Chapter 13

12. The Claustrophobia Of Ordinary Days

When the clock struck five, her working hours finished, she changed out from the work wear - a wine coloured sari and long sleeved white blouse- and shimmied into a loose top and tight jeans. Waving goodbye to the other co-workers, she was coming out of the mall building, when she sighted  him leaning against his car, his arms crossed. Blue colour cotton shirt, white pants, sunglasses. When he spotted her, the side of his mouth lifted, his smile growing with every step she took towards him.

Usually her heart would skip at such surprises from him, today however, she was reminded of the caustic remarks of her classmates.

‘Tejas jase kisi ko fasaya hoga’ 

A gold digger. Is that how the world saw her? Her colleagues who often saw him outside waiting for her, did they also talk behind her?

‘Hi! What are you doing here?’ Her voice was detached and cold.

His smile fading, he immediately picked up the distance in her words.

Getting off the car, he asked, ‘Did something happen?’

‘I told you I didn’t want to meet today. I am busy. I have to go to the salon too.’

‘Get in the car. I’ll drop you.’ 

‘I’ve got my scooty.’ She was beginning to leave when he got in her way. Removing his shades, he hooked it onto his shirt.

‘Just half an hour. Come with me. We’ll talk about what’s bothering you and then you can leave.’

‘Nothing is bothering me, Tejas.’

‘Then why are avoiding me, Kirti? You aren’t picking up my calls. One word messages, What is it?! Did something happen that night? Nishit? Did he do or tell you something?’

‘Nishit?! Where did he come from?’ 

‘You tell me. He drops you home and then you start pushing me away.’

‘Nishit and I, hardly even exchanged two words that night, Tejas.’

‘Then, what is wrong?’

‘Nothing. I’m just not in a socializing mood. I want to maybe be alone?’ She saw some of her co-workers winking and waving at her before zooming off on their vehicles.

‘Han toh be alone but with me. When did you start counting me among others?’

‘Tejas please, some other day.’ She started walking to where her vehicle was parked. 

When he followed her, she exasperatedly asked, ‘What now?!’ 

‘If you aren't getting in my car, let me get on your scooty.’

‘You’re so pesky!’ She breathed out. He batted his eyelids innocently making her finally give in. 

‘Fine but only fifteen minutes.’

‘I am getting engaged on the fifteenth of this month.’ They were in the coffee house.

‘Wow! Congratulations,’ she wished him trying to bring some excitement in her tone but all she felt was a sense of despair.

‘Go out with me on Saturday.’

She raised her brows. ‘Asking one to go out with you while getting engaged to another. Tsk Tsk.’

‘Yaar…’ He looked a little bothered by her attempt at a joke.

‘Just kidding. I can’t though.’

‘It’s your off day, right?’ 

‘I cannot. Shruti will be going out of station so I am in charge of babysitting Sibin.’

‘Yaar, meri shadi hai and you’re busy with others.’

She shrugged. ‘I am in demand. You have to book appointments way ahead to avail of my services.’

‘Your services, huh?’

‘It came out all wrong.’  But he continued to tease her about ‘’services’’ gaffe and laugh. 

‘Tejas stop imagining things,’ She warned when he looked at her with that evil smirk of his. 

‘I am going to drown you in your coffee'

Then taking Kirti’s hands in his, he confessed, ‘I like this. You know, the comfort between us. The ability to joke about and share everything. Don’t push me away, Kirti. Ever.’

How does Sana tolerate them being so touchy-feely?

She pulled out her hands from his.

‘Isn’t it inevitable though, Tejas? What we have today like every other worldly thing will decay one day, it  is the given truth. Let’s savour it till it lasts.’

‘You’re speaking gibberish. Itni senti kyun huyi hui hai, aaj? Tell me the truth. Something did happen. What is it?’ He reached for her hands again but she put them on her lap,  leaving him feeling slighted and cold.

‘Are you PMSing?’

‘Passing such sexist jokes doesn’t become a lawyer like you.’

‘Guilty as charged.’ 

Then sipping his beverage, he started, ‘Nishit’s girlfriend, remember her from that night?’

She nodded. 

‘She was his friend’s girlfriend before she became his. Apparently, he hasn’t changed his ways.’

