But I Won't Forget Ongoing G

Chapter Eight

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The house was quiet when Hari-Prikash opened the door. The servant quickly stepped out of the way and took the bags from Arnav.

“I have prepared everything as you requested.” Hari-Prikash said and turned his attention to Khushi. “It is good to have you back home again, Khushi madam. ”

Khushi did not respond to him,which had him look at Arnav in question. “Arnav flatly stated, “I warned you.”

Hari-Prikash placed the bags on the ground and then moved to close the door.

Arnav looked at Khushi for several long moments and then without hesitation shifted to pick her up. It was an action he was so familiar with that he needed little preparation, but this time her delicate state only served to reaffirm his decision not to allow her to exhaust herself further by making her way to her room.

He settled her in the guestroom closest to their room and watched over her as she took her medication. He encouraged her to lie down and pulled the covers around her, “Now take some rest, you’re home safe. The others will be here later but I will speak with them first.”

Khushi settled and Arnav remained with her for some time. He utterly opposed the directive that they occupy separate rooms. Just the thought of it devastated him nearly as much as her absence had. Doctor Govender had however remained steadfast in his insistence that they refrain, or that Arnav at least refrains from imposing any form of intimacy on her. The doctor’s instance that Khushi needed space and time to heal properly remained the only reason why Arnav had agreed.

But at that moment, with her there…he knew that in reality separating them for any period of time was impossible.Ever since the day they’d met, they have always circled one another. Their attraction had been just potent as their rejection. They were like opposing poles of two magnets, inseparably drawn together when lined correctly.

Arnav sat with Khushi until she had fallen asleep, then turned off the TV before checking her blanket and quietly leaving the room. He made his way down to the living room, where he awaited the arrival of the others.

“Arnav, you are home?” Anjali asked as a manner of greeting when they entered the house.

“We need to talk,” Arnav stoically said, but at the confusion on everyone’s faces he added, “All of you.” He then gestured to the seating area. Anjali looked at him while the others moved into position. Her perusal eventually irritated him enough that he snapped, “What are you looking at?”

Visibly startled, Anjali replied “I was only trying to determine the sudden need for this.”

“Well if everyone sits down then perhaps I can tell you.”

Arnav watched as everyone took their seats and then took a deep breath. He had no idea how to break the news or even mitigate the inevitable reaction his news was likely to create.

Silence shrouded the room, like a heavy fog, but try as he might, Arnav could not form the words.

“Well Arnav dear, we are waiting,and it is getting late.” Nani softly said.

Knowing it would be best to state the obvious and take it from there, he looked over everyone present before bluntly blurting, “Khushi’s back.”

“What!” Anjali, Nani and Payal all exclaimed simultaneously, and then shot to their feet from their respective seats.

Payal was the first to demand,“Where is she? I will scold her so hard for doing this to us.”

“Sit! All of you!” Arnav’s firmly commanded, causing everyone to look at him before meekly taking their seats again.

Arnav took a deep breath; drawing together whatever strength he had left after two days’ worth of emotional turmoil and said, his voice firm and unyielding. “The Khushi that has…” he started and then rethought his sentence, wanting it not to sound as distant as it did, but found that he could not find the words. Eventually he went with something close to what he had been determined to say, “The Khushi that is upstairs is not the same Khushi you remember.”

“But Arnav, what are you saying?”Asked Nani.

“Khushi is back, but there have been problems.” Arnav said, his third attempt felt better somehow.

“What do you mean she is not the same?” Payal demanded. There was a slight shrill to her voice, warning enough that the woman was bordering on hysteria.

“Khushi was discharged from the hospital this morning,” Arnav started, but before anyone could interrupt him he pushed on “Which was where I was yesterday afternoon and last night.”

“Is she, is she alright?” Anjali hesitantly asked.

Arnav took a moment to think her question over and on seeing everyone’s reactions he eventually said, “I want to say she is alright but she is not.”

“Where is she?” Payal demanded as she once again shot to her feet, “Your room?” She was about to start in that direction only to be halted dead in her tracks when Arnav again instructed, “I am her husband and have full rights on her, thus no one will see her without my permission.” Arnav noticed Akash’s instinctive reaction and added as a warning,“I will not allow any of you to upset Khushi or place any unneeded strain on her.” His words astounded everyone and they all looked at him in shock.

Arnav pointed to the chair again and said to Payal, “I said sit. I will explain your sister’s condition but I’m not going to explain it to each of you individually.”

Arnav fell silent again,reminiscing over the doctor’s words of caution, especially those concerning the delicacy of her condition. The reality that their baby would remain in danger until her hormonal levels improved caused him to swallow hard. He could not tell them everything, because their concern would in all likelihood stress Khushi even more.

