Chapter 51
Getting out of bed she walked into the balcony and gazed at the stars that were shining next to the brightly lit moon. Her thoughts drifting away she sighed heavily saying, “If only Lavanya hadn’t called when I was chatting with him. If only I tried to talk to him somehow in the morning. If only I could hear his voice right now. If only I can tell him how much I love him and am missing him.”
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The buzz of the phone on her lap woke Khushi from her uncomfortable nap. Straightening up on the chair startled, she squinted her eyes for a moment as her mind slowly registered the fact that she fell asleep on the patio while stargazing. Her hand instinctively picking up the phone, she hastily read the message.
“My flight landed. You there?”
Not wasting a second her fingers pressed the dial button and she promptly heard a husky, “Khushi!” the very next second. Her heart feeling excited and calm at the same time, she softly said, “Arnavji!” After which there was just silence for a few seconds.
At last, he spoke breaking the stillness in the air, “Oh Khushi! I missed you.”
Those 3 words, the depth, and conviction in his voice touched her soul. Out of the blue for no particular reason, her eyes became moist and she tenderly whispered, “Me too!”
“What are you doing?”
“Well, I was waiting to call you once you landed but ended up dozing off while watching the stars.”
“Really!? So, I woke you up today too?”
“Don’t worry. I am happy you did, unlike yesterday afternoon. You can wake me up at any time. I would prefer to spend time with you than sleep, any day. I love being with you, Arnavji.”
“Wow! Looks like someone missed me a lot.”, he asserted, chuckling.
“Yes. I missed you a lot.”, she immediately agreed without any hesitation leaving him amazed.
“Who are you and what did you do to my shy and guarded Khushi?” he questioned, noticing how she was more vocal about her feelings today.
“No! I am always like this.” she refuted, pretending to be offended.
“No, you are not. I know you better than you, Khushi.”, he replied in a matter-of-fact tone.
Again to his surprise she didn’t fight back at his remark like usual but accepted it upright. “Khushi! Tell me the truth. Did something happen? You sound different.” he asked, concerned and curious.
Taking a brief pause, she answered sincerely, “Do I? I don’t know. Earlier when you said you missed me, I just realized how valuable such words are. And how important it is to express them. I did not have anyone who told me they missed me or loved me for all these years. I mean, Jiji and Lavanya do say such words at times but when you say it, it feels different. Like, I know they love me but I also know I am only a tiny part of their life. But you, you make me feel like I am your world. After my parents, I never felt relevant in someone's life. This feeling is very precious to me. So, maybe I am trying to show you, you are my world too. That you are very precious to me.”
At first, he felt stunned listening to her candid and heartfelt revelation but quickly managed to pull himself together. “Unbelievable! Now, what do I say to that? You know you are the only person who can render me - the ASR speechless.”, he said, attempting to ease the mood. He clearly understood how she felt and what she was trying to express. In a way, it is the same with him. Even though he had his family with him, with her he felt complete. He felt whole. The hollowness he carried in him for all these years magically disappears when he is with her.
Giggling slightly she stated, “I will take that as a compliment. Sorry about today morning, Lavanya called on the other phone so I left abruptly.”
“You left me for her? I feel betrayed.”, he complained, sounding hurt.
“No… It’s not like that. I.. I... The phone was ringing and I panicked. I shouldn’t have cut you off like that… I didn’t mean to hurt..”
Interrupting her mid-way, he guiltily clarified, “Khushi! I was just joking. It’s ok. You can talk to your friend whenever you want. There is no need to give me or anyone an explanation.”
“I… I... Sorry. I sort of told Lavanya about us. Is that fine with you? I know I should have discussed this with you first. It’s not like I wanted to but Lavanya can be persistent. Once she suspects something she has a way of getting me to spill everything.”, she explained hesitantly.
“Why would I not be fine? In fact, I would want the whole world to know that you are mine and mine alone. What I am not fine with is what we are doing right now. But soon Khushi, pretty soon I will make that happen.”, he assured calmly with determination.
