Chapter 34
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love_iqbal_khan 2014-12-09 22:57:19
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Chapter 27: The Decision
Khushi held his gaze as she answered him. "I've made my decision."
His hand moved away from hers and even though he held her gaze, Khushi saw the naked nervousness in his eyes. Sighing, she reached into her side bag, which currently hung from the back of the chair, and pulled out two slim books. Arnav's eyes didn't stray from her face even as she placed one of the books on the table and slid it towards him.
"You've read an entire diary of mine before...here's a couple more." Khushi nudged her chin the diary's direction. "You don't have to read the whole thing...I've bookmarked the one journal entry that's important..." she placed the second book on the table and slid it across to him as well. "After that one, read this one."
Arnav glanced down at the books for a second and looked up at her when she slid out of her chair.
"I'll be on that bench over there." Khushi nudged her head in the window's direction and Arnav saw a bench across the street, next to the classy gates of a garden entrance.
"Can't you stay?" He questioned.
Khushi gave him a small smile. "I've been here for four hours...I made the decision just before I called you...in fact...I wrote the entry in the second diary after I called you...I haven't had the chance to catch up with my own decision..."
Even as the confusion clouded his mind, Arnav nodded in response, understanding her unsaid request of needing time alone. Once she left, Arnav picked up the first book she'd handed him and immediately opened it to the page she had dog-eared.
I'm supposed to be stronger than this. I'm not supposed to feel this way anymore. It's been three years, for the love of God! I had made sure that I was ready to face him again then why is it going down the road I don't want to journey along? I hadn't expected meeting him to be easy.
And I sure as hell hadn't expected all these feelings to resurface with a force this strong. It's not fair. It's not fair that he's an epitome of control while my heart goes up in flames at the mere sight of him. I'm supposed to be over him then why is it that all I want to do is run to him, throw myself into his arms, and tell him...tell the world...tell them what exactly?
It can't possibly be that easy to fall in love all over again with the person who shattered your heart, the person who dated a horde of women before your very eyes, and the person who estranged you for three years.
Yet, it had happened in the matter of a moment. The moment I saw him at the party, all the walls around my heart crumbled. Every feeling, every emotion woke up again stronger than before.
I know this will lead to heartbreaks. It's wrong to feel this way. It's wrong of me to put my heart through that torture again because it will be the same this time around too:
I will remain in love with him and he won't fall in love with me...just like last time.
Arnav's heart thundered; its echo pounding in his head as the blood rushed in his veins. He read and re-read the words written in her neat writing, letting them drown his very being in a sea of euphoria. He noticed the date on this entry and realized that this was from the day after the cocktail party...way before he knew she was engaged...way before they cleared up their misunderstandings. With his heart still leaping uncontrollably, he picked up the second book and flipped through the first two blank pages until her writing appeared again.
This entry was shorter, yet, more important.
I love him. There's no denying that.
He loves me. He told me so...multiple times.
I'm engaged to NK and neither of us feels that way for the other...at least I think he doesn't...
I know I'm going to break his heart and his trust...but he deserves better. He deserves someone who is going to love him as much as he loves her. I can't toy with his emotions any more. He's my friend and I don't want to cheat on him emotionally for the rest of my life...I can't marry him...not when I'm in love with Arnav.
All three of us deserve a chance to find true love and NK won't find that with me. It's only fair that I set him free and give him a chance to find his true happiness while Arnav and I try to find the same...together.
Does that make me selfish? I don't know. But if me being selfish ends up giving two of the most important men in life happiness...I shall be selfish. Even if I end up hurting NK now, it will be better for him in the future...
I can only hope that NK will understand my decision...
He let go of the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. He read the entry one more time to make sure he wasn't imagining the words. When he was convinced that her entry was as true as it could get, he placed the diary back on the table and stared at it for a few long seconds. Feeling the pull coming from the direction where she was sitting, he turned to look at her with exaggerated slowness, his heart melting the moment his eyes found her.
