Chapter 17
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[MEMBERSONLY]
EXPELLIARMUS 2013-07-19 04:28:27
9) Yeh Ishq Hai Ya...
(Part One)
Arnav clenched his hands into fists, trying to resist the impulse to drag her close and hold her there until she agreed to give them a chance.
The caveman instinct astonished him, he had never felt this was before...about anyone.
For a long moment, she didn't say a word, just stared at him with those clear eyes .
When she finally spoke, her words were soft, yet firm.
"Why should I take a risk only because you have suddenly made that decision?"
"What? Khushi, listen..."
"No, I listened when you wanted me to, and now it's my turn, Mr.Raizada."
He stared at her, then slowly nodded.
"Why does everything have to be the way you want it ? At Sheesh Mahal, you decided to use Sheetal and punish me for my mistakes. And it was your decision to follow me to Bangalore. And now that you are here, you want me to take a risk and see where this could go? Why would I do that? "
He opened his mouth to speak, then remembered his earlier resolve and stayed silent.
"Why would anyone do that? Why would they willingly enter a relationship where the trauma of the past threatened to tear things apart at any given moment? Where one person can never let go of his hatred, and the other can never get past her guilt?"
"I did not say that I could never let go. But the past will always hover in the background, you cannot close your eyes to that possibility. But despite all that, I think we should still take a chance,and I believe that you want to, as well. This isn't entirely my decision. I have only said what is on your mind, what you aren't allowing yourself to see because you are afraid of getting hurt again. And I can understand your reservations, but I believe that this risk will be worth it, in the end."
"The end? What about the path towards that ending, have you given it any thought at all? What exactly does taking a risk mean? Do you want us to date? To go out together? And have you thought about the consequences, the scandal of a minister dating his principal secretary? If the tabloids find out, they might stumble onto the past as well. And what do you think would happen when that comes out? What effect would that have on your family, or mine? This is India, Mr.Raizada. One cannot just explore things between a man and a woman, without external factors affecting the relationship. And when you are in the public eye, the risk is that much greater. Have you given this any thought at all?"
He hadn't, not really.
Ever since he had found out about her proposal, his mind had been dominated by one thought only. The need to get to her and bind her to him with a promise, no matter how temporary, had taken over his thoughts and actions, leaving him incapable of thinking about anything else.
Not that he was going to admit that to her, of course.
And when he thought about what she had just said, he suddenly realized one thing.
He couldn't stop the smirk that curved his lips as he answered her.
"I may or may not have paid any attention to the possible consequences of us seeing each other, but it definitely looks like you have."
Her face turned an interesting shade of pink, but she continued to stare back steadily as she spoke.
"I will not deny it, I did think about it. In fact, it was all I thought about that evening at Sheesh Mahal, before I climbed the staircase and..."
"Khushi...I cannot tell just how much I wish that had never happened. If I could turn back the clock, I would..."
"If we could turn back time, there are plenty of things we could do, many errors we could avoid, Mr.Raizada. But we don't have that luxury, do we?"
"There are some mistakes that can still be prevented. Like your proposal, for example."
A speculative light entered her eyes, and she tilted her head slightly as she answered.
"How do you know that I haven't actually accepted that proposal? Why are you even here, talking about risks and chances when I might be preparing for my wedding, for all you know?"
For an instant, he could swear that his heart stopped beating.
In the wild rush to get here, he had never once paused to consider that possibility either, and he berated himself for it.
The mere thought of it brought him to the edge , and he couldn't stop himself from grasping her by the arms again.
"Don't toy with me. Not on this. "
She stared back at him, then shrugged out of his hold and stepped back.
"I am not toying with you. You have given me your unrelenting honesty today, and I...I will give you no less in return."
His agitation was swept away by his feelings of admiration for the woman before him, and he knew that his feelings were mirrored on his face.
"I...I rejected that proposal."
A wave of joy crashed over him, and he stepped towards her before he could stop himself.
"Khushi, I..."
But she took a step back simultaneously, and shook her head.
"But...I haven't stopped my family from contacting others."
