Chapter 15
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CHAPTER 15
"What do you mean, who am I telling? You are kidding, right?" Kripa said, unbelieving.
"I don't know really. I didn't know until last year, you remember Mahek? I mean we supposedly had Saira, er…our daughter when we were 19. I don't know if she's really mine. "
"Wow…" she said. At this point, Angad expected an emotional outbreak from Kripa, at which point he'd reveal whether this was a joke or not. But surprisingly, Kripa went deep into thought.
"Kripa…" Angad started, he anticipated her to cry right about now but she turned toward him.
"Well you can't just abandon her…" Kripa said calmly. "I mean it would be pretty scummy. Plenty of guys get girls knocked up when they're not married. But it takes a special few to actually realize their responsibility. I'm actually proud of you, Angad."
"Kripa…" Angad began to explain, but was cut off.
"You should marry her." Kripa looked at him. "You should marry Mahek and take care of Saira with her. It's not fair that just because she's the woman she has to face the whole world by herself." Kripa looked at him expectantly.
"Kripa, I was only…" joking, he wanted to say. But he really needed to know whether he was or not before he told Kripa. "Nineteen. I didn't know any better. I can't marry her, I can't spend the rest of my life with a girl I don't know…especially since I love you."
"Angad, you know how I feel about marriage. I love you too but you can't back away from this. You'll fall in love with Mahek eventually. You know how much I value my independence. So this will be good for both of us, right?" Kripa looked at the brighter side of things.
"Wrong. I can't live without you, Krips. And you can't without me. We're meant to be together Kripa…don't you think so?"
"You sound like an emotional fool. We can live life apart. It is not that big of a deal." Kripa said.
"Not that big a deal?! Are you kidding me? Whatever happened to forever? My god, Kripa you have my name tattooed on you! If this was just momentary then why are we even together…?"
"I don't know about you, but I love you. I thought this was one of your…I dunno…time pass or something? But I thought this would be done as soon as you get bored with me and I'd…work and live afterward. You'd move on, I'd move on…it would be cool."
"Wow Kripa, I can't believe how highly you think of me and our relationship. Are you even Kripa right now? Or are you high off of something now too?! God knows what's wrong with you now days?" The instant he said that, he known he had said too much. She looked at him with hurt in her eyes.
"Yeah Angad, I'm high right now! I'm high all the time, don't you know?! That's what I am, right?! A slutty friggin junky!? Thanks Angad. You go and be happy with you child and your child's mother! But if you ever decide to care what's wrong with me now days then call me! Actually, don't! I don't want to hear from you ever again." Kripa screamed, she was going to leave but Angad caught hold of her hand.
"Angad, let go." She huffed.
"No Kripa, I want to know what's wrong with you. Why can't you get Prithvi out of your head? Why are you being like this?" He grabbed hold of her waist.
"What does it matter to you, Angad? I'm just a heroin addicted whore right? Go to your child's mother, she'll keep you happy. You can settle down like you've always wanted…"
"Kripa I'm sorry. That's not what I meant." Pulling her close, so she could not avoid looking into his eyes. She hated this moment. It was everything that she dreaded. Looking into Angad's eyes made her weak. They forced her to tell the truth. She didn't want to face the truth. She was happier living this farce. It was the best for everyone. Angad deserved someone better. In Kripa's eyes, she wasn't worthy of Angad.
In Angad's eyes, it was just the opposite. He thought for a moment, you could settle down like you've always wanted, she'll keep you happy. He knew what was wrong with Kripa.
"Kripa, I can't be happy with anyone besides you. Mahek can't keep me happy, being settled wouldn't make me happy, being with you keeps me happy. I'm happy with you, only you Kripa. Why is that so hard to understand?" His eyes softened as he looked upon her, another painful gaze from Angad.
Today was one of the most painful days imaginable for Kripa, she had hurt the most important people in her life: Papa, Aaliya, now Angad. She just wished everyone could be happy without her, it would make her so much more relieved. She didn't know why but it gave her immense discomfort: that her existence held importance.
"Angad, today whatever I said throughout the whole day…"
"You meant absolutely none of it; to your father, to me, to Aaliya. Kripa, I get it, okay? I know you pretty well too, not as well as Aaliya but still…I can feel what your feeling. I just want to know why…is that really so wrong?"
If I knew, I'd definitely tell you Angad. Kripa thought, she pondered how to answer what he had just said but came up with nothing.
She wished Angad could read minds right now, because she had no more power left to speak. He saw the look on her face: tired, hurt, ashamed, sorry, and confused. Angad wanted a relationship with Kripa, but he wondered if he could really play the game she was playing. Could he really let her shut him out like she wished to? Why was she so set to hurt herself, why did she want to isolate herself from the world? He wondered.
In Kripa's head, a different scene was going on. She wondered for that poor defenseless child, Saira.
Kripa knew the feeling of not having both parents around: sure, her parents were there for the world to see but she knew her father had shut her family out years before it crumbled and fell to pieces. She watched her mother stay strong in that marriage while her father was close to being the equivalent to none.
