Chapter 9

He squeezed his eyelids shut as different images flashed in front of his eyes. His mind started to wander the memory lane before it got settled to the night which changed their lives entirely.

"What?" he asked in shock, lifting his head from her neck where he had been giving butterfly kisses. "You heard it." She said in low voice, shy smile playing on her lips while her eyes sparked with amusement. "But you lived in London for ten years." He murmured focusing on the wall over her shoulders.

"Excuse me." She drawled loudly before continuing, "Who told you that you will lose your virginity if you live in London for ten years?" She asked innocently after understanding what he had actually meant. She pressed her lips together suppressing her smile seeing him shaking his head in disbelief.

"i didn't mean that..., i mean..., forget it." He stammered before letting her wrist free from his clutch and in that process unpinning her from the wall she had been pinned earlier. Kushi giggled as he stepped back still somewhat in stunned state. It just took him one minute to regain his famous calm posture and he smiled at her.

Kushi blinked first, and then rolled her eyes to the left as he walked towards the small bar in large hotel room he was staying. She watched him pouring a drink for himself and she moved towards king sized bed and sat on it folding her legs. He is social drinker and consumed it rarely. But for last three months, from the day he met Kushi his consumption rate has got higher.

Kushi lifted her gaze from ground when she heard his voice. "Why is it so?" She raised her eyebrow indicating her confusion. "i mean you are twenty- three and virgin..." he added, turning from bar counter to face her. "Oh...actually I was waiting..." she said shifting her legs to sit in more comfortable position, which seemed like a difficult task due to the jeans she was wearing.

"To get married." He finished her sentence lifting the glass, he was holding, up in air. She immediately looked at his raised eyebrows and shook her head vigorously pouting like a small child. "Nope." Then after giving him the warmest smile he had ever come across, she reasoned out "I was just waiting for you."

He stared at her as silence filled the room. Her every action, every single word uttered made him feel more and more guilty. He gritted his teeth in frustration as she said "i was waiting for you from the day maa told me that my prince charming will come in horse and take me to the place where i really belong."

"You still believe in those stupid fairy tales?" He asked her sarcastically, irritated with himself for doing what he was doing. "Reality is very different from your fairy tales. Don't let it rule you. You will shattered when reality hits you." He warned her and turned to the bar to fill his glass with ice.

"oh..." she stood up making him to turn to face her again and asked "so tell me which one is more bad, at twenty-three being virgin or believing in fairy tales? I swear I will quit one of it tonight. I won't mind even if you help me." She winked at him wickedly. He pointed the finger of his free hand towards her warningly and cautiously said "you know what? Go home."

Her face became serious in an instant; she tried to hold his wrist and said "it's you who wanted this Arnav." He freed his wrist as soon as it got imprisoned in her soft hands and retorted "and now I don't want to do it." He moved back and then turned to bar. "i know why are you doing this." She said angrily. He added ice cubes to his drink as he flatly said "good if you knew the reason. Leave!"

He took another ice cube to add to his drink when he heard her say "you are feeling guilty." His hands stopped moving and his eyes got fixed to the brown liquor in his hand. "You are feeling guilty to do this because you don't love me." *cling*

The room vibrated with the sound as the glass slipped from his hand and hit the ground. But it didn't gain any attention from Arnav who eyes were still fixed to his hands which held the glass few minutes before. He slowly turned to Kushi who pose said him that she was furious but the smirk on her face said something else.

"Bang on, wasn't it? Why do you guys always underestimate girls? Do we look like fools? It's really not hard to find out what a guy is feeling about you, Arnav. You like me a lot but never loved me." She said calmly and then sat on the bed. He watched her every composed gesture carefully before voicing out the question "then why are you here?"

"Because I love you." She said as a matter of fact, looking straight into his eyes which held each other for long moment. He stared at her even after she broke their eye lock and turned to other side. Then fetching a new glass from the bar, he began to fill it. "But you don't have to feel guilty." His hands paused for a moment at her words and then started to fill the glass again.

She jolted up from bed and making her way towards him, she started to speak. "I mean I don't even feel bad with the fact that you don't love me. I guess I am kind of used to it. All men in my life are like this from my dad, my brother, my first crush to you. Even though I love you all from bottom of my heart, my love never gets paid back."

