Chapter 72

67. Love and Longing (I)

Under the muted blue of the lamp, Vaibhav Aggarwal sat phrasing his speech. He hadn’t taken charge of the office yet and his first address to the press as the Governor of National Bank Of India was a month and a half away but he was meticulous and liked to prepare things well in advance. 

A few months ago he had received a call from the office of the Ministry of Finance inviting him to North Block, Rajpath. He had heard that a Committee was to be set up regarding strengthening the capital goods sector and how to achieve the five trillion dollar economy. Vaibhav presumed the call was regarding that. 

Sure that he would be asked to helm the committee report, he had been dumbstruck when the Finance Minister proposed to put forward his name for the next governor of NBI. Though it was a highly dignified profile and would provide him with a free pitch to use his knowledge, the office had come under extreme political attacks in the past few years; it made him wary. The position had been aptly described as a ‘crown of thorns. 

He had taken some time to convey the news to his wife and son. Both of them had asked him to go ahead with it. 

His candidature was kept under tight wraps, and he often saw several names as potential candidates pop up in Finance columns, most of them senior civil servants and Economic Council Members he had worked with. As the recent governor’s term neared its expiry, his name had begun to be mentioned. He was forced to avoid the incessant calls and messages asking for his statement. The news had leaked out. And, the fact that he had been meeting higher officials of the institute to learn his way around must have caught several eyes. 

He reverted his attention to the present task. Once he was done, it would be forwarded to his son for a once over. An unfettered system, interest rates, monetary policies - all of the points swirled in his head but he could not focus on any of them because of the searing pain he felt in the center of his chest. He had gulped down an antacid an hour ago but it had been ineffective. Beads of sweat dotted his forehead. He focused on the document page but his breathing became uneven...Was he … Calling out for his wife, he dialed his son ’s number.

XxxX

‘Uncle, have you found a buyer for the house yet?’ Kirti asked Mr.Ojha. ‘I need the money.’

After her grandmother began responding to outer stimuli, the doctors upscaled the treatment which transferred into heftier bills. Naturally, the stress of arranging funds - especially with the due date for payment of hospital fees being in a week - became a throb that had lodged itself in the back of her head. Whatever her grandmother had saved had been spent in the last few months, the recent big amount withdrawn to pay Biplab’s semester fees. 

Kirti had posted an advertisement of the house sale on a site as well but to no avail. Hopeless with the futility of the advert, she had transferred the responsibility of finding the buyer to Mr.Ojha. 

As if holding out in want of this urgency in her tone, Mr.Ojha replied, ‘Yes, yes I was coming to you with the news. I have found a man who is ready to buy the house. He doesn’t mind that there will be no registry. However, Kirti…’ he paused, stomping on Kirti’s joy.

‘He is willing to give only thirteen lakh rupees,’ He revealed.

‘Thirteen? But going by the current rates, I should get twenty lakhs at least, Uncle. The house is spread over some --- square feet.’ 

‘Yes, ideally the sale should fetch you twenty but the house isn’t in the best condition. Nor do we have the legitimate right over the plot of the land. It's the government's leased land on which your grandfather illegitimately made a house. You should understand that no bank gives loans to buy such properties which is another slash against it. I've explained  all of this to you already!’

‘Is he our only option? No other buyers, Uncle?’ 

‘If there had been, I would have told you,’ he said irritatedly. ‘If you’re interested let me know and I will arrange a meeting with the man. If you are not, then I wash my hands off this case. I do not have the energy to go out and look for prospective buyers. I have better work than sitting and negotiating with strangers.’

Clamping her teeth down on her tongue thick with acerbic remarks,  ‘Thank you, Uncle,’ she said, politely. ‘I appreciate your help. I will talk to Biplab, and let you know.’

‘Whatever you have to do, make it fast! The man will not wait for long.’ 

