to get the whole thing out in front of him? Did it hurt him to know she had hidden something from him? But how would he know what made Vishal so angry? How did he know Vishal? Just coz he was Riya's friend or was there anything else to it?

'Aisha??chalo ghar chalte hain,' Sameer's voice brought her back and she looked away embarrassed. She nodded slightly and Sameer smiled turning back towards the door. They walked down to the parking and soon the car drove towards their home.

The journey to home was a usual silent one. Sameer was concentrating on the road while Aisha kept her gaze outside the window. Though both knew the other was disturbed but none wanted to stress the situation more. Silence was the only soothing feel at that moment. Later the dinner at a roadside food stall was an equally silence filled one. They munched onto the food bluntly. Neither the taste nor the warmth mattered then. A light quick dinner satisfied their grumbling stomach and they again set off to reach their home.

*********

Aisha entered the bedroom switching out all the lights in the house to heard Sameer shouting at someone. She looked around for him and found him standing at the attached balcony with one hand on his hip and the other holding the phone on his ear. He was replying to someone but his tone showed visible anger and frustration. She stepped at the opened door to hear the conversation. On hearing carefully she understood Sameer was speaking to Arjun about some old missing case file. She tried to listen further when Samee frustratedly ended the call.

'Rawte, abhi raat ke 2 baj rahe hain aur tumhe ek purana missing case file chahiye? Have you lost it completely? Tum nehi sote iska matlab ye nehi ki duniya main koi nehi sota. Karna kya chahte ho tum? Bakwas band karo aur phone rakho. Dubara call kiya to tumhe kal hi ETF se nikalwa dunga, fir dundte rehena case file,' the words ended the call and Sameer frustratedly hit his palm on the railings.

Aisha couldn't understand his sudden anger. Arjun was famous for such unreasonable demands at the oddest hours and Sameer had faced it a lot of times earlier, but never had he ever tried to suppress the demand like today nor had she ever seen him so angry and frustrated before. Aisha stepped into the balcony and found him leaning on the metal railing looking at the empty garden thoughtfully. She touched his back and he turned his head, breathing out loudly.

'kya hua? Arjun kis file ki baat kar raha tha?' she asked him concerned,

'wo kuch nehi..choro...chalo sone chalte hain...' he replied and straightened to get inside.

Aisha held his arm and turned him to face her.

'kuch kehena chahte ho?' she asked him curiously,

'nehi kyu? Tum kuch sunna chahti ho?' he replied back,

'nehi wo ahhh...' she started but found herself lost in words,

'Aisha??' he called her,

Aisha shook her head and stepped back inside the room. Sameer followed her after a moment closing the door behind him. Sameer lied down and pulled up the folded blanket. Aisha too switched the lights off and lied down, shifting closer to him. Sameer wrapped his arm around her pulling the blanket closer to cover her too. Aisha lay awake looking at Sameer, whose face showed tiredness. She felt his face shift closer and rest at the nook of her shoulder and she brushed her fingers through his hair lovingly. He didn't move. Just remained there with closed eyes, feeling the love and care his wife showed him. His fingers slowly started tracing small circles at her waist.

It was sometime and both were still awake cuddling into each other when finally Aisha broke the awkward silence.

'Sameer...' she called him moving the tips of his hair from his forehead,

'hmm...' he hummed at her neck,

'tumse kuch puchna tha..' she told him firmly,

'pucho,' he replied,

'wo Riya ka dost...subah jo mila...' she started trying to straighten on the bed,

'haan...Vishal...ACP Vishal Malhotra, ussi ka ghar hain, Riya waha paying guest reheti hain..' he replied punching his face on the pillow as Aisha moved away,'

'haan wahi...' Aisha murmured to herself thoughtfully,

'kya hua Aisha? Kya kehe rahi ho?' Sameer asked looking up at her with narrow eyes,

'tum usse kaise jante ho Sameer?' she frowned at him,

'Wo Riya ka dost hain Aisha...uske ghar main hi mila tha,' Sameer pounced back on the pillow, removing his hand from her waist,

'ohh...' she hummed,

''kyu? Kya hua? Tum bhi janti hona usse?' Sameer looked up from the pillow,

'haan...nehi...main...tum..' she stammered looking at him.

Sameer leaned himself on his elbow on the pillow and looked up at her.

'tumhare chehere pe saaf likha hain Aisha...' he smiled,

'haan wo ek undercover pe...I didn't knew he is an ACP...main...'she stopped and looked away,

'Its okay Aisha...don't worry..i wont ever ask you anything...agar tumhe kabhi kuch batana ho to bata dena,' he pressed her palm and patted her cheeks.

'Sameer..'

'chalo so jate hain...bohot neend aa rahi hain,' he replied kissing her nose and again fell on his pillow. Within minutes he was snoring hard, while Aisha spent her sleepless night in her thinking about her past.

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