She sat stony faced, staring at the ground, looking upset.
She still loved him. After all these years, after having every reason not to...she still loved him. What overwhelmed him more was the fact that her feelings hadn't come forth because of anything that had happened in the last few days. She loved him before he clarified his position...before he explained his behavior. She loved him when she believed him to be a jerk...she loved him with all his flaws. She loved him when she had left and she still loved him when she first saw him after the worst three years of his life.
His heart twisted a tad bit painfully when he saw her hand reach up to wipe away a tear, trying to be subtle about it and failing. Immediately, he took both of the precious books and left the table. After paying the tab at the reception, he made his way towards Khushi.
She barely glanced up as he came to a stop next to her, choosing to stand rather than taking a seat. The only giveaway that she'd acknowledged his presence was the miniscule change of stance. Her rigid spine relaxed just a tad bit and shoulders slumped a little more.
"Please say something..." She groaned and looked up at him.
Arnav watched her wearily, doubting her judgment. "Are you sure you made the right decision?"
Her eyebrows perked up slightly at his statement. Apparently, that's not what she had expected to hear.
"What?" She stood up and turned entirely to face him.
Arnav sighed and ran his free hand through his hair. "I can't believe I'm saying this but...are you sure? Are you confident that you've made the choice that's right for you?"
"Why would you ask me that?"
"For one, you don't look like you're happy with your decision." Arnav spoke quietly, gently as if talking to a young child.
Khushi flared. "I am going to end up hurting a very dear friend of mine...I'm going to break my engagement with the same man...I am going to leave behind the friend who pulled me out of my despondent state...so forgive me if I'm not freaking jumping with joy with this decision."
She regretted the moment the words rolled off of her tongue but it was true what they said of arrows and words...they can't be taken back.
Arnav pressed his lips together as his own temper threatened to spiral out of control. She was already ill-tempered at the moment and he knew he had to keep calm if they were going to talk about this like mature adults. As a sharp retort formed in his mind, he looked away to keep this from escalating into an argument.
"You know I didn't mean it like that." He tried to placate, although his voice contained a hint of a warning.
She covered her face in her hands for a long second, drawing in enough air to fill her lungs. "I know...I'm sorry...I shouldn't have said that..."
Silence prevailed for a few seconds while each was lost in their own world of thoughts. Arnav wasn't going to back down until she answered his question, so he brought it up again.
"Are you sure of your decision?" Arnav held up his hand when she opened her mouth to speak. "Think carefully before you answer Khushi, because this time...I'm not going to let you go...I'm not going to lose you again."
"Why?" She pressed her lips together to suppress her smirk.
"What do you mean why'?" His annoyance increased. "I love you dammit!"
"And I love you too dammit..." Khushi smiled, watching the dumbstruck expression on his face. "And just for the record...I will kill you if you let me go this time."
All else forgotten for the moment, Arnav closed the remaining distance between them in one long stride and wrapped his arms around her. Her confession echoed in his mind and he was acutely aware of the fact that this was the first time she'd uttered the three words. Her slender arms wrapped around his torso while she hid her face in his chest, inhaling the familiar scent to her heart's content.
"I love you Arnav..." She chuckled shortly. "It feels so good to be able to say that out loud."
Smiling, he placed a kiss on top of her head and hugged her closer, silently promising her-and himself-that he wouldn't let her go this time, that he would keep her happy, that he would be a part of a strong relationship based on a foundation of friendship with her.
She looked at him, studying his face, trying to read his thoughts while he stared down at her, somewhat disbelieving that this moment was real. Perhaps it would take a few hours or even days for him to truly believe that this was happening...that it wasn't just a dream.
He leaned closer to seal the silent promise with a kiss but she turned her face away. Her refusal might have stung a bit if he weren't so ecstatic about her confession.