He didn't even know what to feel anymore, this wild swing of emotions was taking a toll on him.
He stared at her, then nodded slowly.
"Fine."
Her eyes widened, and he could see the questions forming behind that expressive gaze.
"Wh..what?"
"Fine. Go ahead and meet the others. But nothing will come of it."
"What do you mean?"
He answered her question with one of his own, and watched her eyes widen again.
"Why did you reject the first one? "
"That's...none of your business!"
"Because he wasn't me, was he?"
"Of all the arrogant, egotistical things to..."
"Save your breath, Khushi. Denying this , running away from it and trying to escape from what's between us is impossible. And the sooner you accept that, the better it will be for both of us."
"What I'm trying to escape from are the horrors of my past, and there's no way for me to do that if I...if we...this whole situation is impossible!"
"Then why did you hope for something different when you were climbing those stairs at Sheesh Mahal?"
"That was a mistake. I've made one too many, as far as you are concerned. But not anymore."
She turned abruptly and headed for the door.
He said nothing until her hand was on the doorknob, and then he spoke in a low, intense tone that made her stiffen.
"Go, then. Try and convince yourself that this is all a mistake. But I promise you this..."
He walked up behind her, but stopped himself when he was within arm's distance.
"...you will come back to me."
She remained still for one more moment, then opened the door and stepped out.
He watched her walk over to the elevator, his lips curving in a smile of satisfaction as he did so.
Because she hadn't refuted his last words.
_______
"Did you reach home just now?"
"No...I got home a half hour ago. But I didn't want to disturb you..."
"Khushi...what happened there? I know something did, I can hear it in your voice!"
Khushi clutched her dupatta and sank back against the pillow, her heart racing as if he was near.
"La...I..."
She wanted to tell Lavanya everything that had happened today.
Everything in her screamed at her to confide in her friend, to obtain the reassurance that everything would be alright.
It was exactly what she had done through the years...but somehow, this time was different.
She just couldn't bring herself to tell her what had occurred in the break-room.
And she didn't even know why.
"La, he was...perfectly civil. And we didn't really have the chance to talk, since there were others around..."
"And?"
"And..nothing. I came home after the press conference."
Lavanya stared at her for a long moment, then stood up suddenly.
"You're lying."
"What?"
"I don't know why, but you are. You are hiding things from me...for the first time in years. "
Khushi stood up too, and reached out for her friend.
"La, believe me..."
"It's alright, Khushi. You don't have to tell me everything. But I want you to know that if and when you decide to share this with me, I'll be there, waiting."
Before she could say a word, Lavanya had left the room.
Leaving behind a guilt-ridden, tormented woman who didn't quite know what she was supposed to do.
And so she did the one thing that had always helped, ever since she could remember.
She went to the window, and stared at the stars.
________
"Akash, we're at the airport . You can stop spying on me now ."
"I am not spying on you! I was just trying to see the time."
"On my cellphone? You're wearing a watch, aren't you?"
"Bhai, I..."
"Relax, Akash. I'm not calling the local Don and asking him to get rid of Khushi Kumari Gupta."
Akash almost smiled, but stopped himself at the last moment.
Arnav gave him his best glare, but it seemed to have little effect on him.
"When are you going to stop hiding the fact that Nani sent you to Bangalore two days ago to spy on me?"
"She didn't ! I told you Bhai, I came here to take part in the election rally, just like you."
"Is that why you have been following me around like a shadow?"
"I wasn't following you!"
"Akash...oh, forget it. It doesn't even matter anymore. We're on our way back, and as you can see, Khushi Kumari Gupta is safe with her family. And I'm sure Nani knows that, by now."
"She worries about you incessantly, Bhai."
Arnav glanced up sharply, aware that Akash's voice had suddenly turned serious.
"I know. But there's nothing I can do about that."
"Bhai, have you given any thought to the idea of staying back here?"
"In India, you mean? Akash, I can't believe that you are asking me this! You know very well that I came back only because you weren't ready, and that reason hasn't changed until now. After this stint, I'm definitely heading back."
Akash looked away for a moment, then took a deep breath before speaking again.