He gulped his drink and refilled it for seventh time that evening as she continued "I am used to being never loved back; never." She bit her lips lost in deep thought. "But I am not going to stop loving you all because i know one day you will all love me back. I knew you like me a lot but something is stopping you from loving me or may be someone. However I am sure that you will fall for me one day. I am Just waiting for that day." She smiled.

"What if, if that day never comes?" Her smile vanished hearing his question but it returned just in few seconds. "Of course, you will fall for me. After all who can resist charm of Kushi Kumari gupta?" she quizzed cheekily.

"What if it never happens?" He shouted, suddenly turning to her, making her to jerk. Her face went pale, her eyes down casted as she replied "then, i guess, till my last breath i will just keep on hoping that it will happen one day; that i will be loved back."

"Stop behaving like stupid, Kushi." He said angrily placing the glass on the counter top with loud thud. She screamed at top of her lungs "i am not behaving like stupid. Basically i am stupid, Arnav. I fell in love with a guy who thinks that i am not even worth of being loved for single night."

"Stop it. Are you drunk or have you lost your mind? From where, this single night stuff came in between?" He retorted holding her by her shoulders. "That's what you think about me, right? Forget about whole life but you think I am not even worth of spending single night with you!" she spitted out making him to fume more.

She had had enough with him. Every time he will be one who tries to come near her at the same time he will be the one to withdrew back first. She wants to know what's his problem and what is it holding him back from her. "It is not like that." His voice was calm and low and if she is correct his voice was filled with guilt. "i think you deserve more."

"Then i deserve you, Arnav." She said cupping his face, looking at his eyes while tears spilled out of her own eyes. He let her shoulders free and gripped her hands, removing it from his cheeks, he shook his head. "But i don't deserve you, Kushi. I really don't."

"Let's stop this deserving game. You don't have to love me. I promise i won't expect anything from you. But tonight i want to spend it with you. I just want some memories of my first love. That's it; i won't interfere in your life afterwards." She finished desperately.

Arnav looked at her studying her and then folded his arms against his chest. "Will you leave by yourself or should i throw you out?" he asked calmly. "Throw me out?" She flung towards him holding the collar of his shirt "what do you think of me? A call girl? Who comes when you say or leaves when you ask? Do i look like that you?"

"Relax Kushi." He said trying to calm her but he knew that it is impossible to calm her that too when she is totally out of her freaking mind. "Relax! No! Today i won't leave this place even you threw me out. I will stand outside your room door and shout..." she stopped abruptly as she felt his lips on hers. She gasped when he held her by waist and started to explore her mouth.

He knew that this will stop her and he also knew this is the only way to stop her. Secondly she becomes irresistible when her cheeks are flushed due to anger. She didn't give it into the kiss that easily as he expected. She tried to push him but when it failed she bit his lip really hard punishing him for hurting her. "ouch." She heard him cry but he didn't pull out like she thought instead he continued kissing her.

She too kissed him back with all her anger and with all her pain. With that kiss, she conveyed him many things which she had never asked him before. She questioned him why doesn't he love her in the way she loves him. She asked him why can't feel the thing she feels for him. Finally, what she needs to do to be loved back.

"Wild cat." She heard his low murmur and it tempted her even more. She stood on her toes to match his height, her one hand around his neck while other hand was holding his hair; she kissed him with all her might. She felt him getting aroused with her each move and only then she realised what was coming.

This is not first time they both had kissed. She had lost the count of number times they had kissed just in one month. Every time she felt passion and to her surprise, passion grew more with each kisses. But then when they were fully aroused, he will leave her in midst and most of the time he had even apologized after abruptly breaking their kiss, surprising her.

It took her sometime to understand that he had not apologized for breaking the kiss but he had apologized for kissing her. Till now, it didn't make any sense to Kushi, why one should ask sorry to steal a kiss from his own girlfriend. If she was an outsider she would have given an award to him for his great control. But being victim of his control, she didn't feel anything expect a rage to kill him.

Wait! Is he still kissing her? Her eyes flew open to meet his closed ones. What happened to him? Why didn't he stop by now like always? Are they really going to do that? Does the alcohol he took is working? Then why doesn't he take it all the time? She closed her eyes, once again immersing herself in the passion she experienced.

She sighed as he pulled out of the kiss. He looked at her eyes which was down casted and then noticed a small smile on her lips. "You are smiling." it was rather question than statement. Her smile grew wider and she pulled her hand from his hair to cover her mouth. "You are unbelievable!" he said stunned by her actions.

