Chapter 43

Lifting his hand cautiously, she turned to his side and then let his hand fall on her hip. Their faces were inch apart. She grinned as she didn't expect this scene on the next morning after their fight. She knew that he must have been really angry. Otherwise how could have he managed to ignore her for one full day.

Kushi knew that he was safe as Anjali's phone kept buzzing every ten minutes. She also knew that he was calling to ask about her to Anjali. Kushi could have talked to him through his sister but she wanted him to forgive her and attend her phone call. So she kept on calling until she received a text message from him stating he will not be coming home.

Kushi understood that he was not angry but was actually hurt by her words. She was upset however she fell asleep soon due to the tiredness and effect of medicines she took. In her sleep, she had felt him. But she didn't dare to open her eyes as she was scared that it might be just her imagination. After all why should he come back to her considering she was at fault?

Kushi grinned. Of course he would come back to her because he loves her more than anyone in the world. Kushi allowed her eyes to roam over his perfectly chiselled face. She loves to watch him sleeping which happens rarely as he was early riser. He looks innocent and peaceful while sleeping. Involuntarily, her fore-finger started to trace the path used by her eyes on his face from forehead to jaw line; then along the flawless jaw line before caressing his day old stubble.

She too loves him a lot more than he could imagine. But still was hurting him because she was confused and frightened. Will he try to understand her if he comes to know that she did everything just because she was scared? Because she was afraid even to dream? He might find it silly but only Kushi know how difficult it is for her to overcome her fears.

"Did daddy buy me this big teddy bear?" Kushi asked her mom in astonished tone trying to hold the big teddy bear which was almost equal to her height. Her mother smiled and nodded making Kushi, who had just turned six that day, jump with excitement. "He is super dad! I love him!" Kushi declared jumping up and down and almost lost her balance earning 'be careful' from her mother. Kushi balanced herself and gave a sheepish grin before kissing her teddy and starting to jump once again.

She has never been so happy. It was her day; her birthday. Unfortunately she didn't remember what happened in her last five birthdays. All she remembered was guests, number of kids running around her mansion, games, chocolates, huge cake and gifts. But she understood what birthday actually meant when she attended her friend, nivi's birthday party two months ago.

Nivi's father gave so many gifts to nivi, kissed her forehead when she cut her cake and lifted her in his arms. Kushi never knew that fathers used to address their daughters as 'princess' on their birthdays. Kushi's father had never talked to her like nivi's father talked with nivi. Kushi assumed that fathers talk and behave like this only on their special day. From that day, she couldn't wait for her special day.

"When will dad come home?" Kushi questioned her mother. Her party got over but still her father had not come home. Kushi was already feeling sleepy. Preethi looked at her daughter's innocent face. How can she explain to her daughter that her father has preferred to spend night with some women rather than to attend his own daughter's party? A daughter who was according to him nothing but a loss to the family. Son is the real heir of one's family.

Not willing to break her daughter's tender heart, she lied to her just like every other day. "He will come soon, dear. He loves you lot, right?" Preethi kissed kushi's forehead who smiled and nodded. When Preethi suggested that Kushi should wait in her room, Kushi denied the suggestion and preferred to wait in living room.

That night Kushi slept on her mother's lap dreaming that her father would come with many gifts, wish her, swirl her in air till she laughs out loud and then play with her until they become tired. Though her dreams never came true, she kept on dreaming hoping that it would come true one day.

Kushi kneeled before huge mandir inside her mansion with hands joined together and prayed whole heartedly like she did everyday in last one month. It was her thirteenth birthday last month. Within these years, she had understood many things. Her father didn't love her like he loved her brother. Her mother lied to her just to make her happy.

Though her mother gave her undivided love and care, just like any other child, she yearned for what she didn't get ignoring what she got. She longed for her father's love. Things started getting tough for her nearly two years before, when her brother understood that she held no value in their father's eye. He started to mock and taunt her on every chance he got. Knowing that her wants and wishes will never be considered, she began to keep quiet and accept whatever others said.

Everything was normal until last month when her mother announced that she will be going to London to stay with her aunt who had just become widow. Like always Kushi silently accepted it without a word although she didn't want to leave India, her friends and most importantly her mom. She couldn't imagine life without her friends and mom. So every day she came in front of god and cried her heart out and prayed to change her mother's decision.

