Chapter 22

CHAPTER 22

"So, you're my godmom?" Saira said, pouring pretend tea in a pink Princess cup.

"Yup." Kripa said, sipping calmly at her nonexistent beverage. "Disappointed much?"

"Nope. You're pretty. I like you. But who are you?"

"I'm Kripa, your mom's friend. You forgot about me already?" Kripa frowned into her plastic teacup.

"No, but who does that make you? Like besides my godmom." This girl was too smart for a five-year old.

"I dunno. I'm like your mom. Except cooler." Kripa sipped again, and bit at an imaginary cookie, leaving Saira to laugh. Her laugh was just like Mahek's, even her nose wrinkled and she threw her head back just the same. It was adorable.

"Well tum meri maa ke jaisi ho. To maa jaisi would be massi, right?" She looked at her, questioning. Kripa nodded. "So you're my massi. So who's Angad?"

"Angad is..a friend of your mother, and mine. He's not important. He's just Angad."

"Just Angad. Cool. I have this really cool sister named Aisha and we're gonna grow up to be Charlie's Angels but we need another girl. You wouldn't happen to have a daughter would you?" She smiled innocently. Kripa loved children. She wished she had a daughter, but it was much too early for that. She blushed at the thought.

"No darling. I don't. But when I do, you'll be the first one I'll tell. Kay?"

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"You're staying the night, aren't you, Kripa massi?" She asked expectantly. Kripa would feel incredibly awful turning down such an offer. She nodded. "Only if it's okay with your Mama." Saira threw her teacup on the floor, happily and ran into the kitchen where Mahek was cutting vegetables.

"Mama! Mama! Can Kripa massi stay the night with us?" She tugged at her leg, jumping around like a hyper gerbil on crack.

"Okay, okay. Angad, can she stay?" She said looking to Angad, who was sitting immersed in a football game.

"Yeah, sure. Hey, wait. Kripa! You're supposed to be staying with me! Don't make me stay by myself." He pouted, exaggeratingly putting his bottom lip out too much.

"Why? You lived alone before me too, didn't you?" She kissed him lightly in the cheek.

"Yes, but…" He thought of an argument, he came up with something but it sounded too casual. He thought up another one, but that was far too romantic to waste like this. "Yes, but Kartik wasn't married then. This is his and Gemma's first night together after three years. God knows what kind of unholy noises they'll be making." He smirked, and Kripa looked at him angrily for saying such a thing in the presence of a child.

"Why don't you stay with me then?" She smiled through clenched teeth.

"Great." He said pecking her lips lightly and running off. She rolled her eyes and Mahek laughed.

"He really loves you. You guys are adorable." Mahek said, slicing the flesh of a tomato.

"I know." Kripa said, instinctively grabbing another knife and beginning to cut veggies with her friend.

"Oh, you don't have to…" Mahek said, trying to dissuade Kripa, but Kripa was too used to this.

"It's okay, Mehu. We always cook together, unless you don't want me to." Kripa pulled a puppy dog face. Mahek sighed, returning the knife to Kripa's hand as she went to marinade some tofu. (Yes, they're vegetarians!)

Angad played with Saira and her sister Aisha for a while, until they were all called to the table at six for dinner. Mahek watched the door impatiently. Farhan, Kripa thought. In her eagerness, she picked up the phone and dialed a number.

"Where are you?!" she nearly yelled into the phone.

"Work. I'm sorry, I'm gonna be a little bit late. I'll be there in a couple of minutes." Farhan said on the other end.

"We have company. Be home soon. I love you. Okay, bye." Kripa smiled at Mahek while she was on the phone.

"Someone sounds sprung!" Kripa smiled. Mahek looked indignant but smiled and replied, "You?" Kripa blushed.

"What's for dinner, guys?" Angad sat, rubbing his hands in anticipation. Kripa glared at him for his rudeness. Lately, Angad noticed Kripa was mad at him a lot more. He smiled, he'd rather her be mad than be upset.

"We're not eating yet. We're waiting for Papa." Saira said annoyed. She rolled her eyes, which made everyone but Angad laugh.

"I just got yelled at by a 5 year old!" Angad exclaims, eying their laughter.