Her younger sister, Anamika had stood so strong in all her pain. When Anu had three times the problem as Kripa, she handled them with ease, and Kripa always struggled with the few problems she did have. Anu was better than Kripa in every matter: or so her father made it seem. Stronger stress tolerance, fairer skin, better pain threshold, better grades, nicer friends, better voice…that had been the main thing, Anu stole everything Kripa had from her. Kripa gave it willingly up, because Anamika was worthy of it. She never asked to be the best: it just came natural.
Her father had never really cared much for much of anything: he was a hard-worker, a professor. He was strict, and his name was Amit Sharma. That was what every stranger knew about him, and that was basically what Kripa knew about him too. Despite coming home to him grading papers every day, he was always too absorbed in making money to care what went on. Anu had a special relationship with her father, Kripa envied it like every other quality of hers.
Kripa's best friend, her mother was the most admirable person Kripa had ever known, or will ever know. She was strong but caring, beautiful and tough, clever and wise. She handled everything, she never cried. She always wore her wedding band, mangalsutra, and sindoor, far after her marriage had deteriorated. She had tried to save it but Amit made no mutual effort, she was the only one trying. After a while, her daughters became her world. She was happy with her two angels.
"Kripa?" Angad asked.
"Yeah…" She asked, snapping out of her daze.
"Do you really not believe in marriage?" Angad asked, playing with her hair. He came closer to her to hear her answer.
"I do. I just don't think that WE should, I mean I don't think I can depend on you for the rest of my life. I'm afraid I might hurt you." Or you'll hurt me, she thought. That was what she really wanted to say. Kripa saw her parents and thought it was perhaps impossible for both people to be happy at once.
"You are hurting me. By pushing me away like this…By making me be with someone I don't want to be with." Angad pressed his lips onto her hair.
"I'm sorry Angad; I just want you to be there for Saira. Having both parents is really important to a kid growing up. I don't know what comes over me. You know that I have no clue what I'm doing." She sighed, wrapping her arms around. She wanted to feel his heartbeat.
"I know Kripa. But isn't it important to have both your parents love not only that child, but each other?" Angad was practical, it was important for the parents to love ach other. Kripa herself knew that, she was the result of a distant marriage so she realized how right he was.
"Yeah, I can't imagine Mahek raising that child, do you remember her temper? She was crazy…"
"Was? She IS crazy. That's why I was so attracted to her, cause she was so…I dunno passionate? About everything she did. She was like…"
"You?" Kripa smiled emptily.
"Yeah. Sort of. But she called me last month, asking whether I would like to go to my daughter's birthday party. I was like what the hell, she gave me the address and I went and saw for myself. I didn't see Saira but I talked to Mahek, she was pretty chill for someone that's been raising a girl by herself for 5 years." Angad said quite matter-of-factly.
Kripa shuddered at the thought of Mahek having a daughter, that too with Angad. A combination of the two's personality would wreak havoc upon the world. Mahek Malhotra, the second most stylish girl in their group. It was Aaliya, then Mahek, then Tanya, and last and most differently Kripa. They had all grown up like sisters: knowing each other too well. Aaliya had been the self-proclaimed workaholic, Tanya the arrogant designer, Mahek the stubborn, hot-tempered model, and Kripa the calm studious one. Tanya got what she wanted…always. Between the four had always competed in everything: each one winning their respective titles. But one thing they never competed for was guys; until Angad. Mahek had a crush on Angad since ever, as had Kripa. But everyone knew Mahek got what she wanted, plus Angad would never be interested in a girl like Kripa anyways. So she kept her secret covered up as her and Angad exchanged insults daily. Kripa was sure she never would love anyone as much as she loved Angad, so she swore she'd never be with anyone. She wasn't interested in boys anyways. She had taken after her father; work was everything. So, she thought, nobody wanted a girl that was taken anyways, so she was proud to get that tattoo. Till Mahek had seen it, she still remembered it.
~FLASHBACK~
"Kripa," Mahek said, two girls about the same height stood in a changing room, trying on dresses for Winter Formal. This was as important as homecoming dance, every event was important Freshman year. Kripa stood in a baby blue satin dress as Mahek disapprovingly shook her head. In the next changing room was Aaliya and Tanya, they two fitting rooms were joined by a curtain. After seeing the shake of Mahek's head, she pulled the dress over her head.
"Kripa!" Mahek yelled, getting impatient.
"WHAT?!" Kripa said annoying, she stood in her purple underwear and matching tank top.
"What is THAT?!" Mahek said standing pointing at her chest.
"A tank top. What you'd think I'd try on stuff in my bikini or something?" Kripa said, holding her hands on her hips.
"No, not your tank…that." She said pointing to the top of the tattoo. Thank God, you could only see the peak of the heart.
"It's a tattoo. Totally washable." She lied.
"What does it say?" She asked knowingly.
"Nothing, it's just a heart. Here! Try this on…" She said handing her the dress she had just taken off, "Anything looks good on you." She tried to change the subject.
"Does that say Angad on it?!" Mahek gasped.
"WHAT?! No! Why would I have that idiot's name on me, especially THERE!"
"Because you like him, HA! I knew it! You've got the hots for Angad heartbreaker Khanna!!!"
"I do not! That boy is disgusting, you know…he's slept with every girl in our class. Except us that is, and we gotta keep it that way okay?"