Today she got flicker of hope when she overheard her parent's heated arguments. It seemed like her father didn't want to spend too much on her studies. Though for the first time she heard her mother talk back to her father, she knew that in end her mother will accept her father's decision just like every time. So today she happily prayed to god knowing that all her prayers are going to be answered soon. She began to dream about studying in her school along with her old friends.

Month later, she knelt at same place with tears flowing down her red cheeks. She was not praying anything. She just came to say final good bye to all gods as she was not sure when will she return back to India.

Kushi leaned her back on the bar counter as she took another glance around the pub. This was her first time in Indian pub. She came back to India a week before after demisal of her aunt. In past ten years, not even once, she wanted to come back to India. She loved her life at London. Her mother was indeed right. The best thing happened in her life till date was moving to London. Because of her mother's one decision, today Kushi was strong and independent.

She had learnt so many things in past ten years. She had come to conclusion that there is no god and prayers are mere waste of time. She vowed herself that she would never dream about future but accept life as it comes. It actually yielded her good result. She enjoyed her life every moment. She got full freedom from her aunt and mom and started to live her life in the way she wanted.

She understood that she held no place in her father's life just like he held no place in her life. Though somewhere deep inside her, she still yearned for his love, she decided not to give damn to him and gave all her love to her mom and aunt. When her aunt died, she didn't know why but she wanted to visit India but now she regrets it.

India felt foreign to her. She knew no one here and it felt suffocated to live around her father. Today she met one of her school friend and she had invited her to come to the party. Very soon Kushi realised that they both couldn't get along. She missed her friend at London. She searched for her friend to bid good bye and leave the place but couldn't locate her in crowded pub.

Suddenly she felt anxious and wanted to leave for London immediately. She got up from her seat while her mind contemplated her decision. Her mother will visit her every six month, then why should she stay here? She must leave India. She had no reasons to stay in India. She decided and turned to leave the pub first.

"ouch." She exclaimed as she bumped on muscular body. It was her mistake since she was the one who was lost in thoughts. She opened her eyes to see broad shoulders and well toned chest through wet white tee shirt. She noticed that is one hand was wiping something off his tee shirt while other held glass. Then only it struck her that due their collision the drink had spilled on his tee shirt.

"i am so sorry! I would buy you a drink!" She said raising her head but she couldn't see is face as is head was bended down. "its okay!" she was not sure that husky voice came from man in front of her or not. "No, no! It's my mistake. i should buy you a drink!" She insisted and turned to bar counter when his husky voice made her freeze. "Okay. But i will accept it only if you agree to give me company!"

Kushi swirled instantly and met molten chocolate brown eyes. Sudden wave of electric sensation passed through her as their eyes met. He looked at her shocked face. "Don't take me wrong! Actually i am new to the place and was getting bored without any company!" He explained in his husky voice but nothing reached kushi's ear as she still looked shocked to add to his concern.

Little did he know, she was not shocked to hearing his words but thinking how one could can look devilishly handsome like this? He looked no less than any Greek god. His face was perfect in every way, especially those molten brown orbs. 'Hot' was the only thought in her mind. "Do i look that hot?" Kushi's mouth formed into perfect 'O' hearing his words. "did i said it loud?" she asked embarrassedly while he shook his head controlling him from grinning.

Sudden warmth spread through Kushi seeing him smile. "You didn't but your eyes did!" He answered making her embarrassed again but quickly rectified it saying "to be honest, out of us, it should be me who should be checking out like that as you were sinfully beautiful!" He stressed on last syllable eyeing her from head to toe. Kushi, who always hated any kind of flirting, for the first time, stood there thanking her sixth sense which had asked her to put mascara and lip gloss today unlike other day. She observed him as he ordered two shots for them.

"Arnav." He extended his hands as kushi's heart raced for unknown reason. "Kushi." she said as she shook his hands careful not to look into his deep pool of eyes. "Kushi." he repeated her name in a husky way making her almond eyes to look up which was immediately held as captive by molten brown orbs. As she got lost in his eyes, unconsciously she broke her resolution as both her mind and heart dared to dream again with million new thoughts per second.