‘No, she will not make it fast. She will look at things properly, talk to her brother and then only decide whether she wishes to sell or not. Right, Kirti?’ Mayank spoke. Sprawled on a perma-tanned diwan, he had been pretending to be taking a siesta.  Propping his head on his arm, he said, ‘These things should not be hurried up, Baba. I think you will agree?’

An astonished Kirti gawked at him.

‘What? Why are you staring at me?’ He was growing out his hair and beard for a gig and looked messy but beautiful. Beauty that had no hold over her.

‘Nothing,’ she looked away.

‘I am not hurrying anyone or anything up. It's her who is in need,’ Mr.Ojha replied.

‘Well, then it is your duty to guide her,’ Mayank retorted. 

Kirti watched Mr.Ojha’s lips contorting in retaliation.  ‘Uncle is right. I want to meet him as soon as I can. I will talk to Biplab, Mayank. Don’t worry.’

‘I’ll try to be there on the negotiation day,’ he offered.

A day of surprises, was it?  

‘Thank you, Mayank,’ she mumbled vaguely to his luscious hair for he had angled away, his face hiding into the pale green of the beaten-out bolster pillow.

Mr.Ojha looked miffed.

‘Kirti,’ Ammaji climbed down the terrace stairs with the dried clothes in her hand. ‘Here fold these clothes and the ones that need to be ironed, send them out to the dhobi,’ she ordered, heaping them on a pulled-out dining chair.

‘You had a paper to prepare,’ Mayank reminded without turning back, his voice a muffle.

‘Huh? Yeah.’ she replied.

‘Then go and prepare,’ he ordered. To his mother, he said, ‘A cup of tea, Amma.’

‘Yes, I have to prepare a question paper,’ Kirti said, taking the cue and leaving the room. 

XxxX

Mayank’s promise was empty. When the negotiation happened, there were only the siblings and the interested buyer. The other party was a niggardly middle-aged man with a round paunch for a stomach, his blue vest peeping between his buttons. He swore and spittled betel juice every five minutes. 

Kirti took an instant dislike to the man but she was careful to tuck it away under a mask of indifference. Biplab did not show any such prudence. 

They argued over the price of the house.

‘Twenty-five,’ Biplab said.

‘Not a penny more than fifteen,’ the other party’s voice shot up.

‘The deal is off, then,’ Biplab was still calm. Kirti was alarmed at the finality in her brother’s tone but remained quiet to show a united front. 

‘Pacchis, pacchas koi nahi dene wala is kholi ke liye.’

‘Pehle toh tu awaaz niche kar,’ Biplab commanded.

‘Bhaiya, ye koi tarika hai baat karne ka?’ Kirti reproached. ‘Padhe likhe lagte hai aap.Shuru se maa behan kiye ja rahe hai. Aaram se baat kijiye. Kisi ke ancestral ghar ko aap kholi bol rahe hai? It doesn’t even look like you're interested.’

‘Madam sab interested hai apan. But aap isko bolo. Jake market value pata kare. Main saaf bola tha Ojha ko terah se zyada dega nahi. Value hi nahi hai. Aap log zidd karra bolke do badh gaya...uske aage possible hi nahi hai. Garmi chadhi hua hai aapke bhai ko..’

‘Abey tu ja...hamein bechna hi nahi hai tujhe...Go get lost.’ Biplab bellowed dismissively.

 ‘Aap mujhe bol rahi hai Madumm. Bhai ko sambhalo apne. Akkha life bhi baithe rahega toh bhi nahi aayega kharidaar,’ the man spat. 

‘Whether we find buyers or not, it isn’t any of your business! We aren’t selling it to you.’ Biplab stormed out of the argument in the middle. Groaning in frustration she followed him. 

‘That man is a thug!’ He barked as soon as he sighted his sister. ‘He’s taking advantage of us. He’s not even taking us seriously!’

‘I know, Biplab. But he isn’t an exception!’ She walked to his side and rubbed his elbows to calm him. ‘Biplab, we are at a point where any and everyone is going to take advantage of us.’ She remarked. ‘The time and circumstances are not on our side.’

