Chapter 3

2. 

"Tu mera rog, tu hi dawa"

Asad 

Nausea swarmed my senses as I forced my body into consciousness. There was a static beeping to my left and numbness to my right.  

A heavy presence sat on my ribs and made every breath a piece of sharded glass.  

I found myself fighting a similar fight of keeping my eyes open, my head above water so I don’t drown. 

It was a little easier this time. They eventually opened wide and invited bright lights, pale white sickly walls and faces of the only people I loved in this life.  

“Ammi” I tried to voice but no sound came out. 

“Shh now, I am here. No need to say anything. Sab thik hai, main thik hu, Najma, Zoya, ham sab thik hai Asad.”  

A name from her sentence caught my breath and attention. 

“Zoya” I whispered.  

 It wasn’t a soft whisper, nor was it filled with concern. Her name filled my veins with unbrewed anger and frustration. And sadness. Intense sadness. 

Because I knew she had tested my last nerve, because I knew a decision had to be made.  

I closed my eyes again. The weight on them pressed for darkness. But the darkness wasn’t comforting, instead it was confining. Claustrophobic. 

“Asad?” I heard Ammi say “Lagta hai phir behosh hogaya.” 

How many times did we play this game, I wondered. 

I exhausted all my efforts to not play it this time. 

“Ammi, look” I heard tamatar exclaim. 

“Asad, can you hear me beta?” 

I tried to nod my head unsuccessfully. I blinked a slow blink instead. I could hear a sigh of relief from both the ladies. 

“I’ll go get the doctor.” Ammi nodded, indicating a yes to Najma.  

“Where is she?” I muttered, trying to keep the anger out of my voice.  

“Asad” her voice careful. 

“I need her gone; she almost killed” I winced with pain resurfacing from breathing “us.” 

“I almost killed us” Ammi said, her voice laced with shame and regret. She hurried to get the words out as if she taking a huge load off her shoulders.  

But before I could make sense of anything, the blanket of darkness enveloped me again. 

. 

. 

. 

The hushed voices were indistinct, almost as if there was a wall between me and the rest of the world. I could feel the pulsing of blood in my neck. The noises grew louder and closer as my eyes took in the room one more time. 

“He’s up. Ammi, jaldi ayie. Zoya, doctor” 

“Yeah, on it”  

I heard receding footsteps as my psyche became more and more aware of where I was. 

I remembered the gunshot, the blood, panic, doctors with masks, Ammi’s face and her last words. 

I almost killed us... 

***  

She stood in the far corner of the room as the doctor checked me over. I was fully awake now, sitting upright on the bed. Her expression cracked. 

“Asad” I took my eyes off her when Ammi called my attention. 

“Jee Ammi”  

She gestured towards the doctor. He had been asking something. 

“Can you move your fingers for me, Mr. Khan?” 

I tried it to the best of my ability. The next four weeks were deemed extremely hard and uncomfortable as I processed the wound, both physical and emotional. There would be a lot of rest and physiotherapy involved. But the good news was, the bullet hadn’t affected my mobility. So far.  

I looked over at Zoya standing in the corner again. She refused to look at me, her head bent down, stance worn out. 

“So far so good. You can take him home tomorrow morning after the checkup. But please make sure the wounds are dressed up and taken care of properly.” Dr. Prasad said in the direction of my mother. 

“Yes, I have already talked to a nurse. Under normal circumstances, I would keep him here, but I think combined with police protection, it’s better at home. No unknown faces around us.” 

“Of course, I completely understand” he said empathetically as he stood up “Take care, Mr. Khan. I will see you tomorrow.” 

“Thank you doctor.” My eyes trained towards Miss Farooqui with a life of their own. 

“Zoya?” She looked up at Ammi. I looked away afraid of being caught.  

“Yes Phuphi?” 

“Can you give us a minute please?” 

She left the room at once, not gazing my way while Najma followed her out.  

I looked at my mother, waiting.  

“How are you feeling?” she asked careful. 

“Awake” I had no idea how else to describe it. Did I prefer the darkness? I would have to make peace with the realities of my life now that I was awake.  

“Kuch kha lete toh acha tha” 

“It’s okay. I’ll have something shortly” I let the sentence finish, we needed to get to the topic. I had a million questions swerving in my head making me dizzy. 

“Zoya ki koi galti nahi hai Asad” she started picking up on my silence “Miriam ko waapis main lai thi”  

The shock of her statement ironically brought a quietness within, the claustrophobia slowly dissipated.  

My emotions changed gear and focused on what was about to come next. “Miriam bilkul akeli thi beta, she was walking on the street all by herself, how could I leave her be? She told me all that happened in Mangalpur and I just couldn’t leave that young girl out to fend for herself. And before you blame Zoya, please know that she told me all you had instructed her. And I recognize why you put that boundary in place, but Asad, I couldn’t... I couldn’t and now look what I’ve done to you.” Her miserable tears fell onto my hand. 

“Ammi please, aapki koi galti nahi hai. Aap toh bas kisi ki madad kar rahe the.” It pinched me how hypocritical I sounded in the moment.  

But then again, my mother wasn’t irresponsible every day like Ms. New York. 

“Asad what if...” she was unable to complete, hysterical in tears. I attempted to move to comfort and solace. 

“No, no, stay where you are” Drying her tears with her dupatta, she laid a loving hand on my head. “Bas ab ghar jana hai aur thik hona hai” 

I nodded teary-eyed too. 

“And don’t worry, Zoya called the police and talked to them while you were recovering. They know who they are looking for and bahut jald sab jail main honge, where they deserve.”  The repulsion and disgust in her voice was indistinguishable.  

The flashbacks of Mangalpur left me seething just the same.  

“She saved my life” I whispered having an epiphany suddenly; remembering her attack on the shooter. 

“And mine, and Najma’s” Ammi echoed, putting a gentle hand on my left shoulder. “Who knows how many bullets that monster was capable of.” she shuddered. "It... surprises me the fierceness and bravery this girl possesses. Anyone normal person would have fled away in that moment, even the people you consider family. But she didn’t. She called the ambulance, called the police, even made sure me and Najma were eating well while we waited for you to wake up from your painkiller induced sleep. She hasn’t rested for a minute since she got here. I’ll never be able to repay her debt” she completed lost in deep thought. “I sometimes feel she has come to India specifically for us. Like she is the lost part of our family.” 

I tried not to let the tears of my soul become the tears of my eyes. I couldn’t fathom what this girl had done to me. And my family. Despite all that I thought were her shortcomings, she’d waved a magic wand and made her own place in the hearts of everyone.  

Everyone.  

Each tick of the clock was strengthening the ocean of sentiment arousing within me. I had the realization after Mangalpur, that I was inching towards irreversible. And I couldn’t put a name to it. I shouldn’t put a name on it. Her eyes told the same story but there was no way her innocent girly heart held it all the same as mine.  

It seemed to me she was infatuated.  And well for me... I was leaving at calling it utter madness.  

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Let's play name the chapter again❤️

Edit:

🥀Song in title: Tu hi hai aashiqui

❤️Title credit: DBaranwal