Chapter 15

Astha kept her distance from Shlok as they all went back to Awad Palace. She was not sure he would not erupt like he almost did that evening. Shlok looked back at her a few times, up and down. Up and down, but did not say anything.

He was certainly behaving most oddly.

Gauri had insisted on staying with the team to work on wrapping up on Astha's behalf. Manglesh sir had ordered over the phone that Gauri would go back with the team after clean-up and Astha should rest. Astha worried however, Gauri wanted to go back with them and leave her to go back with Shlok. No doubt, Gauri also wanted them to spend more time together. How could she make up with a man who neither loved her nor wanted her in his house? Astha looked back at him.

It hurt her to see him like this. She loved his hands, their raw power. She remembered their engagement day, the way his hands had held hers... Now look at them. His arms were cut and bandaged up to their elbows. It was all because of her. They made each other's lives hell.

Astha sat next to him.

Her heart was beating oddly at the sight of those hands.

Khushi, Arnav, Anjali and Imad were chatting to fill the silence. Astha and Shlok just could not participate. They did the occasional smile and nod. Astha felt guilty as a guest for making things awkward like this.

Shlok tried to stop himself from turning his head again. She was fine now. The doctor told him there were nothing more than a few bruises. But where, he could not see.

Awad Palace...

They were greeted by some members of the family and Anisha when they arrived. The little one was so excited to find a new audience that she went on to demonstrate her newly acquired walking skills to them. Everyone cheered as she hesitantly made the few feet toward them. At last, she came and grabbed Shlok's leg for support. She stood just below his knee.

Imad: Look, she likes you. You like Shoo, baby?

Astha watched from behind as Shlok crouched down to meet the child's eyes.

Anjali: See how he's hurt, sweetie? Why don't you give Shoo a kissy to make it better, hmm?

Anisha put a drool-filled kiss on Shlok's cheek with her father's encouraging hands guiding her. Then, she gave him her best toothy smile.

Despite his weariness, Shlok looked smitten. He pulled her close for a hug. Astha could just take a picture of that moment. The contrast between the two was just too much.

Anjali: We should let them both rest. Why don't you two go to your room? I will send some soup for you Shlok, you must be hungry. If you need anything, just ring from the intercom, okay? Don't hesitate at all. Asthaji, please come back for dinner.

She was eventually led in by Khushi and Arnav's encouragement to talk things over with him.

Khushi: Please trust me, it will help to talk.

Arnav: I am with Khushi on this, Astha. Shlok is not exactly...expressive. You guys however, need to talk. But don't let us tell you what to do about your future. That is entirely your decision. I hope we are not interfering.

Astha assured them they were not. Arnav nodded and left to talk something over about Sheesh Mahal with the Nawab. Khushi carried the tray into the guest room and left Astha and Shlok together with the soup.

Shlok was leaning quietly on the bed stand with his head down.

Astha went to go change when he did not look up at her or acknowledge the soup.

As Astha walked in, freshened up, she heard a clatter. The spoon of soup fell from his bandaged hand with a clash, knocking hard at her heart.

Shlok huffed: Curse it!

He looked away, clearly upset...and hungry.

Astha look a deep breath and walked up to him. He did not look up, but he became a little more guarded.

She sat down by him and ladled a spoonful of soup toward his mouth.

He looked at her in shock. When she encouraged him to take a sip again, he spoke at last.

Shlok: Am I never to hear your voice again, Astha? (His voice broke) Nev-er?

There was a long silence when Astha looked away.

Astha, softly: Here, you need your strength.

Grateful tears glistened in his eyes.

Shlok swallowed: Thank you.

She pushed the spoon toward him again.

Shlok in a subdued voice: It's okay. I am not hungry.

Astha: Please.

Shlok shook his head.

Astha: Don't make me stop talking to you again.

He obliged her at last.

Astha: Are you in pain?

Shlok: No, the anesthesia has not worn off yet.

Astha's heart plummeted. The pain was yet to begin.

Astha spooned more soup to his lips: When you are done, you can have the painkiller the doctor gave you. It will help you sleep.

Shlok gruffly: I am fine. It's just a little scratch.

Astha: There's no need to play brave in front of me. I know how they hurt. People don't need stitches like you did for minor scratches.

Shlok swallowed his retort and ate quietly.

She put him to bed after he took his medicine. She plumped a few pillows around him so he didn't turn over on his own hands.

