Chapter 12

All color drained from her face at the words he uttered 'Well. I have news for you. And the flash news is, you are still Miss Khushi Kumari Gupta and Mr NK is not your husband now. And never was-----'

.

She looked at him, almost in fear. She did not speak for several minutes.

It took her some time to regain control, a time during which Arnav was alternately seething with anger and pity.

He knew she was deeply disturbed by his announcement. But at this point he was beyond caring.

7 years of gnawing pain gave fuel to his anger.

'7 years I have burnt in the agony of thinking, I was nothing to you.

7 years I have wondered how you feel being touched by NK.

7 years I have wondered why you betrayed me.

7 years I have looked for you through various sources.

Multiply 7 by 365 days and 24 hrs, then you will know the anguish.

You destroyed me on that day when you and NK came and gave me your wedding invitation.

I still remember every single detail,' he said as his mind went back to that painful day.

It was two days before their college was getting over.

All of them were depressed that their glorious life was coming to an end.

He was sadder as he would be going to Delhi and Khushi would be going to Jabalpur,

She had been exceptionally sad and quiet and not her exuberant self for nearly two months.

He knew she was unhappy at not getting married immediately. She had started nagging about marriage after 3 months into their relationship.

'I can't live a day without seeing you,' she would cry knowing college would end soon,' And I can see you every day only if I am married to you..'.

He had joked, 'We can live together you know.'

Her strict, conservative upbringing had been shocked at the suggestion.

'No way,' she had refused.

'We will go to different cities. Then you will forget me' she would crib.

He would do his best to reassure her. But she had been insecure about his love sometimes. She had often told him,

'I am so ordinary Arnav. I was a nobody in college, but you are its heartthrob.

I have no money. You are loaded.

Why would you still want me later?

It is not as if you love me. You don't believe in it. The only thing strong facet in our bond, is our companionship and togetherness. If we stay away, even that will go away' she had said.

He had not given her big words of love but cradled her face in his and whispered into her lips 'And forget how your lips taste? Or how you shudder when I touch you like this,' he had slipped his hands to touch her waist from beneath her T shirt, 'Or forget this?' he would say kissing the slim column of her throat and moving further down.

She would stop him then and say 'You can find this with any woman ASR. What kind of assurance is this?

'No Khushi. I can never find this with any woman. Don't even want to try,' he had said earnestly. She had been happy then.

But as time passed, her insecurities about his lack of expressions of love had increased.

'When do you think you will love me?' she would ask.

'When I know what that word means,' he had said flippantly.

One more time she had asked,' So what you feel now. Isn't it love?'

He had told her 'All I know is I need you. I want to see you everyday. I want to touch you. If this is love, then I would want to be sure I always feel it before calling it love,' he had said.

His answers had always left her dissatisfied. He knew that. But he could not utter meaningless words for the sake of it. Not even for her.

Perhaps her insecurities had made her bring up the subject of marriage almost everyday.

He had been as patient as could be, explaining his point of view to her.

But two months ago, things had blown out of proportion when she had nagged him about marriage.

He had become angry at her and raged,

'Khushi I want you to understand, I don't believe in marriage. If I have to marry, I should feel the need to do it. I should be ready.

I should not regret it. I don't want to be like my Dad-a womanizer. I want to be a one woman man and I know that woman is you. But I want to see more of life and want to know if I still love only you.

People change. You can change I can change.

I don't want to marry you and regret later.

I don't want to be bound to you, just because I am committed. I want to want that commitment.

Khushi I may hate you some day if you force me into a relationship I do not want' he had said.

She had cried uncontrollably at his outburst.

'I just want to be with you Arnav,. I can't imagine life without you. I am scared you will forget me or outgrow me/' she had sobbed.

He had taken her in his arms and said,' That won't happen Khushi. I just need time. Time to build a career. Time to explore life. Time to face the temptation of other women and still ward them off, time to be sure of every single thing which makes marriage beautiful.

Don't make this hard for me Khushi.

I promise I will do the right thing when the time comes.'

She hadn't brought up the subject again. Even when he had popped the question a couple of times saying 'If you really want it and there is no way out, let's get married'

But she had politely shook her head and said 'No. It's ok. You should want it too.'

He had tried two more times, half heartedly.

All of which she had turned down with the same reason.

He had never said he wanted it, because at that time, marriage was not something he wanted. At 21, he had his whole life ahead of him. Still for her sake and for doing the right thing, he had given it a try, though not with all his heart.

In the meantime, she had started spending more time with NK

They had frequently argued about this and she had become more withdrawn.

But nothing had prepared Arnav for the shock he received, when NK and Khushi had walked in hand in hand.

'Arnav we have something to tell you,' NK said.

