A/N: Hey there everyone! :D :D Here is the next update! :D :D
Happy Reading! :D :D
8th February, 2005:
Ranveer always tells me that not all fairytales do have a happy ending. But that does not mean that we don't have the excerpts of them in our lives. And for me, today is one such day. I know that I usually never write to you this early in the morning, but I just felt like it so I decided to give you a try. Well, it's eight in the morning, so I still have the entire day to talk to you about once it's over, but I think I'm in one of those reflecting moods today, so I'll just write what I feel like.
But before that - *drum rolls* Happy Birthday to me! *confetti*
Well, I survived another year in this madhouse. This definitely calls for a celebration, eh? Seventeen... I'm officially seventeen today. Wow... it feels so weird, really. I still feel like a thirteen-year old, if I'm to be honest with you. Although, puberty has been much more benevolent upon me now that what it was four years ago. God, I looked so weird back then that I feel like the transformation of the duck in The Ugly Duckling.
Okay, see, this is why I say that I feel like I'm thirteen. I still talk stupid. But never mind that, I'm officially seventeen! You know me now for eight years, so you also know that I'm amongst those people who aren't really excited about their birthdays, but when the said day comes, I get all giddy with happiness and excitement (all except that one birthday of mine where Ranveer had his accident, ofcourse). And despite the challenging month I've had, something about today is really... exhilarating.
Maybe it's got to do with what Ranveer promised.
It's been a month since my whole incident at the beach. Even till this date I don't know what I was thinking when I just left home without telling anyone. But I just needed to be away from everything and everyone in that moment. Especially from Ranveer, because I knew that he would once again make all my troubles and worries his own. I could not allow for that, not when I was painstakingly learning how to deal with my problems on my own. I was getting older now - I could not rely upon Ranveer all the time to solve my problems, not when he had so much more on his hands.
But it was once I got home did I realize that what I did was stupid. Oh, I did not even get any time to breathe as everyone threw themselves upon me in the tightest of embraces, telling me about how much I meant to them and how afraid they were. It felt so good in that moment, you know! To know that you are also loved and it's not just a one-side affair. But even though I felt emotionless at that moment, I could still recognize that need of wanting to be loved the way I was being loved.
Somehow, even as I think back to that moment, I realize that none of them gave me the solace that Ranveer's embrace did.
I don't know what it is about him, but he always manages to do that. Take away all my worries, my pains, my fears... everything. Just like that - with either a smile or a hug or by simply taking my hand into his own, giving me the most soulful of looks that made all my fears drown away into them. Why was he like this? Why was he always there for me like a shield no matter how much I tried to keep him away from me? But I'm learning... oh yes, I'm learning.
He may have evaded my question about why he liked the black waters, but I know precisely why he likes them. The black waters are a metaphor for what happens every time I'm stuck in a rut. Just like darkness is necessary to know the value of light, he does the job of the black waters so that when the dawn breaks through, I know the value of the colours and the light. But it was necessary to appreciate the darkness even more so, and that's what he made me do every single time.
Oddly enough, when I give it more thought, this works vice-versa as well.
But coming back to what I was telling you. Everybody has gone easy upon me in this one month. Even Baa - can you believe it? Nobody picks on me at home, everybody makes sure to give me their fullest of attention and Papa even lets me get away with some of my stupid tantrums at times. I just make tantrums for the sake of it, but he even lets me get away with that. And also, he's been spending more and more time with me whenever he's not working, and that's simply a delight.
Maa, on the other hand, has also toned down on her sudden bout of strictness. Ranveer tells me that it is the mid-age crisis that all people Maa and Papa's age go through, and even his parents are going through the same. He tells me that we must bear with them and let it be, but there are times when even our heads are messed up. Even we're going through a teenage crisis, you know. But still, she's become pretty considerate again, so I guess it's okay. The other at home have also become docile, but Chaitali Kaki still likes to take a dig at me whenever she has the good chance.
Sometimes I really wonder whether Sharman bhaiyya and Devarsh are really her progeny.
And then there's Baa. She's oddly silent these days, and somehow she looks disinterested in meddling with me. Thankfully, she's not removing the quota of that on Ranveer either. Apparently, she'd given Ranveer an ultimatum that if he were to bring me home after dawn, he would have a whipping in order. I don't know whether she just said that to frighten in or no, but either way Papa stepped in firmly and his one look silenced the old woman. With her, I would never be too sure to assume anything because she's a woman who loves springing up ugly surprises.