Kirti did an ‘Oh’ 

‘He must be really besotted to go after her even when he saw she was with someone else.’

‘Besotted? It’s all a game for him.’

‘But I think he must be really in love with her this time,’ She remembered the way Nishit had very tenderly pulled away Mithila’s hair, and waited for her to feel okay. That night Kirti had wanted to share her findings with Tejas but now as he sat in front of her, she realised she didn’t want to anymore. Somehow, betraying Nishit’s secret felt like a disrespect to the help he had offered her that night.

‘Love? Nishit doesn’t do love! I’ve lost the count of girls he’s been with in the past. I feel sad for the guys whose women he steals.’

‘They will find someone else. Isn’t that what relationship has come to nowadays? Breaking up and moving to another at the speed of light. And if Nishit was able to steal  the ‘girlfriends’ as you’re putting it. He kind of did them favour.’

‘Favour is it now?! Why are you taking his side?’

‘I am not. He’s wrong I know but  I just think that if your relationship is so flimsy that even a soft gush of wind is able to shake it and take it down like a pack of cards, you can’t just keep blaming the third party.’

‘A soft gush of wind? You are sooo underestimating, Nishit.’

‘Whatever. It’s of no concern to me. Let’s go. I will drop you to your car.’ She said, putting out bills to pay for the coffee.

‘So you’re not free on Saturday. Is that your final decision?’

‘Told you’

‘I have to choose my engagement outfit.’

‘Take Sana with you’

‘She’s busy too. And she doesn’t know my tastes as well as you.’

‘All the more reason to go with her!'

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

Karuna opened her eyes to see dim light steal in through the rusty grills of the window. Her small, diaphanous eyes peered at the clock in the dark. From where she lay, the numbers in the clock appeared hazy. It must be half past four.

The damned cock in the other house had started crowing from three in the morning, rousing her from sleep. As it is she had trouble falling asleep. Some of it she accounted to her old age, some of it to her stubborn but devoted grand daughter. She could not help but feel what would become of Kirti if one morning Karuna did not open her eyes. Nothing betrayed one like life.

Dragging her arthritis afflicted feet, she began her day. Holding walls and doors, she moved silently sweeping the rooms. If the girl heard, she would immediately sit, snatching away the broom to clean the house herself.  Karuna’s knees hurt as she sat down to rinse her ‘puja’ utensils. There was a time when she would cover kilometres of distance to vaccinate children during Polio Drive. In the scorching months of Jyestha, those cold blue boxes hanging from her shoulders, she would go  knocking doors of the village houses, asking if the children had taken polio drop, if yes, then she marked the doors with a chalk and if they said no, then she would administer them the vaccine herself before marking  the door. Some would offer her water, some would shut the doors at her face;  she had for more than thirty years danced to the tunes of the government. If the government wanted them to go for a vaccine duty, they went; if they wanted them to go for an election duty or census count, there they went too. But the payment always came late, as late as six months.

She always believed it was walking all that distance that had spoiled her once healthy and beautiful leg and often cursed the government for it. But, also lamented that she wished she had forged her birth certificate. She could have worked a few more years. What she received now as pension was half her wages. Now with so many wage revisions, sure she would have earned some forty thousand rupees if she were still in office. Biplab was studying, Kirti was nearing thirty and was still unmarried and also without any security of government job. What will become of them?

When Kirti woke up, after a bath and breakfast,  she left for Shruti’s place where Shruti was ready with Sibin and his bag. She was travelling to another city with her mother to appear for an exam. 

‘Hello Sibin,’ Kirti stroked his plump cheeks before taking the bag from Shruti. He was busy devouring an apple.

‘All set?’ she asked.

‘Yep. Thank you so much Kirti. I wouldn’t have asked you but you know Mummy wouldn’t let me travel alone and Bitto would be too much for her old age to tackle.’

‘Tchh. Why are you explaining? Just order and it shall be done’ Kirti winked and Shruti hugged her.

‘You’re the best.’ Turning to her son, she said, ‘Bitto, give your Mommy a kiss.’ The boy did the same.

‘When will you stop calling him Bitto?’ Christening a son of Shruti as Bitto even after having watched Band Baja Baraat was in Kirti’s opinion an infamy.

‘Bye, BITTO and don’t trouble Kirti aunty, okay?’