“What is the matter Arnav dear?”Nani prompted him when he had remained silent for some time. “What is wrong with my Khushi dear?”

Arnav closed his eyes and gathered his thoughts, trying to discern just exactly how much he should divulge. Both of his hands clenched into fists. He opened his eyes for a moment, knowing what he could not yet divulge. “Khushi is weak, she has lost weight, but she appears to be physically well – her doctor likes to refer to her condition as frail.But that is not the worst of it.”

“What is it, Arnav?” Anjali asked.

Arnav looked into the distance before starting, finding some solace in the manner her doctors had forewarned him of her condition. “Khushi is distant. She does not talk and she does not react to things.”

“What!” Both Payal and Anjali exclaimed. It was Anjali however who added, “But that is not possible.”

“We don’t know what has happened to her or whether she has suffered any lasting symptoms. Her MRI was clear of any obvious head injury, but we don’t know if she has incurred any long-term physiological conditions. We don’t even know if her memory or speech are affected, because she does not say anything.”

“Khushi does not speak?” Anjali murmured more to herself than those present, “But that is not possible.”

“Her doctors have suggested caution and that she is not overloaded with stimulation. We must not force anything on her or demand any response from her. We are to keep her calm and focus on getting her to regain her strengths.”

“Where is she?” Nani asked.

“I have put her in the guestroom closest to our room.”

Arnav’s admission resulted in a varying degree of responses from everyone present. He knew how he felt about the arrangement but he was only following the doctor’s orders, “Her doctor said that it would be better if Khushi had her own room, it will help with her recovery and not place any unnecessary expectations on her, so she is to be treated as a guest in this house.”

Anjali nodded in understanding before she spoke, “We will respect your judgment in this.”

Arnav only nodded. He had no idea how well the doctor understood Khushi’s condition, all he knew was that it was his duty to protect her and their unborn child. It was that duty that made him say, “I have also decided on certain rules when it comes to Khushi.” Arnav looked at everyone before continuing, “No one is to physically exert her in anyway until she is stronger and her doctor says she is better. No more than one person at a time is to visit her. She does need to be overwhelmed with everyone’s presence at once, so work it out between yourselves who visits her when and for how long, but I don’t want more than one person at a time with her. Tomorrow morning you can all take turns to visit with her, but for tonight she must rest. I state again, Khushi must not be stressed.”

“But you haven’t told her where you found her?”

“She was hospitalised in Goberdhanpur, Uttar Pradesh.” On noticing their expressions, Arnav lifted his hands and said, “I have no idea how she got there but that was where we found her. Kushi is home now, so if you do not mind I have matters to attend to.” And with that he beat a hasty retreat before they got the opportunity to ask him any of the questions he could not provide answers to.

Later Hari-Prikash handed him a tray, while everyone seemed to float about the passageway irritating him even further as he made his way to her room. He glared at everyone as he passed them, uncaring of their thoughts or concerns.

Khushi was sitting on the bed,watching something on TV, when he entered her room. He never really kept track of what she watched, knowing that she shared some affinity for a program Aunt and Anjali followed, he thought of asking them to update her on it since he hadno idea whether she would have seen it. That was another thing that frustrated him even more than her distance; the amount of time they had spent separated.Since their first meeting, they had always had some form of regular contact with each other, regardless of the reasons or the interaction.

He placed the tray on the bed and was relieved when she of her own accord turned to look at him. He thought that her eyes did not appear as empty as they were at the hospital, but he knew he was probably being hopeful. Instead he turned her food towards her and said,“You should eat something, Hari-Prikash made your favourite but without the spices – as per the doctor’s orders.” He hated himself, it felt as if he was talking to a stranger rather than his wife.

On noting her reluctance he broke off a piece of roti and dipped it in the al poori before holding it for her to eat. He remembered her reluctance even the last time he had attempted to feed her, but this time she took it.

After her meal they sat together and watched something on TV. In all honesty, if someone held a gun to his head,he would not have been able to recall what was happening on screen, but the simplicity of the moment calmed him in a manner he had not felt since her disappearance. He could not care what his family members were brewing up between them in the halls, or whatever other matters were still pending. At that moment, for just a short period of time, life had seemed to sort itself out; or at least as much as it could, given the situation.

He knew the moment she grew sleepy,and ensured that she took her medication before switching off the TV. He checked to ensure she was properly covered and the waited until she had fallen asleep before leaving her room.

He entered their room, and instead of preparing for bed he stepped out to the poolside. He knew that attempting to sleep would be futile, there was no way he would rest unless she was with him.Even just a wall separating them felt like an ocean or a bottomless ravine

He looked up at the stars, picking out those they had identified as their parents. It was foolish, but it gave him some sort of peace to look up at them. Khushi was right in that, it was not what you knew but what you believed in that provided comfort. Just as he had to believe in the fact the both her and their child would overcome this, that they will both be fine.