Shlok: I can sleep on the ground.

Astha: You will sleep here. I will be back to check on you later.

Shlok: I don't deserve...

Astha place his hands softly on the pillows: Try to get some sleep.

Shlok grabbed her hand as best as he numbly could. He was starting to dose off as the painkiller kicked into action.

Astha sighed and sat down.

Shlok: Are you okay?

Astha nodded.

They did not say anything for a long time. At last, Astha spoke up.

Astha, worn out: What do you want from me, Shlok?

Shlok whispered his last word: Forgiveness.

Before Astha could respond, he was asleep. She kissed his hands, careful not to drop any tears on his bandage. 

Dawn...

The same old birds woke him again. There was a searing pain in his arms. Ah yes, he remembered last night. Astha pulled that defiant act of letting go. She also fed him and talked to him despite everything he did. He knew she could not stay angry with him for long. 

Shlok turned to adore at her in her sleep.

There was no one on the bed.

He struggled to pull himself up and looked around the room. Nothing.

Suddenly, his insides turned cold with the sense of emptiness around him. Even the burning in his hands could not save him from the chill.

Shlok looked around frantically. Was she sleeping in another room? Maybe she just woke early and left for breakfast...but it was still dawn.

His eyes finally landed on the small piece of paper on the side table. His watch was put over it like a paperweight.

Shlok blinked hard. He had to read.

It was a copy of the divorce papers - signed by her. Attached was a small note.

I forgive you. Please forgive me too for the things I said and did to you in retaliation. I cannot do this anymore. I don't want you to spend the rest of your life in regret that you married me either. When you asked me to get out of your house that day, it was clear you want this marriage to be over as much as I do.

Today, when I look in the mirror, a woman who has willingly been played like a pawn...stares back at me. We both made mistakes. You, for marrying me over an ego trip; and I, for rushing to get my own fairy tale. It needs to end here. Shlok, I may be too "gullible," "stupid" and middle class to deserve a fairy tale love story, but even I deserve to look in the mirror with dignity and self-respect. Please set me free.

When Anjali knocked and walked into the room with Shlok's breakfast, she found him sitting red-eyed, poring over a letter. He was struggling to write something on it but both his hand and his angry tears were getting in the way.

Anjali, hesitantly: I wanted to wake you, but she insisted. She left with Gauri late last night.

Shlok: If she wants out, Di, I will give her out. Please, can you have someone post this ASAP so she can have her precious divorce?

Back in Pune...

Shlok had stayed for a few days with Arnav's family, fuming about her self-righteous letter. He stoically maintained with Di and Khushi that he did not care anymore. He assured them he never even wanted to see her handwriting on that letter again. It was over, just as she wanted. They both told him repeatedly that Astha looked far from free and happy like he imagined her to be when leaving.

The Nawab had insisted Shlok be driven back rather than coming alone. Having little to do, he finally gave in read and reread the letter on his way back.

Crafty little liar. She never forgave him. Her letter was dripping with hurt accusations. But she was tired of fighting, that much was true. So was he. It was a mistake to sign those papers so quickly. She was holding on to words he said in anger to believe that he wanted this marriage to end. He needed to tell her that he wanted no such thing! Beg her if need be to give this marriage a chance. He could not let her go.

Shlok went to Astha's house right away. He rang the bell several times, but no one opened the door. He tried knocking now, nothing. He called her name.

A middle-aged woman came over from the lane.

Woman: Woh saab toh chale gaye.

This woman had no idea how her simple words affected Shlok.

Shlok's voice broke: What...do you mean?

Woman: They moved away a few days ago.

Shlok, in panic: Where!?

Woman: Don't know. They never said. I heard that the girl's husband left her. Sad business.

Shlok: Her husband did not leave her.

Woman: How can you say that for certain?

Shlok: Because I am her husband...I was.

None of Shlok's resources could help him find her. It was like Astha vanished into thin air. He tried desperately to find any information he could, but nobody knew. His wealth, access, nothing helped.

Her extended family was not going to say anything. Same thing with Gauri. She only said sympathetically that she had a duty to Astha.

Shlok's world crashed around him. Once again, he had lost the girl. 

5 years later...

Astha was almost run over by a man on her way out of the subway.

Richard: Hey! Can't you see the woman!?

Banker type: I am in a rush.