“Make what happen. You are saying as if you are going to announce it to the world like some sensational hot news?”, she giggled, pulling his leg.
“Thinking about it, it actually is a great way to let everyone know you are taken.”, he spoke sincerely as if considering the idea.
Surprised by his response, she immediately rebuffed, “It was a joke, Arnavji. Anyway, no one cares whether I am taken or not and I would like it like that. I am sure you would too as I know privacy is very important to you.”
“All jokes apart, I will very soon come and get you. Please take care till then.”, he said, growing concerned.
“Don’t worry. I am perfectly fine.”
“I knew you would say that. But what about me? You can stay away from me but I can’t.”, he complained, his voice filled with love.
Smiling wide at his response, she inquired, “How was your day? Why are you traveling again?”
“My day was not so good as you are not here. An important meeting suddenly came up, hence the trip. What about you? How was your day?”
“You are getting too cheesy, Mr.Raizada. You know Lavanya would go crazy if she heard you say such dialogues. You can’t imagine how shocked she was when I told her about us. Initially, she thought I was bluffing. But then she came around as she knew well that I don’t make such kinds of jokes. Then she asked me if I am in my right mind to fall for you. Her questions were more of disbelief as according to her you are manipulative and I am gullible. You are incapable of loving and I am very capable of falling into traps.”, she explained laughing aloud.
“What the? What is her problem? What did I do to her for her to assume such things about me?” he asked both annoyed and shocked.
“Well, you are, in your own words, ‘The ASR’ after all. Can you blame her? Like everyone she too thinks you are some kind of arrogant, rude, and heartless businessman. But they don't know that the image you maintain on the outside is quite a contrast to what you really are, isn’t it? I wish I could see her face when I told her. That would have been awesome.” she said, giggling.
“Really? How are you so sure I am not all that? What if that is the real me?”, he questioned playfully.
“Come on, Arnavji. I know you well enough to say that you are a very caring, kind, and understanding person. You are someone who values and puts the happiness of your family above your own.”, she reasoned straight away.
“Khushi, I want to make it clear. I am all that only to you and my family. For everyone else I am ASR. I can be and will be arrogant, rude, and heartless if needed. What I am outside with others is also a part of me. This is all me.”, he clarified in all honesty.
“Whatever you say won’t change my opinion but I will keep what you said in mind. Ok. Now tell me did you have dinner?” she inquired, trying to change the subject.
“No. I am here for a business meeting over dinner. You didn’t answer earlier. How was your day? Is everything ok there? Are you ok? Did you have your dinner?”, he quizzed all at once.
She could notice a sense of urgency in his voice. Keeping her voice as calm as possible she answered intending to wash away his uneasiness. “Oh! So many questions. I am very much fine. My day was ... umm well you could say it was ok. Boring but ok. I did some gardening, cooking, and mostly missed someone. Ahh… what else. Yes, I am done with dinner.”
“I … I got to go soon, Khushi. I just wanted to make sure you are fine before that. My meeting might run late, I will not call you tonight. You go rest. I have another meeting tomorrow morning and shall be home by afternoon. Don’t worry if I don’t respond, ok?”, he said informatively.
“No problem... I get it. You also don’t agonize if I don’t respond or send messages. It is hard for me to do it during the day. I will contact you as soon as I find a chance.”, she reassured.
Before she could add something more he spoke in urgency, “I have to go now, Khushi. Good night!”
“All the best for your meeting. Have dinner soon. Take care and don’t stay late.”, she blurted out in one go.
And simultaneously they both uttered, “I miss you!” and “I love you!” surprising each other.
As both smiled together Arnav said, “Talk to you tomorrow. Now sleep tight.” and the line went dead.
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The next day went pretty dull for Khushi. She left him a “Good Morning!” as soon as she woke up but no response. She left another message after breakfast, again no reply. “Are you busy?” she asked around noon. Nothing. At lunch, she posted him a pic of her lunch but no luck.
