Chapter 76

69. A Maze Of Lies

‘I need help with only one thing. My sister got married in our neighbor's family. They aren’t good people. We realized only later. She wants a divorce,’ Biplab informed.

Biplab had arrived a full one hour before the appointment. His blood had thrummed in anticipation while his stomach had roiled nervously. Buried under the guilt of his actions, fifteen years he had dreamt of atonement and now that he had been provided with the opportunity, he wondered if it was yet another mistake. Another betrayal?

Drinking two cups of coffee had only aggravated his nerves. He had to force his concentration on the graffiti on the walls, on the displayed pictures that spoke of the history of Hyderabad and of its rich culture, so that he did not get a full-blown panic attack.

He was meeting his mother. His mother. 

But when she appeared, he did not find what he had come looking for. 

He had come for a lap, as soft as only a mother’s could be. He had come for warmth, the warmth that perhaps her snowy Cardigan - the sleeves of which ran past her wrist - provided her. But when the world had opened its palms, it was to reveal a shell washed up and hardened by the waves of time. The shell that had once possessed a beating heart but now bore none of its traces. 

The woman who had come to meet him was not his mother. The woman who sat before him now was not his mother. 

Even his Ethics Professor, a strict disciplinarian with her tight bun, and a thin line for a smile elicited more motherliness than this woman.

The one who sat before him was a plain businesswoman, Ahilya Lokhande, he had googled about. The wife of a man who wasn't their father.

There had been no emotionally charged reunions. She had arrived, shook his hands tightly, congratulated him on his academic achievement, and had pulled a chair, sitting across him. No accusations from her side. Just a small thank you for taking out time to meet.

It was a manipulation. He had been forced to be as calm and composed and matter of business as her.

‘Does she? I was under the impression she liked Mayank.’ She said with a heavy accent. 

If Biplab was surprised, he did not let his face betray it. ‘No, it was just something she had to do under coercion. Circumstances demanded it.’

Ahilya’s peach-colored nails traced the broad rim of her coffee cup. Multilayered geometric ring dotted with precious diamonds snugged her slim, manicured index finger. Riches, it was her insatiable greed for riches that had made her leave, his grandmother's words rang in his ears.

His sister’s hand had been dry and spotty from all the markers she used in her classes; her thumb bore scrapes of the kitchen tools. She wore no jewelry.

Why did the contrast anger him so much?

‘They might be plotting something. She doesn’t even have the marriage paper in her hands.’

‘Is she looking for a divorce?’

‘Yes. Can you help us?’

‘There aren’t two points about it that they are scheming specks of dirt. Tell her to vacate the place first. If you want, I can arrange a place.’ She looked straight at him and he felt the full force of her gaze. It felt like he was looking at his own eyes in a mirror. ‘I would have given you the keys to your house but she needs to be away from them until the divorce is finalized.’

‘Our house?’ He asked, bewildered, and exhilarated. ‘You bought our house?!’

She remained tight-lipped, her expressions somber. ‘This Mayank, what kind of a guy is he? Does he like Kirti?’

‘I don’t think so. The marriage should be easily annulled.’

‘Divorces are never easy. Let’s see. I would take care of the divorce but I want something in return.’

‘Want what?’ Biplab asked, guarded now.

When they had discussed their deal, and she was leaving that he gathered the courage to speak.

‘Ma..,’ he called out making her stop short, her back going rigid. But since it felt alien on his tongue, he improvised it to a  ‘Ma’am’.

‘I am sorry,' he finally could say in real what he had been practicing in his head for the last fifteen years.

She wrinkled her brows and he was immediately reminded of his sister. ‘For what?’ 

‘For turning you away. For breaking your heart. And for keeping it from her all these years.’

‘It wasn’t your fault. You were young.’ 

‘Why didn’t you come again?’ He couldn’t help but ask. ‘I waited. I waited for long.’ Who was he fooling? Unlike her, he was no hardened shell. He was the gooey pulp of ripe jackfruit. The bristles outside were only for show.

She stared at him impassively making him wish to scratch the thick nonchalant plaster off her face. He would dig deeper even if it broke his nails, even if it hurt her. 

There should be his mother hidden behind all of those layers. There should be! He cannot be an orphan. He refused to be an orphan. 

