Chapter 193

Chapter 276: Choices of Love

Having heard the disconcerting account of her husband's bygone, Kushi was too dazed and disoriented to prod further into the matter.

She excused herself from further society to have some time to her thoughts, choosing the library as her fortress of solitude.

Perching on her husband's massive armchair, she fingered through the Victorian leafs of a book absentmindedly. Her mind swam in the torrent of new-fangled images, painted by the reticent ghosts of a bewildering past.

The agony he had to endure and the terrible turns his youth was forced to encounter...who would have ever thought the man, so arrogant and contemptible, had stemmed from a past that was more cruel and merciless than any man could survive in.

Just then a knock sounded on the door and Lady Anjali peered in, "Kushiji?"

"Come in, Di," Kushi sat up, closing the book on her lap.

Lady Anjali stepped into the room and silently looked around, unsure of how to commence the deferred conversation, "I love what this place makes me feel: comforted, as though all the wise writers, poets, philosophers and physicians are watching over me with kind, considerate eyes."

Kushi smiled, genuinely thrilled by the idea of great men watching her every time she sat among the books of the lavish library.

Lady Anjali looked at her and then, walking towards the desk, sat upon the armchair opposite her.

"How do you feel, Kushiji?"

"Strangely calm," Kushi replied.

Lady Anjali nodded, as though understanding, and then said, "I know Nani preferred to keep some things unquestioned and did not pry into your situation but I cannot help myself and must be allowed to enquire after it."

"You may ask me what you will, Di," offered Kushi.

"Was he alone last night... When you saw him in his other form," Lady Anjali's eyes were glazed as though she could not think of the scene without it being accompanied by tears.

"No," came Kushi short reply.

Lady Anjali breathed in, her fears distilled, "You saw my husband too?"

"Yes."

"Was he...?"

"I saw him too," Kushi said and Lady Anjali knew what she meant by it. Kushi saw that the latter's knuckles had gone white with the painful fisting of her hands. "What were they doing there, in their other forms?" And then, as though a frightening thought had caught her mind, she looked up suddenly, "Were they fighting?"

Kushi didn't reply which was answer enough for Lady Anjali.

She was distraught, "Whatever for? What was it that caused them to change and war with themselves?"

Hesitant to answer, Kushi leaned forward and touched Lady Anjali's trembling fists, wanting to console her.

"I am certain they were not harmed in any way, expect perhaps bruised in pride."

"I suppose so," mumbled Lady Anjali, unconvinced, "But I haven't seen them the whole day and it worries me..."

Kushi replied, "You need not fear on one man's account: I was with Arnavji the whole night and saw him depart for the Industry at the break of dawn. But as to the General...he took off immediately and I saw him not again. Perhaps, he must be taking his time to be secluded with his thoughts."

"Perhaps," Lady Anjali mumbled absentmindedly, and then she looked at Kushi, "Thank you, however, for not asking about my husband to Nani."

"I had intentions to," clarified Kushi, "But I couldn't bring myself to know more, after all the dreadful things I was told about Arnavji."

"I am sorry we kept it from you," said Lady Anjali, "We had no choice. The curse would contrive adverse impacts if tampered without due indulgence."

"I am beginning to understand," said Kushi, "But what torments me more is the thought of you: you had to deal with not one but two beasts, one as brother and another as husband. I presume the General was cursed after his marriage to you..."

"No," came Lady Anjali's surprising reply.

Kushi was stunned, "No? Are you telling me you wedded him, knowing he was cursed?"

"Yes," said Lady Anjali cautiously.

Kushi gaped and then asked worriedly, "How can this family let you marry a man who is cursed and who harbours the capability to turn himself overnight into a... a dragon?""

"My marriage to him was a choice made without it being revealed to my family that he is cursed."

Kushi was taken aback, "They don't know?"

Lady Anjali shook her head contritely.

Kushi blinked, "Not even Nani."

"Not even Nani," confirmed Lady Anjali.

