A/N did not like the way they concluded Mukku's journey and here's my bitter-sweet touch to it. If you liked it, do let me know your inputs and thank you for reading this.
SONG: Teri Khushiyan (Sister's Song) Link: Here
Dear Bhai,
Aap soch rahe honge ki ye kya hai, aur koi dimaag ka daura toh nahi padh gaya hai na aapki behen ko. Well then I will clarify that, no, I am perfectly fine meri jaan, aur mujhe kuch ho hi nahi sakta, I mean, koi mera kuch nahi bigaad sakta.
Issliye nahi ki main Malvika Kapadia hu, issliye kyuki main Anuj Kapadia ki Mukku hu.
I know, I know, I am getting a lot senti as I write this and am also giving you the respect I never gave you, because life has yet once again, been a teacher, the strict kind, and I have failed once again in its test. Aapko toh pata hai bhai, main aur tests, kabhi saath aatey nahi. Bachpan se leke aaj tak, I have cheated in all my difficult exams and tests, and not because I was too dumb to fair well in them, but because padhna was super boring. You remember how you would try to teach me last-end sums and I would yawn it off.
I wish I could have treasured all of your life-teachings too this way, toh shayad ye dinn nahi aata.
Life ke exams main copying ka option hai hi nahi, warna I swear, I swear main pass toh ho jaati.
But, life main itni baar fail ho chuki ho ki, abh results aane se pehle hi bhaag jaati hu. I always pictured a perfect life for us, where we would always be together, much like that song we would listen to whenever I'd be upset and you'd sneak in and play that song and then hug me.
I miss those days, honestly, I miss being a carefree Mukku who would always have her big brother to hold her. But abh hum bade ho gaye hai, aur abh accountability aur responsibility, dono leni padegi.
Well, do not be surprised as I throw these random English words, which by the way, is a result of my incessant reading and travelling around the world. You will not believe the amount of experiences and the languages I have learnt through these random trips I take and yes, I love running away from my problems, because more than that, the sheer joy of coming back to you is the best thing that happens in my life.
Bohot pyaar karti hu aap se, aur hamesha karungi.
But, you know me, the wounds I have and the pain I have buried deep down in my heart, keeps resurfacing every month like a nightmare and then I fall back in that spiral of negativity again. You are the best anti-depression pill I have, and I know ki zindagi may not like me, and will keep slapping me wounds of the past, but I know for a fact that I will always have you and warm arms ready to take me back.
I have to go, I really have to leave, the past is hunting for me, it's chasing me every day and now that I have rejuvenated myself with your love and care, I am ready to run away again. Does running away make me a coward? I guess, you could say that, but I would rather run away bhai, than bear it all over again.
You know me right, I am a free bird, and a bird is always happy when left open than caged.
What's funny is that your love and care is more like the freedom to me and my running away is the cage I am binding myself into, and maybe someday, when we are old and my back hurts from all the emotional baggages I carry, we could both settle down somewhere close by and I can take all the therapies and medicines and everything that could ease my pounding heartbeats, but for now, I have to run away.
Does that mean that I don't love you?
No, I love you, always have and always will.
Aap shayad apne aap ko adopted samajte honge, par main nahi. For me, you will be more closer to me than my own blood family would ever be. Mom and Dad are dead, they died in the car accident and left me back with scars and nightmares, but they also left me back to you, bhai. You are the reason that I am alive, and no matter what, I will always owe my life to you. Mom and Dad's accident, or my abusive ex-husband was not your doing, they were mere coincidences that they were linked through you but I have accepted that these incidents have made who I am today.
Haan, dard hota hai, aaj bhi, hamesha hoga, but, I have you, my solace, my peace and my medicine.
Coming back to you this time was amazing, seeing you settling down with the love of your life pinches my heart a bit, of course I am jealous that now I gotta share you but more than that, I am happy that there is someone now who can make you the most happiest, because you deserve it. You deserve to be the most happiest man in this world and sorry that I could not give you any happiness, in fact, I added to your stress and insecurities, made you feel worthless and inadequate but trust me, these were not my intent.
Bewakoof hu thodi, aur jhalli bhi, par aapki Mukku kabhi bhi khudgarz nahi hai aur na kabhi hogi.
I am heading to Paris, this is where Mom and Dad went to their honeymoon, soch rahi wahi se phir wapas London jaati hu, humare purane ghar main, baad ka baad mein but when I do return to India, you better be married to Anupamaa and you better give that woman all that she deserves and make sure you get some love back too, itna bhi mat dena ki apne aap ke liye kuch rahe na.
You are the most precious gem of my life, 24 carat pure gold ho aap, aur main, sirf aapki Mukku banke rehna chahti hu.
I have always considered life to be unfair, very unfair, because not only did I lose my parents at a tender age, I watched them die, not only did my marriage break, that bond broke my soul too, my self-esteem, my worth and my dignity.
But life is also fair, because against all these tragedies, I have you, and if I weigh you against them, they won't even come close to the happiness I get from you and ye kya, aise aur do-chaar tragedies bhi ho toh bhi haste haste seh lungi, kyuki Anuj Kapadia jo mere saath hoga.
Right? Aap honge right?
I am going to assuming that by now you must be crying and nodding your head, and smiling too and haaye, nazar na lage aapki smile ko.
I promise, I am going to miss your calls, leave you on read, never reply instantly, always ghost you but I also promise that jab life main thodi khusiyan wapas chahiye, toh I'll hop right back in your arms and woh bhi pure haq se.
Do not worry about me, and bhai, never forget that saari umar hume sang rehna hai
And no matter what, I will always be your little sister.
Aapki,
Mukku
p.s. frame this letter, because ain't no way you are going to get another one of these from me
p.p.s I love you and GK ko mera bohot saara pyaar dena, aur thoda Anupamaa ko bhi.
Teri Khusiyan ban main jeewa,
Meri Khusiyan ban tu jeewe
Itni si hai dil ki Arzoo
Jab hasdi tu khil jaawe
Jab rondi, mainu behlawe,
Itni si hai dil ki Arzoo
Mannat Har Khushi Paane Ki
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