And Ranveer is another idiot. He knew what was in store for him and yet he sat with me on the beach all night just so that I could feel better and he could help me get over my stupid phase. Does he even know what could have happened had Papa not intervened? I'm sure he knew but like always, he must have been stupidly noble enough to believe that it was worth the risk. But seriously, he's got to stop being so selfless - it's not right, and the level of loyalty he shows frightens me at times.
And then there's the whole whip thingy. Honestly, are we living in the dungeons of the 18th century that Baa even thinks about using nonsense like this? Atleast the woman had so much humanity to stop with it once he had the accident since he still does have the scar upon his back. He still shrieks in pain if something makes strong contact with it. He always jokes and tells me how almost all of his scars have faded away except for some from the whiplashes. He calls them the souvenirs of his loyalty. I call it sick, because it is sick and... it leaves me speechless.
Sometimes, I really think that the kind of ideals he has about loyalty and love is really going to mess his brain up bad, if it hasn't already.
Never mind, I could rant and rant about it non-stop and I'd still never tire of it. Sometimes, I feel like telling Ranveer that he's a stupid, stupid boy for keeping so much faith in love, loyalty and trust. But then again I know the value of all the three in those dire times of need, so I know that just because I'm never going to be that capable, it doesn't mean that I should deter him from being so. Maybe one day, I'll give him a lecture on this just like the one he gave me on the art of manipulation.
In this one month, he's really... been there for me. We're busy in our studies since it's going on in a full swing and our approaching exams barely gives us time to spend any with each other. But even then, we make time out to see each other atleast in the night before sleeping. Maybe for just an hour, maybe more, sometimes even less. Some nights, he makes up stories like usual and narrates them to me; most nights, I'm constantly chattering away while he bears with me patiently. And then there are those rare, rare nights where we're both silent, just letting everything wash over us as we gaze at the stars.
That's who we have with us at the end of every day - each other. Sharman bhaiyya has gone back to US for his next semester at Harvard, while Devarsh is in Ahmedabad now. Once he's done with his 12th, he's planning to do his higher studies in UK. He's really thick at times when it comes to logic, but he's hardworking when it comes to studies and his marks are good enough. Gauri di is in Pune right now, completing her Home Science course. Disha and Prateik are all the company we have right now (but they're kids), but maybe in some time even they'll be sent to boarding school.
So yes, Ranveer and I have just have each other for company and it's more than enough.
We manage to chatter our way through when Ranveer comes to drop me or pick me up every day once my lectures are done with, or if he has to take me around anywhere. Sometimes, I really wish that he wouldn't do so much, but then again, I love going on long drives and he's got such good command over the car that the drives do become fun. He tells me proudly that his driving skills are all his genes since Kaka is also known to be Papa's most favoured driver out of all the ones that are on duty. I still find the perceptions related to this really strange but that's a topic for another day.
Ranveer is really a different kind of person altogether. Somebody who I can never summarize or frame up because he's always a box full of surprises. The only thing that's predictable about him is his unpredictability. I fail to understand how he can make jokes upon himself and upon his status when he's been told off by people just minutes before, the most insensitive things at that. He tells me that laughter is the best medicine to combat anything, and how Kaka always says that for people like them, their hands are what need to work instead of their tongues.
He says that he's become as thick-skinned as a frog in all these years because it is a tough world out there and you need to be like this if you need to survive. Whenever I try to counter him, he only chuckles at me, saying that how he wished that he could cry like me over every single thing. That does earn him a smack or two from my end always, but he manages to make me laugh it off as well. Oh, I cannot even begin to tell you how much it infuriates me when I watch all this happening in front of my eyes and I have to be a mute spectator.
There are times I lose it when Baa insults him and says how he's never going to get anywhere in life. What does she know? She was no hot-shot either that she keeps yapping about the Parekh bloodline. It's all Papa's hard work that given the family its money and status. Money and status doesn't come from where you take birth, but it comes from what you do with your life. And I have NO doubt in my mind that Ranveer is going to become a big man one day and I can write this on a blank piece of paper that all the people who are insulting him now will be licking his shoes in reverence when he makes it big.
This is how the society works - where there's money, there's allegiance.
Grotesquely conscience-less is the term I love using amongst the several others that I've penned down for them. But never mind, I'm not going to spend time discussing this either. Not when everyone has worked so hard to make the day special. I should have mentioned this part first, but you know how carried away I get when it comes to this topic. So without wasting any time, I'll get straight to the point (finally!)
It's always been my biggest birthday fantasy to wake up amidst balloons all around with me. Colourful balloons with coloured ribbons all around me, some balloons floating around the room lazily as the sun enters the room, making it all appear like a fairytale. Oh, say what I might, every girl loves to feel like a princess once in a while. And the thought of it is blissful.