"Goodness!" Kushi was dumbfounded, "Then what drove you to marry him?"

"The same thing that drives you to remain married to Chotey," said Lady Anjali, her eyes filled with a gentle light, before she uttered the word, "Love."

Kushi felt suddenly saddened for Lady Anjali. In truth, she grieved for her. Lady Anjali didn't know what a cruel, infidel husband she had. And to think she loved him so much as to marry him despite his cursed state...

Lady Anjali took Kushi's hand in hers, "You mustn't tell them about him or about what you saw last night for the family does not know. I know I have betrayed them by keeping it a secret that I married a man who was cursed. Nani's heart is weak with age and worry, because of which she will not be able to bear the disclosure." She looked at Kushi, her gaze almost pleading, "Promise me you won't."

Kushi was reluctant but found herself finally succumbing, "Anything for you, Di."

As was his relentless custom, it was long after the family had had dinner that Lord Arnav came home.

The central doors was opened to him by the butler whose aging features were etched with concern for his Master's appearance.

Scarcely had he contemplated on returning to the Castle after the shaken adventure of the previous night to cater to himself. Though his suit was stunningly ironed, his hair was unusually haggard, sporting an unshaven look about him owing to his stubble untended as per morning ritual. And yet there remained a splendour that revealed itself in his determined gait and in his darting gaze, a stateliness that pedestaled him to be the worthy First Lord, who was magnificent even in his muddled manner.

As the butler helped him off his coat, they shared a glance for a fleeting second. In the instant of that transitory look, he'd read it in the wise eyes: His wife had been told about his curse.

Lord Arnav's gaze followed the kind butler's movement towards the dining hall, before his feet trailed after him like a faithful child in his father's guidance.

The butler stood aside, patiently watching as the servants in dining hall served their Master.

Lord Arnav picked up his fork but paused to look at his butler, "Did you dine?"

The butler looked at him, uncertain, for he had not expected this question from him. But finally, he nodded, "Yes. I had insisted the First Lady to not wait up for you and she offered to obey under the circumstance that I dine with her."

"Good," he nodded at the plate and commenced his dinner.

The butler watched as he spooned and sliced through the edibles on the plate and devoured them with hasty appetite. Stubbornly skipping breakfast and lunch had left him frantically famished. A small smile crept on Rahim Chacha's face as he watched him glugging down the wine like a child thirsty from outdoor play. He had lost all etiquette, it seemed, being too hungry to care for meticulousness.

When Lord Arnav was done with his meal, Rahim Chacha helped the servants to clear the table. Lord Arnav intended to head for his bed chamber and his waiting wife, but found himself delaying at the foot of the stairs.

The butler was picking up a last tray and stepping towards the kitchen, when a hand gently gripped him at the elbow, halting his steps and turning him to look up at his towering Master.

There seemed to be tears in the young Lord's eyes and his voice betrayed a humble tenor of gratitude when he said, "Thank you, Chacha."

The butler nodded in acknowledgement and watched the First Lord depart for the stairs. Rahim Chacha, sighed, feeling weightless in that moment. He knew he had been thanked not for the service of the night, but for the fatherly devotion of many unendurable years. For all the things he was and all the things he did... For being there for young Kushi when her husband could not be...

Still holding the tray, the butler kindly smiled into the dim-lit darkness of the living room, "Always..."

When Lord Arnav, bathed and dressed in his night pants, slid into bed beside his wife, he assumed her to be asleep. Dressed in a satin blue night robe with her hair plaited long, she seemed to have been reading to keep herself awake when he came but had fallen asleep, by the looks of the still-lit candle on the bedside table and the open book by her pillow.

He picked up the book and was beginning to shut it, when an image on the page caught his eye. Sitting up, he noticed it to be a mythical representation of the Dragon and the Tiger.

He looked towards where his wife slept, her back turned to him, and he felt a tremor pass through him. She wanted so much to understand, longed so much to help...