Astha: So, being a gentleman went on the back burner.

The man cursed at them and left.

Richard: Typical old New Yorker. I just HATE this city sometimes, you know? The crush of rude people...and...Astha? You are off in your own world again.

Astha blinked: Sorry.

They walked into the Starbucks. Richard stopped the door just in time from hitting him on the nose. The woman in front did not care to hold it for a second.

Richard teased: Let me guess what about...or should I say whom?

Astha: Please Richard. (He still looked at her significantly) Yes, so I was thinking of him.

Richard: It has been five years! Let go already.
Besides, I think Sam from the executive team really has his eyes on you.

They sat down for the meager 10 minutes they had. Of course no one waited at Starbucks in the morning, they are too busy running late.

Astha rolled her eyes in response: Mr. Consulate General is now a match maker.

Richard: And a friend who wants the best for you. How long have you been single?

Astha: All my life, save two months.

Richard: In love?

Astha sighed: Long enough.

Richard, skeptically: And you intend to stay this way.

Astha: Yes. I am perfectly content with my job and life. Everyone has to give some sacrifices and gets something else in return. I traded being loved by someone for a new life here. Actually being loved was never a choice. People thought he might have feelings for me at the end, but I don't know. He never said.

Richard: And you did not stay to hear the answer or even ask the question. That's why you can't let go.

Astha: Perhaps. At least, I am not angry anymore. He might not have loved me, but I always did...and always will. And now we are really getting late. I am managing the non-profits coming in today, the manager will have a fit if I am not on time.

Richard: Women Education Fund, right?

Astha: That's right.

Astha double checked the arrangements for all the fund tabling. The intern gave her a list of charities coming in and she matched them to each table arrangement.

Intern: Oh look, it's your name!

Astha distracted: What?

Intern: One of the funds, it's named after you.

Astha: Mine is a fairly common name in India.

Intern shrugged: Hmm...so where to we put Mr. Agni-hotri's team?

Astha stilled: What? (She grabbed the list).

"Astha: Faith in the Girl Child. CEO: Shlok Agnihotri"

Astha slumped down on the chair she was arranging. The intern shook her by the shoulders.

Intern: Are you okay, Astha? You look really pale. Do you know this man?

Astha: Don't worry, Joanna. I am fine. Let's get on...

At the conference...

Astha watched Shlok from far off all day. He had lost some weight, there were little changes on him that showed that time had passed. As he laughed at the boring jokes of the ambassador of Lithuana, little crinkles formed around his eyes. His smile cast beautiful grooves around his lips. And those lips, still as kissable as ever.

He was here to raise funds for his charity and he was working tirelessly all day to tell every person who visited his table how wonderful and worthy his cause is. She checked with a few of the visitors, they said what are great about that charity is that the CEO also had the means to provide university educations to the underprivileged after their schooling was complete. This was not news to Astha, Shlok's main business was running universities.

But what shocked her was the banner on his table. It had a picture, her kanya daan picture with her mehendied hands on his. People thought it stood for the parents who had girls, but she knew better. It was just them, the two of them, interlocked. He worked this tirelessly for women's education. That too, under her name.

They finished the day and were wrapping up.

At last, she approached him with trepidation.

Shlok was putting away some of the brochures and did not notice her. But his assistant, Suresh, did.

Suresh: Bhabi, aap?

Shlok turned around.

He just looked at her for a long time. He took in her appearance, the red dress, the court shoes, and her face. He stared at her face until his eyes watered.

Shlok: I always knew I would run into you one day, before I die.

The UN lobby cafe...

They sat in stunned silence for a while before Shlok spoke.

He looked very stoic. All that anger that always boiled under the surface, did not bubble up at the sight of her. He just looked...sad.

Shlok: So, you work here?

Astha toyed with her mocchacino: Yes, in the conference department.

Shlok: And your family?

Astha: We live in a poor neighborhood in the city. They run a small shop that is owned by an uncle. We are happy, it was not easy at first, but since I worked my way into this job, things are steadier. I can take care of Ajju's medical bills better.

Shlok: You are so...

Astha finished his sentence with a smile: Grown up.

Shlok smiled: Yes. Who is this self-assured girl in front of me? You haven't even managed to spill your drink.

They both laughed until it rang hollow. After a pause, he spoke again. 

Shlok: Did I make your life so miserable that you had to get away without a so much as a return address?

