Chapter 6

I was planning to originally split this chapter into different sections and put it up here and there in different chapters. But owing to some questions, I am putting it up here…

Here, Khushi's feelings are what SHE thinks of the whole situation… Same with Arnav…

Chapter 5 ~ Heart, Mind and Feelings

Khushi sat by the pool, staring at the water. The heat of the day didn't bother her. She wanted to run away, and run so far away that no one would ever find her.

She was tired of pretending to be happy. Everytime she smiled, it hurt her heart rather than her lips, because everytime she faked a smile, it was as if her child was ruing her for smiling even after she died.

It hurt every time she smiled, and being around Arnav didn't help the way it should have. Every time she saw him, it reminded her of the hopes she had nurtured for her child, the dreams she had dreamt….

Dadi had said that she still could have children, but could she really? None of Arnav's pleas and requests made her want to stay… She hadn't wavered from her decision even once, that at the end of this month, she'd leave with Bhaiyya. Initially, she had considered staying back for her child, but now? Was it worth staying?

She shook her head, for she felt it wasn't worth staying. She knew Arnav was just feeling guilty for all that he'd done, and was trying to make it up to her. After all, if he loved her as much as he claimed he did, would he have done what he had? Would he have believed she could do such lowly things if he loved her, without even asking for an explanation? He had believed what he wanted to, and could someone want to believe such things about loved ones? Of course not! His ego had probably been very satisfied, thinking that he had after all been right about middle class people.

And despite all of it, she loved him. She still did, and always would. But… just not SO much anymore that she'd risk a heart break again. She wouldn't survive a second one. She still FELT the pain she had when she had realized why he had married her, every time she thought of that night.

She had heard Shyam's conversation with Arnav, and had rushed to tell him not to tell Di. She had thought that Arnav would dismiss Shyam's words as lies, because she believed he wouldn't think so low of her. Main reason behind this conclusion was that she thought he loved her.

And then before she could utter a word, he had said that they'd have to marry for six months. She knew immediately that he had believed Shyam, and that had shaken her from the inside. She had mistaken him it seemed, about his love for her. She didn't know what to name those few moments they'd shared before that fateful night, but she refused to believe that it was love. She had made up her mind that she'd leave him after six months. Sooner, if she could prove her innocence. But then Anjali Di knew about it, and she simply couldn't bring herself to tell her why she and Arnav were getting married; she knew it wouldn't go too well with her… Yes, part of the reason she hadn't told was ego, but the other reason was that she knew Di'd be furious with Arnav and that'd spoil their relationship. She knew what it felt like to be estranged from a brother…

But what she had not been counting on, were Jiju's suspicions and most of all, her interlinked past and pregnancy and then Arnav finding out about it…

She felt hollow and emotionless. Her child would bring her happiness, what she had thought. But Devi Maiyya seemed to have a rule that Khushi shouldn't be happy… No happiness for happiness…

She buried her face in her knees, thinking about Arnav. She wouldn't die without him, she knew… She'd live, but there'd always be something missing in her life. Which was why she had hopes for her child, a little family of her own… But now, she'd be alone forever. Bhaiyya had Dhriti to remind him of Bhabhi… A reminder of their love… She had no one and nothing.

She was determined not to stay, because when Arnav married her, he wasn't counting on her being innocent and becoming a permanent factor in his life.

No matter how guilty he felt, she wouldn't tie him down. She had promised him that in the beginning of their marriage, and she didn't intend to break it.

The contract was STILL valid to her.

*

Arnav and Anjali were sitting in Anjali's room along with Dadi.

"Chhote, how did she-" Dadi started.

Arnav stiffened. "She saw Chachaji at office."

Subhadra's eyes widened. "I don't understand! How-"

"WHAT! Chhote, is that why she-"

"Yes Di…"

Anjali gasped.

"Dadi, Khushiji did not know that we are Malliks…" Anjali whispered softly.

Dadi stared at them.

"And when she heard me call him Chachaji, she-"

"She understandably felt horrified…." Anjali said in realization. "And to top it off, you had hidden about Shyamji too…."

"What? What are you talking about?"

Dadi was told of the situation in detail, of course, excluding the contract marriage.

At the end of it, Dadi shuddered. "I am having a headache…"

"Well, we'll see you later Dadi…" Arnav said.

Anjali nodded, and after Dadi settled comfortably, the two of them walked out.

"Chhote, where is Khushiji?" Anjali asked without looking at him.

"I don't-" he stopped when he caught sight of her sitting by the pool, her head buried in her knees.

Anjali followed his gaze and sighed. "I don't know what you are doing to gain her forgiveness Chhote, but she is not happy. Everytime, I can see that she is faking her smiles and happiness. I can see the sadness in her eyes when Amitji accompanies me to the doctor for a check up, and Akash accompanies Payalji for hers. She has lost more than what we are thinking Chhote…" Anjali said sadly.

Arnav sighed. He knew Di was right. He knew that whatever he was doing was not affecting her at all. Her mind was preoccupied with their child most of the time, and he knew she was not able to think of anything else but her loss. He felt heartbroken about their child too… He hadn't even seen her.

He knew that the only way to appease Khushi's grief and pain over their child would be to get her another one. But things were not as easy as that... He hoped she wasn't thinking that he just wanted her body. He wanted to give her another child… Not just that, HE himself wanted a child and experience the joys of being a father.

"Take care of her Chhote. She is a gem. Don't let go of her…" Anjali said and walked downstairs.

Arnav watched Khushi silently from the window panes. He loved her, and he wouldn't be able to live a minute if she left and so far, she didn't show even a single sign of wanting to stay back. He could see through her mask of smiles.

She didn't believe that he loved her, and vehemently refused to believe. He sighed, thinking he had been doing the exact same thing few weeks back. He wanted to go talk to her, but she refused to open up. Not just to him, but to anybody else.

The few times that Buaji and Garima had dropped in, she had just lain in Aunty's lap without saying a word while Aunty stroked her hair silently.

Arnav was beginning to get desperate now. He HAD to get her back, somehow.

As much as he tried, he couldn't forget what he had done… Maybe he shouldn't forget what he had done…

Not just during their marriage, but even before that. He had been a monster to her. Nothing he ever did, would compensate to how much he had hurt her and he knew it.

He remembered when she had muttered in a daze Koi matlab nahi hai…

That fateful Diwali Night, the day when every word he had uttered was a lie.

How had he not realized that she DID love him…. That he loved HER when her indifference towards his engagement had hurt him and when realization hit that the main reason behind his engagement was to see if she felt anything for him…

He had been, foolish and dense.

He WOULD win her back, somehow. He'd even take help if he had to win her back.

He realized that before he tried to erase her pain for having lost their child, he had to convince her that he DID love her.

Question was…. How?

Okay, so here is the thing. I SUCK at romance and stuff cuz of Level 0 experience 😆 So any suggestions? Simple ones please? Not tooo elaborate...