Chapter 12

Chapter 8
Part C

Arnav sought his way through the thick night traffic of Mumbai, taking every short cut he knew to his Khu's house that he could think of in his bid to reach her as fast as possible, her mysterious disappearance from the party making him feel uneasy and worried and also a little guilty.

He should have gone and talked to her the instant Varun had told him about her feelings...instead he was so wrapped up in his own confusion and then Lavanya...yes, she had helped but at what cost! He swept a hand through his hair as he berated the taxi driver to drive faster, slumping back on the seat as Varun's words crossed his mind again.

"She likes you Arnav, Khushi likes you...no, don't look at me like tha-don't laugh, Arnav! I am not kidding! She likes you and its clear to anyone who has eyes not trained on someone else-okay, I am sorry that was low. I know you like Lavanya and that she is your girlfriend but I also know you have been stressed about your frequent fights with Khushi-Arnav, please! I have played cricket with you for years, man! And you have been damn distracted ever since Khushi started giving you the cold shoulder! So just listen, dude, and stop interrupting me! Khushi has feelings for you, I don't know since when or anything but I know that she does. The way she looks at you, the way she gets irritated when you are with Lavanya or you talk about her...its all crystal clear, mate. I don't really know what I am telling you to do here but I just thought that you should know this...so you can fix things up or something...just talk to her, man...let her know your own feelings, let her know that she isn't wrong to feel what she does either...just talk to her...you get what I mean? And Arnav, be gentle, will you?"

Arnav crossed a weary hand over his features as he mulled over all that Varun had said without even really saying it out loud. He had warned him to be gentle with Khushi, to tell her he understood and to actually understand her feelings, to not make her feel any worse than what she probably was...

"Damn it!" He swore out loud earning a glare and a comment about how badtameez' today's children were from the old taxi driver but he paid no heed to the man, instead turning his face to the window and watching Marine Drive pass by - remembering as he did how he and Khushi had spend many an evening here - strolling, chatting, having kairi and star fruit...him chasing away dogs while laughing his head off as she clung to his side terrified and irritated at how much fun he made of her dog phobia...

Oh Khushi! Why did you need to like me! Me of all people! ME! I SUCK AT BEING LIKED BY YOU! You deserve someone who will give you their everything, Khu, then why the f**k did you choose me?! Damn it, Khu, damn it! He thought to himself angrily, frustrated at how fast his best friend seemed to be slipping away from him and that too for a reason he couldn't understand no matter how hard he tried.

He jumped out of the cab as soon as the familiar gate drew up and quickly paying his fare, he ran his way through the gate to the main door and was just about to ring the bell when a loud sniffle caught his attention making him turn around and peer into the sparsely lit lawns, just making out a figure swinging at the tire swing Uncle had set up for Khu and him when they had been younger...a smile, a sad one, broke out on his face as he remembered the summer they had spent entirely fighting with each other to get a turn at that swing only to forget about it the next summer...

He made his way to the figure on the swing, knowing all the while it could only be Khushi, sidestepping it gently to stand beside her noting with a sigh at how her shoulders stiffened at his arrival and how she tried to pass off wiping her eyes as rubbing her nose but he just stood silent next to her, letting her have a moment to compose herself.

"Tum yahan kya kar rahe ho?" she was the first to break the silence, her voice uncharacteristic of the old Khu was hard and tough and Arnav let out a long breath before replying.

"Came to see you...tum party se itni jaldi kyon aa gayyee? Mujhe kyon nahin bataya? I had to drop you home, Khu..."

"Oh please don't bother yourself, Arnav, I am perfectly capable of coming to or leaving from a party by myself. I don't need you yourself or someone else you send to fetch me."

And all of a sudden Arnav knew that the party in question was not just tonight's in Khushi's mind...she was referring to that winning party when he had asked Varun to pick her up and he could kick himself - why the hell did he ask Varun to pick up Khushi!

Because you thought that she would understand your reason...you had just landed yourself a date with Lavanya, how could you not got and pick her up? His mind reasoned with him.

"Khushi...I am sorry about that night, yaar, I just thought that you would understa-I mean...I am just sorry, Khushi, I am really sorry..."

*****

"Khushi...I am sorry about that night, yaar, I just thought that you would understa-I mean...I am just sorry, Khushi, I am really sorry..."

Khushi knew then that Arnav wasn't apologizing just for the party. That he wasn't apologizing just for not picking her up that night.

That he was apologizing for not liking her back when she liked him.

That Arnav knew.

That Arnav knew that she liked him and that he did not.

That Arnav was apologizing for not liking her.

That Arnav did not like her.

And it took all Khushi had to not just break down in front of him as the actual proof of him not liking her took form in front of her - he couldn't have been clearer or straight-er about it.

He had said all that he wanted to with that one word - Sorry'.

And all that he felt for her with another - Yaar'.

She would always be just that to him - his yaar'.