‘I don’t bother anyone,’ he informed his mother in his baby language.

‘Let’s go Sibin,’ Kirti said, before holding the hands of the four year old.

‘Shruti, don’t vex yourself. You are going to rock the paper. Go break a leg.’

The rest of Shruti’s day was spent quite ordinarily. She kept an eye on the boy, who sat playing with his toys, or watching song videos, that Kirti showed him on her phone. 

Only her grandmother seemed to be in an unpleasant mood. The entire day she had been muttering to herself or passing comments.

'Do you plan to spend your life babysitting others' kids?'

'Kya ho gaya Dadi? Subah subah bin mausam badal si kyun baras padi ho?'

'Exam bhi dena chod diya. Woh deti hai ki nahi?! 1 bacche ke bawajood padhai karti hai!'

'SSC JE mein Computer walon ko nahi lete!'

'Sari duniya ko lenge bas tumhe hi nahi lenge!' Then she had stormed out of the house.

Tucking the curtain in the window grill, Kirti dragged a chair to the window, and sat on it, Then with a pin in her hand, she started cleaning the lint off the dips of her comb while listening to the blabber of Sibin. He talked of monsters, and asked if she watched Ben10 and Chota Bheem. He kept pressing her to switch on TV. When she said TV was an idiot box, he went on to extolling the virtues of having a TV at home.

During that prattle Kirti had cleaned the comb and also prepared the lunch.

When Karuna returned, she finished her lunch after which she started saying, 'Shadi vadi kuch karna hai ki nahi?'

'Kya karun kar ke? Samne toh dekh rahi hun shadi ke anjam. Beech raah mein chod jate hai!'

'Jiske sath ghumti thi woh bhi shadi kar raha hai ab toh!'

'Tum raah lagaye baithi reh gayi.'

Her anger hit the roof.

'Kisne kaha Aap se ki main raah lagayi hui thi?!'

'Kaha tha na dosti aur shadi apne barabar ke logon mein hoti hai. Ghuma ke chod denge bas'

She pushed away her food plate.

'One off day I get and usmein bhi chain nahi!' Washing her hands, she picked up the keys and Sibin and left the house. 

XxxxxxxX

She had disappeared into brown study not really aware of others around her, her eyes only at the small boy, who happily played with the balloon and did not tread the dangerous zone once she promised she'd get him an ice cream in reward.

The rise and fall of the tide was really lulling. The waves lapping up the shore, the noise of it soothing her nerves. She always came to this place when things became too much to bear.

Picking up her phone she texted her brother.

'What's up?'

'In class'

'Oh. I am at the Worli Sea Face'

Her brother immediately picking up her mood asked, 'Did Dadi say anything?'

'Same story. Job. Marriage.' She looked at the side to see the boy wandering and got down the parapet to pull him back and then making her sit on her lap, she checked her phone.

He hadn't written anything but was typing. Perhaps she had made him sad and he didn't know what to say.

'I miss you' '34 days to go' They both sent together.

'Then we will take the scolding together.'

She sent a smiley.

The child wriggled in her lap struggling to get out.

'No, I will not you free. You run away again.'

'I will not. Promise.'

Sending a hug gif to her brother, she kept away the phone. 

'Sibin, can you hear the gulls?' 

'What? Where?' He looked around curiously as she passed a hand over his curls, her own hair flying and slapping her face.

What was it like being a single mother? Or be a child without a father. Around her were mostly couples, either getting cozy or simply chatting. Love was too overrated. Marriage too.

When she could no longer ignore the thought that her very old grandmother was all alone at home, she got down the parapet, pulling down Sibin with her, ready to return to that same burdening world.

They were returning when he sighted a candy floss seller, and began demanding it. She got him one and since it had been a long time since she had one, she bought one for herself too, just to remind herself the taste of it.

A candy floss in one hand, other hand catching the wrist of the boy, she was walking away when a very clear voice called out her name.

'Kirti... KIRTIII'

'Aunty, someone is calling you,' Sibin had stopped walking and was now turned to the voice.

She turned to see a man dressed to nines, a cooked ear of corn in his hand.

Filling the distance between them, 'Kirti!' He said. 'Hi'

A round neck striped Levi's shirt, slim jeans and sneakers. 

