Chapter 39
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[MEMBERSONLY]
[NOCOPY]
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Part 8: Day 6
Khushi had her bath and went to her bedroom to dry her hair. Amma was with Babuji, helping him do his exercises, and Payal & Buaji were in the kitchen, seeing to breakfast.
Arnav, dressed in black formals despite the early hour, strode in to the house through the open front door. Payal & Buaji gaped at him.
"Payal, Buaji... Where is Khushi?" he asked, urgency obvious in his tone.
Payal, unable to find words, pointed to the bedroom.
"Hai Re Nandkisore! What has Titliyaa done now?" Buaji exclaimed.
Khushi heard the door being pushed open, but continued to rub her hair dry with a towel. It must be Jiji...
"Khushi..."
Khushi jerked in shock. She turned a startled face to see her husband standing behind her. She stood up slowly, the wet towel falling to the bed.
"Khushi..." Arnav made his way to her on quick feet and hugged her so tight that her ribs were in danger of cracking.
"Arnavji... so early... Kya hua?" Khushi managed to whisper.
But Arnav was in no mood to answer her question, however pertinent it might be. He rained kisses all over her face, pressing his hard lips against her soft, surprised cheeks and perplexed forehead. He moved on to her nose, her nosepin, her chin, her ears, and then to her neck, breathing in her jasmine fragrance, crushing her wet hair in his fingers...
Khushi managed to free herself with great difficulty. "Kya hua, Arnavji?" she managed to gasp, her heart beating rapidly at his touch and nearness.
"I missed you, Khushi. All night." Arnav said.
Khushi stared at him, her heart in her mouth. She had missed him too. Desperately. Feeling it was one thing. Admitting it was another.
She took a deep breath and asked, "Did you have breakfast?"
Arnav stared at her for a moment, and said, "No."
"Shall we have it here before we leave?" Her tone was even, as though the past few minutes hadn't happened, as though she hadn't heard him speak of his feelings...
Arnav nodded. This was not the time or place for an argument. Not if the argument had to lead to something definite, something positive for them.
"Arnav Bitwaa, breakfast is ready. O Titliyaa, call your Amma & Babuji and bring them to the table, Nandkisore!" Buaji hollered.
Arnav took Payal & Khushi home. As Akash helped Payal alight, and stood talking to her, Arnav turned to Khushi.
"Khushi, Akash & I need to go to the office. There is a lot of work pending..." he told her softly. The past few days had been hell on the personal & professional front.
Khushi nodded. She made to leave the car, but Arnav caught hold of her arm.
"Khushi, we need to talk." He had to persuade her to marry him at the earliest.
Khushi looked at him for a moment before her lashes fell, hiding her thoughts. She nodded.
It was late by the time Arnav and Akash came home, both of them exhausted. Arnav entered the house as Akash parked the car, his laptop and a packet in his hands.
"HP, a lemon tea and a pill for headache. Bring them to my room." Arnav instructed as soon as HP opened the door.
"Ji, Arnav Bhaiyya." HP said.
"Where is Khushi?" Arnav asked.
"Bhabhi is in the kitchen." HP said.
"Tell her that I want to see her." Arnav said as he walked up the steps.
Arnav sat on the recliner, dressed in casual clothes, his fingers pressing his temple. His head was pounding and the muscles of his neck and shoulders were punishing him for working too hard for too long without enough sleep.
He looked up. Khushi was standing near the door, a tray in her hand. She took one look at him and came in to place the tray on the low table.
Silently, she handed over the pill and a glass of water. Arnav parted his lips, not taking the pill from her. Khushi placed the pill between his lips and made him drink the water as though he were a child.
Arnav shut his eyes for a moment, his head hurting as though someone were banging on drums inside it. He needed to rest, but he had no time to spare. This was the sixth day. Soon it would be night. The night would pass in sleep and the next day would dawn. Then he would have only 5 days left to persude her.
"Khushi..." he called.
"Shall I massage your forehead for you?" she asked.
"Later." Arnav said. He had something more urgent to do. He gave her the packet covered in bright pink wrapping. She looked at him for a moment.
"What is this?" she asked.
"A snake." Arnav countered. "All wrapped up, just for you."
"I wouldn't put it past you..." she muttered as she took the gift from him, holding it gingerly.
"Open it. I promise it won't bite." he said.
She pulled off the wrapping and opened the stylish silver/ black box to find a sari inside. Red. It was... just out of this world. Khushi discarded the box and pulled out the sari. The soft material felt wonderful against her fingers, the thin, transparent red cloth embellished with a miniscule gold border and lots and lots of red roses.
Arnav looked eagerly at Khushi's face. She gulped. Finally, she said, "It is beautiful. Shukriya."