"Yeah, I can promise but I don't know about you…will YOU be able to keep your hands off him?" She teased.
"Mahek!" She screamed.
"Okay, okay. So you seriously like him?" She raised her eyebrow at her.
"No," She pushed her back with one finger, "YOU like him." Kripa smiled knowingly.
"Okay, so we both like him. Who wants him?" Mahek puts her hand on her hip, mirroring Kripa.
"Mehu, I don't like him. You can have him for all I care, all he's got is looks anyways."
"So you've noticed his good looks. And money, and power, and personality. He doesn't look all that good anyways, I mean have you seen him?" Mahek smiled, already knowing Kripa's response.
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! He's friggin hot man!!!" Kripa said without thinking, she slouched embarrassed. Turning red, she glared at Mahek.
"So…you don't like him, huh?" She looked at Kripa. "Cause if you don't like him that means free for all. I can have him", she looked mischievously.
"Yeah…sure." Kripa said unsure. She desperately wished Mahek would not involve herself with Angad "heartbreaker" Khanna, even though his middle name was Abhinav.
"Oh my god, Kassy!" Kas, Mahek called her sometimes. From her initials, KAS she added an sy, just because she thought it sounded cute.
"What?!" Kripa said, sounding more innocent then she wanted to. She sounded almost like a child, she was embarrassed at her tone.
"You don't want me to have him either, do you?" She asked concerned, she rubbed her shoulder almost sympathetically.
"Have him? Do you even hear yourself? All he wants is to get in your pants and then he's done with you. Gawd, Mahek don't you get it? He's a perv!"
"No, that's not it. You just now came up with that…I can tell. What's up?" Mahek said sitting down.
"I really like him." Kripa sat down and put her head on Mahek's shoulder.
"I know, hun." Mahek said playing with her hair.
"I really don't want to though." She sighed.
"I know that too, I won't go out with him. I promise." She looked at Kripa, hoping for her gesture to not go unrequited.
"Me neither, I promise. We gotta swear no guy will ever come between us, okay?"
"I swear…"
"Me too…" They laughed. Neither of them knew all three promises were eventually to be broken.
"Hey!" Mahek said. "Ek baat, sachi sachi bolna."
"Kya?" Kripa asked.
"Is your tattoo really just a heart?" She raised an eyebrow, she saw Kripa put on her lying face before she continued, "Meri kasam, you gotta tell the truth."
She sighed and rolled her eyes. She showed her the tattoo. Kripa sighed as Mahek smiled knowingly.
"Say it!" Mahek said excited.
"NO!"
"Say it!" She pushed her lightly.
"You can't make me, Mehu." Kripa said, crossing her arms and turning to the side.
"SAY IT!!!!!!" Mahek said screaming, pushing Kripa to the floor.
"I don't wanna!" Kripa whined on the floor.
"SAY IT OR ELSE I'M TELLING AALIYA!!!!!" yelled a smiling Mahek. Kripa gasped at her threat. Aaliya moved the curtain, "Tell me what?"
"That Kripa has the hots for your…" Mahek said excited says as Kripa smiles and covers her mouth. Mahek bit her.
"What the hell Mehu? YOU BIT ME?!" Kripa asked, shaking her hand out.
"Yes, let me finish my sentence, would you woman?!"
"Aaliya, don't listen to her!"
"Aali, I am so telling you the truth. Kripa is like in love with…"
Tanya moves the curtain. "Kripa loves who now?"
"I DO NOT LOVE ANGAD!!!" Kripa yelled in confusion.
The three looked at her unbelievingly.
"No one said you did, babe." Mahek said smiling.
"Hey, Mehu you tricked me! I didn't mean it like that….AALIYA!" She looked to Aaliya, eyes pleading.
"A little help here?" She whispered. Aaliya laughed at her. So did Tanya. Mahek and Kripa looked confused.
"Like Kripa would be interested in Bhai. They HATE each other." Aaliya laughed.
"Yeah, Kripa is madly in love with ANGAD, that's why she insults him like every day. Cuz she's gotta mask her feelings like that." Tanya laughed looking toward Kripa. Kripa looked down and turned red.
"WHAT?!?!?!?!" The three noticed her turning red. She bust out laughing, quick save, she thought.
"You scared us there." The three laughed, Kripa joined nervously. Not a quick save, the three said in their head. After all these years, the four laughing girls had learned mind-reading from each other. They were all so predictable.
~END OF FLASHBACK~
Kripa smiled, "Is she still stubborn?"
"More than ever…" Angad laughed. He wondered how Kripa could be so casual about this. He knew if the roles had been reversed, Mahek would be threatening to take her life right now. She always did that when she didn't get what she wanted, it was quite irritating. He remembered when he first learned of that stubborn quality of hers.
~FLASHBACK~
It was junior year, and Ring Dance was to come up. Angad was thinking of asking Mahek out, but Aaliya had stopped him.
"YOU GUYS CAN'T GO OUT!?!?!?! She's my best friend, bhai." Aaliya argued when Angad asked Mahek out right in front of her. His eyes wandered to Kripa, who was standing next to Mahek, for some strange reason. She was exchanging glares from the other 3.