And although Khushi knew then that the reaction bubbling forth in her was wrong, was unfounded and could very well be catastrophic, she still unleashed it - anguish at her heart breaking taking over all other more sound reasoning.

"Oh shut the hell up, Raizada! Just shut up! You don't need to f**king apologize here cos like hell you f**king mean it! You don't and we both know that! You're just trying to come out all noble here! Just trying to get one up over me, aren't you? You must be gloating about it with your bloody girlfriend behind my back, huh? What else do you talk to her about though, Arnav, considering you spend all your f**king time with her?! Such a hold she has over you, doesn't she?! Was it a condition to this so called relationship of yours - spend all your time with, stick to me like a f**king parasite...oh wait no, you're not the parasite here! She is! Clinging on to you like that! Must be having a f**king ball of a time, she must be! And to top it all off - there I am - the pathetic girl who could never get what she has! So lets throw her a pity party?! Was that what Varun was, Arnav, was it?! Did you send him to me that night, egg him towards me just because you felt sorry for me! Let me guess it must be Lavanya the great's idea! Oh what a time you two must have had - laughing at me, my feelings...was that all I was to you, Arnav? You forgot all about our friendship' just because you got Lavanya? You forgot me for her? You forgot all we had in just the two months you have with her? Was that all I meant to you, Arnav, was that all our friendship meant to you - 2 months over 10 years? Wow."

Arnav cleared his throat, his nimble fingers working over his forehead as he massaged it before working down on his eyes, strained as they were from working in front of the glaring screen of his Macbook for the last 4 hours...and it had been while he had been working on the Malik project did he take out the file Khushi had sent over to him on his mail to look at her ideas had he realized how far apart he and Khushi had grown. They couldn't even work in the same room together without tearing out each other's hair and hence had figured out that they had to start working in their own spaces if they wished to stay on track with the schedule they had set for themselves regarding the Malik project.

And Arnav couldn't help but lean his head back and exhale out a long breath, his hands coming to rest as fists on the arm rests of his chair...over the past few days he had been thinking about Khushi and what they used to be much more than he had allowed himself to since that night which had led to the downward spiral of it all.

She had refused to let him speak that night and when she had finally allowed him to, he had been too incensed by all that she had implied and all that she had accused him of, dragging Lavanya into her raging piece more times than he would have tolerated with anyone else but it was Khushi, his best friend, and so he heard all that he could, trying all the while to get in a word otherwise but to no success till he had finally snapped and leaving her standing in the garden he had left for home, not sure of how he would have reacted had he stayed a moment longer - maybe he would have made it worse, maybe he would have sorted out everything who knew?

He had wanted to talk to Khushi the next day and the day after that but she had ignored all his attempts, it was as if he had just ceased to exist for her and then suddenly he had had too much and that was that. He had stopped his attempts and had been hurt immensely when he realized that Khushi never made any.

Maybe she never missed him...she just never missed him, not then not now Arnav mused to himself as he mulled over how Khushi had seemingly plucked him out of her life and had gotten on to living it as if it didn't matter at all.

Lavanya those days had been a great pillar of support to him back then, he thought about his old girlfriend with a smile on his face. She had realized that things had gone awry between him and Khushi without him even saying a word and had pieced two and two together to realize that the problems had started since she had come into the picture. She had then graciously offered to step out only to have him rage at her for even thinking so...

They had parted ways amicably though at the end of school. Their relationship had been 1 year 3 months when they had and it would have gone on strong but they had both realized that their interest took them to different parts of the country and it would not be feasible to have themselves tied down...it had been a good decision to end their relationship before things soured had saved a great friendship.

He was now pouring himself a stiff drink as he thought back to how from being best friends Khushi and he had changed into a pair of monkeys unable to keep themselves from lashing out at the other. He wasn't entirely sure how it had started and he doubted Khushi could pin point it either...they had just both become so volatile when it came to the other that it came out in ways not entirely...socially acceptable. They had often fought like cats and dogs in classes, in corridors, in the field and in the canteen - with words mostly but sometimes with paper balls too. He laughed at the memory but it was quickly replaced with a grimace...how had they come so far from what they had been? His best friend, his Khu and now...!

Oh Khushi!

He took her name in his mind, an agonized whisper.

What did we do, Khushi, what did we do?! Damn it!

"I've tried to be forgiving. And yet. There were times in my life, whole years, when anger got the better of me. Ugliness turned me inside out. There was a certain satisfaction in bitterness. I courted it. It was standing outside, and I invited it in. I scowled at the world. And the world scowled back. We were locked in a state of mutual disgust." - Nicole Krauss

Next chapter - Page 79

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*Not proof read

And so we are back in the present...we may revisit the past at some point but now is time to deal with the present day...

Thanks so much for all your amazing feedback to the last chapter! It was very endearing and all the discussions, the arguments over Arnav were invigorating to say the least ! Hope you will like this chapter as much! :)

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