Arnav smiled, delighted that his gift had found favour with her.
"Will you wear it, Khushi?" he asked, hoping desperately that she would agree.
Khushi smiled uneasily. "It is such a grand saree. How can I wear it at home?"
His face fell.
"I will wear it another day." Khushi rushed to appease him.
Arnav nodded. He had to be content with that. He said, "Khushi, will you massage my forehead?"
Khushi nodded. She moved to stand behind him on the recliner. She tugged at his head and made him lie back against it. Slowly, her fingers began pressing the tight muscles and the knotted nerves of his face and neck, giving him great relief. The pill too began to kick in, and Arnav felt much better.
"Khushi..." he murmured.
Khushi looked at him warily. She was standing over him, and her view of his face was thankfully upside down. But even then, he was dangerous to her heart.
"Ji..." she asked softly.
"Did you miss me last night?" he asked.
Her hand slipped away from his temple, the unexpected question startling her. She blinked and quickly brought back her hand to position.
"Miss you? Why should I? I was gone for just one night. And that too to my Amma, Babuji, & Buaji's house." Khushi was noncommital in the extreme.
"I missed you, Khushi." Arnav confessed.
Khushi felt a fire burn in her heart. It was so difficult to lie, to hide her feelings, to keep an expressionless face when he asked her questions that ripped her soul in to half, to pretend not to see the longing on his face... But she had to be strong. For both of them.
She forced herself to smile.
"Arnav Singh Raizada missed Khushi Kumari Gupta? Oh, I see, you missed having someone to scold. Let me tell you that you have to get used to doing without me. After five days, I am not going to stay here to listen to you shouting and bellowing!"
There was perfect silence. Arnav looked at her face for a moment. He then sat up, and tugged gently at her hand to sit by him on the recliner.
He asked her, "What is your plan, Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada? What are you going to do after five days?" His heart quailed at the very prospect, but he did not let any fear show on his face.
Khushi smiled. "I will go back to Buaji's house. And live there happily forever and forever..."
"You will be happy, Khushi?" Arnav asked softly. He knew that she was lying. The smile on her face... It was the same smile she had worn in the car on Diwali night... His heart sank low, as low as it could sink.
"How can I not be happy?" Khushi asked reasonably.
"The whole contract marriage episode will be over. All connections between us wil be cut. You will be Arnav Singh Raizada, a bachelor. Just as you were when I met you. And I will be Khushi Kumari Gupta, a spinster. Just as I was before I met you. We will be able to wipe away the misery of the past one and a half years from our lives. We can start fresh. And this time we can make sure that we don't meet at all."
Arnav looked at her, his eyes intent.
Khushi drew in a deep breath. Fooling Arnav Singh Raizada took a lot of effort. And oxygen.
"You have no idea, Mr. ASR, how scared I was of you! I used to have nightmares about you and jump up sweating. Sheesh Mahal... the office... working in your house..." Khushi shook her head. "We should never have met. We are two different people. We should never, never have met."
"Khushi..." Arnav tried to protest. He couldn't even think about the time when she was not in his life.
"Even if I had to fall in to your arms at Sheesh Mahal and return your chabi at the dargah, I should have kept my mouth shut when you insulted me. I should never, never have taken on a fight with the Arnav Singh Raizada..." Khushi said thoughtfully.
"Khushi, your courage..." Arnav protested.
Khushi smiled pityingly at him. "Folly, not courage. I had no business taking up the challenges that you threw out. If you wanted to have a live-in with Lavanyaji and she was stupid enough to agree, I should have let you do it. Your personal life was none of my business. I was too stupid to see it. If you didn't want to attend the pooja on Janmastami, then that was your decision, your choice, your loss. It was none of my business. If Lavanyaji wanted to leave you, I should have let her do it, instead of writing a love letter to you and selling my bangle to buy you plants..." Khushi stopped as if shot.
"You wrote me that love letter, Khushi?" Arnav asked slowly.
Khushi took in a deep breath. She was caught anyway. Why hide the truth?
She asked, "Did you really think Lavanyaji would write you a letter in Hindi?"
"No... o" Arnav had to admit.
"Or that she would write inane nonsense like jumping from a mountain if you didn't love her?" Khushi asked, a smile on her face.
"No... o.." Arnav had to admit.
"All that philmi rubbish was written by me. All that bakwaas could be written only by me, the great Khushi Kumari Gupta who had no idea what was happening around her, who had no idea what real life was all about, who thought that she could arrange everything to every body's satisfaction..."
"You sold your bangle, Khushi?" Arnav asked, his voice a mere whisper.
