Chapter 15

'Something serious must have happened Khushi.

Or you would never have left me.

I understand my mistakes. In my anguish of betrayal and jealousy, I have misjudged you.

Jumped to conclusion.

Please Khushi tell me what happened back then?' Arnav pleaded.

She moved away from him and stood facing the window, as if she did not want to include him in her private hell.

He wanted to see her face as she spoke, but he did the next best thing he could manage-stand behind her, waiting in silence.

Something told him, he was in for a lot of pain and self regret and he was not wrong.

'You remember when went home for the semester, 4 months before college was over? Long before the night we spent together?' she asked.

'Yes. How can I forget? I was distraught missing you,' he said.

'Don't go Khushi. I will be lost without you,' he blackmailed her emotionally.

'Are you kidding me? You will be perfectly fine. You have the whole college waiting to shower its love on you, especially girls,' she teased.

'khushi stop joking. I mean it. Is it necessary to go?' he had said quite seriously pulling her into his arms and looking into her eyes.

'Yes. I have to know Dad and Mom are. Even if they are in trouble, they won't tell me, because I will worry.

I have to see for myself that they are fine,' she said.

'Let me come with you,' he had pleaded.

'No way. They will be shocked. We are a very family with strict values. They won't understand our relationship,' she had rejected.

Finally Arnav had no choice but to accept that she had to go. He had made a big fuss at the station asking her to call regularly.

He had kissed her multiple times with a 'Come back baby. I am going to be miserable without you'.

'When I went home, I realized my father was quite unwell. He had not told me anything. He was suffering from a rare heart condition, where the walls of the heart was expanding.

He would have never told me the truth, had I not seen him fainting.

I came to know he had very little time left with him.

His only concern was me, my education and my marriage. Education he knew would be completed in 4 months. But my marriage worried him. Having a very archaic set of values, he believed he would not have completed his duty if he did not get me married.

But he loved me so much he would not force me.

'Bitiya,' her father took her hands in his frail one, 'it has been my dream to see you married. If you get married, I will die in peace,' he had told her, tears brimming in his eyes.

Khushi had cried uncontrollably telling her father,' Bauji, you are not going to die and you will live to see your grand kids.'

'My father did not force me again. Such was his love for me. My mom would tell me 'Khushi bitya, if you know or love anybody, tell us. We will talk to them and at least finalize your marriage. May be it will give peace to your bauji.'

'So that's why you harped on marriage and I kept dodging it,' he said, a part of the mystery behind her nagging unfolding.

'Yes. I tried to gauge your idea about marriage. Whether you wanted it. Whether you were ready for it,' she said in a low voice.

'And I never understood from where you were coming. I understand now you had to get married. But why NK? Why did you not drop a hint?"

'I did not want to emotionally blackmail you into marrying me as you were so against it. Especially after our last confrontation about marriage when you said

'Khushi I want you to understand, I don't believe in marriage. If I have to marry, I should feel the need to do it. I should be ready.

I should not regret it. I don't want to be like my Dad-a womanizer. I want to be a one woman man and I know that woman is you. But I want to see more of life and want to know if I still love only you.

People change. You can change I can change.

I don't want to marry you and regret later.

I don't want to be bound to you, just because I am committed. I want to want that commitment.

Khushi I may hate you some day if you force me into a relationship I do not want' he had said.

'Oh my God. I was such an Ogre. All I cared about was my dreams, my likes, my dislikes, my ideals. I never realized in what kind of a trouble you were,' he said in anguish,

Khushi continued, 'I still would not have married anyone else. I wanted to wait for you. But when we came back from the awards after we made love, my Mother called me again.

'Khushi bitya. Your bauji is very sick. He keeps worrying about getting you 'settled'. I don't know what to do. I fear this anxiety will kill him even faster. Please bitya, can I talk to my friend's son for your marriage? My friend has always liked you and wanted to get you married to her son. Can I say yes'

I completely turned down the suggestion, though she cried and pleaded.

After speaking to my Mom, I felt selfish. My father, who had slogged day and night to give me a good life and fulfill my dreams, was dying and I could do nothing for him?

I was scared of asking you again as you had been so bitter about this. You may have accused me of trapping you later and you said you would hate me if I forced you. I could not bear the thought of living with you while being hated by you.