"Bhai...I haven't told Nani yet, but...I really don't think that I'm cut out for this, either."
Arnav stared at his cousin. A few days ago, he would have been astonished by this statement.
But over the past two days, the cousins had spent most of their time at the rallies together, and Arnav had gained the distinct impression that Akash was just going through the motions. His mind was elsewhere, that much had been obvious.
"Akash, I don't understand. If you weren't interested in politics, then why did you take up the leadership of the youth wing for all these years?"
"Because it was expected of me. And also because this is what I've been exposed to all my life, and I didn't really know what else I could do."
"But now you do?"
"Well...I've recently started getting involved with certain NGOs. And that's what I would like to do, Bhai. I don't want to get caught up in the whirlpool that is Indian politics. Working in the field, making a difference directly in people's lives without getting caught up in all the bureaucratic red-tape...it sounds perfect to me."
"It sounds perfect on paper, you mean. Do you know how difficult it is for these organisations to find the necessary funding?"
"I've given it some thought, Bhai. I want to utilize the trust fund that has been left to me by my parents and set up a charitable foundation, then take things forward from there."
Arnav stared at his cousin with something akin to respect.
When he had pleaded with him to return home, Arnav had automatically assumed that Akash was merely being indecisive and immature. Apparently he was wrong, on all counts.
But this revelation left them at an impasse, and he didn't quite know what to say.
"That sounds like a good plan, Akash. And I hope that you will be able to pull it off with no obstacles in your path. But where does this leave Nani?"
Akash sighed, and stared down at his hands.
"I don't know, Bhai. That's the one thing that I can't stop worrying about. I hate to leave her in the lurch, but I just can't see myself as a politician for the rest of my life."
"Neither can I. Which means that Nani will have to figure something out, if she intends to safeguard her position in the party."
"Well she has over a year for that, doesn't she? That's the length of your term, after all."
"But if she has to plan ahead, then you need to tell her this, Akash. You can't keep this hidden forever."
"I know, Bhai. Maybe I will tell her when I see her next. And then we can...Bhai?"
But Arnav wasn't listening anymore.
In fact, he wasn't even looking at Akash.
All his attention was caught and held by a vision in blue, and he took a few steps forward before he even realized what he was doing.
Khushi.
What was she doing here?
He answered his own question immediately. This was the departure area for the Delhi-bound flight, so it was obvious that she was returning to the capital. The cabin bag in her hand was further proof, if he needed any.
But the sight raised a multitude of questions in his mind, even as the mere sight of her caused his heart to race as if he had been running a marathon.
Why was she returning to Delhi five days before her leave was due to end?
He had no idea, but he found himself thankful anyway.
The past two days had been sheer agony without her. After that incident at the hotel, he hadn't seen her even once. He had even refrained from calling her because he wanted to give her some time and space to think about what had happened between them.
But this decision had taken a toll on him, and he hadn't been able to do anything productive for the last couple of days.
And now, suddenly she was here.
He looked at his bodyguards, aware that they would follow him if he stepped out of the area in front of the business class counter and walked over to the economy line.
He decided he didn't care.
He hadn't seen her in over forty-eight hours, and there were so many things he wanted to ask her...
He took a few steps towards her, drinking in the sight of her slim form clothed in an anarkali of a deep royal blue.
She hadn't seen him yet, the bag was occupying all her attention.
He took another step towards her, then stilled.
She had looked up now, but not at him.
Her gaze was directed towards the glass wall that separated the ticketed passengers from the visitors who came to drop them off, and he followed her line of sight instinctively.
And then he froze.
Because on the other side of the glass wall, he was waving enthusiastically at her.
Nayeem Khan.
The name was all it took for all the memories to come crashing back, and he clenched his hands as he turned away from the sight.
But not before he had caught a glimpse of the young woman who clung to him, their affectionate manner proclaiming their intimate relationship.
The sight hit him like a blow.
NK had apparently moved on to find his own happiness, while Di was...
The nightmare threatened to return, teasing the edges of his consciousness with it's horrifying presence.
He was breathing hard now, and sweat was beginning to dampen his shirt.