"Well..." Khushi shrugged. "The manager at the nursery was not my Chacha or my Mama to give me plants for free. So I had to pay for them."
"You sold your gold bangle for me?" Arnav asked again.
"For Lavanyaji. Not for you." Khushi clarified. "And yes, I sold my gold bangle. Because no body would buy the glass ones."
Arnav couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You... you... Khushi... you have such a big heart, Khushi... you..."
"Ji, I have a big heart." Khushi sighed. "Too big for my own good. And an empty head. As you have often taken the pains to point out."
"Khushi.. I... I didn't mean it... Khushi..." Arnav tried to apologise.
But Khushi was not in the mood to let him go.
"I am sorry, Arnavji. I have been very foolish." she confessed, looking straight in to his eyes.
"Foolish?" Arnav asked.
"Yes. Woh kya he, I grew up seeing so many Hindi phillums that... that I believed my life was one big Hindi phillum. Where I could do whatever seemed right to me, and everything would become all right at the end before the phillum ended."
Arnav looked at her. She was dead serious.
"I should not have come to your office to work. And while working at your house, I should have just done my job and kept out of your way. And your life. I should not have let Naniji & Anjaliji form a bond of friendship with me. I should have been business-like." She sighed. "On Diwali night, I should not have let you... It was the wrong thing to do, the worst thing to do... knowing that Lavanyaji was your girlfriend..."
Arnav swallowed. "Khushi, I was there too. It was my fault, Khushi. I was the one who..."
"That is what our relationship amounts to, Arnavji. A series of follies, faults... Sometimes yours, sometimes mine, sometimes both of ours. Right from our meeting at Sheesh Mahal to our marriage due to a misunderstanding... It is a chain of mistakes, a long line of bad decisions..." Khushi said.
"No, Khushi. Don't call it that."Arnav protested. "All these follies led to our meeting, our knowing each other, our l..."
"Arnavji..." Khushi cut in, not wanting him to bring in the word 'love' in to the conversation. "Aap sochiye. And tell me the truth. Just imagine this situation. Your Naniji wants you to get married. You are not averse to the idea. She brings the proposal of one Khushi Kumari Gupta, the adopted daughter of a halwai from Lucknow. Would you have considered the proposal?"
Arnav stared at her, his mouth open.
"Be truthful, Arnavji. An ordinary girl from Lucknow, from a middle-class family... Would you have even let your Nani finish listing my details before you shouted the roof down?"
She looked at him, waiting for his response.
Finally, he said, "No. I would not have accepted it."
"Why not?" Her voice was soft. Her heart sank without a trace in the depths of gloom. She knew that she was winning... and that in her victory lay the defeat of Arnav Singh Raizada and his contract wife.
"Because... because we... we wouldn't suit..." Arnav whispered.
"You are, as usual, perfectly right, Arnavji. We wouldn't suit. We don't suit." Khushi tried to conclude their conversation by leaving the recliner, but Arnav pulled her back.
"But I would be wrong in taking that decision, Khushi..." Arnav admitted.
Khushi heaved an exasperated sigh. Why did the great ASR have to be humble just when she wanted him to be his usual arrogant self?
"Because I would be taking that decision without seeing you, meeting you, knowing you..." Arnav said.
"The seeing, meeting, knowing etc are not important, Arnavji. They would just cloud your dimag in to doing something that you would regret later on." Khushi warned him.
"Khushi... Di says that in matters of love and marriage, one should give in to one's heart. Dil se faisla lena chahiye, dimag se nahi..." Arnav quoted his Di.
Khushi swallowed. "Anjaliji took the decision to marry Shyam with her dil. Had she used her dimag..."
Arnav had no answer to give.
Both of them sat on the recliner, side by side, silent, both lost in the hell of their own thoughts.
Finally, Khushi said, "When you told me that I had to marry you for 6 months, I didn't know why you specified 6 months. I wondered what had made you do so. But I am glad now. Had we got married without a contract, we would be stuck in a real marriage for life. Acha he! Atleast we can put an end to this mistake in a few days."
She got up to leave.
Hearing Khushi call their marriage a mistake and being thankful that it was ending was the last straw on the camel's back.
He caught hold of her arm. Khushi stood still, her heart fluttering like the wings of a captive bird. She had almost escaped.
Arnav stood up, and pulled her closer to him. Khushi turned her head to look at his determined face.
"A mistake, Khushi?" he asked softly. "Is this a mistake?"
He hauled her close to him, his arm like a tight band around her back, her chest plastered against the hard plane of his. Their hearts galloped together like wild horses.
"How can you call our love a folly, Khushi?" His breath feathered across her cheek before his lips pressed against their soft plumpness.