She only asked, ‘Did you by any chance attend the Aggarwals Diwali bash? Why was your sister crying?’

She was there. His mother had been there. They had been so close. And then it occurred to him, had she ever been far?

‘Will you meet her?’ He asked instead.

XxxX

‘That house was airy and spacious. Even the rent was affordable but would you mind if I say I didn’t like the suburb’s environment? I think I spotted a few hooligans. That place would cost me my sleep, Lily.’

‘I had a faint inkling that it could pose a problem. I’ll look for some more,’ Lily assured.

Both of them sat on a sagging rope-bed laid out on the terrace, under the December evening sun.  A discarded desert cooler hibernated in a corner.

‘Yes, please. I love your place by the way. Can I not get a room here? It would be nice to live next to a friend. We could visit each other, sit together and spend time! I miss Shruti.’ Kirti sighed.

Lily did not know how it felt to live next to a friend. She had been much of a loner her entire life. She also wasn’t sure if she would like her privacy to be encroached upon with daily visits.

She lived in a room on the terrace of a building. The residency owner was a Parsi, Shiny Wadia, Lily's mother’s acquaintance. Most of the building occupants were members of the same Zorastrian community. 

It was an idyllic non-gated colony in Byculla, carefully nestled far away from the din of Bombay traffic - three-storied buildings in yellow and red that defied cosmopolitan architecture with its sashed windows and quaint balconies that breathed in the shadows of Ashoka trees.

'They don't give out flats to non-Parsis,' Lily replied.

'They don't? Then how come you?' Kirti asked, then belatedly realizing her impertinence, 'I am sorry. Too curious for my own good!'

'My mother was - is a Parsi. I am not fully accepted here since my father is a non-Parsi and I am a product of interfaith marriage. But Shiny Wadia is a fast friend of my mother's and she's progressive and more accepting. Unlike other Parsi colonies, this doesn't have such stringent rules. Or maybe they are more open because my mother grew up here. One of the flats here belongs to my maternal uncle who lives overseas. It's empty. He won't let me use it because he never accepted me or my parent's marriage.'

'Oh. I didn't know anything about this. I always thought you lived somewhere around our place.' Kirti replied. She also had no knowledge that Lily had such a rich history. 

'I used to live in your neighborhood but I am often getting into arguments with my parents, my father especially, and my relatives keep passing remarks on my lifestyle. So finally, I moved out.'

Kirti slurped the hibiscus tea. Both the fragrance and taste of the drink were not to her taste. Earlier she had been enchanted with the red of the dried petals diffusing in the boiling water. A dash of honey and lemon juice had only added up to its attraction and she had asked for a cup. Now, she regretted it.

‘I can prepare you a cup of milk tea,’ Lily offered.

‘Oh no. I will finish this,’ Kirti assured hurriedly. ‘It tastes sour and very plain.' 

‘You’ll take time to acquire the taste and you let it cool for too long. Herbal teas taste like pee when left for too long.’ 

Kirti took a long sip to finish the content of her transparent cup. When she was done, Lily removed the cup and then went to pull over her running shoes. Kirti, meanwhile, waited outside, looking over the parapet.

‘Running? Can I accompany you?’ She asked when her host returned in a grey tank top and black sweatpants. 

She didn’t want to return home yet. Radha must be waiting, and yet...A place where you didn’t want to return, could it be called home? If not for Radha she wouldn’t go back.

‘Can I?’ She repeated.

‘You are not dressed for it.’

‘I won’t run. I will just sit and watch people.’

XxxX

‘What are you waiting for? Why don’t you run?’ Kirti asked when even on reaching the park Lily didn’t start. Kirti was seated on a bench enjoying the gentle sway of the breeze while Lily stretched out her arms in the air and rotated her wrists.

‘I’m waiting for my group members.’

‘Group members?’

‘Hmm,’ Lily proceeded with a pre-run warm-up.  ‘We're planning to run a marathon this year so we’ve formed a group to train together. Helps us stay motivated and focused. One of them is a seasoned marathon runner.’ Her feet were wide apart; she was making circles with her arms now.

