Chapter 9

 

DIWALI was around the corner. The Raizadas were having a party and had invited the Malhotras, Guptas and few friends from their closest circle. Naniji had asked Khushi to do the necessary purchases and she had invited Anjali to join her on this shopping spree to Chandichowk. Since Mohan had to take Mamijito the parlour, they needed to find a ride on the way back.

'Arnavji, do you think you will be able to pick us up?' Khushi asked Arnav at breakfast.

'I don't think so,' he answered back, looking at her suspiciously. 'I have meetings all day long.'

'Ok.'

After the night at the pool side where he had almost kissed her, Arnav had kept away from her. He told her that he didn't require her to go the office with him anymore and he would let her know if he did.She should have been relieved to hear that she couldn't help feeling a twinge of jealousy, knowing Lavanya would be working with him.

Chandnichowk was abuzz with people thronging to it, to make Diwali purchases by the bulk. The market sold items at half the price than the other markers throughout Delhi making it a good bargain for wholesalers and retailers alike. The only problem was that it was crowded. But Khushi didn't mind it one bit. She had missed this in the last few years stay in Mumbai. Without no family around, Diwali there had been low-key affair for her.

After couple hours of shopping,Khushi said rubbing her stomach,'Di, I am so hungry,' Shepointed to a small restaurant.'They make the best samosas and jalebis here!'

'How is Arnav?' Anjali asked Khushi once they had placed the order. 'I didn't mean to say all that to Arnav that day Khushi. I don't know what came over me.' Anjali's eyes were full of remorse.

'It's alright Di.' Khushi placed her hand on Anjali's hand in assurance. 'Divorce is not easy. How did your mother manage after she left your dad? She had the responsibility of two children.' Khushi said feeling sad for the woman who was forced to take such life altering decision so young in her life.

'Well, she was a nervous wreck after the divorce. Luckily for her, Nanaji took care of us financially and Nani took care of our emotional needs.Soon she recovered and was back to her old self and began to dedicate herself in raising Arnav. She found it difficult to communicate with me because she felt I blamed her for leaving dad.'

'Why would she think that?' Khushi asked her eyebrows raised in surprise.

'She had made this assumption because I refused to take sides. I loved both of them.

'With Arnav it was different.He was younger than me and she could influence him to think in her way for her own self 'gratification. She had become highly insecure.'

'This must have been hard on you and Arnavji as well,' Khushi said with feeling.

'Yes it was. Things get very complicated at school, when word gets out that you are child from a broken home.Arnav grew up with a lot of angst because of this hatred for dad. He has always been temperamental since childhood. And it just got worse. But he never let it affect his studies.' Anjali reminisced about how Arnav had been a high achiever at school. Being good in academics had made him a favourite of the faculty and he had channelized his anger towards sports making him excel in that as well. This had made him popular among the student crowd ' the boys, with a grudging admiration while the girls just plainly drooled. But he didn't care for them at all, and had steered clear of them all through high school.

But that had probably changed when he went to college Khushi thought remembering Arnav's nineteen year old self in Dehradun. 'What about youDi?'

'I went into a shell and was introverted for a long time. But once I started studying psychology I began to understand a lot of things that had happened and were beyond my comprehension.'

She continued. 'After Arnav entered his teens we began bonding with each other and had lot of fun together until he went away to do his engineering in Manipal.'

'It was around the same time I decided to do my Master's program in University of Lucknow. After that I continued to work there while I pursued my Phd. I came home only during holidays but I was happy in my world. I had even decided never to get married.' She chuckled.

'What?' Khushi was aghast. 'Why Di?'

'It was just not Arnav. I didn't believe in relationships either. But when Akash's wedding came up mom began to pester me to get married. I kept stalling. But soon after Akash and Payal's wedding, Nanaji passed away and Mamaji and she had a big fight. So she decided to leave the house to go and live with Arnav. But then, she was stuck with the responsibility of an unmarried daughter ' me.'

'Di --'

'I assured her that I would be absolutely fine as I was independent but she wouldn't listen. She said she had never asked me anything in her life but I would have to listen to her this time. I was guilty. I agreed to get married to the boy she chose for me.

'My wedding to Shyam was a whirlwind one. We had a registered marriage. Why would we need a grand wedding anyway?' She said sadly. 'There was no one to attend it. Not even you. You had just left from our lives just the way you arrived. Why Khushi?'

'Di, you know why I left.'

'I know what Nani told me. That you wanted to go to Mumbai for your higher education in dance, while you pursued your basic Bachelor's degree. And mom had agreed to sponsor.'

'It was a great opportunity Di.'Khushi's voice faltered.