"It's okay, Angad. Kripa Massi said I'm allowed to because you're not important anyways. You're just Angad." She said sassily. Angad looks at Kripa with a fake hurt expression which makes her laugh all the more. Now Angad looks truly mad as he chases her into the room. Mahek doesn't even notice.

Kripa accepts her defeat when she is cornered into the room, she expects Angad to do something horribly romantic. To her (and his own) surprise, he doesn't. Angad smirks and grabs a towel from behind her. "I'm not hungry. I'm gonna take a shower." He leans toward her ear, he is so terribly close. And he whispers, "Don't wait for me." Damn you Angad, Kripa thought. Kripa falls back onto the bed, and almost instantly drifts into sleep. She even dreams of him, his fingers a warm, whisper on her soft skin. Her hands grazing his back. His lips teasing hers, as his tongue sweep her bleeding cheek. His chest, tight and weight unassuming. He lies on top of her as they struggle to find each other.

Kripa wakes in a cold sweat. She smacks herself in the head as she lies on her belly, her elbows supporting her drowsy head. Angad comes out of the bathroom in his boxers. Water drips off him, he shakes his hair out as dogs do to dry their fur. With the bronzed body of a Roman sculpture, he notices Kripa still in the world of her dreams. She's in a daze. "Lust is a terrible thing." She whispers to herself, laughing.

"Who have you been lusting over?" Angad asks, preening. He's sure, he was somehow complimented.

"Emraan Hashmi." She says in a daze. Angad frowns while he pulls his jeans on. Kripa smiles secretly at his childishness. She clears her throat.

"Hey, Angad. Did you take a shower? I didn't even notice." She smirked. She poked at his abs. "Getting a little fat, are we?" He moped.

"Let's go eat." He said plainly.

"You go. I'm not hungry." Kripa said, laying back down on the bed.

"Suit yourself. Farhan's probably home by now." Angad said, turning around.

"Angad…" Kripa whispered seductively.

"Yeah?"

"Don't you need a shirt?" She burst into laughter. He scowled again. "Speaking of which, you need to leave so I can change into something nice." He raised an eyebrow at him.

"Go ahead, I'm not stopping you." He smiled shamelessly. He wasn't going to leave. Kripa wasn't going to either. She took her clothes and headed for the door. To leave obviously, Angad thought, he had won this one. When Kripa closed and locked the door, the thought vanished. She looked at him with a not-so-much-nice-as-naughty smile and turned around. She pulled her salwar off and pulled on one ancient pair of jeans. Ages ago, Mahek had borrowed this exact pair from her. She pulled her kameez off and pulled on a baby doll pink top. She checked her hair in the mirror, before putting a light gloss on her lips. Angad stood in awe at her boldness. She kissed him hard on the mouth and left with grace.

What the hell, Angad thought. "What just happened?" He came out wide-eyed. Mahek looked at him with his eyes opened to wide, he looked so shocked. Why? She looked to Kripa and she winked at her.

"Angad, why are your lips so shiny?" Mahek said, trying her best not to smile. He was pulled out of his daze to find the remnants of Kripa's lip gloss on his lips. He must look like a fool, he thought to himself as he dragged his arm across mouth.

"Hmm, where is this famous fianc-slash-ex husband of yours? Look, I even got presentable for him?" Kripa beamed, spinning like a supermodel. Mahek nodded, "Hey, are those my jeans?"

"Nope, they're mine." Kripa said beaming. "Angad, do you like my outfit?" She said, in an obviously teasing tone. He looked to her, up and down and nodded. "Very hot, Kripa. You look very hot. Should I be concerned that you don't even look this good for me?" He said sarcastically.

"Maybe." She said putting her finger to his lips. He shook her off, and a tall 5'11" man walks in. It is obviously Farhan.

"Hola esposa. Y los amigos de mi esposa." He said, kissing Mahek, throwing his briefcase on the floor carelessly.

"Hi. I'm Kripa. Mehu's friend. And this is my fianc, Angad." She said extending her hand for a friendly shake, he bends before her and kisses her hand like a true gentlemen.