‘That’s interesting,’ Kirti remarked,  pulling her legs up and back straight, ready to do some breathing exercises. ‘I always found running a lazy and messy business. But if that is what I get as a result,’ Kirti said, eyeing Lily’s toned and narrow waist, ‘Then I guess I should give it a try. Maybe after my exams.’ 

She would move away, divorce Mayank, have the NBI job hopefully, and then work at her waists and hips. Maybe, my face will glow and my hair will glisten and when people will meet me, they will be taken aback by my new dazzling self. Just a few months. Dadi will get up, Biplab will be back. Radha will live with them. Happy life. 

Keeping her arm on her relatively flabbier stomach, she breathed in the fresh air. ‘Your group members are late,’ Kirti said after exhaling a mouthful of air. ‘They are pulling you back. See, here you are on time while they…’

‘They are here,’ Lily said, getting back, after a short Frankenstein walk.

Kirti turned, her mouth bloated with air. Two women walked towards them, one in shorts and the other in leggings, both their hair pulled back in long ponytails. They were followed by two young men in shorts and vests. But it was the man who walked behind all of them that made her eyes widen.

She exhaled out in a long whoosh. His eyes mirrored the same expression when he spotted her. But after a cursory glance, he didn't look at her again. She also continued with her breathing exercises.

It did not take her very long to comprehend that he was the seasoned runner for he continued to remark on their postures and instruct on the set of exercises.

‘Lily,’ she bent and whispered when the girl lay down near her bench. ‘Do you know him?’

‘Who?’ She asked, working on what they called Scorpion, to flex hamstrings and hips.

‘Your group leader.’

‘Hardiik?’ Lily asked, drawing the attention of the mentioned person. He looked at them, and since Lily lay face down, it was only Kirti, his eyes were focused on.

Kirti made a pretense of assisting Lily and did not look at him. When he looked away, she continued again. ‘Yes, him. Do you know him?’

‘Since the last fifteen years,’ Lily replied. ‘He used to play cricket with my older brother.’

‘You have a brother?’ Kirti emptied the bench and plopped on the ground next to Lily. Hardiik had moved away correcting the postures of the men. 

‘Yes. He's a marine engineer. He works on a ship now.’

‘Wow. There’s so much I didn’t know about you.’

‘You never noticed us. Naturally, because I used to be in the younger group. Then you stopped playing altogether. I would see you and Shruti often though.’ She sat up. ‘Even your brother, he used to play with my brother’s lot. Why are you asking about Hardiik?’

‘I saw him earlier and was curious.’ Others had begun to slowly jog away.

‘In our neighborhood?’

‘No at a party. He lives in our neighborhood?’ Kirti was confused. How come she had never seen him?

‘No, but since he was always around, I thought he lived somewhere close.’ Lily straightened up, ready to jog. 

‘Lily,’ The woman in shorts called out.

‘Gotta go.’ 

Kirti wiggled a Bye to her; then pushed herself off the ground, dusting the sand and grass off her suit.

Hardiik waited for all of the runners to start and cover some length before he turned his attention to her.

‘Are you joining us?’

‘Oh no. I am not. Some other day, maybe.’

He gave an elaborate nod. ‘Urmi, right? We met the other night.’

‘Yes, the other night. I will leave now,’ she said and turned away, marching off to where her vehicle was parked.

XxxX

‘Sometimes, I feel her fingers twitch under mine. When I whisper to her, her eyelids flutter.’ Kirti yanked the curtains, filling the room with light.

‘Do you want to see Dadimaa? Look,’ Kirti said to Mrinalini, bringing her own face close to her grandmother’s. 

‘Dadi, Nishit’s grandmother is here to see you. She says you’re going to get well soon. You’re going to, aren’t you? Dadi, she says you and her will become great friends.’

Karuna didn’t respond, making Kirti sit back on her stool. She then picked up a limp hand that lay on the bed, and nestling it between hers, she traced her thumb over the sagging folds of the skin; over the bulging purple veins. 

‘It looks like she isn’t in the mood. My grandmother has always been a cranky woman.’

‘Then we would make a great pair. The girls call me crabby.’ Mrinalini said with a smile.

Kirti liked the smile. It was affectionately warm without any trace of pity. 

‘Thank you for coming here, Dadima. It means a lot.’

