Chapter 9

8. For Old Times' Sake

‘Kirti, come here’

It was late evening now and most of the guests had returned home. The ones who remained had ganged up into groups, having taken a corner or spot to either reminisce old times or to just gauge if any other person by chance was happier than them.

Kirti’s school friends had captured the huge round sofa that was in the middle of the spacious room. Some sat on the sofa, while others at the foot of it. When Manisha  invited her to where they sat, there hadn’t been any vacant seat. 

Manisha sat next to her boyfriend, and next to her sat the other two girls, Aranyayani and Sagarika. On the other sofa sat Mehek, Nishit and his girlfriend maybe, seeing the way the woman had hands around his waist. The single seater was taken by Navyam. Piyush and Kinshuk sat on the carpeted floor, leaning against the fine furniture.

She was not going to sit on the floor, obviously. No, not because of her clothes but because they always made her feel inferior to them and sitting at their feet, she wasn’t going to cement that feeling.

So she just kept standing, smiling at Manisha, waiting for the girls to make space for her. That three seater sofa could easily accommodate four of them. But they didn’t. 

‘Kirti, come here,’ Navyam moving a little, patted the space he had made for her.

‘Umm, no thanks.’

She was half the mind of turning away from these byproducts of a capitalist society leaving them to their own, but then Nishit disentangling himself from his girlfriend’s arm, stood up and gave her his seat.

She hesitated for a bit but he said,’Please,’ and she while sitting down next to his girlfriend, asked, ‘Where will you sit?’ 

‘Here,’ he said, sliding down the front panel of the sofa and leaning against it, sitting between her and his supposed girlfriend’s legs. His fabric clad shoulders touched the smooth georgette beige pink of her dress and she stealthily moved her legs away, not to draw any attention. Earlier, she had been called a prude too many times for such juvenile reactions.

Then she turned to the girlfriend, and smiled, trying to emit grace and poise. After all, an outsider she had no knowledge of Kirti’s shortcomings, her not so good background.

The woman gave her a formal smile, the one that did not reach her eyes at all. Then with a flick of hair, she turned away, lowering her head, putting her chin on Nishit’s head. When he pulled away, she lowered her lips to his ears whispering something.

Maybe she was angry because Kirti taking her boyfriend’s place had cut short their foreplay. An animal in heat, Kirti, let’s ignore them.

‘Beautiful dress,’ Sagarika commented, ‘Love the way it gathers around the waist and then flairs and that detailing at the shoulders. Classic!’

‘‘And heels too! They are lovely!’ 

Kirti gazed down at her feet peeping out from the long maxi dress she had worn to the party. Nothing was hers.The skin maybe, but even that prickled and felt unreal under the perusing gazes of these people.

‘Can’t believe you are the same girl who wore ripped shoes to school!’ Aranyayani chimed in.

‘You wore ripped shoes to school?!’ The girlfriend’s head upturned in surprise.

‘I did,’ Kirti answered nonchalantly, ‘‘I still have days when I wear ripped shoes to work or anywhere else. I have a pair of them at home so don’t be disheartened, Aranyayani. I have not changed a bit.’

‘But those are some expensive shoes you are wearing. Really good material,’ Sagarika expressed her liking for the footwear.

‘Are they? I had no idea. Glad you approve.' I chose them just keeping in mind the standards of people I would be meeting.

‘Your pay must be really good to afford that.’

Kirti said, ‘Mmhmm’ and when she did not elaborate, Sagarika whispered to Aranyayani, ‘Must be fake’

She felt like she was thrown back to the past where every conversation with her ‘friends’ had felt like a self affirmation session. It was like they had been assigned the task to drill the unworthiness of her existence into the core being. Come on, Repeat after me, I live a shit life. I have nothing. I am nothing. Dirty worm. Dirty worm. Kirti Singh is a dirty worm. A wet, icky worm that is better suited to crawling in the puddles of dirt but by some unreasonable flick of luck has been transferred on to a bed of roses. The roses refuse to share their fragrance with it. Dirty worm. Dirty worm, go back to from where you’ve come.

She began to feel the weight of a shadow settle on her back, gorging on her positive energy, she tried recalling the encouraging words of Mayank, but they evaded her. Pull yourself together, Kirti. Hero. Right! She was a hero.

She was putting her chin high, when someone tapped on her toe. Cold fingers on her naked skin.

She looked down to see it was Nishit. Pulling away her feet, she looked at him, her face befuddled. 

‘Strange shoes. What are these called?’ In between his two fingers, he plucked a tassel of cloth that dangled from her heels. 