"It's a pleasure to meet such a beautiful woman like you. And you are a lucky man, Angad. We've met." He said. His green-grey eyes were the focal point of his face. A nice structured nose and proportioned lips were also quite handsome. He was more attractive in person. Mahek worked on setting out dinner as Kripa and Farhan chatted it up. Angad felt like a third wheel, Saira and Aisha were fast asleep.

"Wow. Business Law, that's what my best friend is in too. Lots of money. I personally wanted to go into medicine but my father insisted on Marketing."

"We work very closely with Marketing. Copyright infractions, Violation Of Code of Ethics, all that good stuff."

"I really have no interest in actually going into business. I'd prefer working for a few years then settle down with a nice family. With LOTS of kids." She laughed at the thought. Angad was surprised, hadn't she always wanted to work? Since when did she like kids so much?

"That's what my plan was but Mahek is REALLY into her job."

"She still modeling?" Kripa remembered how she and Mahek had an argument on glamorous jobs versus practical ones. She had left her love for singing, dancing, and acting years ago as per her parents' wishes.

"Yup." He said gladly.

"So…" Angad tried to begin a conversation.

"When are you guys getting married?"

"We don't know." Kripa sighed.

"How long have you guys been going out?"

"A while. I don't remember." She shrugged. Her phone rang, upon seeing the name she turned her phone off. She looked up to see Angad looking at her, his eyes questioning. She looked down to avoid his gaze.

"So who else is there in your house?" Farhan said, biting into a piece of Tofu.

"I live with Angad. I don't have any family." She said sipping water. Angad looked at her again. He knew who had called.

"Excuse me for a moment. Kripa, can you come here for a moment?" Angad said, pulling her from the table. Pulling her into a room, he showed urgency.

"Talk to him…" He said. Kripa turned away, "What are you talking about? Who should I talk to?"

"The same person that has been trying to call you all day. C'mon, you gotta talk to him some time. He's your father."

"He doesn't seem to remember." She said coldly. Angad turned her phone on, "Seven missed calls. And he doesn't remember?" Kripa hated when Angad had a point. Her phone rang again.

"Hello." Kripa said annoyed, before anyone on the other end could even get a word out Kripa said, "Gemma's in town, I'm staying with her and Mahek. I'm alive and fine. Bye." She clicked the phone shut. "Happy? I talked to him." She said with a cold, plastered smile. She was hurt, he could tell.

Suryaban hadn't heard from his daughter in a little over a week. It was only natural he'd be concerned. One week ago, she fought with him for a reason he didn't know. She loved Angad, he hated him. He had seen him come into his house many times, with different girls on his arms each time. He was simply disgusting; Suryaban didn't want his baby to be one of them. Kripa had been awfully distant since a year ago, when tragedy struck their house. It had been his fault; he knew, Kripa knew. He had busied himself with work after the accident and Kripa had busied herself in school and her ex (now dead) boyfriend, Prithvi. He hadn't liked him either. He was worried for Kripa, she had always been the weaker one in the family. Not strong like his younger daughter, but then again Kripa and Anamika had no comparison. Anamika was strong and good at everything, and Kripa good at everything Anu wasn't and more sensitive. The two were always fighting, but nonetheless, they completed each other. He knew Anamika and her mother's death had made Kripa terribly lonely but they were something to him too, was he not feeling the same? It wasn't fair but his daughter had completely shut him out. She was cold towards him and he didn't blame her entirely. He hadn't seen her in over a week. He wished she would answer him properly when he called but she had only picked up once and rudely answered the basics and had hung up on him.

He sat back, his hands behind his head. He needed a drink. If Damini was here, she would stop him. But alas, she was gone. Never to return. He sighed at the thought, and wondered where his child was and how she was at that moment.

"Don't you think that was a bit rude?" Mahek said, standing at the door. She had obviously heard Kripa on the phone. Angad wasn't about to correct Kripa.

"It was, indeed. But that was the point wasn't it?" Kripa said, falling back on the bed. Mahek laid down beside her on her belly. Angad left, feeling another girl talk coming on.

"Why are you so upset with him?" she asked, pivoting her body to face Kripa.

"I don't know. I just am. He forgot Maa and Chutki's barasi because he had to work…"

"And that's amazingly terrible? How can you say he forgot?" Mahek propped her head up with her elbow.