She concealed her smile and explained him "I thought only kushi kumari gupta doesn't have any effect on you! But it seems even alcohol doesn't have any effect on you!" Saying so she burst into giggles, resting her head on his chest. Who is she kidding? She doesn't have any effect on him? She?

She is the only girl who he wanted to have, the minute he saw her. No, it was not just her stunning beauty, but there was something more he felt for her; something which attracted him towards her like a magnet; something he felt with her electrifying touches; and that was the same thing which made him to pull away from her after their every passionate encounters; it was same thing which prevented him from hurting her. It was same nameless thing which he felt for her.

Only he knows how badly he wants her now. He wanted to pull her head up from his chest, kiss her senselessly and make love to her then and there. Then he noticed a smile on her face as she lifted her head from his chest. Her smile. He felt immense pleasure flooded him; pleasure which he was sure that he won't get it even if he had her, number of times. But only her smile can give it to him.

That second he realised that he couldn't hurt her even if he tried so hard like he did in past one month. And that was the same second he realised that what he is doing is also going to hurt her. He promised himself that he won't hurt anymore. All he have to do is to take a flight to delhi and never came back. It will hurt her big time but that will hurt her less than to realise that he had used her to take revenge on her father.

"i think i should get going." She said playing with his shirt button. He nodded unwinding his hands from her waist. She smiled and moved back when he called her. "kushi." She looked at him as he wiped tear strains on her face and said "don't think too much. Everything will be fine. If possible sleep with your mother, you will feel better. Bye."

She nodded lost in her own thoughts. "Kushi." She lifted her head up and asked "Arnav, you said that you will be leaving to delhi this week." He nodded "tomorrow."

'never.' He thought and rubbed her cheek with his thumb. "Of course, i will. I have business here in Mumbai and more importantly i have you here." He lied efficiently to witness another smile. "Then why do i feel like this is the last time; i feel like i will lose you if i leave now." she said worriedly.

He was spell bounded. How come she read him so quickly yet so accurately? He was planning to do that; to leave her. "Why?" he asked rubbing her cheeks, looking into her eyes. "Why do you love me so much, kushi?" Her face became excited. "Want to know it?" She quickly grabbed both of his hands in hers and placed it one on her chest and other on his. "Can you feel it? Our heart beats."

"kus..." he drawled but she silenced him. "shshsh, listen." He looked at her in amusement as she concentrated on their heart beats which was almost beating in unison. He doesn't need to listen to it as her eyes which rolled from one corner to other explained him it. He gulped realising what this girl is doing to him. He is not in a position to fall in love with his enemy. "Stop it, kushi." He pleaded.

"You didn't feel it? But why do i always feel you? Your presence; your touch;" she bit her lips controlling her tears. She pressed his both hands on their chest more and looked into his eyes. "Please, try arnav." Arnav felt like he entered some magic world when her eyes met his. He doesn't need to listen to their heart beats but her eyes filled with love for him told him everything.

That minute he forgot everything; her father, his revenge, Lavanya; everything. All he could remember is the girl in front of him and her eyes packed with love for him; only for him. She began to speak "I don't know why you can't feel ..." she stopped as his lips took hers in gentle kiss. She thought she will melt in tenderness. There was something different about it. It was not like his lazy good bye kisses or passionate ones which he used to shut her mouth. It was something different.

She felt solace in this kiss which she felt only on her mother's lap. She was embraced with unknown happiness. She felt safe and secured. His kiss answered her question which she asked few minutes back. He too has felt like she had felt. Suddenly, her fear of never being loved back evaporated from her heart. His kiss made her feel like she was being loved back. Yes, she felt his love for her.

A lone tear spilled out of her eyes. She opened her eyes when his lips left her. He kissed her tear on left cheek while his thumb rubbed the tear on her right cheek. He rested his forehead on hers and tugged her hair behind her ears as he said "Kushi, you are going to hate me for this."

"Believe me Arnav, I can never hate you." She answered before giving him another kiss which led them into another world where they forget everything expect each other; a world filled with love and passion; a world which had only two of them; a world where they became one.

Arnav leaned back on the bathroom wall as his tears got mixed with the warm water. "You said you will never hate me, kushi and i believed you. But..." Her eyes filled with hatred came in front of his eyes. "I wish that night never ended. I wish the next morning never happened in our life. I wish..."