I saw the relief when you heard that I had not conceived.

I saw the way you would talk about your dreams to make it big in the fashion world.

I saw the way you would wanted to do a lot of globe trotting.

Also seeing you wilh Melissa made me realize, you were still young. You wanted to flirt, have fun and do all the normal things guys do.

Being 21 and married was not what you wanted, that too when you did not even love me,' she concluded.

'Khushi, how the hell can you assume things? How do you know I wanted only that? Had you explained I would have understood. We might have got married---'

'And divorced within a couple of years,' she interrupted him, 'Don't be shocked Arnav. There was no love on your side for me.

I never heard the word love from you.

Had I been secure in your love I might have had the courage to ask you to do something for me.

As it is, most of the time, I felt grateful that you even considered me worthy of being your girlfriend.

I admit I had low self esteem, but I could not do anything about it.

You were the Arnav Singh Raizada.

Handsome

The only son of one of the biggest business tycoons in India.

And I had nothing to offer in return, or that's what I thought then,' she said.

'So you decided for both of us? You never gave me a choice?' he asked.

'I wanted to ask you. But that's when I met your father when he came for the college culturals a week before college ended,' she said.

'What does my father have to do with this?' he asked incredulously.

'Nothing and everything.

When you introduced me as your girlfriend, he asked me what my Dad does.

I said 'He owns a small sweet shop.'

A few minutes later he asked me, 'Do you know how many industries I own? And Arnav is the heir for all of it. Most girls want his my wealth. I am not saying you do. I am just telling you how it has been.'

I brushed it off as a generic remark.

A few minutes later he told me, 'Funny how times have changed. Girls nowadays will do anything to get a rich man, especially if they have no money.'

Again I ignored this as a passing comment.

Finally it was not what he said, but what you said in response to him, that caught my attention' Khushi said.

'What did I say? I don't even remember,' Arnav said said incredulously.

'Why would you remember? Such things mean nothing to you. You would make statements which always left me confused.

When your Dad asked you 'So Arnav, do you plan to marry her soon?'

You said 'Marry in haste and regret in leisure like you are currently doing with your new wife? No way Dad. It is not possible to get Arnav Singh Raizada to the altar, unless he decides it and wants it. I want to love my wife, not suffer her for the rest of my life.

So when the time comes I will marry.'

'Your words once again reflected your philosophy about marriage and your Dad's words emphasized I did not belong to your world.' She said,

'Khushi, you thought all this and never thought of telling me?' he asked, genuinely surprised.

'No, because I was scared of what would happen.

I was scared of seeing whatever feelings you had for me, turn into hatred. But eventually it happeed,' she said, her lips twisting into a bitter smile.

From that night, I continusly rotted in my private hell.

I could not go ahead ask you to marry me, because you did not want it.

And I could not marry an unsuspecting guy, without telling them the truth about us. I could not cheat a guy as if he is the first in my life. Hell, I did not even have the most basic thing a girl gifts her man-my virginity' she said bitterly.

Arnav wanted to hold her and make her sadness go away. But he had to continue, 'So where does NK fit into the picture?'

'On one of my loneliest days, when Mom called to tell me Dad was getting worse and pleaded to give him his happiness, I was sitting in a corner of the caf and crying.

Nk found me then.

'Hey baby doll. What's wrong again?' he asked.

At first I had not wanted to tell him.

But I wanted to confide in a friend and ask his advise.

I told him my problems.

He advised me to speak to you.

But two days later when he asked me, I still hadn't spoken to you.

'Khushi speak to him. He is the man you love' he told me.

But I told him I did not have the guts to ask you or force you.

It is then he said 'Khushi you don't have the time. Your Dad is dying,'

I cried then. Looking at me NK said 'Baby doll. I have a suggestion. Marry me. I am a divorcee. I have nothing to lose. I like you a lot. I am a friend. I wont make any demands on you, We can have a marriage in name only. Later in life, if you want you can walk out. I won't stop you.

As for me, I will gain a friend and a companion I like as against spending my life alone.'

NK's offer felt like a lifeline to me.

I could save my Dad,

I could also give you the freedom you wanted.

I thought you would be hurt for a while, but move on because you dd not love me.

So, I agreed to get married and told my parents. My father was very happy.