Was he drunk? No consideration of personal boundaries! She pulled away once again.

‘No idea,’ she said.

‘Open-toe fringe heels,’ his girlfriend supplied before whispering something into his ear.

‘Kirti, how come a retail associate? You had left school to pursue a diploma, right?’ Manisha asked this time.

‘Polytechnic,’ Piyush corrected.

‘Same thing, you duffer,’ Manisha reverted.

‘Yeah, but the year I graduated there happened to be no campus selection.’

‘Oh. But they keep releasing vacancies for Junior Engineers. You could have applied there’

‘Yeah, I could have,’ she said and left it at that. She wished she had a glass or something to eat, anything to hold onto. This was very easily turning into a grilling session.

‘What are you doing?’ Kirti asked.

‘Oh me. Nothing great. I work at NABARD. Manager.’

‘What’s NABARD?’ Navyam asked.

‘National Bank for Rural and Agricultural Development,’ Kirti answered him.

‘You know?’ Manisha asked, amazed.

‘Hmm. One of the most coveted government jobs in India. Why wouldn’t I?’

‘No, it’s just that whenever I mention it in front of these people, they never seem to know about it.’

She shrugged. These people had the penchant for knowing about branded things only, and government brands not included. These were corporate kids, they thought of the government and its agencies only when they needed it to pass a loan or amend a law.

‘Did you meet my boyfriend? Yash Deshmukh. He’s a businessman.’

Then Navyam and Piyush started bragging about their white collared job.

Kirti looked at her watch. It was past nine. She needed to go back home. Thinking about her Dadi, she texted Mohini, a girl, whom she paid to take care of Dadi when she was away.

‘Dadi okay?’

‘Thumps up’ was the girl’s response.

‘Did you both eat?’

‘Yup.’

The conversation had moved to Sana and Tejas.

‘Who would have thought!?Right?’ Aranyayani exclaimed.

‘I always thought Kirti and Tejas were going to be the end game.’ Manisha declared.

‘Saaamme,’ Piyush dragged and Kirti gathering all the courage in her heart, looked up from her phone and asked innocently, ‘Who me? No. We’re just friends.’

‘Said every guy and girl ever before making it official’ Kinshuk laughed looking up at her.

‘Hey, Kirti. Tell us the truth. Did you never feel anything for him?’ They all were staring at her. 

‘Never!’ She lied.

‘Liar! He is good looking and has always been kind to you.You have always been together. Didn’t your heart flutter at all?’ He had been a quiet guy. When did he grow up to be such a bully!

‘So?’

‘Girls always fall for these kind.’

‘I have a friend who is faarrr good looking than the entire room of men here. He has a golden heart too. He doesn’t treat me kindly though. He treats me like a friend ought to treat another friend. If there were a chance to fall for anybody, he’s the first contender then.’

‘Wooooohoo. Who’s this friend?’

‘Which friend?’ Tejas asked as he joined them, Sana not far behind, busy on her phone. 

‘I was talking about Mayank.’ She had to turn around on the sofa to meet his eyes as he was standing behind her. Once she met the brown of his orbs, she felt life return to her.

‘Oh that actor,’ he muttered carelessly.

‘You know actors now?’ Mehek, asked surprised.

‘Not a big shot. Just a struggling actor.’ Tejas clarified for her.

‘He’s not a struggling actor. He has acted in supporting roles in some popular telefilms and played the lead character in Kabhi Na Kabhi.’ 

‘What is Kabhi na Kabhi?’ Sagarika asked, her curiosity piqued,

‘It comes on MoonWolf TV.’

‘Oh. I don’t watch TV.’ Her actor friend was dismissed just like that.

‘’Tejas we were saying that, we thought you’d end up with Kirti.’ Kirti wished she could disappear from the face of earth.

‘What? Kirti?’ His laughter roared in the now almost empty room.

Then hugging her from back, ‘We are best friends yaa,’ he said before nuzzling her hair.

Her heart breaking into tiny little pieces, she tried moving away from him, but he had captured her head within his arms and kept her tight in his hold. The proximity affecting her, her toes curled inward, she felt conscious of the man who stood behind her, the man who sat at her feet and all the people whose gazes were glued to her.

She hit him with her elbows and freed herself. 

‘You have your girlfriend now. Go and hug her. Leave me alone, you chimp.’ She hoped she had acted well.

She sat in daze as people conversed around her, Sana and Tejas detailing their meet ups and progressing of their love story. Her gaze glued to the carpet, she saw long fingers poking and pulling a thread, playing with it. The girlfriend was in turn playing with the man’s short hair.