It was as if time had been turned back, and he was standing in Sheesh Mahal again.
Except this time, the nightmare had extended to include another.
In his mind's eye, he could now clearly see the hazel eyes clouded over with pain as she stood there outside his room, a victim of his rash impulse.
And just like that, everything else ceased to matter for the moment.
Because he knew that he would do whatever it took to stop himself from hurting her ever again.
He closed his eyes, and slowly felt his breathing return to it's normal pattern as he steadily forced the memories back down into the deepest recesses of his mind.
He still didn't trust himself to turn back to her, though.
The fear of seeing NK again and losing his hard-won control stopped him from facing her again, and he forced himself to turn around and head back towards the business class check-in area.
Moments later, the formalities were complete and his bodyguards whisked him towards the security line, and he couldn't see her anymore, even if he wanted to.
The minutes ticked by slowly as he waited in the business lounge for boarding to begin. He was barely paying any attention to Akash's ramblings, adn eventually the younger man stopped talking to him and immersed himself in a magazine.
When the flight was called, he sighed in relief and walked through the door of the aircraft quickly, then seated himself in his chair and closed his eyes, trying to come to terms with the internal battle that still raged inside.
He wanted to go to her, see her...touch her.
And yet, he was afraid that the demons of the past would tarnish their time together.
He didn't understand this restlessness, this unease that had taken over him from the moment he had seen her at the airport.
What was this called, did it even have a name?
The voice of the air hostess broke into his thoughts, and he declined her offer of a cool beverage. As the flight took off, he stared out of the window, marveling at just how much had changed since he had first stepped foot into this city.
His thoughts kept him distracted until the flight had reached cruising altitude.
But then the seat-belt sign went off, and it was as if his legs developed a will of their own.
He rose from his seat and walked out of business class, then continued through the economy aisle, looking for a splash of royal blue.
He found her when he was still a couple of seat-lengths away, but she hadn't noticed him yet.
He almost smiled at the impossible coincidence.
The seat beside her was empty, the only one he could see at the moment.
But he wasn't going to take a chance, and so he cornered the air hostess as she passed him.
"Excuse me, but is this a full flight?"
"The economy class is full, Sir. Is there anything I can help you with?"
"I was just wondering if seat 28B was empty."
"28B? Oh that was a gentleman who upgraded to business class just before he boarded , Sir."
"Thank you."
He waited until she had continued on her way, then walked quickly to 28B and settled himself into the seat before Khushi had a chance to even look up at him.
He heard the gasp, then felt her eyes on him. But he refused to look at her immediately.
And then he heard her shocked whisper.
"What are you doing here?"
He finally turned towards her, and took in a deep breath as the impact of her beauty hit him again.
For some reason, it felt as if he was seeing her for the first time.
His let his eyes roam leisurely over the dark, unbound hair that fell all the way to her waist, then raised them to caress the contours of her pale, lovely face.
"I asked you a question, Sir."
He leaned back in his seat, refusing to take the bait.
"I'm sure you were aware that I was on this flight too."
Her hazel eyes gleamed with anger, but she kept her voice soft and low.
"Of course I knew that! What I meant was, why aren't you in business class?"
He shrugged, then leaned forward to pull out the in-flight magazine.
"My seat didn't have the views I wanted."
She gasped again, then leaned away from him.
"Go back to your seat, for God's sake. What if somebody sees us?"
"I don't care."
"Well I do! "
"In that case, I'll leave if you answer my question."
"Oh alright, what is it?"
He finally met her gaze, and felt a jolt go through him.
"Why are you coming back early?"
She didn't hesitate, and her voice was strong and assured.
"I found out last night that there are some rumors of unrest in the coalition government. I discussed it with my superior and he felt that I should be in my office at this critical time."
"I heard that as well. But surely Payal could have covered for you until Monday?"
"She's relatively new, and this really isn't her area of expertise after all. And then there's also the question of..."
"Khushi."
His voice stopped her in her tracks, and she stared at him apprehensively.
"Why don't you tell me the real reason why you are coming back early?"
"I don't know what you are talking about. I just told you..."