‘What thank you, child? I should have come earlier itself but things kept coming up. Who is that girl?’ She asked, pointing towards Radha who was sitting quietly with her hands folded, and her legs hanging from a shiny chair.

‘She’s Radha, Dadimaa. I am going to adopt her,’ Kirti let the secret out. The weight of it had been burdening.

‘Adopt?’ Mrinalini wasn’t sure if she had heard right.

‘Yes.’

‘Are you sure, Kirti? It’s a very huge responsibility. Then when you get married, it can become an impediment. It isn’t necessary that the boy you get married to will accept her. It can create problems later on, Chiki.’

‘It will not, Dadima. I have decided I will be single all my life.’

‘Single all your life?’ Mrinalini was startled at the declaration. ‘What does that mean?!’ 

‘I will not marry,’ Kirti said and felt her grandmother’s fingers twitch. ‘Dadima, look. I felt it. Her fingers moved.’

‘Your grandmother and I will definitely be great friends. Even she finds your plan hare-brained. Your intentions are very noble,’ She whispered, regarding the child who stared at them intently with her big eyes.

'It is no noble intention. I need her more than she needs me.'

 ‘But not marry, you say?’ 

Kirti did not reply thinking that perhaps her grandmother’s twitch was a consequence of her omission of truth. 

She had conveniently hidden the truth of her marriage and the impending divorce from Mrinalini.

‘What is wrong with today’s children? Why are you all so averse to marriage?! Don’t you have someone you want to spend your life with? These days children choose their own partners.'

‘What is that in your hand, Dadima?’ Kirti skipped the question.

‘This,’ Mrinalini glanced at her hand. ‘It is an invitation to our foundation day celebration. You have to come,’ she invited, stretching out the card to her.

‘I’ll try, Dadimaa.’ 

To attend a function where the chances of Nishit being present were high?

XxxX

Kirti looked at the passing slides of the scenery outside as she stood uncomfortably pressed on both sides by passengers. She was returning after visiting her father’s friend Ram Sevak. It was his daughter’s wedding. Since her scooter was away for regular servicing, she had to board the Fast Local.

She remembered Ram Sevak as a short, cheerful albeit unkempt man - something that bothered her mother very much. So much, that she would refrain Kirti from going near him. Her mother had even managed to make her dislike the man, but when she was with her father, her five-year-old self would often let herself be bewitched by his friend's magic tricks; of how he would conjure coins from thin air, or plucked toffees from behind her ears. Ram Sevak would tell her tales of his Zamindar ancestors who rode on horses and elephants, and Kirti would forget all her inhibitions about the dirt under his nails, or his soiled shirt and grubby chappals.

He was her father’s friend - someone who drove the same routes as her father. He had paid her a visit a few days ago to invite her to his daughter’s wedding. 

Kirti, as her grandmother would have, had packed a wedding sari,  a bangle box, a sticker of red bindi, an Alta box and gifted it to the girl who had made a lovely bride.

Someone elbowed her on her side, and Kirti gasped. Traveling in Mumbai locals was a skill and she was out of practice. Hugging her handbag to her chest, she focused her eyes on the scene outside that displayed half-naked children standing outside their poorly built houses, their newborn siblings hanging from their waist. 

She wrinkled her nose as the stench of open sewage and latrines hit her nose. It was difficult to believe that the same city housed the eye-dazzling, sky-ripping Antilia.

She breathed a sigh of relief when she was pushed out of the compartment - thankfully at her intended station - and she was able to make out of the crowd alive with her all her limbs and sides intact.

She had been emptying the station when someone called her name from behind. She turned. 

It was Praveen Gautam.

XxxX

'I always felt like a coward ghosting you like that. Would you like some?' He asked as the peddler squeezed mayonnaise over his sandwich filling. 

'No, thank you.'  She had partaken of a few Gajas and nimkis in an empty stomach at Ram uncle's house and it felt like the food now was sloshing up her throat, scorching it. Wedding sweets and snacks always did that to her. It should've been a red flag - the Wedding Gods hinting since years ago itself. Yet, she had gone ahead and gotten married and now would have to live with the tag of divorcee! Not that there was a problem in being a divorcee but it was something she could've simply avoided by not marrying in the first place.