‘So?’ He jerked away from her hold. ‘Do we sit back and accept all the injustices?’

‘We will have to wait for the right time, Biplab. Until then, don’t go on picking fights, please. You will go away and I will have to bear the consequences. You stopped Ojha uncle from joining us. What was that? He looked so angry. Perhaps his presence would have made a difference.’

‘Mr.Ojha? Hah!’ His tone was disparaging. ' I don’t trust him either! He doesn’t give out good vibes, Di! I strongly feel he took a commission from this guy.’

‘You think I have no apprehensions about them? But Biplab, we - I - need them. We have no guardian figure, right now. And like you said, nobody is taking us seriously. Everyone is out there to take advantage of us! Since we’ve been a family for years, and now that I am his daughter-in-law, I am hoping he’d be considerate of us. Even if he’s rude and wily, at least he wouldn’t do anything to harm us. As long as Dadi doesn’t wake up and I do not find a stable job, we’ll have to rely on them,’ she explained. 

‘It doesn’t have to be this way! Our mother,’ he was saying when he blanched and stopped short.

‘Mother? Our mother?! Biplab, I do not get your obsession with that woman! You didn’t even get a proper look at her! You were two when she deserted us!! This is the plain truth,’ she said exasperatedly. ‘For all we know, she might be dead!’ Kirti cried in a fit of impatience.

‘No! She’s not dead!’ He fired back. ‘I know she’s not dead!’

‘What?’ She asked wide-eyed. 

‘I mean... I... believe she isn’t dead. She definitely cares for us,’ he mumbled, his eyes vigilantly gauging her response. ‘There must be some circumstances that have kept us apart.’

‘If that helps you to sleep better at night.’ She shrugged.

‘Maybe...Di...perhaps she’s well alive. Wanted to meet us...could not…,’ he measured his words, ‘Maybe she wants us as much as we want and miss her.’

‘Talk about yourself,’ Kirti fumed. ‘She had ceased to exist for me years ago.’

‘What if she comes back and wants to make amends?’ He asked, his crinkled eyes catching every voluntary-involuntary flick of her muscle.

‘Dream on, brother,’ she derided. 

‘No, seriously. What if she comes back? Will you talk to her?’

‘What do we do about the house? We have to pay the hospital bills,’ she changed the topic. 

Miraculously, Mr.Ojha did manage to reproduce another buyer within a week itself. The deal was clinched. There weren’t any loopholes, the changing of hands happened smoothly and yet there was a niggling doubt that remained.

Biplab’s worry intensified when he came across an open tab on her browser - a rigmarole on divorce. A little snooping into her device revealed this wasn’t the first time. Her history was witness to the state of her head and heart.

Divorce after 2 months; After six months; Marriage not consummated, can marriage be annulled?; Divorced woman at 30?; Adopting a girl child. Do we require parents' permission to be able to adopt their kids?

‘So Di,’ he said when they were sitting together the day before he was to leave. ‘What do you plan to do now?’

Canyons forming on her forehead, she squinted at him, ‘What plan?’

‘About the marriage? About staying here? Plans?’ 

‘I’m still thinking,’ she evaded. Then pulling her lower lip between her teeth, she asked, ‘Will you mind if I...you know... separate from Mayank...not immediately,’ she stopped and stared at the ground, ‘but...this marriage was a mistake, Biplab. It has no future. It’s not going to last.’

She must feel so alone, he thought! To be burdened with such decisions. He felt a prickle of tears behind his eyes. Coiling his arm around hers, he lent her the warmth she so needed, ‘Di, No matter what I am with you. Okay?’

Releasing a shaky breath, she laid down her head on his puny shoulders.

‘It’s not going to be messy. If it’s mutual, it won’t be messy,’ he patted her hands. Hopefully. Then thinking about something, he asked. ‘Where are your marriage registration papers? Bring it to me.’