"Fine, keep lying. We both know the truth, don't we?"
She opened her mouth to reply, then apparently thought better of it and turned away . As he watched, her gaze dropped to her watch, then she suddenly turned back to him.
"You have to leave now."
"Leave? Why?"
"This isn't really your seat. And...it's time for my prayers."
"Go right ahead."
"I can't pray while you are sitting here!"
"Why not?"
"Because...just go, alright?"
He stared at her for a long moment, then nodded.
"I'll wait until you finish, but I'm coming right back."
She pursed her lips, then looked away.
He stood up, then walked behind the row of seats and watched as she draped the dupatta over her head and began the gestures of namaz.
He looked away, the sight unsettling him for an unknown reason.
He wondered just why this woman had the power to make him feel so much, while doing so little to incite any reaction.
There were too many thoughts roiling through him, too many feelings that kept him off balance.
Lost in his thoughts, he failed to notice when her prayers had ended.
The movements of her hands as she removed the dupatta from her head caught his eye, and he quickly walked over and sat down beside her.
She said nothing, just glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and opened her own magazine.
He said nothing either, just continued to stare at her while she read.
Finally, she placed the magazine down and let out an exasperated sigh.
"Will you stop staring at me?"
"Best view in miles. How am I supposed to resist?"
"Flirting will get you nowhere."
"Then why don't you tell me what will?"
"Look, I've told you already, this is impossible. We are impossible."
"And I have already told you, how will we know that if we don't try?"
"I can't take that risk. There's just too much at stake here."
"Khushi..."
She resolutely turned away, then reached for her magazine again.
He looked away, unable to think of a way to get through to her. It always came down to the same thing, with her refusing to take a risk of any kind.
And he had no idea how to make her change her mind...
He looked over at her again, and realized that she had shifted position while he had been looking away.
Her left hand rested on the armrest between them, and he stared down at her slim, pale fingers as if mesmerized.
His fingers rose of their own volition, touching her warm, soft ones gently at first.
She jerked violently, as if the contact had seared her.
He stroked her hand gently, caressing her flesh, learning it's contours...
...exulting when she didn't remove her hand from his grasp, even when he placed his hand over hers.
Her fingers quivered, but she didn't pull away.
They stared down at their hands, the contrasts boldly evident at the moment.
His tanned fingers lay in stark relief against the paleness of hers, and it struck him that this was almost symbolic of their differences.
And yet, the picture as a whole was...perfect.
There was no other word for it.
A few minutes had passed now, and she finally began to withdraw her hand. He tightened his hold immediately, unwilling to let go.
"The...seatbelt sign is on again. The plane is going to land."
"Is that the only reason why you want me to let go?"
She pulled her hand away abruptly, then fumbled with her seat-belt.
"It was a moment of madness. I shouldn't have done that."
"This whole thing between us is madness. And it's crazier to keep fighting it."
"There's nothing to fight against, because I'm not even entering this battlefield."
"Too late, you're already there. Now it's up to you, how soon are you going to surrender?"
"Never."
"We'll see about that."
"Is this just a challenge to you? Some kind of twisted game, perhaps?"
"If it was, I would hardly be telling you about it, would I?"
"I thought we agreed to be honest and not toy with each other."
"Khushi..."
She stilled, and he reached over for her hand again.
"This is real. And honest. There are no lies, no games...nothing but the truth."
She snatched her hand away, then turned towards the window.
"The truth is that there's nothing between us, and never will be."
"You keep telling yourself that. Maybe you'll even believe it, someday."
"I'm not playing this war of words with you."
"Ladies and gentlemen, we are now on our final approach into Delhi International Airport..."
"Khushi, in a few minutes, we are going to land. And very soon we will be back in our daily routines, where you will be working for me. But remember this, things between us have changed. We may be boss and secretary on the surface, but I don't intend to let you forget that there is more between us than just that."
"Yes, there's more. There's pain, and trauma and nightmares. I haven't forgotten that, Mr.Raizada. And by the looks of what happened to you in the check-in line when you saw NK, neither have you."
_________________
Please scroll down for Part Two.
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