Chapter 1

Hi All long time I know… It been a long 7 months and life just been so busy and it been such a long time since I spoken to any of you. Please note I'm aware of my pending stories and once I have settled into my new position somewhere else! lol I will be able to find time to complete these stores….. Here something short I hope you like….. Love Kat

Is this it?

"How did I get here?" she looked over at the steam mirror in the bathroom. Before her stood this fuzzy dark wet haired girl staring back at her. Placing her hand gentle on her cheek she sighed and moved it away to rest on the cold moist surface….as she guided her hand down the mirror to see herself clearly. confused and unsure!.... Closing her eyes she let a sigh out as her warm breath hit the mirror to fog it up again.

*KNOCK KNOCK*

"Beta hurry up….We got to get to the parlour and you know we have a schedule to keep?" Hearing the footsteps move away she let out a larger sigh and looked at her self in the mirror, now she knew what she had to do. That time we no longer on her side?

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She looked over at her home town Delhi passing away as the car turned up to the familiar street, the hustle and busy live on the streets. This was all going to be just a distant memory soon as from today everything in her life would change. As she looked down at her hands, the heena she looked up to see her sister quickly grabbing her hand and admiring it. "Oh My ….Look at how dark it come out…..look!" Feeling her hand being jerk she looked over at her cousins all admiring it and smiled weakly back at them as she teased her.

All my life everything has been mapped out ….. Which school I went? My clothes…in fact everything including my marriage….All arranged by my family….I have never met him at all only saw a picture that mom and Didi showed me…. They are a similar family like ours but they live in American. My Cousin sister from my massi side is married into the same family and she has made this match. She showed my picture and he said yes….as for me I was just told. I tried everything thing to hint I was not happy and its been a long time since we talked on the phone. 6 months ago was the only contact I have had. Even today I can hear his deep voice in my ears but I wanted to scream down the phone why me? Could you not find someone else?…. The thing is I'm not scared of marriage andI know all girls have to at some point settle down but America? In a foreign land? I bet you all think im crazy and should think of the opportunity and all? But what about the horrid stories? Have you not seen Pardes? Ok I know what you going to say but there be no Shah Ruk Khan to rescue me? But if I was in India it would not be bad as then I pick up the phone and papa would be here in a flash? How am I suppose to live without mom and papa? Not see them and talk when I had chance. Oh God these past 6 months have been like living nightmare something new to deal with. As he was completing his MBA we where not permitted to talk…. I mean? His mother called telling mom! 'it's very important he stays focused hence we told him he cant not communicate with bahu'. I was to marry him and not to talk or msn him at all…. I had the email id from Simran didi and I wanted to and then my fingers would just rest on the laptop keys not moving. If I make the first move would that make me look needy or eager? AGGGHHHH my heads not been straight since this and I'm screamin inside but nothing is coming out of my mouth. Seeing the family's excitement has concluded I should just get this day over with….

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As she felt herself being lead to the stage area she looked over at the man in the gold thread shervani and maroon turban with his sherra lifted up showing his face… " beta lower your eyes…as all eyes will be on you"…. hearing her Thai's harsh whisper she lowered her eyes and not looking up at all.

"Hello!….hello Sir could you please move closer to the bride….as we want to get a few shots of the you both before you sit at the mandap…" Not looking up she felt the present of him moving closer as those familiar arms which lead her there quickly retreated.

"Hello Sir! Could you please turn towards her and Miss could you turn to look up at him?" feeling her heart racing she knew this was going to be the longest moment of her life… As she felt his hand gently on her waist she turned up and looked into his eyes………..I don't know what it was but something changed? As he smiled and looked into my eyes it was as if everything went into slow motion the flashing camera shots as they went off and there was something so calm in his eyes so familiar?

"Hi!" he whispered as theses small dimples set deeper into his cheeks .

Just before I could respond those hands appeared again and lead me back as I hear Thai shouting at the camera men for taking such a long time.

I felt as if something inside me telling me it was going to be ok? As I sat down at the mandir I looked down and could hear the pandit chanting but my maan was fighting with my head. As I got up I felt light headed and felt his hand take hold of mine.

"Are you ok?" he asked looking into my eyes again.

He walked in front of me holding my hand….I knew Thai must have been shaking her head but no one question him as he gentle lead me around…. As we sat down again he turned and whispered to his sister who nodded.

"Here take this?" as the pandit chanted he passed me a glass of water. My cousin came to my aid.

"Di are you ok?"

"I just felt alittle dizzy!" I whispered as Muskhan took the glass away from me.

"Don't worry we can all see Jiju is looking after you!" she giggled as she stepped back.

But how did he know? I mean I never said anything and …….feeling his finger gentle touching her neck she gasped closing her eyes feeling a strong current going threw her entire body.

"Congratulation!" we stood on the stage again as everyone came to bless us.

He had not spoken to me since the mandap. He spoke to his family and my family as if he know everyone for ages.

"Shall we?" I turned to look at him as he smiled holding his hand out.

He lead me to the dance floor as he pulled me close to him ……..Now I know Thai must be complaining.

"Its just one dance ….after this I will leave you" I looked up at him as he smiled.

"Don't worry I have a few friends from America and well I promised them a drink… I promise I will just have one…." he chuckled to himself as he lead me on the dance floor….