"So is half the college, does that make all of your friends off limits?!" Angad asked. Aaliya returned to him a duh! Glance.
"You've GOT to be kidding me?!" He threw his hands up in frustration. Aaliya looked as if she was going to kill him.
"I'm asking Mahek, will you be going to Ring Dance with me, or shall I ask someone else?" Angad asked, oh so arrogantly.
"Well, if you're doing me a favor by gracing me with your presence then no. Learn to ask the right way and maybe." She had answered sassily.
"You want me to get on my knees or something; I'm asking you to a dance, not to be married with me. Goodness, women." He walked away.
"If you have such trouble with women, maybe you should go with Bobby Darling." She laughed, throwing her head back. Kripa admired her for her confidence in the potency of her insults, and for speaking Kripa's thoughts. She laughed loud enough for Mahek and Angad to hear.
"Wow Mahek, you're a riot…really hilarious. But a simple yes or no would have work. But we all know how big a deal you have to make everything. Making yourself the center of attention is your specialty, isn't it?" Angad stood, crossed arms.
"And a simple 'will you go out with me' would have done fine too, Angad. I'm the one making a big deal? If your over-inflated ego wouldn't have started ACHING at my refusal then I'd be in class right now!" Mahek said, leaning on Kripa. Kripa was fairly interested to know where this conversation was going, but knowing Angad and Mahek she knew wherever it was going was NOT in a good direction.
"Why should I waste my time over two-penny girls like you anyways? It's okay, I forgive you for your childish little acts of ignorance." Angad said arrogantly. When he said two-penny girls, he stared directly at Kripa. She wondered why he was insulting her while apologizing. Was this his idea of being the bigger person?"
"Two-penny girls? What are you trying to say, mister?!" She stood in front of Kripa, as if shielding her, could she get any more obvious. "Why are you bringing her into this?"
"Bringing who into what? You four have made every one's life a living hellhole. I'll leave when I get an apology."
"Apology?! For what?!" Tanya screamed. Tanya was the type that was always ready to pull off her earrings and take a swing at whoever she felt like. Angad backed away a little. Was he scared of her?
"For acting like self-obsessed, 'the world revolves around me' b*****es!" Kartik roared in. He had yelled at Tanya, now when Angad thought of it. He laughed.
"Who are you calling a b*****?!" yells Aaliya.
"Obviously you four!" bellowed Josh.
"Who are you to call any of us anything?! Man-whore! All four of you!!!!" Kripa shouted.
"How dare you?!" Angad pointed a finger angrily, about three inches from her face. They glared at each other. There, in the middle of the hallway stood eight arguing teens. The professors were fed up of their yelling so they came out. Things were farther ahead than they had thought. Ms. Verma came out to find…
"What did you just call me?!" Aaliya said to Josh, slapping his cheek hard. He held his face for a moment, before seeing a peculiar sight.
"Why you little!? What did you just say bout me?!" Mahek punched Ishaan in the eye. Ishaan gasped and opened his eyes, only to see.
"You just called me a slut?!!! Don't you have any manners, you bloody…" Tanya shrieked, kicking Kartik in a not-so-pleasant spot.
Before Angad could get hit by Kripa, which he could already imagine, he decided to walk away. It would be the smart thing to do, he thought.
"HEY!!!!" Kripa screamed after him, "Where are you going?!" She didn't want him to go. She ran ahead of him, and stood before him smiling innocently.
"If I apologize, will you?" she smiled a nave grin. At that moment, he felt something in his stomach turn. Why did he love her smile so much? It had been so meaningless back then, it was just something every person did every day. They didn't anymore. Or at least she didn't.
Mahek stomped to her side. "DON'T APOLOGIZE TO HIM!" She came close enough to Kripa's ear to make her go deaf.
"Why? This is both yall's fight. I shouldn't have insulted him. Why don't YOU apologize?" Kripa grinned from ear-to-ear. At that second, she didn't even know why.
"Yeah…" said Angad. Angad and Mahek and Kripa argued. Eventually, Kripa left feeling terrible that she had taken Angad's side, instead of Mahek. Angad was ready to leave as soon as Mahek apologized, she didn't. He waited till sundown, no apologies yet. Night fell, they two fell asleep arguing. Still no sorry. The next morning, they resumed arguing as the school filled up for a new school day to begin. Aaliya looked at them and sighed. Kripa rolled her eyes.
"Okay okay. We get the point. You're both self-absorbed, stubborn beings that can and probably will argue till the end of eternity if I don't end this." Aaliya said pushing the two apart, though of opposite sexes, the two looked ready to fight it out.
Angad walked away, Kripa yelled behind him. "For the record, I'm NOT sorry!!!!" He heard her and laughed at her childish nature. Kripa was infuriated Angad didn't even turn around. In her fury, she took off her sandal and threw it at him. It was a red Gucci Princess Stilletto. It hit him in the head. "Oh damn." She had said in a whisper when he fell over from the impact. She had given a concussion. Angad laughed, remembering how Kripa had come to bring him his homework and gave him tuitions that whole time he was out of school. She looked after him and tended him back to health. All, while not forgetting her insults and comebacks for him. They still fought. He laughed.