But this was also a fantasy that only Ranveer knew about. Well, I didn't mean to tell him about it, really... It was just one of those moments when there's a slip of tongue and you feel awkward about it. It was this incident back during our pottery classes (before our estrangement) where one of the girls taking the class was kind of... giggly. Ranveer and I would always mime her on our way back and the way she'd bounce up and down her feet every time she did something, right or wrong. Since I hate the overly bubbly and loud girls... it got more awkward.
It was our fourth class, I think. It was her birthday and I remember how she was shrieking at the top of her voice about how her friends blindfolded her when she'd come home late at night (well, it was technically a surprise birthday party), and when the fold was taken off, it was a room filled with balloons and streamers with all of her family, closest friends and well-wishers. Well, the surprise thing was pleasant, but the screechiness with which she narrated it kinda killed the charm. And by the end of it, it was sickeningly girly.
Celebrating feminism is one thing, squeaking with high-school girliness is another.
So on our way back, Ranveer and I were laughing at how girly she got when describing how it was her dream to be surrounded with balloons (pink ones at that) when I accidentally let slip that I had a similar kind of fantasy. He looked at me in silence for one who minute before he laughed at me. Oh trust me, he laughed at me so much, he nearly fell off the cycle. He's given me hell by taking the mickey out of me for that. I hate being compared or even seen as those 'typical' girls, and he knows that, so he had a blast with it.
But until this morning, I didn't realize that he even took my seriously or that he even understood why I did have that birthday fantasy. But then again, since when did Ranveer ever fail to understand me? Oh trust me, when I woke up this morning... it was MAGIC. When I woke up this morning, I might have been a princess, oh yes, a beautiful, loved princess who people loved to shower stars upon. Who people cared about, who people saw as the apple of their eye.
I don't know whether I was drugged last night, because when I fell asleep, my room was normal - just the way it always was. I remembering staring at the painting that Ranveer had given me four years back, thinking about how that was his best gift till date. He's made every single birthday of mine memorable up until this point, and even though things were at a whole new low-point between myself and Ranveer on the year of his accident, but my biggest gift for that year was that he was alive atleast.
And I think it was along that point that I fell asleep, wondering what Ranveer would have in store for me this year.
So when I got up this morning, I was almost certain that I was dreaming. Because when I opened my eyes, there was a soft pink glow in the room - baby pink, while the sun simply spread out the brightest of rays into my room, as though acknowledging my special day. There was always something about the way the sunlight made my room glow that always made that waking-up moment very ethereal. It was like a magical descend from a slumber as the sun would always fall on my face, tickling me out from bed in the sweetest of beckons as I'd turn and roll over and hide my face away from it like a shying baby.
So when a new shade of glow fell upon my face this morning, my eyes snapped open faster than usual until it got all blurry. Wiping away the angry tears that sprung up at my eyes being assaulted to light so fast, I took in the surrounding of my entire bedroom and gasped. There were balloons practically everywhere! On the ceiling, at the side of my bed, on the pillars of the bed, on the walls, on the floor... I could only stare at them greedily as different colours of ribbons remained suspended from the balloons above my head. And I laughed... happily. A strange ecstasy, a strange euphoria... a strange glee embracing me.
When had I ever been this happy last?
I don't know for how long were Maa and Papa waiting for me to wake up, but the moment my eyes adjusted to my surroundings, the two of them entered the room with a cake in their hands, a broad smile upon their faces. Papa scooped me into his arms and gave me a big bear hug and a tight kiss on my forehead while Maa did the same. And then, they both gave me a hug together. My small family hug.
Out of nowhere, Disha popped up in front of me and gave me a kiss on my cheek. Now that was a big surprise because Disha is never the one to shower that kind of affection over me. But I'd learnt enough to know when to embrace the warmest moments of your life.
And out of the corner of my eye, I saw the sparkle of a camera go off. It didn't take me a minute to know that Ranveer was outside the door, silently snapping away and sealing memories into photographs or else taking a recording of the whole thing. But that wasn't even the end of it. As Papa said, it was just the beginning. Moments later, three helpers brought in all the gifts that I'd received and holy cow, was that a pile! Oh, there must have easily been gifts in a moderate double digit number!
Family, friends, well-wishers... everybody had a gift waiting for me. Letters, bouquets, memories with me, why I was special... Every gift had either one or more than one characteristic. I received gifts from all my classmates (can you believe it?!), with several of them apologizing to me for their behaviour and hoping that we could make a new start again. Since when did miracles appear to look so sweet?
Since when did the impossible just fall into my lap?