The peddler was now generously grating cheese over the sandwich before putting it in the oven.

'What did you want to talk about?'

'I wanted to apologize.' Gautam said. The blue belt of his ID was neatly tucked under his collar. His sleeves had been rolled up his elbows revealing hairy and tanned hands.

'And you were waiting for me to appear at a station all this time? How many coconuts did it cost you to orchestrate such divine intervention? If you were so sorry, you should have called me. You blocked me. I did not.'

'I am sorry to have disappeared after making such long promises. You must think me to be a hypocrite but the thing is that I could've convinced my parents about every condition but…in fact I had convinced them.'

His sandwich was ready and served to him with green chutney and ketchup.

'But,' she prodded.

'But the thing about your mother blew it off.' He said biting into his lunch. The ring around his finger gleamed proudly.

'My mother? She died years ago. What about her?' That was the story her grandmother had fed to them and Kirti decided to stick to it.

'Well, a woman called us and said she knew your family. She said your mother had eloped with another man. That she was still alive and danced in bars.'

'What?! Bars?' If she was indeed alive, did she dance in bars?  'Who fed you this nonsense?' She asked.

Pradeep shrugged. 'It was a woman. She did not tell her name. They must be close to you to have our number.'

'And you believed them without checking the veracity of her statement! How could you?! That was why you called off the marriage? One phone call it took to deflate the air out of your long talks about equality and principles?' She scoffed.

He looked away. 'My parents did not want to go ahead with the marriage and I realized that there was only this much burden I was ready to carry. You came with so much…' He left both his sentence and food unfinished.

'Then why the apology now? Why not just unsee me and move on?' 

'A closure? There have been times I have looked at the color blue and have been reminded of you. When I have visited the place near yours and have wondered how you were and what you must think of me. Even though I must be a disappointment and a no-show; I  am not a bad person, Kirti. I did like you and wanted to marry you. Very much.'

He did not or they would have been married by now.

'Let's just say we weren't meant to be,' she let him off the hook but not before the last sting. 'Anyways, thank you for calling it off. A cowardly act that it was, you saved me from jumping into a loveless marriage.' His disappearance had caused her and her grandmother so much pain and humiliation.

'Huh?' She had his attention.

'I have someone else in my heart. Always had.'

XxxX

Kirti had to leave early today. She was going to see another house. 

Packing her bag, she bustled down the steps because the elevator was busy when Srikanth Sir called her back upstairs. Someone was here to meet her.

When she climbed back up and had just stopped outside the glass door of her coaching, catching her breath, the gate was pulled open and a man in a suit stepped out.

'Kirti Singh?' He asked.

She looked on, still heaving.

'Hello, I am Rockie Kamat. My client wants to meet you.'

Kirti blinked at him blankly.

'Ahilya Lokhande is my client. She used to go by Urmila Singh earlier,' he said pulling the proverbial rug from under her feet, 'She begs for your appointment.' 

'Who did you say?'

'Urmila Singh. Your mother,' he clarified.

'My mother?'

The man nodded. 

The world shook and jiggled before her eyes. She wasn't able to swallow enough air. 

'Are you okay, Miss?' The man stepped to assist her but she put up a hand in the air.

'I don't have a mother. I don't.' She shook her head.

XxxX 

'Kirti, you called?' Mayank asked over the line.

'I am moving out. I have found a house.'

'You do not have to Kirti. You can stay there as long as you can,' he assured. 

'No, I cannot. I was waiting for my house to be sold and then finding the right place took time. Thank you for everything.'

'Kirti, I wanted to talk to you about something,' he started, his voice uncertain and anxious.

'I know you want to talk about divorce. Don't worry, we will talk. There's just so much happening right now. I will call you. I promise.'

'Kirti…about divorce' He left whatever he was saying unfinished. 'Fine, next time.'

'I am taking Radha with me,' she whispered, slowly.

'Why?' He sounded angry as if he knew what she was up to.

'Just for a few days,' she lied. 'We have become used to each other. Please Mayank,' she pleaded. 'Or I will be too lonely.'

He remained silent.

'Tell your parents that Radha and I are coming to live with you.'

[NOCOPY]

[MEMBERSONLY]