~END OF FLASHBACK~
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"What do you mean, who am I telling? You are kidding, right?" Kripa said, unbelieving.
"I don't know really. I didn't know until last year, you remember Mahek? I mean we supposedly had Saira, er…our daughter when we were 19. I don't know if she's really mine. "
"Wow…" she said. At this point, Angad expected an emotional outbreak from Kripa, at which point he'd reveal whether this was a joke or not. But surprisingly, Kripa went deep into thought.
"Kripa…" Angad started, he anticipated her to cry right about now but she turned toward him.
"Well you can't just abandon her…" Kripa said calmly. "I mean it would be pretty scummy. Plenty of guys get girls knocked up when they're not married. But it takes a special few to actually realize their responsibility. I'm actually proud of you, Angad."
"Kripa…" Angad began to explain, but was cut off.
"You should marry her." Kripa looked at him. "You should marry Mahek and take care of Saira with her. It's not fair that just because she's the woman she has to face the whole world by herself." Kripa looked at him expectantly.
"Kripa, I was only…" joking, he wanted to say. But he really needed to know whether he was or not before he told Kripa. "Nineteen. I didn't know any better. I can't marry her, I can't spend the rest of my life with a girl I don't know…especially since I love you."
"Angad, you know how I feel about marriage. I love you too but you can't back away from this. You'll fall in love with Mahek eventually. You know how much I value my independence. So this will be good for both of us, right?" Kripa looked at the brighter side of things.
"Wrong. I can't live without you, Krips. And you can't without me. We're meant to be together Kripa…don't you think so?"
"You sound like an emotional fool. We can live life apart. It is not that big of a deal." Kripa said.
"Not that big a deal?! Are you kidding me? Whatever happened to forever? My god, Kripa you have my name tattooed on you! If this was just momentary then why are we even together…?"
"I don't know about you, but I love you. I thought this was one of your…I dunno…time pass or something? But I thought this would be done as soon as you get bored with me and I'd…work and live afterward. You'd move on, I'd move on…it would be cool."
"Wow Kripa, I can't believe how highly you think of me and our relationship. Are you even Kripa right now? Or are you high off of something now too?! God knows what's wrong with you now days?" The instant he said that, he known he had said too much. She looked at him with hurt in her eyes.
"Yeah Angad, I'm high right now! I'm high all the time, don't you know?! That's what I am, right?! A slutty friggin junky!? Thanks Angad. You go and be happy with you child and your child's mother! But if you ever decide to care what's wrong with me now days then call me! Actually, don't! I don't want to hear from you ever again." Kripa screamed, she was going to leave but Angad caught hold of her hand.
"Angad, let go." She huffed.
"No Kripa, I want to know what's wrong with you. Why can't you get Prithvi out of your head? Why are you being like this?" He grabbed hold of her waist.
"What does it matter to you, Angad? I'm just a heroin addicted whore right? Go to your child's mother, she'll keep you happy. You can settle down like you've always wanted…"
"Kripa I'm sorry. That's not what I meant." Pulling her close, so she could not avoid looking into his eyes. She hated this moment. It was everything that she dreaded. Looking into Angad's eyes made her weak. They forced her to tell the truth. She didn't want to face the truth. She was happier living this farce. It was the best for everyone. Angad deserved someone better. In Kripa's eyes, she wasn't worthy of Angad.
In Angad's eyes, it was just the opposite. He thought for a moment, you could settle down like you've always wanted, she'll keep you happy. He knew what was wrong with Kripa.
"Kripa, I can't be happy with anyone besides you. Mahek can't keep me happy, being settled wouldn't make me happy, being with you keeps me happy. I'm happy with you, only you Kripa. Why is that so hard to understand?" His eyes softened as he looked upon her, another painful gaze from Angad.
Today was one of the most painful days imaginable for Kripa, she had hurt the most important people in her life: Papa, Aaliya, now Angad. She just wished everyone could be happy without her, it would make her so much more relieved. She didn't know why but it gave her immense discomfort: that her existence held importance.
"Angad, today whatever I said throughout the whole day…"
"You meant absolutely none of it; to your father, to me, to Aaliya. Kripa, I get it, okay? I know you pretty well too, not as well as Aaliya but still…I can feel what your feeling. I just want to know why…is that really so wrong?"
If I knew, I'd definitely tell you Angad. Kripa thought, she pondered how to answer what he had just said but came up with nothing.
She wished Angad could read minds right now, because she had no more power left to speak. He saw the look on her face: tired, hurt, ashamed, sorry, and confused. Angad wanted a relationship with Kripa, but he wondered if he could really play the game she was playing. Could he really let her shut him out like she wished to? Why was she so set to hurt herself, why did she want to isolate herself from the world? He wondered.
In Kripa's head, a different scene was going on. She wondered for that poor defenseless child, Saira.
Kripa knew the feeling of not having both parents around: sure, her parents were there for the world to see but she knew her father had shut her family out years before it crumbled and fell to pieces. She watched her mother stay strong in that marriage while her father was close to being the equivalent to none.