"A mistake?" His lips travelled down her cheek, and his hand cupped the back of her head. He angled her head and touched her lips with his, rubbing against them.
Khushi gasped. He took advantage of her parted lips and kissed her thoroughly till all her senses were scrambled and she couldn't find two thoughts in her head.
Their lips parted reluctantly. His eyes burned in to hers, and as if in a dream, their lips met again... and again... and again...
Somewhere in between, her arms came around him. One hand clutched the back of his head, her fingers luxuriating in the feel of his dark, thick, unruly hair. The other traced the muscles of his shoulder and arm. His fingers trailed down the length of her back, their soft caresses making her jump in unexpected pleasure.
Finally, Khushi lay weak in his arms. He caught hold of her arm, setting her slightly away from him.
"Our marriage is a mistake, Khushi? A mistake you want to correct at the earliest?" he asked softly.
Khushi woke up from her dream and looked at his lips that were reminding her about the hard facts of their current situation. His sinful lips, slightly red after kissing her...
"If it was foolish, then why did you risk your life to save mine? Why do you feel short of breath when I come close to you? Why did you let me kiss you now, Khushi? Why did you kiss me back? Why did you let me touch you on Diwali night even though you called Lavanya your friend?" Arnav asked softly, but with the intention to make her admit that her love for him was greater than every other consideration.
Khushi paled and tried to pull her arm free from his hold.
"Why did you try to stop me from going to London? Why did you let me touch you that night in the hut?" he asked, his eyes cruel, determined to get an answer.
Khushi snatched her arm out of his hold.
"Why does your heart beat faster than you breathe, Khushi, when I approach you? Why does your heart beat in tandem with mine when I come close to you, Khushi? You asked me these questions on Holi. Do you remember, Khushi?" Arnav was fed up of having Khushi block all his advances, deny their love. It was time to decide their future.
Khushi lost it. She shoved him away."Because I am foolish. Stupid. Because there is nothing in my head, just air. Because I don't know how to look after myself. Because I am dangerous to myself and others as I do one foolishness after the other in the belief that I am doing something great to help others."
"No, Khushi... you are not foolish. You were right..." Arnav tried to make her understand that it was alright to feel love for him. He tried to move closer to her.
"No!" Khushi shouted, taking a step back. "I was wrong. You were right. All along. I just didn't have the common sense to realise it."
"Khushi..." He was shocked at Khushi's loss of self-control, at the amount of pain she had hidden under her stoic countenance.
"Do you know what love is? It is stupidity. A weakness. It destroys homes and shatters peace." Khushi was bitter. "It makes you cry and want to die." Tears filled her eyes and dripped down her cheeks.
"Khushi..." Arnav's voice was compassionate.
"It starts as dhak dhak and acidity, and then burns your life worse than acid. That is what love is. It is a disease that kills your common sense and your morals, makes you believe in a dream world that does not exist. It is a knife that cuts deep, again and again till there is nothing left to kill..."
"Khushi..." Arnav protested.
"It is one second of joy and a lifetime of pain. It is like a word written on water. Now you see it, now you don't. It vanishes in to thin air whenever it suits the lover. It is a word people use to manipulate others, use them." Khushi's words dripped anguish and cynicism, her cheeks glistening with tears.
"Khushi.."
"It made me listen to every cutting word that you spoke to me, made me weep buckets of tears, made a joke out of my family in front of our relations, and now will hurt them beyond repair when our marriage ends. Enough. It is enough." Khushi wiped her face dry with her fingers. "I have put up with too much in the name of love. Anjaliji's love, Shyam's love, Jiji's love, Jiju's love, your love, my love... love, love... I am sick of that word..." Khushi sat down on the recliner, feeling like a deflated balloon after her outburst.
Arnav looked at her, helpless. He had turned in to her, and she was becoming him.
"If I had tilled a plot of land with the diligence with which I tried to solve all your problems, I would have reaped a good harvest by now." Khushi muttered. "What a waste of one and a half years!"
Arnav looked at her, helpless, silent.
"I don't want your roses, your night dress, and your saris. I don't want your love, your sister's apology, a place in your family, Lavanyaji's friendship... I just want to be left alone." Khushi said, her voice low but firm.
Arnav swallowed through a choked throat.
Khushi said, "I have to live. For my family. For them, I have to learn to live. Now, at this age, I have to learn to live." She looked at him, her eyes cold. "Trusting my dil has made a khichdi of my life." she admitted. "Now I would rather trust the little dimag that Devi Maiyya has given me than my dil."
Khushi and Arnav looked at each other, both silent, both hurting.
Finally, Khushi said, "If you 'love' me, as you claim to do, let me go."
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