Empathy in Action-Supporting LGBTQAI+ Community as an Ally

What is an Ally? 

An ally is someone who belongs to a dominant group but who works actively to advocate for the oppressed or marginalized group.

There is no one set way to be an LGBTQAI + ally, allyship can mean different things for different people.  

Just know that it can go far beyond just reading and 'liking' our posts or commenting on this thread.

Here are some ways you can start:

 The 3 Ls: Learn, learn, learn. So many misconceptions persist about the queer community that not only perpetuate unconscious bias and harmful stereotypes, but also spread misinformation. The first step to being an ally is to first educate yourself. How can you speak up or support someone without knowing everything there is to know about them? And there’s a world of information on the internet! Don’t just wait to ask a gay friend or a queer colleague! Be proactive and hit that Google Search! You can learn about the origin of the Pride movement, LGBTQAI+ history, terminology, the stigmas and struggles facing the community today where you live.

 Own up to mistakes: Educating yourself does not mean you have all the answers. You will make mistakes and that is totally okay. Be humble, apologize and ask to be corrected. You may accidentally assume someone’s gender, or address someone with the wrong pronoun or by their deadname. No one is going to send you to LGBTQAI+ jail. You can say something like: "I’m sorry, that was unintentional. I’m trying to be a better ally and I’m still working on it. Please correct me if I get something wrong."  You will only be appreciated for your honesty and humility!

 Listen and accept: According to a research study, most people from the LGBTQAI+ community feel that the foremost quality of allyship is acceptance. Not surprising since this community has remained marginalized and continues to have certain basic rights that cis-hets/ allosexuals take for granted denied to them. So wholehearted acceptance would be the starting point for allyship, followed by supporting an LGBTQAI+ individual at home, the workplace or your community. Make yourself their safe space where they feel they can come out to you or just talk to you and listen without prejudice or judgment. Do not assume that just because they have come out to you, they’re ready to come out to the world.  Allow the LGBTQAI+ peson to tell whom they want at their own pace and support them through it.

 Speak up: There is no such thing as a silent ally. Allyship means taking action. Whether it’s participating in rallies, creating opportunities for other allies to join in a task force, speaking up against harmful narratives and stereotypes, stepping up to support your LGBTQAI+ friend or coworker or just simply educating yourself about their issues. It can take time, energy and might lead to negative consequences for yourself, so it needs a great deal of courage as well. Nonetheless, speak up when you hear queerphobic comments or jokes or when you hear someone being misgendered. Be vocal and be visible whether it’s offering your support to LGBTQAI+ businesses and charities or withdrawing your support for those who spread hate against them. 

 Check your privilege: Being an ally can be tough and you can decide it’s not worth your time but that’s precisely when you need to check your privilege. To quit is really an example of privilege. You may be exhausted from facing constant resistance and hate but remember, the people you are standing up for don’t have the option to walk away. We all have some type of privilege - whether it's race, age, class, education, gender, ability or sexuality. Being privileged doesn't mean that you have not had your fair share of struggles in life. It just means that there are some things you won't ever have to think or worry about just because of the way you were born. Understanding your own privileges can help you empathize with marginalized or oppressed groups.  

 Don’t make assumptions: You may prefix labels about someone’s gender or sexuality by their appearance or their name. Don't assume that all of your friends, co-workers, and even housemates are straight or their gender or pronouns. Remember to avoid stereotyping people based on their looks or what you know of their past. Sexuality is fluid and someone's current or previous partner doesn't define their sexuality. Also do not assume it is okay to speak in public about someone’s sexuality or gender even if they have disclosed it to you.  Not making assumptions allows an individual to feel relaxed and speak to you openly about their authentic self. At the same time, telling someone your own pronouns can help clear the way for someone to tell you theirs. Try to integrate inclusive language in your daily speech, using gender neutral terms such as ‘partner’ or ‘significant other’ instead of gendered ones or referring to someone as ‘they’ when you’re unsure of their pronouns.

 Confront your own bias and others’ biases: Being an ally means you will often find that you need to challenge any bias, stereotypes, and assumptions you didn't realize you had. Check yourself when you make jokes or even laugh at jokes, the pronouns you use and if you wrongly assume someone's partner is of a particular sex or gender just because of the way they look and act. LGBTQAI+ prejudices can be subtle and sometimes queerphobia exists even within the LGBTQAI+ community. Being a better ally means being open to the idea of being wrong sometimes and being willing to work on it. 

You can read more by checking out the following links:

8 steps to being a better ally

How to Be a Better Ally to the LGBTQ+ Community

7 ways you can be a better LGBTQ+ ally

Allyship takes so little but means so much - not just to the LGBTQAI+ community or individual for whom we stand, but also when looking at the larger goal of creating an equitable society. 

Starting small is better than not starting at all, right? Our baby steps to allyship are this thread and the activities planned all month. What are yours? It could be standing with your recently out trans colleague or classmate, attending your gay cousin's wedding or going to the Pride Parade in your city. 

Do tell us on this thread. 

Your actions may inspire others and thus give momentum to the ripple effect.