Her younger sister, Anamika had stood so strong in all her pain. When Anu had three times the problem as Kripa, she handled them with ease, and Kripa always struggled with the few problems she did have. Anu was better than Kripa in every matter: or so her father made it seem. Stronger stress tolerance, fairer skin, better pain threshold, better grades, nicer friends, better voice…that had been the main thing, Anu stole everything Kripa had from her. Kripa gave it willingly up, because Anamika was worthy of it. She never asked to be the best: it just came natural.
Her father had never really cared much for much of anything: he was a hard-worker, a professor. He was strict, and his name was Amit Sharma. That was what every stranger knew about him, and that was basically what Kripa knew about him too. Despite coming home to him grading papers every day, he was always too absorbed in making money to care what went on. Anu had a special relationship with her father, Kripa envied it like every other quality of hers.
Kripa's best friend, her mother was the most admirable person Kripa had ever known, or will ever know. She was strong but caring, beautiful and tough, clever and wise. She handled everything, she never cried. She always wore her wedding band, mangalsutra, and sindoor, far after her marriage had deteriorated. She had tried to save it but Amit made no mutual effort, she was the only one trying. After a while, her daughters became her world. She was happy with her two angels.
"Kripa?" Angad asked.
"Yeah…" She asked, snapping out of her daze.
"Do you really not believe in marriage?" Angad asked, playing with her hair. He came closer to her to hear her answer.
"I do. I just don't think that WE should, I mean I don't think I can depend on you for the rest of my life. I'm afraid I might hurt you." Or you'll hurt me, she thought. That was what she really wanted to say. Kripa saw her parents and thought it was perhaps impossible for both people to be happy at once.
"You are hurting me. By pushing me away like this…By making me be with someone I don't want to be with." Angad pressed his lips onto her hair.
"I'm sorry Angad; I just want you to be there for Saira. Having both parents is really important to a kid growing up. I don't know what comes over me. You know that I have no clue what I'm doing." She sighed, wrapping her arms around. She wanted to feel his heartbeat.
"I know Kripa. But isn't it important to have both your parents love not only that child, but each other?" Angad was practical, it was important for the parents to love ach other. Kripa herself knew that, she was the result of a distant marriage so she realized how right he was.
"Yeah, I can't imagine Mahek raising that child, do you remember her temper? She was crazy…"
"Was? She IS crazy. That's why I was so attracted to her, cause she was so…I dunno passionate? About everything she did. She was like…"
"You?" Kripa smiled emptily.
"Yeah. Sort of. But she called me last month, asking whether I would like to go to my daughter's birthday party. I was like what the hell, she gave me the address and I went and saw for myself. I didn't see Saira but I talked to Mahek, she was pretty chill for someone that's been raising a girl by herself for 5 years." Angad said quite matter-of-factly.
Kripa shuddered at the thought of Mahek having a daughter, that too with Angad. A combination of the two's personality would wreak havoc upon the world. Mahek Malhotra, the second most stylish girl in their group. It was Aaliya, then Mahek, then Tanya, and last and most differently Kripa. They had all grown up like sisters: knowing each other too well. Aaliya had been the self-proclaimed workaholic, Tanya the arrogant designer, Mahek the stubborn, hot-tempered model, and Kripa the calm studious one. Tanya got what she wanted…always. Between the four had always competed in everything: each one winning their respective titles. But one thing they never competed for was guys; until Angad. Mahek had a crush on Angad since ever, as had Kripa. But everyone knew Mahek got what she wanted, plus Angad would never be interested in a girl like Kripa anyways. So she kept her secret covered up as her and Angad exchanged insults daily. Kripa was sure she never would love anyone as much as she loved Angad, so she swore she'd never be with anyone. She wasn't interested in boys anyways. She had taken after her father; work was everything. So, she thought, nobody wanted a girl that was taken anyways, so she was proud to get that tattoo. Till Mahek had seen it, she still remembered it.
~FLASHBACK~
"Kripa," Mahek said, two girls about the same height stood in a changing room, trying on dresses for Winter Formal. This was as important as homecoming dance, every event was important Freshman year. Kripa stood in a baby blue satin dress as Mahek disapprovingly shook her head. In the next changing room was Aaliya and Tanya, they two fitting rooms were joined by a curtain. After seeing the shake of Mahek's head, she pulled the dress over her head.
"Kripa!" Mahek yelled, getting impatient.
"WHAT?!" Kripa said annoying, she stood in her purple underwear and matching tank top.
"What is THAT?!" Mahek said standing pointing at her chest.
"A tank top. What you'd think I'd try on stuff in my bikini or something?" Kripa said, holding her hands on her hips.
"No, not your tank…that." She said pointing to the top of the tattoo. Thank God, you could only see the peak of the heart.
"It's a tattoo. Totally washable." She lied.
"What does it say?" She asked knowingly.
"Nothing, it's just a heart. Here! Try this on…" She said handing her the dress she had just taken off, "Anything looks good on you." She tried to change the subject.
"Does that say Angad on it?!" Mahek gasped.
"WHAT?! No! Why would I have that idiot's name on me, especially THERE!"
"Because you like him, HA! I knew it! You've got the hots for Angad heartbreaker Khanna!!!"
"I do not! That boy is disgusting, you know…he's slept with every girl in our class. Except us that is, and we gotta keep it that way okay?"