'You know Khushi,' Anjali said looking at her seriously, 'Nani and I had always thought that you would end up ---' Anjali hesitated for just a moment --- 'in Delhi.'

'I wanted nothing more than to stay back. But when opportunity knocks on your door ----' She couldn't continue.

'It was a stressful time for all of us,' Anjali said. 'Arnav had been completely closed off during that time. He had become completely unapproachable.

'And then, he and mom left for the United States leaving me behind, Anjali said coming back to the original topic.'We visited each other every year but it was never the same.'

'How did you reconnect with your father?'

'Couple of years ago, dad's brother came to us after dad got into legal trouble with his tenant. Shyam helped him get out of a case but dad had to be admitted to a psychiatric facility as part of a compromise. I admitted him in Ashray, the place where I work.

'I visit him almost in a professional capacity rather than a daughter because he lives in his own world. It is not that he doesn't recognize me. But the ailment has taken over him to such an extent that he no longer cares. In the last few months his health has deteriorated. This is common amongst patients who live in facilities like this. Not having anyone to care for them emotionally, they lose the will to live.

'I only wanted Arnav to come and visit him once before ----' She couldn't bring herself to say it. 'you never know Khushi.'

Khushi couldn't talk due a lump in her throat.Her heart went out to the four people who had been tormented by circumstances. Then Khushi said, 'Di, everything will be alright.'

An hour later, Khushi got a call from Arnav asking her if they were done with their shopping.

'My meeting got cancelled,' he explained when he met them at their meeting spot and Khushi tried hard to repress the tiny smile that stole into her lips. She knew he would come.

When they sat in the car, Khushi said, 'We didn't have time to get a proper lunch. I am so famished. Is there any place we could go and get some food?'

'Well, there is a small restaurant near ----' Anjali said trying to remember the place, 'we used to go there a long time ago.'

'The one near Lodhi gardens?' Arnav said.

'Yeah that's the one!' Anjali exclaimed. 'I haven't been there in a while.'

'You used to love the paneer tikka there.' Arnav said, as he turned the car into the lane.

'You know what Arnav's favourite was Khushi?' Anjali asked turning back.

Kalmi Kabab.In spite of being a strict vegetarian herself, she remembered learning to make that item with the help of her friend in Mumbai.

'Kalmi Kabab!' Anjali said emphatically.

 

That evening Anjali and Khushi sat in the TV area, painting the clay diyas they had bought that morning. Payal came there with Ashu and Khushi picked him in her arms and began to play with him. The movie Hum Saath Saath Hain was on and soon everyone was engrossed.

'I cannot believe how someone can watch this saccharine stuff.' Arnav com mented.

'I like the movie because it is about big happy families, weddings and togetherness.' Anjali said wistfully.

Arnav began to laugh out loud and Khushi, Payal and Anjali stared at like he had grown two horns.

'Your favourite movie at the time was Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and you hated this one as much as I did.' Arnav said. 'You were crazy about Shahrukh Khan!'

'No!' Anjali said defensively. 'I was a fan of Kajol.'

'Come on, Di tell the truth. You made me stand in the queue for hours to get tickets for the first day first show.'

'Should I tell everyone the real reason you stood in that queue?' Anjali teased him.

'What?'

'You had a crush on my friend Shilpa.'

'What crap!' He decided to change the subject. 'So Khushi, you still a fan of the actor who keeps taking his shirt off?'

'No.' She shook her head. She had lost interest in the heavily muscled hero, the moment she had set eyes on the lean sinewy build of a certain brown eyed hunk.

 

Later the night, Khushi struggled to get Ashu to sleep. Payal was extremely exhausted as Akash had been running a fever. Ashu was crankier than usual and kept on crying. She took him up to the terrace, walking to and fro so she could rock him to sleep.

'Khushiji, do you need help?' Shyam crept up on her making her jump.

'No thank you Shyamji,' she replied politely. 'I can manage.'

Shyam stared at the way Khushi's braid swayed as she walked with Ashu in her arms. 'Khushiji, you should stop being so formal with me.'

For some reason this man creeped her out since the moment she had met him. There was something very strange about the way he stared at her.'I really don't need help. Please go back to sleep. Di must be waiting for you.'

'Khushiji, have you ever thought how our lives might have been if I had not rejected your proposal and we had ended up married?'

Her heart began to pound. She had hoped this topic would never be discussed. 'No Shyamji I haven't!' exclaimed Khushi appalled at Shyam's words. 'And neither should you!'

She remembered the tumult his rejection had caused in the Gupta household, when this proposal had come about.Buaji was in the favour of getting her married off, so they could be rid of her responsibility.