"I'm sorry...I..." Khushi took a deep breath and decided that honesty was the best policy. "Look...Can we just keep some distance for a few days...physically, I mean...We may have sorted out misunderstandings and I'm sure of my decision but I'm still engaged to NK...I don't want to cheat on him...I've already emotionally cheated on him..."
Arnav let go of her gently, respecting her decision. How could he have expected anything else from Khushi? Trust was always very important to her which is why his lies in the past had hurt her more than anything...which is why Anjali and Payal's confessions had devastated her.
"He'll understand you know..." Arnav spoke after a few seconds. He saw her stiffen and he went on quickly to keep her from drawing conclusions. "You two are friends...I'm sure he'll understand your decision..."
Khushi sighed and kept a hand on her forehead. "I really do hope so...I don't want to build our relationship on NK's heartbreak..."
"Are you going to call him?"
Khushi looked up at him, shaking her head. "No...it's not a conversation I want to have over the phone...He'll be back in a week...that should give us enough time to sort everything out here..."
Arnav nodded thoughtfully. "We'll talk to him together"
"No..." Khushi protested at once. "I need to do this alone...You can talk to him after, if you want, but first let me talk to him, okay?"
"Relax Khushi..." Arnav tucked a stray strand behind her ear and cupped her face. "I won't say anything to him until you want me to...I meant what I told you that night...No interference from me...Besides, by the time he comes back, we'll get time to just be Arnav and Khush...up to no good, doing crazy things...making up for the time we've lost because of other people's interferences..."
Khushi bit her lip and averted her gaze. "I don't think I'm ready to talk to them yet..."
Arnav understood whom she was referring to because he agreed. He didn't want to face Anjali and Payal right now, let alone talk to them. He was more grateful than Akash would ever know for keeping everyone back in Rajasthan.
"We need to tell Amma and Arvind uncle..." Khushi cringed.
"Dad is going to be over the moon..." Arnav chuckled and shook his head, imagining his father's joy at the news.
Khushi smiled as similar thoughts ran through her mind and then the smile faded. "I wish I could say the same about Amma..."
_____
"Akash, please..."
"Look, Payal...both of them need space...I don't want to take away that from them...just stay here a few more days." Akash continued to type away on the laptop as he spoke.
"Okay that's enough!" Anjali snapped. "I agree what we did was out of our limits...I agree that we shouldn't have interfered so much but you can't keep us here forcefully. I've had enough of this. I just want a chance to explain our actions...is that too much to ask?"
"yes." Akash snapped.
"Anjali...I understand your argument but, sweetheart, they will listen to you when you're ready." Rohan tried to console.
"Oh you shut up! You're supposed to support me through thick and thin, through rich and poor and sickness and health and all that crap..." Anjali narrowed her eyes at her husband.
"As long as you're right, I'll support you..." Rohan deadpanned. "I haven't said majority of what I wanted to...I could have lashed out like Akash and Arnav but I haven't...I think you ought to be grateful. You meant well for your friend, you were being protective and all of that is very heartwarming but you two should understand that after a certain point of protection...it becomes suffocating! It damages rather than repairing!"
Rohan took a deep calming breath when he saw tears rush into Anjali's eyes. Payal's crestfallen face had no affect on the temper that seemed to have become a constant emotion running through Akash's veins.
"If we take you back, do you promise to leave them alone until they're ready to talk to you guys?" Rohan presented the idea.
"Ro!" Akash groaned. "I told Bhai I would ensure that""
"He's my brother too, Akash." Anjali spoke in a small voice. "I know I've let him down but I want to make it up to him..."
"We want to help bring them together...we played a role in their separation but now we want to make it up to them by bringing them together." Payal admitted.
After a much needed discussion the previous night, Payal and Anjali had reached the decision that they would do whatever was needed to bring Arnav and Khushi back together. It wouldn't undo the past, wouldn't change what they'd done but it would give them some sense of redemption.