“Thank you for looking after her,”he said, not entirely certain whether he was thanking their parents or Khushi’s precious Devi Meyya. He just felt the need to thank them, since he was fully aware of how gravely wrong things could have turned out. “If only I knew how to bring her back.” He murmured to himself before turning back to his room.

He tried to keep himself busy. He had freshened up and changed and was in the process of pacing their room. He clenched his fists in an attempt to restrain himself from going to her, but to her was where his feet eventually took him. He knew he would find no rest in their room, not for as long as the ubiquitous fear that she might just again disappear remained.

He softly opened the door and stepped inside, not wanting to disturb her. He cared only for being near her, not for even a moment had any thought of what conclusions the others may draw from his presence there crossed his mind.

He settled on the side of the bed and watched her. She would sleep soundly, that he knew, especially since the doctors had prescribed her a sedative to assist with her readjustment. But unlike her expressionless wakeful state, a frown appeared on her forehead not long before she started to pull up her legs. He instinctively reached for her.Her eyes shot open on contact and she appeared to scrutinize him – once again expressionless.

“Shh, Khushi, sleep, I’m here,” he said and then reset the blanket.

She again closed her eyes and settled. He reached for her hand, as he had done so many times before, finally settling next to her. Arnav and Khushi cannot be separated. It was the fact and thought he took with him as he drifted off to sleep.

“Arnav!” A panicked call startled him awake the following morning. He sat bolt upright in bed for a moment confused as to his surroundings. He turned to look at the window, the presence of another forgotten for a moment as he cast aside the covers. His hand brushed the bulge next to him causing him to glance towards it. His racing heart settled for a mere moment before again the familiar call came, “Arnav!”

“In here, Anjali!” He called back,then placed his hand on Khushi and said, “Relax I’ll see what she wants.”

He opened the door ti reveal a somewhat flustered Anjali who tried to look past him and asked, did I wake Khushi?"

"I think you woke the entire house, what happened?"

"I couldn’t find you and I knew you would not have gone jogging this morning, and your room was empty..."

"Anjali, relax, I’m here, what happened?"

“I wanted to know if Khushi would attend the morning prayers, she always used to."

“I don’t know, Anjali, let me first find out. I’ll come find you, okay?"

“Okay Arnav, and tell Khushi I’m sorry for disturbing her. If I had known you were here I would not have.

"It’s fine Anjali."

Later that morning, the family members, one after the other, carefully filed into Khushi’s room. Their reaction to her state was enough to prevent any argument from arising his actions or the choices he had made to safeguard her. Within hours, a routine was established amongst them to integrate her back into the family, allowing her sufficient time to take rest and take up any interests or matters that would help, however everyone found her disinterest and unwillingness to engage difficult to accept.

By mid day the lack of rest from the preceding days finally caught up with Arnav. Secure in the knowledge that they would inform him of any changes, he retired to his room to rest, but even there sleep eluded him. Eventually he resolved to staring at the roof, since even his mind could not decide which subject it should settle on.

He felt her presence long before he even heard the door open. It gave him some comfort that things had not changed that much. He turned to look at her wondering who had decided to accompany her from her room and whether that would be such a good idea. Yet she stood there, all on her own, which in itself caused him to leap up and approach her. He took in her slumped appearance and his hand instinctively went to cup her cheek as he asked, “What happened?” Although he knew he would not get an answer. After a few moments he again moved to pick her up and then carried her back to her room. He gently placed her on the bed and said, “Come, they have tired you out. You should take some rest.”

He picked up the blanket and draped it over her before returning to the door. A disquieting sensation took hold of him and instead of passing through it he instead closed the doors and return to her side.

“Go to sleep Khushi, no one will disturb you.”

Arnav took comfort from the fact that she quickly appeared to settle and even closed her eyes. It simply reaffirmed that the only thing that made sense was them remaining together. He reached out and traced her jawline pushing a strand of hair aside. He waited for her to fall asleep before moving, only to be stop on realizing that her fingers had curled around his one pant hem. He clasped her hand, which was unwilling to relent its hold, causing him to look at her, only to realize that she was still awake with her eyes wide open.

“Khushi, let go.” he said, although his words had little effect on her.

“Please.” he added, and she loosened her hold. Her eyes remained fixed on him as he shifted to the other side of the bed and lay down, “Sleep Khushi,” he said pulling the blankets over him. Arnav watched her at length, something he has always enjoyed, and felt his entire being relax.

Khushi’s eyes eventually drifted shut, and once he was certain she was asleep he rose from the bed. The doctor’s words jumbled around in his head – he was not to push any intimacy on her. Arnav knew himself well enough to know that he would reach for her during the night – his need to touch her and be close to her has always been his greatest debility.