‘Mayank has it. Uncle must be having my copy. Let me check,’ She disengaged her arms from him and got up from the porch steps, disappearing inside.

It doesn’t have to be like this, Biplab reflected. Rudderless, without any bank in sight. They need not depend on others. Not when they had a...he pulled out a card from the pockets of his purse and flipped it between his two fingers. Tapping on R on his contacts, his scrolling finger stopped short over Rockie Kamat.

His gaze lifting, he looked and heard for signs of her. Assured of her absence, he called the man. His legs unconsciously pulling themselves up, he found himself moving towards the iron-wrought gate, the embracing branches of bougainvillea that leaned over the gate, now grazing his naked arms.

‘Hello, Mr.Kamat? Biplab here. I am ready to see her.’

XxxX

‘Manisha, remember you had mentioned a friend who had cracked NBI? Can you forward their number?’ 

‘Ya sure. I’ll Whatsapp you her number. So you’re going to sit for it?’ Manisha asked over the line.

‘I guess so. Not putting my hopes high since there are only seventy vacancies for general. But no harm in trying?’ The war she waged against her insecurities had debilitated her. But no more.

‘That’s the spirit. After all, you only need one seat,’ Manisha said to bolster her morale. Kirti, a teacher, and a veteran aspirant did not comment on how flawed only-one-seat logic was. ‘Oh by the way did you hear about Nishit?’

It was the inflection of Manisha’s voice that turned her grey. ‘What about him?’ She asked, anxiously.

‘His father suffered from a heart attack.’

‘What? Uncle? Is he okay? When?’

‘A few weeks back. It was midnight and he felt chest pain but ignored it thinking it was indigestion. Turned out it was not. Thank God that they reached the hospital on time. The doctors discovered a blocked artery or something. He underwent surgery.’

‘That must have been scary.’  Now that explains Buta’s absence. He had disappeared for days without a farewell and when asked, Mr.Ojha had said, he was visiting his native land.

‘Yes. Very. Nishit was dead scared. You should have seen him afterward. My father and I had gone to pay a visit and you should’ve seen the change in his visage. He looked so beaten. Like color had been leached off his skin.’

‘Oh’

‘Yes,’ Manisha said and there was a long pause in between.

‘How is he now?’ Kirti asked.

‘Uncle, by God’s grace, is recuperating well. The press was obtrusively printing nosy articles about him and his health. So they moved to the States for some time away from preying eyes.’ 

Kirti meant Nishit. How was he? 

‘And Nishit?’ She spelled out, his name effectuating a searing longing for him, like a lock of the door of a dam being flung open. A door that she so assiduously kept secured.

‘He’s there too. I talked with him the day before yesterday,’ Manisha replied. Kirti felt unreasonably jealous. ‘And he seems to be doing fine.’ 

‘I did not know anything. Nobody mentioned it in the group,’ Kirti said as a matter of accusation.

‘But everybody knows.’ 

Everybody except me! Even Prasanna who always calls me didn’t deem it necessary.

XxxX

She continued to dial his number until he gave up into answering her. She called him back to back. In the fifth ring, he answered.

‘Hello,’ she said tentatively. ‘Nishit,’ all her emotions disembogued into a single question, ‘How are you?’

There was a small pause before, ‘Sorry, but who is this?’ 

The spikes in his tone scraped her inside.

‘Kirti,’ she replied. ‘Singh. We studied in the same school for a few years,’ she added for good measure in case he had decided to wipe out her entire presence from his memory. Clean slate and all that.

‘Oh. Mrs.Ojha. Yeah, what’s up?’ He asked flippantly.

‘I heard about your father. How’s uncle?’

‘Fine.’ 

‘And you?’ 

Another pause. If someone were to dissect their conversation, they would discern that the pauses in their conversation were of far more weightage than the words exchanged. 

‘I’m good and busy. Gotta go, Mrs. Ojha.’ 

‘Oh, yeah. Good night...morning. It must be daytime there…’ She blabbered.