"Because he was with that whore…" Kripa spat bitterly.

"Oh. Who would that be?"

"Some lady named Arundhati. She works with Papa. He's always with her."

"Are they together? Like…a couple or something?" Mahek asked gently.

"I don't know. But he spends more time with her than he ever did with Maa. Maa found out about her a long time ago and she got mad and left to Nani's house with Chutki…"

"And the plane crashed…" She said sadly, almost a question. Kripa nodded.

"So you think it's his fault?"

"No, but he didn't even acknowledge his mistake. He knows he was the reason they left but he acts like nothing even happened."

"And how do you know he forgot?"

Kripa went silent; Mahek was not making a point. But Kripa still hated talking or thinking about her family, or what used to be her family. Now it was just a series of broken or departed people.

Angad walked in, seeing Kripa deep in thought. "Um, Farhan is calling you guys. I think you woke Saira and Aisha up. She's a light sleeper, Saira I mean." Angad stumbled over his words.

"Mehu. I don't think I'll be staying over tonight. I have something to take care of…Angad you can stay."

"But I wanna go with you."

"Angad, I wanna be by myself, okay?" She said, looking down. Angad nodded. It wasn't an okay that required a reply, just a type of reassurance.    

Mahek left and plopped onto Farhan's lap. Angad sat on the adjacent love seat. Kripa grabbed Angad's keys and slammed the door a little too hard on her way out.

"You think she actually went to talk to her dad?" Mahek said.

"If I know her well enough then probably not. She's gonna go think somewhere by her self." Angad said, sighing. He flipped the television on; he had quickly made himself more than welcome.

Kripa had stood there motionless for two hours, just breathing in the salty sea water. It was amazing the amount of tragedy that occurred to her at that exact location but at the same time, she was in love with this place. She sand tickled at the heels of her feet, relieving her physical tension. Mental tension, now that was another story.

She thought about her sister. She remembered how she used to chase Anamika around the house just to get her to braid her hair. It was an age old tradition, Kripa made Anu's hair. But like her Dadi, Kripa would sometimes trick Anu into sitting still long enough to put oil in her hair. Amla oil, the type Anamika hated. Kripa loved the smell and the large green stain it left on her pillowcase. She laughed at the memory as tears stung at her eyes.

She remembered how on the day of her exams, her mom would wake her up too early to do pooja with her. And then the ever famous dhai-shakkar. She didn't hate the taste, it was like Yoplait. But still, the ritual was a little bit ridiculous; the same way her mom made her eat almonds every morning to keep her mind at par. And mirchi makes your speech clearer and milk makes your bone stronger. She remembered the beating she got at age five when she asked why she still had a lisp even though her mama put an overdose of the spice in everything.

Haha, she still remembered how her father had saved her from that. Her mother rarely ever touched her, she was a cool-headed one. But when her mother got mad enough, she was unstoppable. Of course, Kripa was always the one to face her wrath. Being older, she got the blame for everything, and for Anamika she happily did it. She always took the beating for her and covered her mistake, which accounted her for her spoiled nature. She had a good heart though.

Her father. Suryaban Sharma. She had no memories with him. Sitting at breakfast, silently. And then as soon as he left, her mouth would open like a chatterbox and wouldn't shut until her mother pushed her out of the house for her to go to school. She had been close to him up to age three but after that Anamika was born and everyone had lost interest in her. She should talk to him, she thought. Or at least go home. She needed new clothes, and she was hungry. It was a terrible habit. She couldn't eat anything she herself hadn't cooked with her preference of ingredients. And Mahek's cooking just wasn't cutting for her.

She drove to her own house, and rung the doorbell. Why was she ringing the doorbell to her own house? She turned the doorknob and entered. Her father sat on his recliner, the one he sat on when he graded papers but right now he sat there staring at the ceiling. She didn't greet him. She went to her room, and packed her clothes. At first, she only packed a couple of salwar suits, but she thought she'd rather not return here so she took all of her clothes. She went back to the living room. It was a mess. She muttered loudly, "If Maa was here, she's simply faint at this sight. Do people even live here? It looks like an ape's house." She cleaned frantically, while muttering loudly. She stopped and listened to herself. She sounded just like her mother. She nodded and went to the kitchen. She put up water to boil, might as well make chai while we're at it.