Why did he cut his hair so short? What was even their to play with military-sh hair?

Her heart getting heavier by each second, she wished to return home. 

‘A song. A song, please for old times sake! Please.’ The chorus had begun to form. Kirti was distracted. How much energy did these people have? Don’t they want to go home? Quiet, sweet home?

‘Nishit, you always have a guitar with you, right?’

‘It’s in the car,’ he replied.

‘Tejas, bro, sing for us.’

‘One song, Tejas, for me,’ Sana coaxed him.

‘ I will if Kirti accompanies me.’

‘Me?’ All the eyes were on her.

‘I don’t think so’

‘Kirti, for me,’ He very well knew she couldn’t say no to him when he made that puppy expression.

‘Fine,’ and that was how she was forced to sing.

‘You start the song, I will accompany you,’ Tejas told her.

‘Why do I start?’

‘Because you are a better singer, my luv.’

Nishit was going to play the guitar. It felt strange to perform together. There had been at times when Tejas, Nishit and her had acted like they were a band and had mocked performed in Tejas' room.

Once Nishit and her had been good friends, she had thought but no, she had been  wrong. He had betrayed her and Tejas in the worst possible manner. Tejas' might have forgiven him, she had not. 

‘Which song?’ He asked.

‘This one,’ she showed him. He looked at her phone and looked at her weirdly.

‘You sure?'

‘Why do you ask?’ It was what Tejas and her always sang together.

He muttered to himself something about embarrassing oneself; to her he said, ‘Go ahead.’

Mere Yaara Tere Gham Agar Paayenge

Humein Teri Hai Kasam, Hum Saawar Jayenge, 

She started and closed her eyes. And all the memories of the past, with Tejas came to dance in front of her eyes. 

Tere Kaandhe Se Hi Lag Ke

Yaara Beete Umar Saari

Socho Kaisi Hogi qismat

Hua Yun Toh Phir Humaari

Saare Aansoon Toh Ho Tere

Aur Aankhein Ho Humaari

Tere Dard Humein, Jo Mile Pyaar Mein,

Tere Dard Humein Jo Mile Pyaar Mein

Hum Khushi Se Yoon Bhar Jayenge

Hum Mar Jayenge…

When he joined her with the next set of lyrics, she opened her eyes. He was peering down at her, and she felt it was only two of them, that nothing had changed. That he might not have realized that he loved her but he will come around. 

Chaahe Dukh Ho, Chaahe Sukh Ho

Dil Ne Tujhko Hi Pukaara

Tune Humko Hai Banaaya

Tune Humko Hai Sawaara

Jahaan Ko Rab Ka Hai, Humein Tera Hai Sahaara

Bas Tera Saath Ho, Chaahe Jo Baat Ho,

Bas Tera Saath Ho Chaahe Jo Baat Ho

Tere Kehne Se Kar Jayenge

Hum Mar Jayenge O

Hum Mar Jayenge.

This song had always been theirs. She had always felt one with him, whenever he had looked into her eyes and sang songs together with her. The pain, the disappointment had all faded away.

But that night as she saw him tear his eyes away from hers and reach for Sana, hold her hands, and pull her close to him; she felt she was drowning. She felt she was trying to hold on to him, but he was being carried away by a strong wave. They were drifting apart and she had no way to get him back to him. No right, as well.

Xxxxxxx

The group had dispersed after that, Tejas and Sana disappearing from the scene once again. It was half past eleven and Kirti needed to go back home. She went to search for Tejas for he was going to drive her back home. He had promised.

She texted him but received no response.

Going upstairs, where some had disappeared, she thought he might be there. Earlier he had excused to go to the washroom.

It was relatively dark and a room was half open, her mind had warned her not to tread any further and despite that she had moved ahead. She then deserved the pain, didn’t she? Peeping Toms should definitely be punished.

What she saw would forever be etched in her memory.

A woman half dressed, a man sucking, eating up her mouth, rubbing himself on her. Tejas.

She ran away as surreptitiously as she could, her food coming to her mouth. In the washroom, locking herself in a toilet room, she emptied her stomach contents. Her eyes were leaking and she didn't know how to contain her feelings anymore. 

She couldn't lose it here, no she couldn't. Coming out of the bathroom, she went looking for something to drink in the kitchen. She was about to enter but heard herself being discussed. 

'She literally has heart in her eyes when she looks at Tejas.'