"We never intended to hurt either one of them...we want them both to be happy too. If Khushi is going to find that with Arnav, then I will do anything to bring them together..." Payal looked at Akash with a determined stare.
Rohan watched Akash wearily. Akash had been extremely irritable, especially with Payal. He worried that this situation would bring in strains between Akash and Payal's relationship. Where was the sense in having two relationships suffer when it can be avoided? Perhaps it would be better to have everyone together where they can talk this out once and for all.
"Pack your bags. I'll make arrangements to take you back." Rohan declared, giving the women a benefit of doubt.
As expected, Akash was displeased with the decision. He made no attempt to hide the hostility as he slammed the laptop shut, tossed it off of his lap and stormed out of the living room of Sheesh Mahal.
_____
Arnav had never felt so restless in his life as he did now. After her cryptic comment, Khushi had offered no explanation about why she feared her mother's reaction. His mind had run off into its own world, drawing up a number of theories. He had wanted to ask, and he even attempted, but Khushi didn't provide a satisfactory answer.
Khushi had been oddly distracted, no doubt worrying about her mother's reaction, the entire drive to her place. He had glanced countless times at their entwined hands as they rested on his thigh while he drove with his free hand.
The awkwardness had only mounted when they picked up a confused and skeptical Garima from Khushi's Buaji's place. Of course, they were no longer holding hands and Arnav wished he could speak to Khushi telepathically about what they were about to do.
They had no plan. No practice. No idea of how they were supposed to break it Garima. He wasn't worried about Arvind's reaction. Garima's reaction was something that had him feeling jittery within.
He could feel Garima's eyes hovering over them every now and then and he could almost hear the confused thoughts in her mind. Hopefully the suspicious behavior on his and Khushi's part would give Garima a small hint which would make the declaration easier.
"Will you two please tell me what's going on?" Garima sounded annoyed. "Khushi? Arnav bituwa?"
Arnav glanced at Khushi as she turned around in her seat to face her mother. "Wait, Amma...I'll tell you everything...just let us get to Raizada Mansion..."
Garima crossed her arms and looked out the window, muttering about silly antics of today's kids. No one spoke again for the next few minutes that it took for them to pull into Raizada Mansion's driveway. Turning the ignition off, Arnav stepped out of the car and opened Garima's door. Despite the uneasy situation, Garima smiled at the young man's chivalry.
By the time they had walked around the car, Khushi had already stepped out and shut the door behind her. Wrapping an arm around her mother's shoulders, Khushi began walking towards the entrance of the house while Arnav flanked Garima on the other side.
Arvind was pacing back and forth in front of the living room's large L-shaped couch. His tie was loosened, his coat long discarded, his hair dishelved"from countless times of running his hands through it; a habit that Arnav had clearly inherited"and a glass of amber liquid in his hand completed his look. It was this sight that greeted Arnav, Khushi, and Garima as they stepped into the large room.
Arvind paused pacing and out of common courtesy, summoned Om prakash to take away the glass of scotch.
"Namaste Mrs. Gupta." Arvind folded his hands and Garima returned the greeting.
A simple nod in Arnav's direction and a half hug for Khushi bought them all a couple of more seconds. Jai Prakash walked out then with a tray holding three tall glasses of water. They all took their seats while Jai Prakash scampered away.
Arvind looked expectantly at Arnav, hoping for some kind of a hint to grab a lead from. Arnav simply offered a small smile and looked at Khushi; silently letting Arvind know that she would be doing all the talking.
"Okay...can you two tell me what is going on now? I'm increasing my blood pressure out of worry here!" Garima squirmed in her seat.
"I'll get straight to the point..." Khushi rubbed her palms together and rested her elbows on her knees, regarding her mother with the utmost determined glance. "A lot has happened here in the past few days and I have been given a lot to think about...my decisions have been challenged...I've been made to see reason and consider this from different point of views...and Amma, after a lot of thinking...I've made a decision."