"Did you eat anything?" She asked annoyed.

"Uhh sure." He said, distant in his thoughts. Kripa knew that meant no, she herself hadn't ate in what…a week now? Hunger left her when she was stressed.

"What do you want to eat?" She asked.

"Hm, you don't have to worry about it." Don't ask, she mentally pleaded, don't ask. She knew which question followed his response.

"You were with HIM this whole time?" He scoffed with authority, Kripa wasn't sure if her Papa had asked a question or stated a fact.

"Angad, his name is Angad. And yeah, I was with him." She said, spicing her dhaal.

"Where?"

"Somewhere." She said. She finally, finished making her last roti and set it on the table.

"Doing what?"

"Living." She said, setting the simple meal on the table. She went back into the kitchen to get napkins and water.

"Uh huh. I'm glad you're back home though." He said, flipping through the newspaper.

"I'm not living here. I was hungry, so I came home. I haven't ate in a week and half." She sat down, "You want anything or not?"

He silently came and sat on the table. "Leaving?"

"Yup. I'm living at Angad's from now on." She poured dhaal into his plate and handed him a roti. It was a simple meal but her father never did have a taste for intricate foods. They thought alike in that matter, its going in your stomach anyways. Why make so many things you can't eat and waste it? They were basic people.

"Angad's? Why on Earth would you live there? With some strange man you don't know. This is your own home. Live here." He said, putting a morsel in his mouth.

"Correction, this is YOUR home. To me this is just a house." The people that made it a home are dead, she wished she could add.

"Oh. Since when is that boy's house your home then?"

"We're getting married. It'll be my home then." Her father nearly choked at the mention of her marriage.

"Kripa, what is wrong with you?" He said. "What's wrong with me?" She said sounding innocently devious.

"Why are you being so…distant? I'm your father." He said sternly.

"My who? Oh my father, great time to remember Papa. Whatever you can keep all your fatherly emotion for someone else. Cuz when you needed it, you were BUSY so why now?"

"I was busy? Ever think why I'm always working?"

"Cuz of Arundhati…" she muttered under her breath.

"Because of you! I'm doing all of this for you." He sat there in silence, chewing his food.


"How are you possibly doing this for me? Since when do you care how I live?"

"Since…" He wished he could answer the question but he couldn't, he had never interfered with Kripa's life. She was always free to do as she pleased, she was expected to make the right decisions, and when she didn't it was rubbed in her face. He looked down.

"Exactly. You don't. You didn't care when maa died, or when chutki died or when I was on drugs all the time, or when Prithvi did God knows what to me…You weren't there." She had tears in her eyes now, "You know where you were? At work. With some lady that you valued more than us. You were supposed to protect us, Papa. What happened?"

"What lady are you talking about? You're an adult, Kripa. I can't protect you forever. Being with Prithvi was your own decision, a bad one. But that's what life is."

"My life is a bad decision. Wow. Thanks Papa. That's great to know. I wasn't an adult. Maa said I'd always be her baby. She said she'd protect me. She was there for me. Face it, in our family there was no father. There was Maa, maa was our mother and you were too busy for us, so Maa was our father too. My mistake Maa was MY mother and father. You fathered a child, and her name was Anamika. Ironically enough, you couldn't even remember her death anniversary."

"I remembered their barasi." He said indignantly. He had remembered, right before he went to bed the guilt of that date settled into him.

"Do you know who performed all of their last rites?" Kripa asked, tears now rolling freely down her cheeks. She could taste the salty taste of remorse stinging at her lips. Suryaban sat silent.

"I did! You know who cremated them? I did! You know who couldn't sleep at night, knowing that she had no family?" Her own voice and eyes softened at her confession, "I did. The Khannas are my family. I don't care a damn's worth how much money you make, or who you were with when Maa left you. I'm going home, and when I say home. I mean MY home. Not yours." She had barely touched her food, she went upstairs and got her suitcase. She slammed the door hard on her way out.

"Happy birthday beta." He said sadly as she left.