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I did not want to move as I looked down at the thaal full of uncooked rice. I knew the custom so well as soon as I had throw the rice behind me! I was now no longer a Sharma. I was leaving my home where I grew up behind me and was not allowed to look back. As the tears ran down my face ….I sobbed uncontrollable all the way to the hotel honeymoon suite. As I looked over at him in the car he looked so worried but I seriously did not want to leave. His sister looked after me. I knew that they did not have a family home in India and where custom in using the many hotels they owned as a base too. How could this be my home? A hotel?

"Bhabhi ji! You can come anytime to see your family and well Bhai is only here for 3 weeks after that you can go home to your parents but once you have your visa you will be America with us.

I felt a little relieved hearing the news like now I could see the light to the end of the tunnel. After 3 weeks I will be home again.

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I have changed my mind I do not want to go home!…. Now you all asking is why?

On our wedding night everything changed and before you ask im still a virgin. How did it change?

As I sat on the bed he walked in and sat down next to me and he just turned and looked at me.

"Its been a long day and to tell you the truth I saw you change so many times today… the blushing and shy bride to the young woman who left her maternal home to spend a lifetime with her husband…. First of all I want to thank you for accepting me as your husband and I promise to always listen to you and will forever be there for you…. Like any new relationship we have to be friends and earn each others respect and love. Lets both just get some rest and please talk to me there no point in being shy…." I looked over at him as he chuckled and got up. I never looked back we had so many things in common….the same books and the same taste in music. He was so gentle and would be by my side when I needed him….It was as if he knew I was looking for him and then he would appeared before my eyes. We went to there family traditional mandir and together with the family we performed the puja.

His mother is so kind and she not once acted like one of those saas in those serials…. She told me that they are not very traditional and she let India to go in India when she got married and over there women are treaded as equals but she wanted some to be with Armaan to his friend and his life partner. Armaan takes of late with his fathers illness is take on a lot of the business duties hence he is going back but Raj and I want him to well….To experience love and happiness like we did when we got married. He was the one how insisted that you not contact him while he was doing his exams….Riddhima promise me that you will always be there for him. I could see that look in her eyes as I nodded.

"Armaan! Can I ask you something?" we walked in the hotel garden as he looked over at me with a smile.

"Your leaving today…well do you have too?" my voice quivered.

Feeling his hand in my I knew that if I looked at him I would just cry.

Hearing his heavy sigh I just felt his hand let go of mine as he just took hold of me as I sobbed. We just stood there and you know it felt so right as he held me.

"I need to make this deal happen….If I get this deal then we all set for life. Dad has an appointment with the heart specialist and well you be back home with your mum and dad… I don't want to leave…so I have decided to take you tonight back to your moms….as I don't think I can bear seeing you at the airport……"

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As he is happily talking to my father with his family im just glancing at the clock. He will just say goodbye and leave! Everyone is looking at me including mom….she wants to know if im happy when the truth is im not?? Im just holding everything in again like I do!

Omg my god its time….

"Riddhima why don't you show Armaan your room!" Thanks mom!

Everyone eyes are upon us and I share my room with my cousins…as he walks in with me he shuts the door. Now these dame tears are not stopping and he just looking at me.

"I will come back soon and…." he looking upset too and now he is just pulling me slow to him…but im pushing him away.

"Your leaving me!" I sob feeling his strong arms pulling him hard towards him, I'm thumping his chest…

"Your leaving me!" is all I can say. Now I feel his lips on mine as my salty tears bathe our lips. This is our first kiss...

Please don't pull away as my body pleads but alas he does….As I open my eyes he is gone! Vanished into thin air…as I turn to sob into my familiar pillow alone…..

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Is this it?….this feeling call 'love' as one minute my soul and body is soaring above the world to be pulled down and feel nothing but this ache in my heart…. Like I have found something to only have just drowned my heart into an unknown nectar that completed me and made me whole…which without I can not live…. For which I have no meaning or purpose. Is this it? Why is it something that I just want to taste and feel …. is it now hurting me unknowingly making me cry unwillingly?

I now live to hear his voice on the phone as it brings me close to him yet my eyes just want to see a glimpse of him. Does he feel the same? But I know the answer to this question as his voice and silence speaks to me in volumes. I love you he will say but yet I can not tell him the same as inside I'm aching from being so far . As I know when he says I love you the call will end….I  hate myself after wards for not saying those words… I love you! I LOVE YOU!??! Why have I done this to myself! Oh Why?

"Riddhima! Wake up!" my mother will call like every morning… why should I get up! For who shall I get up? as he is not there if I close my eyes he is there in my dreams…I cant believe in 3 weeks I have completed fallen for him so hard! Now its been 2 months and I cant take it any more…. Feeling this emptiness….

"Beta! Come on!!" knowing well it was mother final word as I approach the door to see him there.

"Hi Riddhima!" he'll say …my daydream of him wearing jeans and a red shirt leaning gainst the door

"Your not really and im not talking to you!….for weeks you been saying I coming and….well…im not talking to you!"….. as I walk past him I hear him behind me….coming down the stairs.

"Now is that anyway to say good morning my love!" I smile and shake my head as this daydream follows me down…..

"You haunt me in my dreams and now im seeing Armaan every where?" I mumble and hit my head.

"Hi Jiju?" I stop my heart pounds as I turn around to see him smiling at Muskhan.

"Hi Muskhan!" ….he is really?

He chuckles as he walks close to me as I just start crying as I feel his fingers on my cheek….

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That was more then love what I felt as we made love…. Our bodies intertwine as something I cant explain exploded in my heart…. This is more than I can imagine….and tomorrow we leave for home….Our home! Together forever

Love Kat