Chapter 154

Chapter 232: A Feast and A Feeling

My Dearest Kushi,

I didn't realize I would miss you so much until you left. The Castle feels so different without you that I fear to think what would it have been if the First Lord hadn't married on the very day of my marriage and brought you tagging along after me.

Do you remember, Kushi, how we had once teased the idea of marrying brothers? How strange it is to find us reliving the very thing we laughed off as never a possibility!

I know you will not be in earnest to return to the Castle, being happy at last with Amma, Babuji and Buaji. I told you they forgave you and were wanting to see you.

As to the matters here, I had gone with Mother (and you know who I mean) to another one of her elite lady-parties only to have seemingly made her more angry.

It appears her friends don't take well to her because she has a daughter-in-law who doesn't meet their standards of origin and this they sympathetically addressed to her and she felt both gloried and ashamed under their pity.

You cannot believe how broken my heart is to exist in a world where I am wished by another to not exist. I have tried everything I can to make her happy and show her how much it means to me to share a Mother with my Akashji. But she takes not well with me.

Even Father is sweet enough to understand me and at times, when he finds me alone in the garden or in the living room, reading, he would pause to ask how I am doing and if there is anything new happening in my world that I have not acquainted him with.

What a wonderful Father he is, Kushi! He reminds me so much of our sweet Babuji!

Hope Babuji is doing well. During my week's stay, I had seen him too bent over the swordmaking that he would miss his meals unaware, if his wife or sister were not there to call him into the house. I hope your coming there will have steered him away from the forge at least long enough to partake in a few household conversations. You do have the habit of making people forget to attend to necessary chores and be distracted in your hilarious stories.

I wish I was there so I would not miss on Buaji taunting and teasing you and calling you Mistress of Mischief'. Ah, how I miss those happy days! But once this ritual week is over, I am certain we can together take visits to the Village whenever we want! And that way, we can bring back all the times we missed!

Di is excited with each passing day for there is barely a month more before her child arrives. She walks a lot slower but eats a lot more than she used to. She says she is always tired and always hunger but never will you find her without a smile. Sometimes, I have seen her study her own reflection on a tall windowpane or a mirror. It is quite a childish sight but a touching one too! I am equally excited for the day the child comes, Kushi, and I know you will be too.

The General takes more time to being by himself or with his horse in the stable. I do not know why, Kushi, but I feel that he is not as excited as he should be. It is certainly wrong if me to think so, for men do not reveal all their emotions the way women do, right? I suppose, despite my assumption, he must be excited about his child deep down.

Lady Mother has confined herself to her room again but she does come down for meals. She seems to miss you a lot, Kushi, and beckons the day arrive soon when you will return.

My Akashji is the one person who keeps my days bright and my hopelessness at bay. Every sorrow, he turns into patient hope. Every teardrop, his fingers transform to smiles.

At night, despite how tired he may be after handling the affairs of the Industry all by himself, he still makes sure he stays awake for me to listen to how my day was and then teases me until I am laughing till my sides hurt. Oh, how he makes me laugh! I have only you to thank for, in having let him walk into my life. If you hadn't lost your senses and gone and joined to work at the Industry, he would never have thought to drive by our Cottage in prospects of dropping you which is how we met the first time. Do you remember, Kushi? What a strange night that had been! You were all wet from the rain and wearing a red silk robe! You did look exquisite in it though, I don't think I ever told you. My mind was too caught up in the cloud of a helpless fondness...

Which reminds me, I have not asked how your husband is taking to the stay at the Village. He had been so against it and when Akashji told me the night of the storm that the First Lord had come to the Industry and, at the time of the return, had insisted on coming to the Castle, I was appalled. But clearly nothing of that sort happened and I only hope he has come to understand the need to stay at the Cottage and be better acquainted with the family. I know how much it will make you happy if he accepts them like the way my Akashji did.

Missing you and selfishly longing for your return,

Your dearest Jiji.

Sighing, Kushi placed the letter on her lap and looked out the bedroom window on the sill of which had sat to read her sister's letter a second time.

On returning from Master Happy's cottage, she learnt that a messenger had come with a letter from the Castle.

She was overjoyed when she saw Payal's familiar writing and, after she read some parts to her parents and aunt, she excused herself from the living room to enjoy the letter in the solitude of her room upstairs.

For reasons understandable, after she'd read the last part of the letter, her mind was engulfed in thoughts of Lord Arnav and all the things he had been doing since he came to the Cottage, things she never thought his arrogance would be capable of.

Talking of the devil brings him walking through your door, they say, and just then, the door of the bedroom opened and who should walk in but her husband, his shirt and pantaloons dirtied with sawdust.

He saw her sitting on the sill with the parchment on her lap.

For a moment, they looked at each other, silenced by the return of a recent memory crossing their minds mutually.

Mercifully, he didn't ask her about it but he inquired what she was doing.

"Jiji's letter came in today," said Kushi, picking up the parchment.

Lord Arnav undid the buttons on his shirt, "What does she say?"

"She asked about you," said Kushi and then she read out the parts where Nani and Lady Anjali were mentioned.

Lord Arnav had a faraway look on his face as he listened to her and the expression persisted even after the reading had ended.