Though it broke my heart to get married to someone else, I was willing to do it for his happiness.

But the night I gave you the card along with NK, my heart broke again.

It was then NK told me to go and tell you the truth, whatever be the consequences.

So, I came to tell you the truth the next day,' she closed her eyes then and looked away 'Then you know what happened.'

Arnav still rememberd that day with regret.

He had pushed Khushi away when she came to meet him in the room he was staying in. It was the day after college had ended and he was staying in a hotel, getting drunk.

'Don't you dare show me your face. I don't want to see the face of a characterless woman,' he had said hatefully.

'Arnav listen. I want to explain,' she had pleaded.

'About what? About how you have always carried on with NK behind my back? All that actng of virginal innocence. And I fell for it.

You wanted me to marry didn't you? You wanted all my wealth? And when that did not happen, you caught the next rich guy-NK.

You are such a tramp,' he had said angrily.

Khushi had cried inconsolably. He had come closer to her, flicking away the teardrops, 'Tears! Ah! So you genuinely regret this and want to explain is it?' he had asked.

'Yes. I do. Please Arnav. Give me a chance,' she had pleaded.

'Sure. Come back tomorrow. Same time. I am drunk now,' he had said.

There were tears in her eyes even now as she remembered what happened the next morning. When Khushi had knocked the hotel door, La had opened the door, clad in shorts and spaghetti tops.

Arnav had emerged from behind, wearing shorts and bare chested.

'La. What are you doing here?' Khushi had asked shell shocked.

'La spent the night with me Khushi. Just as you have been spending with NK,' he said brutally, hugging La.

All color had drained from Khushi's face and she tried to reach out to him, 'Arnav----you said you will listen to my explanation,' she had said, while La watched sardonically.

'Yeah. May be in our next life, if there is one. But come to think of it. Scratch it. I don't want to ever meet you in this life forget the next one. Goodbye.' He said/

Khushi had been unable to move. She had stood waiting for him to take back everything 'Arnav. Say you don't mean it. Please don't say goodbye. ' she had pleaded.

'Goodbye Khushi. It wasn't nice knowing you,' he said shoving her out and closing the door.

Pin drop silence reigned the room as her voice faded away. Both the occupants of the room were lost in the agony of their emotions.

Arnav did not realize he was crying. Only when he felt the dampness on his cheeks he realized, he was cryig for her heart which must have broke into a million pieces that day. And to think he had suffered!

But he had to know it all. So he asked,

'So why did you not marry NK?'

'Because my Dad died 2 weeks before the wedding. With his death, I had no reason to marry. NK and we mutually called it off.

Nk asked me to call you or mail you after I got over mourning Dad. But then I heard through La you went to US and she was joining you and then your mail a year later saying you are getting married to her

I was not interested in pursuing a relationship with you anyway after all that which happened----'

She was not crying, but stoically calm as she talked.

'So that's my story Arnav. I survived all that.

At 21 I lost a lot.

The man I loved.

My virginity.

My Dad.

My peace fo mind.

I never thought of marrying again, not only because I had loved and lost everything. But also because I never considered myself worthy of marrying anyone, as to me my morals were important. Once I had slept with someone, I could not let it happen again.

So, I dodged all proposals brought by Mom. Eventually, five years after Dad passed away, she died too, probably with a broken heart. I don't know, because she never forced me to marry or blackmailed me. But I knew it hurt her deeply when I told her I would never marry. She did not even understand the reason.

But I have built a good professional life. I run a garment buying house, which is doing well. I have my own boutique which doing very well,' she said.

Finally she turned to face him, looking him straight in the eye,

'I was wrong in hiding things from you.

But you were wrong in not trusting me or accusing me without thinking.

It proved you never really knew what I was capable of and not capable of.

If you could think I could sleep with someone behind your back, then you must have had a very low opinion of me and somewhere it came into your mind because I was of a much lower economical class than you.

Never mind, Arnav Singh Raizada. The past is gone, buried.

I have moved on.

And I want to forget you.

So, goodbye,' she extended her hand.

'khushi please don't say good bye. Don't you want to know how my life has progressed?

Don't you want to know about La?' he asked.

'No. We have nothing left to say each other. It's a goodbye,' she said ushering him out of the door, since he had lost all his strength to fight her and closing it firmly behind him----