Chapter 59

55. Straws

‘So, Di, are you going to be in that marriage? Wasn’t it just for Dadi’s sake?’ 

‘Even though I signed the papers just for our grandmother, a marriage is a marriage, Biplab. I am bound to him now. So, yes I am going to uphold the vows,’ Kirti whispered into the phone.

‘But it is a compromise for both of you! How long will you be able to lie to yourself?’ Biplab’s voice carried his agitation even through the miles of distance between them.

‘Lie? Compromise? I am not seeing it in a pessimistic light, Biplab. I am thinking its fate!’

‘Fate?’

‘Yes, Biplab. Mine, Mayank, Radha’s. Perhaps all of us our fates were - are interconnected. Perhaps, we had been looking in different places, when we were exactly so close to each other. Right in front of each other. That perhaps we were each other’s destiny.’

‘So you’ve decided?’ Biplab’s tone was resigned.

‘Yes, I am staying in the marriage.’

‘How’s Dadi?’ He changed the topic knowing full well arguing more would only encourage her whims and fancies.

‘Same as of now. I had to talk to you about something. Biplab, yesterday I paid Dadi’s previous month’s bills. It amounted to some lakhs taking into account the medical procedures and cabin rentals. This is only going to increase in the coming months. If you don’t mind, I am thinking about putting our house on sale,’ She asked for his opinion.

‘Sale? Can’t we put it up on rent?’ He offered.

‘Rent is not going to bring us the kind of money we are looking for.’

Kirti understood his reservations. Their home was more of an emotion than just being their abode. It was a dear companion of theirs that housed all their memories and moments. Even though their father had passed away, their mother had abandoned them, their grandma lay in deep sleep, but if Kirti looked hard, she would find all of them still in their home. Her father is sitting on the porch steps, tuning his radio; her grandmother sitting under the guava tree knitting a sweater for Biplab and her mother drying her hair in the sun. Sometimes when she sat in the backyard with her chin in her hands, she thought she heard the voices of all of them. Like she had brought a seashell to her ears which transported her to the yesteryears. Bringing back memories of a happy family. 

To give away the home was to give away a piece of their soul.

‘Desperate times Biplab,’ she explained, her eyes blinded with hot tears. ‘But who knows Biplab what tomorrow has in store for us? You might become a distinguished personality. Anil Kapoor like lawyer from Meri Jung. You become so rich that you’re able to buy back that house for us.’

‘Why only me? Who knows tomorrow you could become a distinguished officer and you are the one buying back the house. After all, it is you who has sustained us all through these years.’ He was not going to give up on her. It felt nice to know that you had at least one cheerleader.

But she wasn’t sure of her capabilities anymore. 

‘Me? I guess I could,’ she said to keep his words, then quickly changed the topic, ‘I will talk to Ojha uncle about the house. Do I have your permission and consent?’

‘Di,’ he warned.

‘Arrey, what to do? Society wants the explicit permission of the son of the house. Daughters, married daughters especially have no identity or right whatsoever of her own.’

‘In which era are you living, Di? The law has changed.’

‘Has it?’ She asked, disinterested. As if a law was going to change the ways of the world.’Are you eating well?’

‘I am,’ Biplab reassured. 

‘Did you again feel…’

‘No.  But I…’

‘What?’ Kirti was alert now as she waited for him to open up.

‘I have been dreaming about our mother.’ He said feebly.

‘Mother? Our?’

‘Yes’

‘You were too young. You must not even remember her face.’

‘Yet, I dream of her Di. Imagine what if she returns to our life one day?’

‘Is she even alive? If alive then she must be married now with a husband and a dozen children. Biplab, if she had to return she would have done so years ago. People who leave generally do so without the intention of looking back.’

‘But what if she returns?’ He persisted.

‘I hope she’s dead.’

‘Di!’ He was aggravated.

‘Yes, dead. That she was coming to meet us and came under a bus. That would absolve some of her sins. Anyways, she is as good as dead to me. Biplab, I know these are tough times and you are trying to cling to such impossible hopes...pipedreams.’

‘Aren’t you too? How different are you from me then, Di?’

‘Huh?’

‘Fate. Destiny. Aren’t you too grasping at straws? Holding on to pipedreams?’

 [MEMBERSONLY]