Kushi looked at him worriedly, "My lord?"

Lord Arnav snapped out of his thoughts and dropped his shirt to the floor, "Get me some warm water for the bath basin."

Kushi stood up and made to move for the door, taking care to not look at him as he began undoing his pantaloons.

"Oh and one more thing," he began and Kushi paused, her back to him and her hand on the door handle, "Master Happy and Ram will be joining us for dinner tonight."

Kushi stared wide-eyed at the door. Buaji had held herself all these days from inviting her beloved neighbours to dine with them thinking that it might offend their important guest but here he was, having volunteered to invite them over himself!

"I'll get the water," she said in a daze and then rushed out of the room to her mother and aunt who were, already in the excitement of the announcement made by Lord Arnav as soon as he stepped into the Cottage, frantically planning newer dishes and desserts.

When the sky grew dark and the time for dinner drew near, Lord Arnav presented himself at the door to personally welcome Master Happy and Ram into the house and when they were seating themselves around the dining table, he insisted on having Ram sit next to him.

(Just for your sake, I will detail herewith the seating arrangement: Master Happy and Lord Arnav each sat at either head of the table; Mistress Madhumati sat to the left of her brother and to her left sat Master Happy to whose left sat little Ram. To Master Gupta's right sat his wife and to her right...well, no one, and to the right of that empty chair sat Kushi to whose right sat Lord Arnav and to whose... wait, you understood the design, I believe? Alright, let's return to the dinner now.)

Kushi couldn't help notice how attentive Lord Arnav was to Ram, giving him second helpings of the desserts and seeing that his plate had a portion of every dish that was prepared and set on the table. The sight warmed Kushi and made her all queasy. She was exhilarated seeing this affectionate side of his emerging that, once again, she wanted immensely to reach across the table and embrace him.

But she held herself to her place and reminded her unsteady heart to not fall into his innocent-appearing trap. It was certainly another successive trick to get her swaying to his provocative will.

After dinner, the family gathered together in the living room for a warm cup of coffee while Ram sat cross-legged on the rug before the fireplace and enjoyed his chocolate cookies and warm milk.

Sharing stories and singing songs (even a little jig by little Ram himself that especially amused Lord Arnav) turned their evening into a most entertaining one, until finally it was nearly ten and they unanimously decided to part for their homes and beds.

Kushi stood at the doorway with her husband as the two bid the family's farewells to Master Happy and Ram.

Master Happy had already thanked them in return, waved goodbye and walked on but Ram lingered at the porch a second more.

Her husband was popularly a man who stood tall and dignified even in the face of defeat, but Kushi was astounded when she saw Lord Arnav bend down to ask the little boy if there was any matter worrying him that he lingered at the door instead of following after his caretaker.

The boy timidly nodded and then, to both Kushi's and Lord Arnav's amazement, Ram reached up and bestowed a light kiss on Lord Arnav's cheek, before his little legs turned about and raced across the dark lawn as fast as his legs could carry him to catch up with Master Happy.

Kushi stared at her husband in disbelief where he stood beside her, still in the bent-poise, staring at the spot where the boy had stood seconds ago.

A strange feeling swirled inside of his chest and he felt another wall crumbling to a void.

Taking in a deep breath, he straightened up and then, turning about, marched right up the stairs without another word.

After helping her mother and aunt in washing the dishes, all the time of which she was greatly distracted by the memory of the scene of at the doorway, Kushi walked up the stairs to her darkened bedroom where her husband lay in bed fast asleep.

Changing into her night gown, she slipped into bed next to him and lay on her back, thinking for a while.

Turning her head to him, she watched the moonlight dance over the features of his handsome face: his smooth forehead, his glistening eyebrows, his closed eyelids, his stiff fine nose, his cold cheeks...

The memory of little Ram reaching up and kissing his cheek crossed her mind again.

"Why are you doing all this?" mumbled Kushi to the slumbering face, "You are scaring me, you know. I cannot understand but..." She moved closer to his face and confessed in a low voice, "I fear I am falling for it..."

She lay down again and, sighing, closed her eyes. She wanted to try and get some sleep to erase her mind off all confusing thoughts, but her mind seemed to have struck on a course of images, each one surrendering itself as a vision of the man who was, even in his sleep, tugging at the strings of her heart...with flour on his hair, his hands holding out a pan of cheesecake; him leaning closer to Ram at the table and asking him if he needed help cutting the pie; his amused chuckle as he watched Ram dance, his little hands waving and his little legs tapping; his dirtied fingers hammering away at the nails on the wooden frame of the carriage; him falling upon her on the cold dark grass as though to protect her from the shadow of the General that stood dark against the moon on the roof; him standing in the rain, holding her face lovingly in his hands as he kissed her in pained apology...

Kushi opened her eyes as tears welled in them. She looked at him where he lay on his back, sleeping, oblivious to her thoughts.

Raising herself up on her elbows, she leaned towards his face and kissed him lightly on his cheek where Ram's kiss had been impressed minutes ago.

"Sleep well, my precious husband..." she whispered to her sleeping husband and then turned to her side and curled up to sleep.

In the darkness of the room, shone by the moon, Lord Arnav's supposedly sleeping face broke into a secret smile.