Arvind's breath hitched in his throat in anticipation. Khushi clasped her hands together and took a deep steadying breath, preparing herself for her mother's reaction.
"I have decided...with Arnav...that we want to give us a chance...as best friends and perhaps as life partners." Khushi completed.
The excitement seemed to bowl Arvind over. It took all of his control to not hop up from his seat and throw a punch in the air.
Arnav watched with dread seeping into him as he saw the color drain from Garima's face. Her face held no signs of joy at Khushi's declaration. Slowly, Garima's eyes moved away from Khushi's face until they rested on Arnav. The accusations swimming in her eyes were too obvious to ignore. In that moment, Arnav realized with a heavy heart that she knew everything. He averted his gaze, knowing that from her perspective, he was as guilty as charged for every single accusation.
Garima's glance turned icy as it settled on Khushi's hopeful face. "Do you know what you're saying?"
Khushi took Garima's hand in hers and looked down at their clasped hands a she spoke. "Yes, I know. I made the decision after a lot of thinking..."
"Oh please, Khushi...don't talk like a stupid teenager! You've grown up now...at least now talk a little sensibly! This isn't a child's play...you're engaged to NK! How can you do this to him? I understand your friendship with Arnav...I do...but I don't agree with your decision." Garima took her hand away from Khushi's and wiped the tears that suddenly spilled out of her eyes. She would not sit here and let her daughter go through another heartbreak.
"Amma, please..." Khushi began in a tone to reason.
"Please what, Khushi?!" Garima snapped.
"I love him..." Khushi confessed quietly, sounding five years younger than her age.
Garima scoffed even as her heart ached for her daughter. "That didn't do anything for you three years ago."
Arvind suppressed a cringe at the direct words and glanced at Arnav to find his face paled as well. Khushi looked at Arnav apologetically.
Maybe coming up with a plan wasn't a bad idea. Khushi mused silently and turned to face her mother again.
"There were a lot of misunderstandings Amma...we were young and afraid of losing a friend if we spoke our minds..." Khushi tried to explain.
"It was that combined with my irrational, stubborn and absolutely foolish decisions." Arnav admitted and walked over to Garima. He squatted in front of her, taking both her hands in his. "You have every right to be upset with me aunty...I admit my mistakes. I'm not unaware that my stupidity has hurt Khushi...You were with Khushi when she went to Australia...you had to see her go through the situation and you don't want her to go through that again...and I completely understand...
"But my life was incomplete without her, Aunty...and when I found out about her engagement with NK...I don't think anything can hurt me so much as the thought that I may have to spend my life without her...I love her too, aunty...I always have...the only difference is that back then, I didn't have enough courage to admit it to her...
"I know you have more reasons to not accept our relationship than to accept it but when kids make mistakes parents forgive them, don't they? If I was your son...would you not have forgiven me?"
Garima watched the honesty, pain, and regret play in his eyes and expressions. She hadn't missed the look of absolute serenity when he had admitted that he loved her daughter. But there was something...or rather someone that he had mentioned that made Garima look over at Khushi.
"Have you spoken to NK? He's going to get hurt...and I don't agree with that considering that I've seen him bring you back from your depressed state." Garima pointed out her displeasure honestly.
"I have considered that Amma..." Khushi sighed and threw a grateful smile in Arvind's direction. "But someone made me see reason with this too...do you think its right of me to marry NK when I'm in love with another man? Do you think I would make a good wife to him? Isn't it better to hurt him for a short time now and then set him free to find happiness rather than putting him through a lifetime of pain and deceit?"
"But Khushi..." Garima began but Khushi shook her head.
Khushi stood up from her seat and kneeled on the floor next to Arnav and grasped her mother's arm.
"If you want me to choose NK over Arnav...I will do it for you but Amma, I cannot promise that NK will get the happiness he deserves...and I can't guarantee that I will be happy." Tears rushed into Khushi's eyes, pleading her mother to understand.
