Arakshi - Don't Give Up On Me - (Epilogue - Pg 36) - Page 7

Chapter VI: The Breakdown

He stared at his once-upon best friend thinking he must be out of his mind. It was not that he didn't want to take care of Sakshi, he just couldn't. His life was way too miserable to share it with another person. His home, which was once filled with the musical laughter of his beautiful wife, was now invaded by echos of her last screams and her last breaths. His home which was once blessed with love, now it just spewed gloominess. Those beautiful memories of his home only brought back pain for him and he couldn't take Sakshi to those surroundings. He couldn't let her know that it took his every last breath to step into that apartment. Roshini was in every part of that home. It felt like as if her essence had seeped in to those light purple walls... her favorite color. As if her memory was locked in to every piece of decoration. Every nook and corner reminded him of Roshini, along with that it reminded him of the mistake he made and how he lost her.

"ACP Arjun Rawte." Rathod's stern voice brought him out of his broken memories.

"I am not taking her with me Rathod." He had his cold face on again. "She needs care and I can't provide that." The last part of that sentence came out as a torturous whisper as he stared straight into Rathod's eyes.

For that one moment he saw his best friend's eyes not ACP Rathod's, but those emotions in Rathod eyes left as soon as they came. Rathod's face hardened again and he glared at Arjun.

"I am not asking if you can take her with you or not. It's an order." Rathod's voice stung Arjun's open wounds. "If you disobey me, your termination letter will be in your hand and your license will be under radars."

Radars meant his record would never be clean. He would never be a head strong officer and he won't have authority... which he needed for his work. Radars meant that the termination stain would live with him till his last breath. He couldn't afford that. He needed to keep his records clean. He needed to work with pride. Radar and Pride didn't belong in same category for that matter. Beside that he still loved his job, granted that it was painful now with all those heartbreaking memories, but he still loved it. But most important of all he still had to prove that Roshini's death was not his fault... at least to Rathod.

Rathod gave him one last look and left to meet Sakshi. Arjun sat on the varnished benches and held his head in his hands. He didn't know why Rathod made this decision. He didn't know whether this was a punishment or a way to make up for what Sakshi did for him... either way it was just not the right thing to do. In just these few weeks Sakshi had changed him drastically. He knew if he brought her along, she would change him. She would do anything to bring happiness and he was scarred of happiness. A moment of happiness always cost him years of pain.

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She couldn't wait to get out of those dull white sheets and go see her baba. It had been so long that she hadn't seen him. She was tired of those sickening white walls. Even though white was one of her favorite color, staying at hospital for so long made her dislike this color. Her eyes sparkled when all the members of ETF were there to take her home. She was aware of her legs by now, but that didn't stop her from smiling. Her disability didn't stop her from being happy. She was still thankful for this day.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she also knew that she was in denial somewhat. Because when the nurse brought the wheelchair, a part of her heart just broke. She froze for a second or two because she knew she won't be able to walk. I can't walk. That thought was haunting her unconsciously, but she scoffed it away. Aisha had given her words of courage and enough strength that Sakshi knew at least it will keep her strong for a while. Sakshi also noticed a hint of sadness in Aisha's voice and her eyes. Aisha also avoided any topic that had anything to do with Rathod. Aisha just seemed so distant and Sakshi couldn't understand why. Before she could decipher what was going on between Aisha and Rathod, Rathod dropped the bomb on her.

"Arjun is gonna take you home." He said with slight smile.

"Okay." She couldn't have asked for anything else. He was dropping her home and with that she would be able to have some alone time with him.

"He means he is going to take you to his house." Lisa said with awkward smile.

"uhh... WHAT." Sakshi moved her gaze from one face to another, but they all just stared at her nervously.

"He is responsible for all this, so he have to take care of you." Rathod said sternly.

"No, no, no, no... He is not responsible for anything. I took the bullet because I wanted to. He has nothing to do with what I did, so it means I don't need him to take care of me. I am fully capable of taking care of myself."

She was mad now. How can they just make me live with him? She didn't want to be burden on him. She didn't want to make him feel worse. She knew he was already blaming himself. She had seen the worry lines on his forehead. She had seen the dark circles under his eyes. She had also seen the guilt in his eyes. She had heard the subtle pain in his words. She didn't want to add anymore pain to his already damaged life. She rather wanted to make him happy. She wanted to make his life less miserable and her ETF members were not helping her in anyway. Her eyes scanned the room and he was not there. She stared at Rathod.

"You have to go with him." Rathod's voice said it all. There was no chance that he would change his decision.

"But Sameer..." She tried, but he just shook his head.

She sighed as they all slowly started to leave. They all wanted to stay by her side, but they couldn't. There were too many cases pending on their tables and many criminals out there to be caught. The nurse slowly helped her sit on the wheelchair and she thanked her. It felt weird, but she pushed aside the negative thoughts. The door slowly opened and there he was standing there and the same painful silence lay between them yet again. Her eyes were fixed on him as he took every step towards her. She watched his every movement, but he didn't look at her even once. His eyes scanned everything, but refuse to meet hers. He took hold of her wheelchair and wheeled it out slowly. She was waiting for him to say something... anything was fine, she wanted him to complain, refuse, say something about Rathod... even yell, but he didn't say anything. All the way until the car there were no words between them.

She couldn't take her eyes off of him when he wrapped his arms around her to put her in the car. His touch still had the same electrifying effect on her. She stared at his clenched jaw as he buckled her in the seat. He must have felt her stare at him as he finally looked at her in the eyes. She felt him stiffened as he finally settled his gaze on her. For some unknown reason she slowly moved her hand and touched his cheek. He flinched with that contact and looked away. Sakshi just closed her eyes in disappointment and heaved a heavy sigh. After a while she felt the doors close and also the car started moving. All she wanted to do was make him feel better, but he refused to feel anything. Why Arjun? Why can't you just let go of the pain?

When he opened the door and brought her in to the room, she was surprised. The apartment seemed like nobody has lived there for years. It was clean, in fact there wasn't even one visible speck of dust. The apartment just seemed so... painful. Everything was so organized and in it's place. It seemed less like home, more like a hotel. But there was something that told her that a happy couple lived here once, the colors and interior decorations. The apartment was set in shades of purple. There were beautiful frames of different kids along with Arjun and a girl. She must be Roshini. Sakshi thought. She felt pained slightly as she stared at those pictures.

She just observed him, as he told her everything she needed. He seemed so cold and distant that it killed her inside. He was so near yet so far away.

He bid her good night and left for his room. She put her head on the pillow. As soon as her cheek hit the soft pillow, sleep took over her. It was not until midnight that her throat felt dry. With the help of bedhead she sat up. She looked around for water and it was on the side table. She tried to get up, but she couldn't. She tried over and over, she just couldn't. Finally when she touched her legs, it hit her that she couldn't move 'em anymore. The denial she was living in for past few days was finally wearing off. She was trying hard to not feel anything, but the sadness was creeping up to her. I can't move. That thought was keep on haunting her. She reached for the glass of water, but before she could grasp it, it fell down and shattered in pieces. As she stared at those broken pieces, it broke her too. It broke her strength and she let out the painful scream. That was her breakdown, which she buried in her heart for so long.

Part VII: Pg 14

Unres!