The word 'we' rankled in his ears. From when did NK start tagging Khushi along with him?

'I don't know you NK. If there is something Khushi will tell me,' he said, pointedly ignoring NK and looking at Khushi.

She hadn't spoken a word.

'But this is our news Arnav,' he said. He had then extended a red and gold invitation card.

'Khushi has agreed to be my wife and we wanted to invite you personally before you leave,' he said.

Arnav felt someone had just shot him. He looked from one to another.

'It's a joke isn't it? Khushi you did not agree to marry him right?' he asked.

She stood silent, clutching NK's hand as if holding on to life.

The sight angered him more.

He had lunged at her and grasped her by the arm and pushed her to the wall, 'Tell me Khushi, that he is lying. Tell me dammit,' he screamed in anger.

She stood silently, tears streaming down her eyes.

It was NK who intervened, showing him the card, 'See this once Arnav. It is all finalized. We are getting married next month, in Jabalpur. Here,' he had thrust the card at him.

Arnav had taken the card in his hand and looked at it finally.

There it was in bold letters:

'You are cordially invited to the wedding of

Khushi Kumari Gupta

with

Nand Kishore Sharma'

He did not remember much of what followed. His eyes had blurred with tears, and he knew he had been violent towards Khushi and NK.

He still clearly remembered his words to Khushi and NK, the only thing he still regretted,

'You can have her NK. She is soiled goods anyway and she is better off with leftover people like you NK'

Not stopping there he had hurled more cruel words at Khushi

'You chose him because he has more experienced in sex right?

Being married and divorced and all?

You thought a novice like me could not satisfy your appetite for sex?' had had raged.

He closed his eyes as the pain of the past overtook him again.

He had been very cruel to her.

She had literally crumbled and collapsed before his eyes.

It was NK who had supported her and led her out of the house.

His words to her had haunted him for years. He had looked for her to apologize, to make up for it all. To maturely understand the reasons for her actions.

He looked at the woman in front of him. Nothing had changed his love for her. His love had stood the test of time, anger, hurt, betrayal, hatred, pain.

He had burned for her day and night.

He might have as well married her when she asked him to. He had not been able to live his life without her.

So, had she wanted marriage and security so much that she had left him?

If so why wasn't she married?

All of it was a lie-NK, marriage, honeymoon-every single word.

It was a good thing he had called NK.

He may have lived in the dark all his life, otherwise. Because Khushi may have given him the slip.

When NK had picked up the call he had been puzzled,

'khushi's husband. I think you have got something mixed up. I am not her husband,' he had said.

'Are you Nand Kishore Sharma?' Arnav had asked in his fake accent,

'Yes. I am. I know Khushi very well. But I am not her husband. Where did you get that idea? That too in her immigration papers. We have not even met for so many years. We just talk on the phone,' he said.

Arnav had been silent for a while and then NK spoke again,

'You are not from immigration are you? You must be from her college days. And I can think of only one person who would want to know about Khushi's husband and that person can only be ASR. So, ASR is it you?' he had asked directly.

Arnav had been taken by surprise and for a while he had been silent and then finally spoken up, 'Yes this is ASR. NK, tell me honestly, Is what you said correct? You are not married to Khushi?'

'No. I am not. Never was. We have not met more than twice or thrice in the past 7years. When we did meet it was only when she came to the city for work,' he said.

'NK what happened? Why didn't you marry Khushi? You were going to get married in a month.

'It's not my story to tell buddy. It is hers. Find her and ask her,' NK said.

'I found her and asked her. But she has been silent,' ASR said.

'What do you expect dude? After the dirty words you said to her, will she confess she has always loved you, she has never been with another man or that she never married me? Would you believe her? You called her a tramp,' NK said accusingly.

'Don't go all preachy on me NK. You both came and announced marriage one fine day,' he returned the accusation.

'Did you try to find out why?' he asked.

'I tried the very next day. But she stuck to her ground,' he said.

'You threatened her and accused and acted violent and then very next day flaunted how you have moved on with La and spent the night with her. Do you think, she would have confessed?' he asked.

Arnav now realized, he had acted like the jealous, immature lover he had been. He could have handled things in a more matured way.

But even today, he doubted he could control the anger he had felt at Khushi walking away with another man.

He turned the blame back to her.

It was all due to her.

She had lied.

She had misled.

She had said she was going to marry NK.

She had made them both suffer.

With renewed anger, he pounced on her again, moving towards the bed and towering over her,

'So tell me Khushi. What happened? Why did NK and you not get married?

Did he have his fun and leave you alone?' he asked.

He was astonished when he himself violently pushed away--and Khushi looking at him with an anger, he did not realize she possessed as she bit out 'Don't you dare utter his name in such a derogatory way---'

Part 13 : 85849876