'I don't know how Sana tolerates Tejas going all touchy with Kirti. Did you look at them hugging?'

'And that song, eww, gave me creeps. It was literally her confessing him.'

'I am still stuck at the heels part though. How can she afford that?'

'You don't know girls like her. Tejas jaise kisi ko fasaya hua hoga'

'That actor friend may be.'

'You forgot struggling actor'

'Did you see her trying to act...'

Kirti couldn't listen to it anymore. She had to leave. 

But how was she to go back? She had no means of transport. Her home was on the other end of the city. If she were to call a taxi it would cost her money that she didn't have on her now. 

But she could always pay the taxi driver once she reached home.

She looked in her phone if there was any taxi available.

Outside the farmhouse, she kept checking her phone. The taxi had been showing at the same distance for the last thirty minutes. What the heck!

'Bhaiyya, aap aa rahe ho?' She called him.

'Aa raha hai madam. Aa raha hai,' he assured her.

'He's not coming.' Someone whispered behind her and petrified she turned to look back.

'Nishit'

'It's almost twelve. No taxi is coming now'

'Come I will drop you'

'He just said, he's coming'

'But he will not. I say this from experience.'

The wind was cold and it caused goosebumps to break on her skin. Her heels and earrings  were digging into her skin and she really wanted to go home and hit the sack. Maybe wail her heart out before hitting the sack.

'Last time. Come I will drop you?'

He was twiddling with the keys in his hands, one hand still in his pocket.

It was late night, she was dressed too much as well to be alone in a taxi and then her grandmother must be worried, she thought and taking a lift would save her money too, she reasoned. 

'Okay,' she followed him.

His girlfriend, drunken girlfriend for she had seen her down drinks after drink, was already seated in the passenger seat. Kirti opened the back door.

'Helo Kirrti,' she slurred.

The car had begun to move and Kirti's eyes were stuck outside the window. But not really. 

She witnessed the girlfriend put her legs against the glove compartment.

'Legs down Mithila,' he said in a gruff voice.  Oh. So her name was Mithila. Mithila and Nishit. MN.NM. What an alphabetical pair!

'He lurve me. Lurve me not.' Mithila was speaking gibberish, her mouth close to his ears. Removing her sandals and earrings, she put it on the compartment. One of her sandals went into the beverage holder.

'I need to puke. Nit, puke.' Mithila was blabbering.

This was the reason Kirti never drank. As it is so many things were out of control of a man's hands. How could anyone give a toxic drink such control over their body?

'Uffho. Hold it in for a second,' he said and then took to side and stopped the car. Then Kirti saw what if not seen from her own eyes she would have never believed it. 

The man was holding back her hair, as the girlfriend vomited. Wow. Perhaps being in love brought the sensitive side out in one. 

Kirti might have felt jealous too. How could all these kids get to have everything. Fancy life and a love reciprocated!

'Kirti, get me a water bottle. It must be inside.'

Once, Mithila felt okay, she got into the back seat saying she needed to lay down. 

Kirti sat next to him.

'So Sana and Tejas!' He tried making a small talk.

'Hmm. Sana and Tejas,' she repeated then turned her face to look out of the window putting an end to the conversation.

Mithila' s apartment arrived and he had to carry her to her house. How romantic! How caring! How unlike Nishit Aggarwal! She had to talk to Tejas of what she had seen. Together they would have made fun of him. But then soon an acute sadness engulfed her at his memory.

'

When the reached the main city he asked for directions to her home. She gave him.

'Same place?' 

She nodded her head.

'You can drop me here.'

'Why?'

'The lane is narrow. Your car won't fit.'

'I will walk you home.'

'No need'

'I insist. I will not be able sleep peacefully if I left a girl on a deserted road like this. My mom would kill me if she got to know this unchivalrous side of me.'

His mom. Rimjhim Ma'am. 

And by some twist of fate, they had walked together on those narrow, curvy roads,sorry she forgot to add dirty. Dirty roads.  

'Bye,' she had said once outside her door. He had looked at her as if expecting something.

'Later then,' he had said and left.

'Aa gayi beta,' Her granny was up and waiting.

'Dadi, Khana khaya?'

'Kha liya. Aur tune?'

'Maine bhi!'

'Darwaze pe kaun tha?'

'School ka ladka'

'Dost?'

'Hmm' 

'Bahut neend aa rahi hai Dadi, chaliye so jate hai'

'Aa ja beta'

No he was not her friend. He was just a rich guy taking a pity on a poor girl. Rich and chivalrous.

[MEMBERSONLY]

[NOCOPY]