Astha checked if there was accusation in his eyes. No, just a desire to know the answer.

Astha: I needed to start again, Shlok.

Shlok: Have you been happy?

Astha: I am content. Immigrant life from the bottom up is never rosy. But we are happy we are all in it together. I have started seeing things with more clarity now. You were right. I was looking at the world through rose colored glasses. There's more to life than...(she cleared her throat and changed the subject) And you? How have you been? And your family?

Shlok looked down at his drink as he spoke: You had clarity even then, Astha. I had blinders on. Now, I am just trying to be a son...to Ayi. Baba is in jail and I put him there. Jyoti still lives with us. And Dada, vahini and Cachaji too. Kavya is going to what you call middle school here. She's is so grown up (he smiled) since she got a little brother to rule over.

Astha: I won't ask what he's in jail for, I gather...

Shlok interrupted: I found him, trying to burn her hand in boiling water in the kitchen.   

Even though he tried to make it an unemotional statement, his voice broke and gave his true feelings away.

Shlok: Ayi has taken time, but she has slowly opened up. My only regret is, I took so long to understand.

"There you are, Astha! Been looking everywhere for you and here you are enjoying coffee, oh sorry, I didn't see you there sir," a middle-aged British man with bright blue eyes regarded him curiously.

Astha stood up: This is Richard Aldridge, the Consulate General of the British embassy. Richard, this is Shlok...

Shlok interrupted her mid-sentence: Agnihotri. Shlok Agnihotri. I am here representing a charity Mr. Aldridge. Was only speaking to Astha here about the conference.

They shook hands.

Astha understood his hesitation. He did not want the ex-husband tag, better to keep it professional.

Astha: Richard and I always take the train together after work.

Richard: And so I was looking for my partner today when she went missing. There is a blizzard outside, he should not stray too long if we want to avoid the traffic.

Shlok smiled at him politely and looked at Astha: Yes, you should go. It was nice seeing you, I mean, meeting you Ms. Kirloskar.

Richard who was in a rush exited the cafe, but Astha hung around. She still had a question when she turned to leave reluctantly.

Astha came back: Shlok, why do you call that charity..."Astha?"

Shlok smiled bitterly: It used to be my wife's name.

A lump formed in Astha's throat.

Astha: The picture...why the picture?

He looked her straight in the eye: It represents the moment I fell in love with her. (Astha startled) Don't worry Astha, I know I am a bad memory you have long forgotten. Good evening to you.

She slowly walked away in shock.

How long had she wished for that answer? How long?

She came back again: Till tomorrow then.

He bit his bottom lip and nodded before looking away again.

Next morning...

Manager: You look like you barely slept, how will you do the rounds?

Astha: I will manage Sarah, don't worry.

Sarah shook her head as the girl left: Walks around with the weight of the world on those tiny shoulders.

Shlok's table only had Suresh and the team.

Astha: Where's Shlok?

Suresh, apologetically: His flight is this evening, so he needed to stay and pack.

Astha took a deep breath: But it wasn't meant to be this evening if the event does not end until tomorrow, does it!?

Suresh looked down, unable to provide an answer.

Astha badgered Shlok's hotel room out of Suresh and went to bang on his door at the end of the day.

Shlok opened, looking weary.

Astha pushed him in and followed.

Astha: It seems I am not so grown up after all. You get my scales out. Running away, are we?

There was a luggage on his bed.

Shlok, angrily: It takes strength to leave you at your own devices, don't you dare accuse me of being weak! Marrying you was my decision, every moment that passed since was yours!!!

Astha dragged him down by the collar and kissed him.

Astha: I just decided to kiss you then. Why do you look so confused? I should be the one confused! Why did it take your this long to tell me that you loved me!?

Shlok: Because you left me! Left me without so much as a goodbye. (More silently) Left me broken. And you show up five years later and accuse me!?

Astha burst into tears, a volcano of different emotions bubbling up to the surface. The physical and emotional struggle of all these years could not stay cool and silent any longer.

Astha: I was proud, I am sorry. 

Shlok pulled her for a hug and whispered: I am sorry, too.

They hugged and held on for god knows how long. Finally, she spoke.

Astha: Let's not lose another moment. Let's be together.

Shlok: We are divorced, what will your parents say?

