Pompy, this one is for you. đI had to destroy my moral compass before writing it. đIt did not turn out the way I wanted it to.đ
Part 1:
As his body temperature was rising, his urge to have her beside him was also increasing. The fever has not only made him physically weak but also mentally handicapped. The need to be held tightly by someone was never this strong ever. He was always very practical, but the fever has made him irrational. He knows Anu is busy at SH taking care of Toshu, yet he wants her to come to him. He is holding his cell phone for an hour, hesitating to call her. He does not want to come between her responsibilities. He is struggling with the urge to call her. After struggling for a while, the selfless part of him surrendered. "Let the selfish part of me take the front seat today, I can always blame my feverâ, he said to himself.
Anuj: Hello Anu. What are you doing?
Anu: Sitting beside Toshu. What are you doing? Are you alright?
Anuj:I am not. I have a high fever. I am feeling drained out. I feel so lonely. Please come to me.
Anu(crying): I am Surry. Please forgive me. I can't come now. Toshu needs me. Please take medicine and try to sleep. I am Surry.
Anuj: Toshu has his wife and father with him. I am alone. I won't request you ever.
Anu: Surry, Surry, Surry. Please, please forgive me. I am his mother. I cant leave him like this. I feel restless if I am not beside my sick son.
He knew she has her priorities set. He always knew, but did not have the courage to accept the simple truth. He cut the call. Memories of her leaving him when he was paralyzed for Pariâs homecoming flashed before his eyes. He was stuck in a wheelchair when she, decked in a beautiful silk saree and gajra, went to celebrate her grand daughterâs homecoming. He never felt so worthless as he felt that day. Each time this memory haunts him, he consoles himself by saying that she has multiple responsibilities. But, today he knows responsibilities did not hold her back. She can let go of all her responsibilities if love demands, just as today she neglected her responsibilities of a wife for the love of her kids. She never loved him. It's as simple that.
His thoughts were interrupted by a voice.
MAAya: The pizza you ordered has arrived. Should I bring it to your room?
Anuj: I am not feeling like eating anything. Put it on the freeze.
MAAya: Today you ordered food every hour, but did not take even a bite from any of them. All would have eventually rotted inside the freeze, so I dumped all of them in the garbage. I have made soup. Please at least have some.
Anuj: Nah. I drank the soup you made in the morning. It was tasteless.
MAAya: Try now. I have prepared some more and added a new spice.
After a while, she entered his room with two bowls of soup. She gave one bowl to him and kept one with her.
MAAya: Take a few sips. If you don't like, I won't force.
Anuj:Ok. Only a few sip.
MAAya: I had to dump lots of food in the garbage today. You wasted a lot of food today.
Anuj; Yeah. Sorry. Wasting food is bad.
MAAya: Not always. Your wasted food is what kept us alive. During the last months of pregnancy, I had no customers so I had no money. I waited hours outside restaurants. After the closing of the restaurants, the staffs used to distribute the wasted foods among penniless people. I was one of them. While eating, I wondered what's the story behind this wasted food. Did the couple left eating midway because they had a fight? Was the girl unable to finish the food because her boyfriend told her some harmful words or did the boy lose his appetite because his girlfriend told him useless? Whatever the reason was, I always thanked them for wasting their food as it kept me alive.
Though she was laughing while talking, Anuj noticed she was trying very hard to control her tears. Suddenly, he was consumed with guilt for judging her.
MAAya: Look who finished the soup?
Anuj was surprised to look at the empty bowl.
Anuj: This soup was so tasty, unlike the one you made in the morning.
MAAya: It's the soup from the morning. I heated it and added a little spice.
Anuj: What spice?
MAAya: It's called the company. When our bodies fall sick, our mind desires to lean on to another body. When we lose our appetite, the only spice that can bring back appetite is the company of another person who genuinely cares for us. I have fallen sick so many times. I was all alone, I desperately wished someone to sit beside me, to take a bite with me. There was no one. But, when I was pregnant I never felt lonely. I enjoyed every meal as each time I ate I knew my baby was eating with me.
She bursted into tears. He did not know how to comfort her. Suddenly, he felt a strong urge to hold her tightly and thank her for all the pains she had to endure all by herself to bring his little bundle of joy into this world. He despised himself for even wanting to snatch the baby from her.
MAAya (after forcibly putting herself together): I am giving you medicines. After taking them, try to sleep.
Anuj: Give me the sleeping pills also.
MAAya: No way. I am seeing you are popping sleeping pills like chocolates for the past few days. You don't even have a prescription for them.
Anuj: I can't sleep without them. My whole body is in pain.
MAAya: Try to sleep. I am sitting beside you. If you canât sleep within the next thirty minutes, I will let you have the pills.
She applied balm on his forehead and caressed his hair while he tried to sleep.
It was early morning when he woke up. She was still sitting beside her, half asleep, but still caressing his hair affectionately.
MAAya: See, you could sleep without pills.
Anuj was thinking, "What makes us sleep peacefully? Is it the feeling that while we sleep someone is wide awake thinking about us or the urge to waking up to the face with who we want to spend our day?
She was yawning yet trying to smile.
MAAya Now wake up. Freshen up. I need to sleep a bit.
While she was going out, Anuj wished to stop her. He wished to tell her, "Come, sleep beside me. Let us hold each other so tightly that not a shred of loneliness creeps between us. Not just our fingers but let our souls be interlocked in such a way that melancholy can not penetrate through them.
He could not express what he felt. He knew what he felt was wrong but why it feels so right? He has started walking on the forbidden path, and he knew there is no turning back.