Chapter 47

Chapter 47: Coming Closer

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"Khushi..." He murmured feeling the space around him but the bed was empty. He opened his eyes to confirm and there was no one next to him. He sat up quickly and looked around but there was no one else in the room. He was about to panic when the bathroom door opened and he saw her coming out wiping her wet hair, looking like the morning sunshine in a yellow Chudidar. He relaxed as he stared at her.

The moment she saw that he was awake, she smiled and came close to him. She sat on the bed facing him and put her arms around his neck. "Good morning." She wished sweetly and then leaned forward and pressed her lips against his left cheek.

His eyes shut tight in response to the touch as her mild lavender fragrance filled up his senses. She pulled back and he opened his eyes to admire the smile on her face which was just for him as a result of some miracle. He smiled back feeling warm from within. "Good morning Khushi." he replied.

She smiled wider and hugged him, "Arnav, I Love You."

His felt like his heart was just about to burst with joy. She had said this so many times since yesterday but every time it felt like he was hearing it the first time, "I Love You too Khushi." He hugged her back. As she relaxed against his chest, he asked. "Are you happy Khushi?"

"At this moment, I'm the happiest person on earth." She sighed in content.

"Second happiest person." He corrected. "I'm the most happiest."

She looked up at him and smiled. "Okay... I can easily believe that."

He looked at her for a moment and she saw that he looked a little unsure but then he brushed his knuckles gently down her cheek and then ran his fingers along her silken tresses. He had longed for this for so long. It felt out of the world to feel her like that but when she closed her eyes and smiled in satisfaction, it took his experience to a completely different level.

"Arnav." She said holding his hand against her face and kissed his palm. There was a knock on the door then and HP had come to call them for breakfast. She told him that they were coming and turned to Arnav.

Khushi made a face. "We have to go to work today. We missed yesterday."

Arnav cupped her face. "You want to stay at home? I'll manage work if you want."

Khushi rolled her eyes and put her arms around his waist. "And what would I do at home without you? I'd rather go to work. Get ready and come down. I'll get your breakfast ready."

He nodded, "Khushi..." He said caressing her cheek. "Thank you."

She looked at him confused. "What are you thanking me for?"

"For coming back, for forgiving me, for loving me. I thought all was lost. I thought there was no hope." He said. "Khushi I..."

"Shhh..." She stopped him. "Arnav we both love each other and we both need each other equally, so there is no need for you to feel like I'm doing some favour for you by being here. This is my home and you are my husband right?" He nodded. "Then don't ever thank me for this because I'm here for US."

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Love had started to heal all wounds of the two long suffering hearts. Arnav and Khushi were closer to each other than they had ever imagined. Their past too played its part here. The fear of what they had gone through was so much that they held on to each other even more. There need to see each other, be with each other, hold each other's hands just to be reassured that the other was really there was so much that sometimes it amazed the people around them.

They tried to spend as much time with each other as was possible. Arnav worked from Khushi's studio whenever possible and when he was there, Khushi would completely abandon her cabin and sit beside him on his desk to do her work.

At home they were inseparable. Even when Khushi would be working in the kitchen, Arnav would hover around or sit at the dining table so he could see Khushi from the open kitchen.

Life was better than ever for Khushi. Her husband was such a wonderful person, nothing like the man she had met as her boss, the one who had made her work in high fever and yelled at her for no mistake of hers. He was a changed man.

He was her Arnav... who took care of her... who noticed every change in expression on her face... who knew what she wanted even before she said it... who recognised every heartbeat of hers... who was ready to do anything for her happiness...

For Khushi, life was almost perfect... yes, almost perfect...

She had everything... yet something was missing...

Arnav loved her more than anything else... yet something was missing...

He was close to her... yet not close enough... something was missing...

She could see in his eyes how much he loved her and needed her... but yet there was a hesitation... as if something was holding him back. His touch was not comfortable... like he felt awkward to touch her. He always responded when she came close to him or hugged him... but he had never come forward and held her hand even ever since she had come back. Numerous times in the past few days she had kissed his cheeks, forehead, hand... but he had never initiated something like that from his end. She had noticed that every time she had kissed him, he had gone stiff. She had complete opened herself towards him so then what was it that was holding him back?

Almost a month passed and their bond only grew. But Khushi was getting restless. She wanted to take their relationship to the next level but Arnav just seemed to be happy with the way things were going on.

Several times, Khushi had thought about talking to him about this. But she felt a little shy talking to Arnav about a physical relationship, especially taking into consideration their history.

One night Khushi decided to find out what was the reason behind Arnav's reluctance to take the next step in their relationship. Arnav was working in their room when Khushi came out changing into her night dress.

She came to Arnav and stood next to him by the recliner. "Arnav how much longer?"

"Almost done Khushi, just five more minutes." He replied concentrating on his work.

Khushi waited for him to complete his work and shut his laptop. He turned towards her and smiled. For a moment she was nervous and didn't know what to do. She had decided that she wouldn't be able to directly speak to Arnav about it so she decided to gauge his reactions.

She ran her hand through his hair as he still sat on the recliner. He smiled closing his eyes. She came closer as her fingers played with his hair. Her heart was beating fast and for a moment she wasn't sure if she was ready for this, if she really would be comfortable getting intimate with Arnav. No... I love him... I want him to be mine... I want to be his... She thought firmly. She took comfort from the fact that Arnav still had his eyes closed and slid her arms around his neck and pressed his face against her bosoms.