He returned his attention to the book and read the passage under the yin-yang sketching:

The dragon and the tiger have always been traditional enemies and feature strongly in the I Ching. They signify very different approaches to change, inclusive of two particular pathways: 'the ascent of the dragon lines' and 'changing like a tiger'. The I Ching, however, speculates a frequent reversal in the principal symbols of the Blue Dragon and the White Tiger.

Japanese Martial arts refers to it as "Ryukoseishin" which means "Spirit of the Dragon and Tiger." Beyond "Spirit," it is believed to also mean mind, soul, or heart, therefore referring it akin to "Heart of the Dragon and Tiger," "Soul of the Dragon and Tiger" and "Mind of the Dragon and Tiger." It refers to the vitality and vigour that is in the nature of these two creatures. The elaborate meaning focuses on the "vigour and spirit of the legendary dragon-horse" and the "power and prestige of the tiger."

Lord Arnav frowned. What exactly was this book signifying?

He flipped through the pages and then paused on a page that had a massive drawing of a tiger painted white. Underneath lay a description:

Those born in the Year of the Tiger tend to have strong, powerful personalities. Being a yang, the sign is associated with masculinity and display traits of boldness and courage. It stands for enthusiasm, charm, and an abiding interest in exploration and adventure.

Lord Arnav snorted.

The tiger personality likes stimulation in the form of new places, people, and adventures. They choose careers in the arts or law, and make excellent stockbrokers and entrepreneurs, owing to their bold attitudes about life.

They become figures of respect in their communities, and seek praise and authority. However, they also have a tendency to come into conflict with older people and people in positions of authority, perhaps because of their powerful and dominating personalities.

Awed by the truth, his eyebrows rose.

This sign is associated with a charming, friendly, open manner which makes people with it very popular people, but this openness also has a dark side. Someone with this sign is usually extremely frank, sometimes to the point of being offensive, and tigers are not always known for their tact. They can also be extremely suspicious, questioning the motivations and goals of others, and while they can make decisive choices, they can sometimes be extremely impulsive, occasionally making monumentally poor decisions.

He bit his lower lip thoughtfully.

However, they also tend to have a sensitive, introspective personality, with a genuine sense of kindness and caring.

He paused, struck by the infallibility of that last statement. A pensive minute later, he placed the book on the table by his side of the bed. He had just leaned over Kushi to blow out the candle on her side when she shifted, her beautiful eyes looking up at him.

He stared down at her, not knowing how to greet her or what to say. He had selfishly left her to solitarily deal with the revelations of the night and had thoughtlessly made himself appear at the Castle too late to account for it.

In spite of the stunned poise that he was in, Kushi on the contrary was clearer in her mind, having thought over everything that she had witnessed and learnt in the hours past.

Lifting herself on her elbows, she leaned across and blew out the candle, plunging the room in darkness, except for the moonlight that seeped through the open balcony with the lazy wind.

He lay beside her in the darkness, staring at the ceiling, knowing fully well that her eyes were on him.

However, there was no anger in her gaze. For the first time, she saw him in a different light, more profound and more glorious than before. Here was a man who had wrought himself to hatred that he remembered not how it was to love... Here was the man whom destiny had chosen for her to care for... The broken-hearted beast whom she was to heal...

"Does it hurt anymore?" her voice asked him in the darkness.

He didn't know whether she meant the perpetual pain of the curse or the wounds begotten by the General last night, but leastways, the answer was the same, "No..."

She inched closer to him and wrapped an arm around his chest.

Lord Arnav breathed in. Guilt chocked his throat. There were so many questions in her heart and so many things she wanted to tell him. But not a word had she uttered to him. How much she understood the need of his moment... He was unwillingly to let speech and memory torment him again with the terrible things of the forgotten past, and yet it broke his heart to keep it unworded between them.

Her head was inclined on his shoulder and he turned and gently kissed her on her forehead. She smiled, comforting her boundless curiosity to succumb to his silent love.