"Yeah, I can promise but I don't know about you…will YOU be able to keep your hands off him?" She teased.
"Mahek!" She screamed.
"Okay, okay. So you seriously like him?" She raised her eyebrow at her.
"No," She pushed her back with one finger, "YOU like him." Kripa smiled knowingly.
"Okay, so we both like him. Who wants him?" Mahek puts her hand on her hip, mirroring Kripa.
"Mehu, I don't like him. You can have him for all I care, all he's got is looks anyways."
"So you've noticed his good looks. And money, and power, and personality. He doesn't look all that good anyways, I mean have you seen him?" Mahek smiled, already knowing Kripa's response.
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! He's friggin hot man!!!" Kripa said without thinking, she slouched embarrassed. Turning red, she glared at Mahek.
"So…you don't like him, huh?" She looked at Kripa. "Cause if you don't like him that means free for all. I can have him", she looked mischievously.
"Yeah…sure." Kripa said unsure. She desperately wished Mahek would not involve herself with Angad "heartbreaker" Khanna, even though his middle name was Abhinav.
"Oh my god, Kassy!" Kas, Mahek called her sometimes. From her initials, KAS she added an sy, just because she thought it sounded cute.
"What?!" Kripa said, sounding more innocent then she wanted to. She sounded almost like a child, she was embarrassed at her tone.
"You don't want me to have him either, do you?" She asked concerned, she rubbed her shoulder almost sympathetically.
"Have him? Do you even hear yourself? All he wants is to get in your pants and then he's done with you. Gawd, Mahek don't you get it? He's a perv!"
"No, that's not it. You just now came up with that…I can tell. What's up?" Mahek said sitting down.
"I really like him." Kripa sat down and put her head on Mahek's shoulder.
"I know, hun." Mahek said playing with her hair.
"I really don't want to though." She sighed.
"I know that too, I won't go out with him. I promise." She looked at Kripa, hoping for her gesture to not go unrequited.
"Me neither, I promise. We gotta swear no guy will ever come between us, okay?"
"I swear…"
"Me too…" They laughed. Neither of them knew all three promises were eventually to be broken.
"Hey!" Mahek said. "Ek baat, sachi sachi bolna."
"Kya?" Kripa asked.
"Is your tattoo really just a heart?" She raised an eyebrow, she saw Kripa put on her lying face before she continued, "Meri kasam, you gotta tell the truth."
She sighed and rolled her eyes. She showed her the tattoo. Kripa sighed as Mahek smiled knowingly.
"Say it!" Mahek said excited.
"NO!"
"Say it!" She pushed her lightly.
"You can't make me, Mehu." Kripa said, crossing her arms and turning to the side.
"SAY IT!!!!!!" Mahek said screaming, pushing Kripa to the floor.
"I don't wanna!" Kripa whined on the floor.
"SAY IT OR ELSE I'M TELLING AALIYA!!!!!" yelled a smiling Mahek. Kripa gasped at her threat. Aaliya moved the curtain, "Tell me what?"
"That Kripa has the hots for your…" Mahek said excited says as Kripa smiles and covers her mouth. Mahek bit her.
"What the hell Mehu? YOU BIT ME?!" Kripa asked, shaking her hand out.
"Yes, let me finish my sentence, would you woman?!"
"Aaliya, don't listen to her!"
"Aali, I am so telling you the truth. Kripa is like in love with…"
Tanya moves the curtain. "Kripa loves who now?"
"I DO NOT LOVE ANGAD!!!" Kripa yelled in confusion.
The three looked at her unbelievingly.
"No one said you did, babe." Mahek said smiling.
"Hey, Mehu you tricked me! I didn't mean it like that….AALIYA!" She looked to Aaliya, eyes pleading.
"A little help here?" She whispered. Aaliya laughed at her. So did Tanya. Mahek and Kripa looked confused.
"Like Kripa would be interested in Bhai. They HATE each other." Aaliya laughed.
"Yeah, Kripa is madly in love with ANGAD, that's why she insults him like every day. Cuz she's gotta mask her feelings like that." Tanya laughed looking toward Kripa. Kripa looked down and turned red.
"WHAT?!?!?!?!" The three noticed her turning red. She bust out laughing, quick save, she thought.
"You scared us there." The three laughed, Kripa joined nervously. Not a quick save, the three said in their head. After all these years, the four laughing girls had learned mind-reading from each other. They were all so predictable.
~END OF FLASHBACK~
Kripa smiled, "Is she still stubborn?"
"More than ever…" Angad laughed. He wondered how Kripa could be so casual about this. He knew if the roles had been reversed, Mahek would be threatening to take her life right now. She always did that when she didn't get what she wanted, it was quite irritating. He remembered when he first learned of that stubborn quality of hers.
~FLASHBACK~
It was junior year, and Ring Dance was to come up. Angad was thinking of asking Mahek out, but Aaliya had stopped him.
"YOU GUYS CAN'T GO OUT!?!?!?! She's my best friend, bhai." Aaliya argued when Angad asked Mahek out right in front of her. His eyes wandered to Kripa, who was standing next to Mahek, for some strange reason. She was exchanging glares from the other 3.