"What do you think maa?" Kushi asked in uncertain tone trying to study her mother's mind. She lowered gaze in nervousness as Preethi came and stood in front of her. She held her daughters shoulder making her younger one to look at her. Kushi bit her lips in anticipation. "I don't think he is perfect for you, Kushi!" Kushi's heart sunk with her mother's words.

She had introduced Arnav to her mother two days back in dinner party. She was waiting for her mother's approval but her confidence level was going down as time flew away. Preethi held kushi's chin and said "in fact, he is more than perfect for you! You could have not chosen better one than him!" Kushi's face brightened and she engulfed her mother in hug mumbling "thank you's".

Preethi patted Kushi's cheeks and said "i am very happy that you have found your happiness." Kushi once again hugged her mom and ran out of the room while Preethi asked her where she was hurrying. "Dinner with Arnav maa!" Kushi shouted stepping out of room but stopped suddenly as if she forgot something. She ran back to her mom and embraced her saying "i love you, maa! You are the best!"

Her mother is everything for Kushi and her approval meant world to her. She was overjoyed with her mom's consent. In fact Kushi was never been so happy like she was in last three months; from the time she met Arnav. He was different and it clicked with her. Overlooking the attraction they felt for each other, there was something else; some unknown thing which connected them. It was like there souls were bonded together forever.

Kushi liked him at their first meet itself but the pull she felt towards him scared her. She just stayed back in India to analyse her new feelings. Before she could find it, she was already in love with Arnav. Kushi opened her wardrobe and swirled in excitement. She twirled until she fell on bed and buried her grinning face in her hands. She couldn't believe it. Her mother had approved Arnav. She never thought this day which is full of happiness would ever come in her life. All thanks to Arnav.

Arnav was indeed her prince charming which she dreamt of in her childhood. Though she tried to ignore those dreams once she went to London, everything was still intact. Arnav was perfect for her in every way. Above all, he loves her and Kushi was sure of it even though he was not. She knew that he has some problem in exhibiting his love or maybe something is stopping him from it. But Kushi was sure that he will come over it and all she had to do was to love him unconditionally and wait patiently.

Only thing where he didn't score in her eyes is his family. Kushi wanted to have loving in-laws but he doesn't have a family. No problem, they will create a big family with five children. If not five, Kushi at least want four children for her. She laughed out imagining Arnav's reaction if she says about this to him. Okay, considering it will affect her health, she is ready to settle for two of their own and two adopted one. She wanted two girls and boys. So they will adopt according to their first two children.

Meeting him has become addiction for her over past one month. She didn't know about him but for her days are incomplete without him. Next instant her phone rang indicating that even his condition was not any better than her. She grinned. "Hi...Yup, i am coming!" She checked her digital clock. "Will be there in an hour!" She cut the call with the grin still refusing to leave her face.

They are going to have dinner in the hotel he was staying. If things goes well then their relationship may step into another level tonight. Kushi thought for while and decided she was ready for it. She loves him with all heart and she couldn't think of someone sharing her first intimate moment except him. She couldn't wait for tonight as her heart raced. In fact she couldn't wait for many things.

She couldn't wait for him to confess his love. She couldn't wait for the day when he will make her as his in front of world by marrying her. She couldn't wait for the day when she could tell him that she is pregnant with his child. She couldn't wait for the day when they will hold their child in their hands. She couldn't wait for the day when they will watch their children to grow together. She couldn't wait for the day when she could lean on his shoulders and leisurely talk about all these days.

And for all these things to happen, first she has to meet him today. With that thought she got up from bed and scanned her wardrobe. She smiled thinking her dress is not going to matter as whatever she wears, he will eye her with intensity making her spines to tingle and then say that one word. "beauuutifulll!" She mimicked his tone before grabbing a jean and tee shirt and swirling it in air.

Next morning she woke up feeling very happy and complete. It was awesome feeling to be loved by the person whom you love the most. Arnav loved her yesterday night from his soul. She blushed thinking about it and noticed Arnav was sitting near the small bar in hotel room. It somehow reminded her of the argument they had yesterday night. With uncertainty, she approached him.