Luckily for her, he had rejected her and saved her from a disaster worse than death,---  for that was what marriage meant to her at the time. Sharada Raizada had already created enough chaos in her life, but her exile to Mumbai was still the better option compared to being married at such an young age, to man she did not even know.

A few weeks later, Buaji had informed her that Shyam Monohar Jha had married Anjali Raizada. You lost out on a golden chance to marry a lawyer, she had berated her. He must have caught wind of your liaison with that Arnav Singh Raizada.

Why couldn't she see that the Raizada daughter was a better catch than the daughter of a person who worked for them?

'It was just a thought.' Shyam said.

'I don't want to talk about this!' She began to walk away.

'Khushiji I am sorry!'

She stopped and decided to clarify a few things.'I don't think we would have married even if you hadn't rejected me.'

'Why not?' He prodded.

'I was not interested in getting married so young,' she said in a rush. 'I wanted to study dace, and advance my career.'

'Really?' He said in a tone that said he didn't really believe her.

Khushi came back to her room, and put Ashu down to sleep. As she changed into her night suit, Shyam's words were reverberating through her brain. Why had Shyam brought up an old topic all of sudden like this? He had said it was just a thought. But he had no business expressing it now when he was a much married man.And his eyes were saying something else altogether. Or was it just her imagination? Ashuwoke up and began crying again.

'Khushi?' Arnav knocked on the door. 'Why is Ashu crying so much?' he said when she opened the door.

'I don't know. He has never done this before. He only seems to get some sleep when I pick him up and walk.'

'You look very tired,' Arnav said looking at her pale face.'Let's go for a spin in the car.'

'What?'

'My friends in the US used to tell me that this was one of the best remedies to get babies to sleep. Come on.'

Arnav was right. In ten minutes, Ashu had gone to sleep, his face snuggled comfortably on her breast. He was also right about her looking tired. She was tired.Of everything.

Talking to Anjali thing morning had given her an insight into the bond shared by Arnav and his mother.The difference in status being the root cause in the marital discord of her own marriage, Sharada Raizada had developed an insecurity that had heavily influenced her thoughts regarding Khushi's lower middle class background. She did not want her own son to go through what she had endured. But she hadn't considered a very big factor --- the power of true love that could overcome the biggest of hurdles.But again, she probably never believed that love like that existed.

Arnavon the other hand, having been raised by a mother who believed she was wronged by her husband, was probably constantly enveloped by the need to assuage her pain. How could he ever believe that she could do anything wrong?

'Looks like I don't need this song to shut you up anymore.' Arnav said, bringing her out of her reverie.

'Excuse me?' Khushi twisted her eyebrows in confusion.

'The song.' Arnav pointed to the radio.

The song You say it best when you say nothing at all wafted through the air.

Khushi burst out laughing when she remembered the trip to the Valley of Flowers.

'Oh my God, I was so silly back then.' Khushi said, her hand rubbing Ashu's back gently.

'Silly'' Arnav said looking at her, ''.but cute.'

He thought she was cute? She had been a frail thirteen old girl with eyes that were too huge for her face. When Arnav stopped the car she looked at him questioningly.

'I thought you might like to have some chai. Isn't this the place you used to like?'

'You remember?' Khushi's eyes went wide with surprise.

'Why don't you put Ashu in the back seat?'

'He will wake up.'

He ordered two teas and came back. 'Alright, give him to me.'

As they sat on the bench sipping on their tea, Khushi looked at Arnav holding Ashu on his shoulder, his hand looking large on his tiny back.She felt a pang in her heart. If only'.

Khushi stemmed her thoughts. There was no point thinking about something that could never be.  Don't worry Mrs Raizada, your son is safe --- from me, she thought silently.

'Your baby didn't sleep?' the man at the tea-stall said. 'I remember those days when my kids were this small.'

Arnav didn't bother correcting the man.  'How many do you have?'

'Two,' the man answered proudly. 'Cheeku and Simmi'

Arnav gave the man a 500 Rs note but the man apologized for not carrying any change. 'I just gave away everything to a previous customer. You can give me the money the next time you come here. Not a problem.'

'Let's do this,' Arnav told the man, 'tell Cheeku and Simmi that it is a small gift from little Ashu here.' The man grinned his thanks.

'That was very generous of you.' Khushi said as they made their way back home.

'You call that generous?' Arnav said, 'what do you get for 500 Rs these days?'

'A million dollar smile.'

As Khushi sat silently watching the miles go by she realized that it was these small things about him that made her fall deeper and deeper in love with this complex man.