She waited for some reaction but there was nothing except for rough breathing from his side. He did not even put his arms around her waist. Her own heart was beating fast feeling him so close, she felt as if her body was humming with electricity, yet craving for more, holding him tighter. After a while she felt his hands on her forearms. He gently removed her arms encircling his neck and pulled back. He had a blank expression on his face and Khushi blushed, turning deep red.

Arnav smiled then holding her hand and made her sit next to him. "How was your day today? I had to work from AR today. I'm sorry I couldn't come to Emerald. Is everything fine there?"

Khushi couldn't believe that he had changed the subject so smoothly as if nothing had happened.

"Yes everything is fine." She replied smiling not letting the surprise reflect on her face.

"Let's sleep. You must be tired." He said and she nodded not looking at him.

He moved towards the bed but stopped when he noticed that she was still sitting on the recliner. He turned back to see why she hadn't got up.

"Khushi? Aren't you sleepy? Come." He beckoned her.

She just smiled and raised her arms. "I don't feel like getting up. Take me to the bed."

For a moment he wasn't sure if he heard right. "Are you serious Khushi?" He asked amused.

"Why? Can't you pamper your wife a little?" She asked sweetly.

He smiled and came forward, "As you wish." He picked her up in his arms and she giggled putting her arms around him for support. He placed her on the bed and was about to move but she held on to him. "Khushi, wha..."

"Shhh..." She placed her index finger on his lips.

She turned and made him lay back on the bed and snuggled into him resting her head on his shoulder. This wasn't anything new, they had been sleeping like that ever since she had confessed her feelings for him. He just put his arm around her shoulder.

Khushi waited for a while having second thoughts but then she decided to go ahead with it. She raised herself on her elbow and looked at Arnav's face. Placing one palm across his cheek she said, "Close your eyes."

Arnav was a little confused with all this behaviour. "Khushi are you alright? I mean, what are you doing?"

"I'm fine." She replied shortly.

"Then why do you want me to close your eyes?" He asked puzzled. "I thought you wanted to sleep."

"Ughhh... Arnav... It's Sunday tomorrow. Why are you in such a hurry to sleep? Can't we spend some time with each other?" She asked annoyed.

"Yes of course. What do you want to do?" He asked.

"I want you to close your eyes, that's all. I'm not going to eat you up." She pouted.

He smiled, "Okay fine here we go." He closed his eyes and waited for her to do whatever she wanted.

Khushi raised herself more and leaned on him. She kissed his right cheek letting her lips linger there much longer. She felt his breath hitch and smiled. She then leaned further, pressing her upper body completely on him and kissed his left cheek and felt his jaw clench. She stroked his face for a moment and then kissed his forehead and then his nose. He had almost gone rigid now. But what she was waiting for was a solid response. She waited again but there was no change. He stayed stiff with his eyes closed.

Khushi braced herself then for her next move. She felt nervous as she stared at his lips. Come one Khushi, this isn't your first kiss. He has kissed you before. She thought trying to feel confident. As she waited, her longing only increased and she now wanted to really kiss him, not only to test his reaction but also as she couldn't resist him anymore. She pulled in a deep breath and pressed her lips on his. After a moment she started nipping and sucking on his lower lip, trying to get some response but there was none. A while later she breathlessly rested her forehead on his. "Arnav... I love you." She breathed against his lips.

She felt his warm hand against his face and opened her eyes to look at him.

"Khushi... Don't..." he pleaded.

Khushi couldn't believe he had said that. "But... why?"

He held her gently and made her sit with him. "Khushi, you don't have to..."

"Arnav... I know I don't have to... But I want to." She said a little upset.

"Khushi we are happy the way we are. Then why do you want to complicate things?" He asked. "We love each other, we are always together. What else do we need?"

"You Arnav, I need you," Khushi said angrily. "All of you. I want to be yours completely. I want you to be mine."

"Khushi... you know that is not possible." He said in a broken voice.

"But why?" She asked exasperated.

"Khushi how can we ever... after what happened... what I did..." He paused closing his eyes and she could she that he was once again consumed with guilt.

"Arnav..." She said in frustration. After a moment she held his hand. "Arnav how long are we going to live in the past? We have to get over it some day."

"Khushi I can't hurt you like that again." He said shaking his head.

"Hurt? I want you to love me Arnav." She said desperately.

"Khushi... I... I... just can't." He said lowering his head.

For a moment the scene flashed in front of her eyes when Dolly Maasi had asked him to kiss her and he had been disturbed. She realised that the past still haunted him. She recalled how he had never kissed her after marriage, not even her hand.

She saw that he was again going back into that shell of guilt and self hatred and decided not to push the matter any further at the moment. "Let's sleep she said finally and they lied down on the bed.

Arnav tried to turn away from her but she stopped him. "At least don't turn away from me." She said sadly.

She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes. Even though she had let go of the past, it hadn't gone away completely. She had to work on this issue. Not just for the future of their relationship but also for Arnav. He was still caught in the horrors of the past. When she had decided to come back to Arnav it was because she had realised that the past no longer affected her. Arnav's image in her eyes had completely changed. She hardly remembered the monster who had hurt her and she was absolutely sure that Arnav's love was so strong that he could never again hurt her.

But now it looked like just HER forgetting the past had not been enough. He too had to come out of it. She realised now why there was always a hesitance in Arnav's touch. She realised that Arnav could not forget the past...

-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Chapter 48: Nafrat Paas Aane Na De

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