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Dejected, checking the time once more she thought growing both restless and angry, “It’s almost 3 pm. He said he would reach home by afternoon, right? Here I am managing in my situation to send him message after message. How can he be so busy to not even leave one message? I can’t believe he was complaining about me yesterday, huh.”
She kept visiting the restroom so many times in order to check her phone that Maharajji even interrogated concerned, “Are you ok, Khushi Bitiya? Is the rash on your neck healed? Do you need to see a doctor? Or maybe some medication?”
Even though she loved how the red spot on her neck reminded her of her time with him, it was also a hassle to hide it from everyone around her. Since the time she got caught by Maharajji yesterday, she became obsessed with her dupatta and religiously kept adjusting it over and over. “I am fine.”, she assured him with a tight-lipped smile and muttered to herself, “Laad Governor! This is all your fault. Why did you leave that mark? Argh!”
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Walking into her room around 4 pm she threw her phone on the bed and grabbed the other one from the cupboard before entering the restroom for the umpteenth time. Deciding to call him she sat on the bathroom vanity top and left the sink tap open. First, she sent him a message one last time before dialing his number. “Arnavji! If you are not going to reply I am going to call you irrespective of who catches me. You can’t blame me later for whatever happens next. Got it. It’s 4 in the evening. Where are you? Aren’t you supposed to be home by now?” Hitting send she waited for a few minutes with much difficulty and clicked the call button. The phone kept ringing and ringing but no one responded. Disappointed she left the phone there and exited the room.
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Khushi was walking by the hall lost in thought. “Not even one message? Is he that busy? Could something have happed? How can he..” she abruptly stopped as she heard her mama roar.
“How dare they? How dare they question my authority? Shyam, get me all the current projects of Krishna Co ASAP. How can they pull back their investments at the last minute? I will show them their place. They will regret their decision of canceling this deal with us. They want to meet the real director of the company, MY FOOT! This is my company. This is all mine.”
Rooted in the spot, watching from afar Khushi felt she never saw him this angry. She knew her uncle meant every word he just said about teaching a lesson. A sudden cold chill ran through her spine at the thought of what he might do when he finds out about her and Arnav. Quickly moving away she caved into her fear wondering, “If a simple question on his authority is sending him into a frenzy. What will he do when he realizes all his planning for years failed? That he is going to lose all this wealth? How angry would he be then? How low will he stoop? Hey, Devi Maiyya! I am scared. I am scared for his safety. It is your responsibility to protect him, to keep him safe from this father and son. I would rather die than lose another loved one. Please, I don’t want to go through that excruciating pain again.”
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The fear that engulfed her that evening stuck to her like glue. How much ever she tried to distract herself, it followed her like a shadow. All her earlier disappointment and agitation over his unresponsiveness now vanished into thin air. It didn’t feel important anymore. Nothing did but one thing. All she wanted now was for him to be unharmed. Completing her dinner inattentively, she entered her room anxious. Locking the door she sat on the bed lost when the realization hit her. Voicing her thoughts she spoke to herself, “When no one questioned him till now, who dared to question him now? And why? All these years no investor or client or partner questioned his authority. Hey, Devi Maiyya! Even though I am worried, I can’t help but feel extremely happy that someone told him on his face that he is not the owner of my Babuji’s company.”
Still thinking, she lay down tired when she finally remembered the phone and ran to grab it from the bathroom. Switching it on she heard the familiar beeps and her lips automatically stretched broad into a happy smile. Opening at lightning speed she started to read….
“Hi! Sorry, something happened and I didn’t find time till now. I want to talk to you, Khushi. Can you call me soon?” 6:30 pm
“I wish you are here with me. Where are you?” 7:00 pm
“I need to talk to you. I need you now.” 8:30 pm
From the messages, she could sense that something was wrong, terribly wrong. Instantly dialing his number, she heard him whisper her name even before the first ring was completed.
“Khushi!”
“Arnavji!”, she softly answered sensing the underlying sadness in his tone.