Astha: They just want me to be happy at this point, wouldn't care if I married a bum off the streets selling drugs, really. Besides,  we are not divorced, I never submitted the papers. I am sure you know.

Shlok: So that's what the Indian embassy was bickering with me about? I thought it was a mistake they thought me married. Why you mischievous little...you left me in a lurch!

Astha raised an eyebrow: Why, did you intend to be free to marry again?

Shlok: Not again. Once was enough. The heart could not take another jilting.

She kissed him now, truly, deeply.

Shlok: I will overlook these years because I love you Astha Kirloskar, but never leave me again. If this is one of your tricks to get back at me...(she put a hand over his mouth).

Astha: I am done playing tricks. I have loved you longer. Unlike you, I didn't take me until our wedding day to realize I love you. You are the one who played stupid tricks.

Shlok: Why would I marry you and tag you on for life if I did not innately care about you? Did you stop to think?

Astha: No, I didn't! You hardly gave clues.

Shlok: I saved your life!

Astha: Humph! You want a thank you? Thank you! Happy?

Shlok brushed a lock of her hair back: I don't want a thank you.

Astha: Now stop wasting time (she started unbuttoning his shirt), we have a baby girl to make.

Shlok: What's the rush?

Astha: I have wasted five years! I don't intend to waste another moment.

Shlok smirked: I don't want you for a baby, I just want you.

He picked her up with another kiss, pushed the suitcase aside and lay her on the bed. 

Next morning...

Astha watched him from the side of the bed. He still slept on his tummy like a child, with that very kissable pout.

She kissed him softly on those lips and turned to leave.

He grabbed her by the wrist.

Astha: God! You scared me!!!

Shlok in a strong voice: You are not leaving me again, Astha. Not again.

Astha: I was only going to get us some breakfast. We didn't have dinner.

Shlok pulled her under the blanket...and him.

Shlok: You did fine for dessert.

Astha blushed: Stop it!

Shlok: Why? You can come attack me in my hotel room and I can't talk dirty?

Astha huffed: I am hungry. My stomach is growling.

Shlok laughed: You little minx, you never grew up. Look at you throwing a tantrum like a toddler just because you are hungry!

Astha: I need food. 

Shlok: Later. Now, you only get a kiss.

They married again and moved back home. Starting over again, with both families. Everyone had to work on their trust issues, not only Astha and Shlok but her parents too. There were too many burned bridges. Adhboot and Kalindi were wary of Shlok at first, but when they saw how consistently he doted on Astha, they loosened a little. Ajju was too ready to forgive and happy to come home again. The Kirloskars started a new relationship with Anjali and the rest of the Agnihotris, one based on mutual respect and honestly now.

Astha was shocked to find her bedroom exactly at she left it. But the sneeze fest that followed was not pleasant. Jyoti finally closed the door and explained how Shlok had really kept the room "as is." It was a long time before they could move into their marriage bedroom. She finally wore his gifts, though a little old fashioned now.

Shlok eventually got his long-cherished dream. After all, it wasn't only Astha whose dreams were shattered at their last disastrous attempt together. Astha gave him a two-fold gift to make up for the years lost. Twin baby girls.

Shlok went doubly crazy, working assiduously to spoil them both rotten. If work with the Agnihotri Educational Trust was not enough, he made this his pet project at home. They could have anything they wanted, splatter as much food from their high chairs as possible, have as much cartoon-time as they pleased, break as many toys as they could...you know the drill. 

When Astha complained, he handed her the charity to take care of so she kept busy and away form his mini-band of mischief mongers. It left him more time to spend making hell raisers out of them, he told Astha in mock defiance. Fortunately, the two little girls had their namesake grandmothers at home to keep them and their father in line.

Astha did not really mind Shlok and his brats, but she liked to pretend that she was the disciplinarian sometimes. It made her feel, grown up.

A few years later they had a baby boy. She named him Ashok. Ashok Agnihotri, Shlok and Astha's third and final...tiny labor of love 😳.

Okay, this took an entire day and more. I loved the demand for this chapter, trust me, enjoyed it. But the expectations were also high. So, don't know if I made everyone happy. I might have forgotten things. Do remind me. I will edit again tomorrow. This is just to appease my patient readers. Thank you all for staying with me on this journey. Do comment and let me know what you thought.

Also, who got the pun? UN, anyone? Gave you a scare with the dark ending thought, didn't I?