 ‘Take care…,’ she said to an empty line.

XxxX

It must have been eleven in the night when Kirti’s phone glared up. Radha was fast asleep by her side while Kirti was reading an NCERT Economics book, highlighting important points, methodically jotting down notes.

To avoid distraction, she had kept the phone on the other side of the room. When it buzzed and danced, emitting light, Kirti sighed and got down the bed. 

‘Hello. You were calling?’ She asked, looking at the midnight blue of the sky outside. The winter wasn’t harsh and they could usually do without woolen clothes for most of the season but there were nights when there was a nip in the air, and she would feel herself shiver. The bushes in the backyard trembled too with the wind. Matilda was in her cozy box but was Sylvester covered properly?

‘Kirti! Thank God, you answered your phone!’ Prasanna’s relieved voice boomed into her ears. It wasn’t the relief but the anxiety in it that startled her into attention.

‘Prasanna, is everything alright?’

‘Nothing is, Kirti! I don’t know what’s wrong with my family. Impaled with one problem after another. You know about my father and now Bhai…’

‘Nishit? What about him?’ Kirti’s heart sank. ‘Is he okay? Prasanna, calm down and tell me, what has happened.’

‘Bhai is going to get an appendectomy tonight. All alone! I called by chance and heard noises in the background. Suspected it was a hospital and only then he spilled the beans. He has no intention of letting anyone know. I asked him to call Mami - Mama or even Nanu. But he refused citing they would panic over a small thing.’

‘I thought you people were in the US.’

‘We are. Bhai returned to India because of work a week ago. Kirti would you…’

‘Which hospital, Prasanna? He is admitted where?’

‘You will go?’

‘Of course, I will!’ Her ferocity must have startled Prasanna at any other occasion but now she only felt gratitude.

‘But he said he doesn’t want anyone…’ Prasanna petered out.

‘He’s one foolish man, Prasanna. Not all his words need to be obeyed. Send me his ward details,’ Kirti was already moving out of her room. 

‘I don’t know. He did not divulge it to me. I only know he’s at Aarogya Ltd, going by the distinct ringing tone they have outside doctor’s rooms to indicate next turn.’ With her grandmother in the same hospital, Kirti knew what Prasanna was talking about.

‘ I will find him, don’t worry.’

XxxX

One advantage that came of a family admitted to the hospital for over two months now was that the staff and nurses had come to recognize her. She did not have to run around frantically in search of a certain obnoxiously self-reliant man. The familiar woman at the receptionist read her out his cabin details. A Damyanti Mashi who was in charge of changing beds and toilet pans showed her the way to his room.

When she reached there, half anxious, half scared to see him, she found the room was empty. Had he already been wheeled away for the operation?

‘Where’s the patient, Sister?’ She asked the in-charge nurse.

‘Ultrasound,’ the nurse replied, without bothering her a glance and scribbling away in a file.

She was contemplating whether she should go to the ultrasound room when she saw him wheeled inside by an errand boy. Encased in an ill-fitting pale hospital cloak, his limbs too big to be contained in the wheelchair, his vision moved around in plain boredom. It took him a few minutes to spot her, when he did his eyes widened, and her heart slammed in her chest. A blank curtain fell over his pale face as if some trickster had tapped his fingers and made his expressions disappear.

‘Why the hell are you here?’ He hissed whether, in anger or pain, it was difficult to assess considering the circumstances.

'Why do you think?' She countered.

'Escapes me,' he replied. That arrogant way of rolling his shoulders. He had that high and mighty tic since his teenage years. In the past, it had aggravated her, made her feel small, or rubbed her off in the wrong way. Now she only found it endearing.

‘Well, I am here to catch sight of the very paradigm of self-reliance. They are selling tickets for Darshana, you know,'

'Yeah? Did not have to take such pains then. Don't look in the mirrors, do you?'

'Oh, I don't know. Narcissism has never been my forte.'

[MEMBERSONLY]