“Oh Khushi! It feels so good to hear your voice.”, he said sighing deeply as if unloading the burden off his shoulders.
“Me too. What happened? You mentioned something happened.”, she asked coming straight to the point. She knew he wanted to talk since evening and she couldn’t delay it any longer.
“Woh(That)! Mom…”, he trailed off.
“What happened to Aunty?”, she inquired worriedly.
“Mom… She fell down the stairs this morning. The doctor said it could have been worse and that she is really lucky it’s nothing major. Just small bruises. But she was unconscious for a long time and that got us worried.”
“Thank God! Is she awake now?”
“Yes!”
“What happened Arnavji? You don’t sound fine? Is aunty completely ok?”
“Yes!”
“Then what is it?”
“Nothing.”
“If all is well then why do you sound so down? You wanted to talk about something, right?”
“Nothing. I just wanted to hear your voice.”
“I am here to listen, Arnavji. Just like you were for me. Do you want to have a video call?”
Contemplating for a minute, he replied, “No. Is it ok if we just talk?”
She understood him. She knew this feeling too well. It is not so easy to share your deepest fears and problems with others even if they are your loved ones. Sometimes it is even harder to speak when the other person is in front of you and easy when you can’t see them. She was fine with whatever made him comfortable. All she wanted was to lift his burden and ease his mind. “Totally ok. Whichever way you want. Now tell me, what is still bothering you?”
“Tomorrow is my dad’s death anniversary, Khushi. Mom is always more depressed during this time. I knew that and... I should have taken care of her better. It is a big deal that she is getting psychiatric help. We were all so happy and now this?”, his tone was grim.
“Don’t talk like that. You are the strongest person I have ever come across. You took care of your whole family alone and very well at that. So, don’t question yourself even for a second.”, she expressed with sincerity.
“But it’s tiring to always be strong, Khushi. I don’t know how long I can hold it together.”, he sounded exhausted.
“I understand, it is hard to do everything alone. But you don’t have to always be strong anymore. I am here with you now. I can hold it together for you. Please talk to me.”, she requested.
Pausing, he took a few moments before he finally spoke, his voice hopeless, “Whatever I do, it never seems to be enough. Why do I always fall short?”
“No. That’s not true. Your family is happy because of you. You earned your father's integrity and reputation back. You achieved so much by yourself. You did good, Arnavji. You did very well.”, she established firmly.
“Did I? Did I do enough?”, he questioned, sounding lost and wretched.
Khushi never heard him speak this way. He always looked so confident and in control that hearing him doubt himself right now felt as if she is talking to someone else. Not wasting a second Khushi replied in the blink of an eye with honesty, “You did more than enough, Arnavji. Please, don’t question yourself. This is not the ASR I know.”
Dejected he gradually replied, “But this is me, Khushi. You know, I was the closest to dad in the whole family. He was my mentor, friend, hero, my everything. When we lost him, when I lost him, I think I lost a part of myself that day. And the void it left within me, I still carry it even to this day. I tried, Khushi. I tried really hard to be the pillar of my family. Be the support to everyone like my father. And I am still trying even today. It does get tiring at times. I mean, I get sad too. I miss him too. I want to cry too. But I don’t show it as I know I have to be brave and hold everything together for mom and Di.” He then abruptly stopped. When he spoke again his voice was more composed, in control, “I didn’t mean to scare you. I don’t know what came over me. I never share..”
Interrupting him she urged, “No, Please. Please, continue. I want to hear it. You can tell me anything. Everything related to you is very important to me. I am part of you now and am always here for you to share your pain. Don’t hold back your tears, let them flow. Trust me, that will reduce the suffocation. Imagine that I am right next to you, hugging you, and let it all out.”
“What? Unbelievable!” he said, chuckling slightly at her suggestion.
Realizing what she just said, she hastily tried to cover up feeling embarrassed, “Ok. Maybe I went slightly overboard there. Let us forget that. I know a way to make you feel better. Where are you now?”
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