The candy floss man must have smuggled some weed into it or it could be her strange mood, because what Kirti did next she could never explain why she did what she did.

'Hello Nishit,' she said her eyes on the man. 

'What are the odds!'

'Hmm,' he replied looking at the boy next to her

'Oh. This. This is my son. Sibin Verghese.' 

He stared blankly at her. She licked away the stickiness of the candy floss from her lips.

'Your son?' 

'Yes, my son.'

'You are married?'

'One doesn't need to be married to have a son.'

'Touche. Then again, you are married?'

'I was. You didn't greet Sibin,' she accused.

'Hello Sibin. Cute boy you have'

'Thank you. Takes after me.'

'Absolutely'

'So... Mrs.Verghese, is it? Where's your husband?'

'Oh no. I go by Ms.Verghese these days. I have separated from my husband.'

He looked at her, Ms.Verghese, keenly. He had never looked at Kirti Singh like that. To Kirti Singh, he had always remained indifferent, watching her gravely, acknowledging her only when it was most needed, with nods and bare one words.

She started to feel queasy. What was she up to? Why was he playing along? 

'I am bringing up my son all on my own. Aren't I aw.sm?'

'You are both awesome and courageous Ms.Verghese. You have always been.' 

'I know! I will take your leave then. It's Sibin's nap time.'

'I am sorry to have interrupted you. I was hoping to re-introduce my sister to you.'

He had moved aside and it was then that Kirti had noticed, Prasanna. The girl like her brother, had in her hand a cooked corn in the cob, as well.

Her face quickly matching the shade of his shirt, she couldn't meet the eyes of the younger girl.

'Hello Kirti? Or is it Ms. Verghese?'

Kirti knew her smile was deceiving nobody. Catching hold of Sibin, she turned her back to them, and began taking long steps away from them. But then she turned once again, returning to them in quick, big strides.

'Hello Prasanna. It is a pleasure to see you again.The earlier thing... can we pretend it didn't happen? I was in an awful mood and I don't know what came over me...Maybe I wanted to see how it was like to be a single mother...let's just say...I was joking.'

'Then we'll have to say that your sense of humour has hit the skids.' The brother commented. 

She refused to look at him.

'I would any day take, The ant and elephant over whatever this 'earlier thing' was.' He said once again making her colour deeply.

'I did not notice you were here as well,' Kirti told Prasanna.

'No issues. I am used to being invisible.' Kirti did not know what to say.

'I don't get to go out usually, so I keep troubling him to take me out. Unlucky him to have such a clingy sister!'

'There's nothing unlucky about it. I wish I had a clingy sister with whom I could share my heart over a ear of corn. I'm sure he's secretly pleased that you still give him your time of day. And, you've grown up to be so lovely, Prasanna. What have you been up to?'

'I'm doing sound engineering.'

'That's interesting.'

'This boy, is he yours?'

'No, he's my friend's son.'

'Ms.Verghese's, I suppose,' The brother supplied.

'Right' No points for guessing.

'Sibin, beta, say hello to Didi, and uncle'

'Why is she a Didi, and I, an uncle?'

Peeling her eyes away from the lovely face of Prasanna, she looked at him.

'Maybe because, you are his aunt's classmate'

'That makes me an uncle?'

'Sibin, say hello to Bhaiya,' she said exasperatedly. 

'I really have to leave. I wasn't bluffing when I said it is his nap time. It was nice meeting you.'

'Kirti, how's your brother?' Prasanna stopped her from turning.

'Oh thank you for remembering him. He's in law college now and he remembers you too.'

'Does he?'

Kirti nodded.

'Do visit home when you have time , Kirti. It used to be fun earlier.' Prasanna invited.

'Sure thing!'

Nishit and his sister continued observing her until she and the child became two small dots.

'Ms. Verghese? What an oddball,'Prasanna commented looking at her brother. He, peeling his gaze away from the dot, quietly returned to his corn. 

Kirti was starting the bike when her phone began to ring. It was from an unsaved number. True caller said, it was Navyam Prakash calling her.

Why would he call her?

'Hello?'

'Kirti, it's Navyam speaking. Which branch of Darveys do you work at?'

'Why?'

'What why? Hadn't you said you helped rich, headless customers like me get a discount?'

[NOCOPY]

[MEMBERSONLY]