"What happened?" He turned to her but didn't smile like he always did. His eyes were red. Kushi was not sure whether it was due to alcohol or because of sleepless night. "Nothing! Why don't you freshen up? i will order breakfast for us!" He answered her to which she nodded noticing his indifference. She locked herself in bathroom hoping that he is not regretting what they did last night.

She splashed cold water on her face trying to calm her nerves but somehow she couldn't do it. She felt very restless as unknown tension filled her. Something was wrong. She heard some noises from outside and strangely it sounded like her brother. "What's happening here?" She asked her brother and Arnav who looked like they were fighting. Everything looked disoriented for her. Her mind couldn't register the venomous words which her brother spat on her.

She looked in daze as her father walked in and her brother walked out. When her father spoke with Arnav, she could see all her dreams getting shattered in front of her eyes very slowly and steadily. But still she held to last thread of hope thinking this is all a bad nightmare and nothing else. She almost believed it was nightmare when his words brought her back to the world, breaking her trust, her belief, her dreams and finally herself.

"i know what you want? A blank cheque for sleeping with your daughter." His words hit her like lightening. "Arnav!" she felt him freeze with her voice. His eyes were closed. She just wanted to look into his eyes once and realise what all she heard was false. But when he opened his eyes, it looked indifferent. He smiled lazily. "Sorry Kushi, nothing personal." With those words her whole world went crushing.

Kushi froze watching her mother cry in front of her eyes for first time. Her mother, who never cried even for her worst fate, was crying today in front of gods for her daugther's sake. Kushi felt guilty. She was still hurt with what happened a week back. More than the fact Arnav had used her; the thing which hurt her badly was the fact that he didn't feel what she felt for him.

"maa." She called her mom who quickly wiped her tears and came running to her. "i feel like eating jelabi! Will you make it for me, maa?" Kushi tried to keep her voice normal and forced a smile. Her mother's face brightened. "Why not, beta? Wait for ten minutes." Kushi watched her mother run to kitchen happily thinking her daughter had spoken to her after one week and she will be back soon.

"What a fool she was?" Kushi thought. she had spent last one week thinking about bas**** who doesn't even deserve her love and kept ignoring her mom who had spent 23 years thinking about her. She will not repeat it again. She will overcome this if not for her then for her mother. She will forget it and will try to make her mother happy and proud. Anything is worth to see that smile on her mother.

She turned to the god to whom she stopped praying years ago. "i have not asked you anything for a long period! I will not ask anything more. In fact i don't need any other thing if my mom is with me. all i want is she should be always beside me and that too happily. I promise i wont ask anything else."

When she prayed this, Kushi had no idea that fate had some other thing in store for her like she will have huge argument with her mother in few hours and her mother will leave her forever.

"I was informed that you didn't eat anything." Kushi raised her head hearing her father's voice. She got up and sat on bed as her father settled next to her. All her will to live died along with her mom. Only thing which held her was he fathers compassion towards her. She felt like living her dream but she itself knew that it was too late.

Her father ran his fingers lovingly on her hair. "Kushi, I know that you are missing your mom. But believe me; she won't be happy to see you like this!" Kushi wanted to lie on his lap and cry her heart out. But she didn't do it as she knew that her happiness is always short lived. Instead she took the plate from her father and started to eat silently.

Few days later, she felt relieved that she didn't accept comfort from her father as it would have offended her more when she had to witness her brother killing her father.

"Kushi, do you even have any idea that you are pregnant?" Kushi raised her head and looked at the doctor. She was pregnant with Arnav's child. Sudden rush of happiness engulfed her. All her dreams came to her mind again. But she knew that her dreams can never come true. She was happy that at least part of her dreams was fulfilled.

Kushi was continuously smiling for hours from the time doctor has conveyed the news. Her mother didn't matter to her anymore nor did Arnav. All which mattered was there was a life inside her; a life which belonged only to her. She couldn't stop feeling the current of bliss. She couldn't stop dreaming about her child; how he or she will be; how will it be to hold her child; how it will be when child calls her 'maa'. In joy, she completely forgot that she was never blessed with this kind of happiness.

Next day, doctor wanted to talk with her. "Kushi, I saw your reports. I am shocked to know that you have unicornuate uterus. Also you are extremely weak and your blood pressure..." Kushi didn't understand what her doctor was trying to explain. So she asked her but never thought that answer would turn her world upside down. "You wont be able to go through this pregnancy. Abort the child."