I looked at Maa and Papa fondly as they gave me a loving look, caressing my hair and cheeks with utmost affection. Oh, it was so overwhelming...Iit was as though I'd stolen a day out from a fairytale, living a day of someone else's happiness. The love... oh, it was bewitching. And it was just seven in the morning. Since it was a holiday today (on account of our seniors having their prelims), I was free the whole day! A whole day just for me.
Maa and Papa asked me to blow out the candles upon the cake, and that was what snapped me out from my blissful reverie. I looked towards the door and realized how well Ranveer had concealed himself so that he wouldn't be seen, yet he could take the recording and enjoy my reactions without coming in front of me. As chivalrous as always. I knew he wanted Maa and Papa to take away all the credit. So before I could blow the cake, I decided to complete this little fantasy in the perfect way.
"What happened, Ishaani?" asked Papa when he noticed my pensive expression.
"I'm not happy, Papa," I told him, and I could see the instant reaction my words had on everyone. They looked rather surprised and crestfallen, and I'm sure that I heard a slight disturbance from outside.
"Why? What happened? Is everything alright? Is there something missing?" asked Maa and Papa simultaneously, while it was hard to keep a straight face now. Disha somehow looked at me curiously, as though she knew what I was doing. That girl is too smart for her own good.
"Yes... Everything is alright, but there is something missing," I confessed, and Maa looked worried.
"What is it?" she asked swiftly, Papa staring at me in anticipation, as though all I had to do was say it and he'd fetch it for me out of nowhere.
"I'll only be truly happy when I meet the mastermind behind this fairytale-like concoction and cut the cake with him," I replied and both of them heave a sigh of relief, giving me an exasperated look at my theatrics.
Maa and Papa gave each other an understanding smile as the latter got up from the bed and exited the room. Half a minute later, he returned back with a heavily flustered Ranveer, who looked as though he had intruded upon a private celebration. Judging by the look on Papa's face, Ranveer had definitely put up a small fight before he managed to bring him into the room.
Ranveer's helplessly lost expression was proof. Our eyes met, both of us giving each other the most radiant of smiles.
"How'd you know?" he asked uncertainly, as though he still could not believe that I'd guessed on it so soon.
"Is there anything I've ever asked for that you've not fulfilled till now?" I shot back in return, and that definitely left him looking even redder.
Smiling at each other, Maa and Papa cleared their throats softly before singing for me, Disha and Ranveer joining in quickly. Oh, it was a heavenly moment, with all of us cutting the cake together while I fed Ranveer the first piece. Well, he did go through the trouble to tell Maa and Papa about it and make me have a memorable birthday, so the first piece had to be his. He fed me back some in return before the same cycle continued with Maa, Papa and Disha. They even smeared some cream over my face (this was more like Disha until Ranveer joined her smartly) before we all begun to laugh at how comical I looked.
Oh this was indeed one of those moments that I could treasure till my last breath as one of the most surreal moments of my life. I did pinch myself thrice to make sure that it was real and not one of my dreams (oh, how I dreamt about things like this every night), but it was true. Every minute of it, every second of it was all true. Sigh, I've gone into a lala land. Ahem, moving on. Finally leaving me to get freshened up, only Ranveer stayed behind as I cut out another piece that the two of us shared.
"I noticed that you didn't give me any gift today," I joked. He looked at me sweetly, somehow basking in the happiness I felt
"Wasn't this enough?" he asked me, looking bewildered.
"Oh yes it was. I think this gets on par with the painting. But you still haven't beaten it," I challenged, but he smirked at me confidently. Mystery box, I tell you. We remained silent for a few minutes, feasting on the cake like a bunch of hungry puppies before I questioned him nosily once again.
"So what is it that you're gifting me today?"
"A day out of a fairytale," replied Ranveer goofily, wiping away the cream that was smudged upon his nose and lips.
I stared at him stupidly as he slipped out of the room, not before telling me to get ready as we were leaving home in two hours. Where we were leaving to, he didn't say, but Maa and Papa both agreed that he could take me out, provided that we returned before five in the evening. There was going to be a party for me with all my friends, classmates and other kids of Papa's acquaintances, so well... I had to be there. Papa promised that we'd all go out for a late night dinner though. So I guess it all works out.
So as I sit here all ready for Ranveer to take me out on this mystery trip, all that I can wonder is whether I'm truly living in a fairytale right now or in reality. But it doesn't matter. Not today, because Ranveer did make me a promise.
A promise that today was certainly going to be a day out of a fairytale.
Constructive criticism will be more than welcome and sorry for any typos. :D :D
Next chapter:
Epistle 55
Rihana, yearning to break free from the predetermined fate of being a tawaif's ...
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