Faded#4
I believe we could be even, if not, then at least a compromise may work. It's just about the spirit to mend ways that reflects the shadows of a rekindling fire.
A curiosity rippled through Shravan's spine, as he heard the distress of Suman's voice. More than that he cursed his busy schedule that he won't dismiss in his wildest dreams. He again tapped his voice messanger, trying to catch the crest and troughs of Suman's voice, the need to meet as soon as possible. He poached himself into believing his facade. Nothing could go wrong, could it? But then diving deep into his conscious he counted the number of times Suman had called him "SHRAVAN" just, Shravan, instead of Major or Sir. More than him, she made it a point to not drift off-topic in any of his conversations. She had made it easy for him to act the way he wanted than he himself- as if reading his need, his wish. This may be a coincidence, but not this distress call. The dilemma of acting according to the norms was eating him, and he just shut his eyes for a bit. A face danced on his eyelids. The tight face of his father with even anger, his desperation to make him something better in life- to see him succeed. So he decided what he had to do. He just wanted to be the Major his father would have been proud of, not the guy who could have left him for the girl who barely trusted him with her wits.
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Suman waited with bated breath, as the clock stuck 9 (pm). It has been 3 hours. 3 hours of her sending an awfully emotional message to her senior, thinking that he would take the decision on the lines of their past relationship. She couldn't think of what might happen if he enters here all in his Major facade, asking her what the hell she was doing? And with ticking time, she was so sure of her thoughts.
Will he suspend me?
Oh good lord... Now you see Captain Suman Tiwari!
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At sharp 9:45 pm, Shravan filtered himself in Suman's room. He saw her dozing off on her bed, her face tear stricken, her body looking a weakling of what he had seen in the morning. Something sprang inside him, deep physical pain of the sharpest kind. He jumped forward to examine any more injury. She slept, with her breathing even, looking half ill and half tired. His anxiety to know what had happened grew larger with every passing second. He saw a paper scribbled with a pen- the nurse's receipt. 'Morphine overdose. Minimal. Functions are a bit depressed.' It was a general trivia, the nurse might have noted down for the doctor to see. And so was the reason for her looking so immobile. ' Will she ever overcome her habit to get in trouble?' he thought, with a clear disappointment.
The medicine was kept aside, emptied in uneven quantity, some even spewed on the tray- as if it was some race to take it. It was clear that she had administered it herself, some awful decision only the Tiwari girl could dare take. He looked over her face, looking like a waning moon. Silly that it still glowed. There was something about her stupidity, her impulsiveness that made her look attractive to Shravan. He remembered his past, a clear aversion from rules and regulations. He wondered that if after all these years he and Suman had swapped roles. 'Stupid!' he mouthed as if sitting on his sofa.
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At 10:15 as Shravan read a book in his chair, taking looks at the sleeping beauty, he resisted to not kiss and wake her. Nice Joke he thought. But then as if his mind had performed the deed already, Suman opened up her eyes and looked around. She was startled on the sight of a reading Shravan, not that he was reading, but just the fact that he was sitting and kinda watching her. Awkward. Period.
'Sir.' Suman started talking, trying to cover up. She thought that all her plans to apologize have been flushed down the drain, there was nothing left to say. She should rather run for her job or Shravan might fire her for her mad behavior.
'Suman.' Shravan started before Suman could speak more 'I am here to listen whatever you wanted to say. Don't think that I am going to banish you without listening to what you had to say. Speak up!' Shravan nodded and assured her that everything shall be fine.
Suman ran for her tongue. Her mind rushed through various ways she had listed of apologizing for whatever happened to Devraj Malhotra. Thinking that it would be best to start right away she proceeded ' I am Sorry Shravan!' she blurted her eyes pooling up with tears. ' Not to Major Shravan, but to the Shravan I knew 7 years ago.' She said all those things with her breath hitching in her throat. She could see him stand, his demeanor changing. She could find her words dissolving into infinity. 'Please, Shravan, please, stay! Please..' She helplessly stared at his clenched jaw, his darkening eyes. 'You are allowed to work from tomorrow.' he mouthed his opinions, trying to turn his heels and walk away from whatever had happened a few seconds ago.
Grabbing her stole, she shivered and stood across him. She blocked his way, now she won't let him leave before presenting her testimony. Before listening to his verdict, her punishment.
'Talk to me Shravan, I can't let you go.' he stood rooted to his ground, avoiding her eyes, her whole figure.
'Captain Suman, just forget it. I never came, and you never said anything. Forget it.' He muttered.
'No, I did say a lot. I want to say a lot. Please Shravan, you said that you would listen to me. That I need not fear. please.' Suman now held his shoulder, the first time she had dared to touch him. But somewhere it felt so familiar like readjusting to a pattern, there was nothing new in it.
Shravan sighed, and huffed and stood more like a stone.
'I know that Devraj Uncle was innocent. That it wasn't his fault that my father was killed in that terrorist attack. Kancha told me everything today! Everything!.. Shravan!!!' She tried putting her hand on his shoulder, in a similar way she had done a few minutes ago, but he shook off her hand with such fury that she took two steps back from their proximity. She felt like she would burn. 'I, I don't have words Shravan. I don't know what to say, what to do. I still can't decipher what happened! I am so so so sorry!' Suman shivered with her hands, trying to steady herself.
Shravan looked at her, his eyes throwing icebergs on Suman's apology. 'Done Captain? Or is there anything else you need to show?' His words cut deep in Suman's heart. Her shock let out a feeble voice from her throat. 'Shravan please..please talk to me.' She pleaded. She had done it for the first time. She hadn't cried with such passion in her whole lifetime. She wanted to show him that she really meant each and every word of whatever she said or apologized for.
'Tomorrow, sharp at 8. Hope you get well soon.' Shravan felt his ribs cracking. His throat burned and his lungs filled with the air he had held for so long. The girl he had once loved, whose tears could crumble him or maybe whose pain could induce rashes on his own skin was begging him for an apology. But he couldn't fathom giving her any. His resolve was much stronger than what others might think. They say that regret is greater than gratitude, and that is what Suman saying all those lines felt like.
Where was she when he was crying like that in front of almost all the Tiwari's?
Where was she when he had tried calling her a million times?
Where was she when he needed her?
So now is the time. He walked away as if nothing happened. Even if his body told him otherwise, that he might not sleep all night. That he may shed tears of agony- on god knows what- for hours, before holding himself together.
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