"So is half the college, does that make all of your friends off limits?!" Angad asked. Aaliya returned to him a duh! Glance.
"You've GOT to be kidding me?!" He threw his hands up in frustration. Aaliya looked as if she was going to kill him.
"I'm asking Mahek, will you be going to Ring Dance with me, or shall I ask someone else?" Angad asked, oh so arrogantly.
"Well, if you're doing me a favor by gracing me with your presence then no. Learn to ask the right way and maybe." She had answered sassily.
"You want me to get on my knees or something; I'm asking you to a dance, not to be married with me. Goodness, women." He walked away.
"If you have such trouble with women, maybe you should go with Bobby Darling." She laughed, throwing her head back. Kripa admired her for her confidence in the potency of her insults, and for speaking Kripa's thoughts. She laughed loud enough for Mahek and Angad to hear.
"Wow Mahek, you're a riot…really hilarious. But a simple yes or no would have work. But we all know how big a deal you have to make everything. Making yourself the center of attention is your specialty, isn't it?" Angad stood, crossed arms.
"And a simple 'will you go out with me' would have done fine too, Angad. I'm the one making a big deal? If your over-inflated ego wouldn't have started ACHING at my refusal then I'd be in class right now!" Mahek said, leaning on Kripa. Kripa was fairly interested to know where this conversation was going, but knowing Angad and Mahek she knew wherever it was going was NOT in a good direction.
"Why should I waste my time over two-penny girls like you anyways? It's okay, I forgive you for your childish little acts of ignorance." Angad said arrogantly. When he said two-penny girls, he stared directly at Kripa. She wondered why he was insulting her while apologizing. Was this his idea of being the bigger person?"
"Two-penny girls? What are you trying to say, mister?!" She stood in front of Kripa, as if shielding her, could she get any more obvious. "Why are you bringing her into this?"
"Bringing who into what? You four have made every one's life a living hellhole. I'll leave when I get an apology."
"Apology?! For what?!" Tanya screamed. Tanya was the type that was always ready to pull off her earrings and take a swing at whoever she felt like. Angad backed away a little. Was he scared of her?
"For acting like self-obsessed, 'the world revolves around me' b*****es!" Kartik roared in. He had yelled at Tanya, now when Angad thought of it. He laughed.
"Who are you calling a b*****?!" yells Aaliya.
"Obviously you four!" bellowed Josh.
"Who are you to call any of us anything?! Man-whore! All four of you!!!!" Kripa shouted.
"How dare you?!" Angad pointed a finger angrily, about three inches from her face. They glared at each other. There, in the middle of the hallway stood eight arguing teens. The professors were fed up of their yelling so they came out. Things were farther ahead than they had thought. Ms. Verma came out to find…
"What did you just call me?!" Aaliya said to Josh, slapping his cheek hard. He held his face for a moment, before seeing a peculiar sight.
"Why you little!? What did you just say bout me?!" Mahek punched Ishaan in the eye. Ishaan gasped and opened his eyes, only to see.
"You just called me a slut?!!! Don't you have any manners, you bloody…" Tanya shrieked, kicking Kartik in a not-so-pleasant spot.
Before Angad could get hit by Kripa, which he could already imagine, he decided to walk away. It would be the smart thing to do, he thought.
"HEY!!!!" Kripa screamed after him, "Where are you going?!" She didn't want him to go. She ran ahead of him, and stood before him smiling innocently.
"If I apologize, will you?" she smiled a nave grin. At that moment, he felt something in his stomach turn. Why did he love her smile so much? It had been so meaningless back then, it was just something every person did every day. They didn't anymore. Or at least she didn't.
Mahek stomped to her side. "DON'T APOLOGIZE TO HIM!" She came close enough to Kripa's ear to make her go deaf.
"Why? This is both yall's fight. I shouldn't have insulted him. Why don't YOU apologize?" Kripa grinned from ear-to-ear. At that second, she didn't even know why.
"Yeah…" said Angad. Angad and Mahek and Kripa argued. Eventually, Kripa left feeling terrible that she had taken Angad's side, instead of Mahek. Angad was ready to leave as soon as Mahek apologized, she didn't. He waited till sundown, no apologies yet. Night fell, they two fell asleep arguing. Still no sorry. The next morning, they resumed arguing as the school filled up for a new school day to begin. Aaliya looked at them and sighed. Kripa rolled her eyes.
"Okay okay. We get the point. You're both self-absorbed, stubborn beings that can and probably will argue till the end of eternity if I don't end this." Aaliya said pushing the two apart, though of opposite sexes, the two looked ready to fight it out.
Angad walked away, Kripa yelled behind him. "For the record, I'm NOT sorry!!!!" He heard her and laughed at her childish nature. Kripa was infuriated Angad didn't even turn around. In her fury, she took off her sandal and threw it at him. It was a red Gucci Princess Stilletto. It hit him in the head. "Oh damn." She had said in a whisper when he fell over from the impact. She had given a concussion. Angad laughed, remembering how Kripa had come to bring him his homework and gave him tuitions that whole time he was out of school. She looked after him and tended him back to health. All, while not forgetting her insults and comebacks for him. They still fought. He laughed.
~END OF FLASHBACK~
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