"Amma, remember what Bauji used to say to me?" Khushi's eyes glazed over with memories as she recalled her father's words. "He used to say, Khushi...whenever in life you find yourself saying yes to other people...make sure you're not saying no to yourself.'"
Garima smiled a little and nodded as she remembered the countless times her husband had given their daughter this piece of advice. "I remember..."
"Amma...if I don't give this a chance...if I don't give my feelings a chance...if I say yes to NK instead of Arnav...I will be saying the biggest no' to myself in this lifetime." Khushi spoke seriously, each word holding its own weight as they registered in Garima's mind.
The mother who wanted her daughter's happiness warred with the mother who had seen her daughter's heartbroken state. Would she be giving her daughter the permission to maybe go through that again if she said yes now? Would Khushi end up in that same state if she said no?
NK was a gem of a person. He would keep Khushi happy, of that Garima was sure. But could she be selfish and consider only her daughter's happiness? She agreed that if Khushi loved Arnav, she would never make a good wife to NK. If she gave her blessings to Arnav and Khushi now, would she play a role in breaking NK's heart? Was she okay with that?
Garima's eyes turned to Arvind who stood stock still, observing the scenario worriedly. "Bhai Sahab?"
Arvind smiled apologetically. "They've always had my blessings, Mrs. Gupta. I know that my son has made mistakes ...and I've already told Khushi that if she chooses to be with NK, I will personally ask Arnav to step out of the way." Arvind glanced at Khushi, the fatherly affection in his eyes was unmistakable.
"I have a daughter too and Khushi is no different than Anjali for me...I want her to be happy. No matter who she chooses, she will always have my blessings as long as she can assure me that she has made the decision that's right for her. Just like her Bauji...I don't want her to say no' to herself." Arvind concluded with a slight shrug.
Silence prevailed as Garima focused on their words over and over again for the next few torturously long seconds, slowly realizing that perhaps Khushi's decision was the best for everyone. But a mother's heart was nothing if not emotional. She needed her assurances and she needed them from Arnav.
"Do you promise that you won't give her a chance to regret her decision?" Garima's eyes zeroed in on Arnav's face.
"I promise." Arnav spoke without a missed beat. "And I also promise that if you don't think I'm living up to my words...you can bid me away whenever you want. If I can't prove to you that I will cherish her, you can decide what's best for her."
The conviction in his words was not missed by Garima's experienced mind. She nodded in response and turned to look at Khushi.
"He's not the only one who made mistakes, Titaliya..." Garima spoke calmly. "You'll need to promise me that you will handle this opportunity with maturity..."
Khushi smiled tearfully and nodded at her mother. "No more stupidity...I promise."
Garima nodded in response as well and wiped her cheeks dry. "Well, then...I will support you two with this decision of yours..."
Brilliant smiles lit up Arnav, Khushi, and Arvind's face with Garima's acceptance and those same smiles faltered when Garima spoke again.
"But..." Garima looked between Arnav and Khushi. "You two will deal with NK. It is your responsibility to talk to him and sort this out. Khushi, it will be your responsibility to talk to his parents too."
Khushi nodded. "I will talk to NK as soon as he gets back...but until then...please don't tell anyone anything...Once I've spoken to NK, the three of us will make the announcement together."
Just then, Arvind's phone rang shrilly and he answered it almost immediately seeing Akash's name flash on the screen. Arvind's unpleasant hushed muttering grabbed both Arnav and Khushi's attention and they watched him with interest. The call was exceptionally short and Arvind turned to face them once he hung up, looking slightly anxious.
"That was Akash. They're boarding the plane...they're all coming home." Arvind announced.
Next Chapter:
Chapter 28: Mission Restoration - Page 98
Hey Guys! I hope you all liked that and I hope that the decision jives with everyone!😉 and see?? I can be nice...no cliffhanger this time!!
I will send the PM's after I respond to all the comments...should be done within the next 24 hours!
Thank you being such awesome readers!
Love,
Katie <3
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