Kushi couldn't believe that Arnav had confessed his love for her. She never thought that this day would ever come in her life. It felt like dream. In fact her life with Arnav felt like dream. She looked at him as he explained how he fell in love with her and so on. She listened to it partially because her heart was already overwhelmed with the fact he loves her. Other things don't matter.

"i was overwhelmed with so many emotions that i took me ages to realize that you were pregnant even after you said it. After that i behaved rudely because i didn't want you to hurt my family. But I know that i will never let you go again; never again at least until my last breath." He stopped caressing her cheek, his eyes widened as suddenly Kushi jolted up holding quilt close to her body.

She excused herself and ran to bathroom as it struck her what she was doing. She was about to dream about her life with Arnav. How can she? After what all happened with her, how can she even think about dreaming? Hadn't her fate already proved number of times that her dreams will be crushed in its hands? She was cursed with this life. She shouldn't dream!

She closed her eyes as Arnav voice ringed inside her mind. She wanted to dream about him; about their life; about their child. But this time she didn't dream; because she had no guts to dream!

Kushi ran her fingers through Arnav's hair as her mind flew between past and present. She wished she was little more courageous. But how many heart breaks she could cope up? Deep inside her, she wanted to live with Arnav for hundredth years. Of course who doesn't want to live with a husband who loves you like anything and will do anything for you? She wanted to live with him. But she was just scared to accept it.

In her life, her wishes have never come true. Only wish which came true was she being loved by Arnav and that was thing that scared her more. She was used to heart-breaks but she had no idea what to do when her dream became true. Knowing that her pregnancy was complicated, she was afraid to think that she will pass through it. What if she doesn't? So she decided to prepare herself for worst and in case if opposite happens like always, it would be easy for her. also she was not ready for another heart break.

She made herself believe that she will not pass through this pregnancy. But she had no idea how the thought that she will die struck to her mind so permanently. She started doing things considering she will die for sure. Yesterday when she asked Arnav to let her ago, the pain she saw in his eyes that instant made her to think. Sitting all alone for whole day, she thought back about what all she had done in past one month and how much pain she had caused to herself, Arnav and Lavanya.

Kushi felt ashamed for acting like mad and wanted to put all the blame on her pregnancy hormones. But she knew all her actions were due to her confused and muddled mind. In her life, she never had peace of mind to think straight. She just decided to brave herself for death but did all stupid things unconsciously.

Kushi's train of thoughts broke when she noticed Arnav's slight movements. Her fingers froze in his hair remembering he must be angry with her. He opened his eyes and then blinked looking at her stilled form. "Good morning!" He drawled sleepily and gave her a warm smile. Next instant he felt her lips on her. He too kissed little surprised with his wife's new way of morning kiss.

Then he remembered their fight. She must have thought that he was angry with her which he is not. They fought yesterday, which was pretty long back according to him and he forget it long back itself. If Lavanya had not stopped him, he would have talked to Kushi yesterday itself. He loves her too much to stay angry on her for long time. Also he know forgiveness is the biggest punishment; A thing which Kushi taught him. She forgave his huge fault and this is nothing compared to it.

He felt wetness on his cheek and pulled away from her to see her cry. "shhh...dont cry kushi...i am so sorry i didn't talk to you..." He stopped when she plunged herself on him. "i am sorry Arnav. Sorry for hurting you. Sorry for doing stupid things. I was so scared. Never in my life, i was really happy for such a long time. When It happened it scared me to death. So i myself spoiled my happiness..."

He patted her as she rambled about her dreams and her fears. She badly needed psychological help. He had never known she had so many fear and insecurities inside her. "i will listen to whatever you say. I don't want to die. All i want is to stay here, in your arms, forever." She declared tightening her grip. "i won't let you die, Kushi! i won't!"

He soothed her and gave her water. "Kushi, do you trust me?" He asked her looking into her eyes. She nodded instantly. "Then dare to dream! I promise that i will make your every dream come true! i promise, Kushi!" He said with finality of living up to his words. Finally it was time for him to redo the effect of his own mistakes.