Chapter 4

[MEMBERSONLY] [NOCOPY]

Note: If my words affect you, and you feel the pain, the joy, the hope, the despair... I consider it a great honour! 

My heart isn't steady, not even close... when I write these scenes

I am Sai when I write Sai, I am Virat when I write Virat and everyone else... But I feel Sai and Virat in me when I write always.. so you can imagine how my heart was breaking for them...

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Picturing the young, brave wife of his Virat Sir in his mind, Nishikant swallowed hard, and said, “Ji Bhabi. Ek aur baat. Virat Sir ne hamesha apne team se ek vaada kiya hai aur liya bhi hai, har mission aur operation se pehle. Ki kuch bhi ho jaaye, achcha ya bura, har ek team member ko apne parivaar ko lauta denge. Ghum hone nahi denge. Ab humari poori team me bas mai hi hu yahan, lekin ye mera vaada hai aapse, Sir ko aapko lauta doonga mai...”

Understanding the implications behind a policeman’s promise to his team, Sai straightened once, and thanked him, before cutting the call. Staring straight ahead, Nishikant’s words replaying in her head, as she processed that Virat Sir had taken a promise from his team that he be returned to her, if he himself couldn’t return, she slowly collapsed into a heap on the floor.

Seeing this, the entire family, who had been watching her in deepening concern, let out a cry and leaping forward, Mohit caught her, and gently lowered her onto the floor. Grabbing her arms, he asked urgently, “Kya kaha uss officer ne, Vahini? Aap aise kyu gire?”

Looking up above his head and straight at Ninad and Ashwini, she said, her voice so soft, that it was barely audible. “Nishikantji bol rahe the ki Virat Sir ne apne team se ek vaada liya tha, ki jo bhi ho jaaye, unko mujhe lautana hai... aur unka team woh vaada nibhaayenge.”

And far away, his arms finally giving away after fighting for hours against the current, Virat went under, his Sai’s glorious smile the last thing that flashed in front of his eyes as the water rushed up over his head.

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Part 4

Day 2 - Dark are the Days with no hope left

As Ashwini all but crumbled, Ninad held her up, and looking at his son’s wife, who was sitting, her arms wrapped around herself so tightly that it looked as if she were trying to prevent herself from breaking into pieces, remembered a soldier’s promise... no one shall be left behind, alive or dead.

Wrapping both arms around his wife, he looked at Sai, realising that she had done this before, as she kept vigil over her father, and his heart breaking all over again, now with compassion for this young girl, who he knew his son loved with every fibre of his being. 

He had seen it in Virat’s eyes, in everything Virat did, everything Virat said… Sai owned him heart, mind, body and soul.

As for Sai, she closed her eyes tight, trying hard to block out everything and keep only Virat Sir’s face behind her closed lids. 

Her lips twisted into an almost smile, as she realised that she was doing it again, taking help from Virat Sir to take away her worries, that were for him himself in the first place.

His teary smile as he thanked her for reuniting Kaku with Tai flashing in front of her eyes, followed by his cheeky smile as he admitted to secretly planning her birthday party, to his smile of pure affection as he danced with her, playing in front of her eyes, her breathing started getting raspier.

Almost hunching over, unaware that Karishma had joined Mohit on the floor and were holding her up, her harsh breathing audible to everyone, she started twisting her ring, his face as he put it on her finger now flashing in front of her.

His smile, as he asked her, hesitantly, hopefully and heartbreakingly, that she didn’t understand then, but was becoming clearer now from his face as it appeared a hundred times more magnified in front of her closed eyes, Sai started almost gasping to draw a breath from the sheer pain that enveloped her chest.

Isse hamesha pehenke rakhogi naa?

His eyes had been teary and he had looked unbearably shattered as he looked down at her with a soft smile.

Isse kabhi mat utaarna….chaahe kuch bhi ho jaaye.

He had held on to her hand a little tighter as he said that, as if reassuring himself that she would keep it on, and value it as much as he did.

Agar mai iss duniya me naa rahu..

He had looked at her as she gasped and placed her finger on his lips to stop those words, his eyes softening and taking on a sheen of tears and love that she always found in them as he looked at her these days.

Shaking her head, as she tried to focus on a different memory, those words started replaying again and again.

Agar mai iss duniya me naa rahu..

Agar mai iss duniya me naa rahu..

Agar mai iss duniya me naa rahu..

Unable to bear it any longer, she grabbed her head in both hands and hunched over, a keening wail slowly rising from her parched throat.

“Nahi, nahi, nahi... aapke bina nahi... aapke bina nahi...”

As Karishma held her tighter, looking up at the elders helplessly and crying silently, Ashwini got herself free from Ninad’s hold and rushed to her daughter. 

Kneeling on the floor next to Sai and grabbing her face in both hands, and lifting it up, she was shocked to see how white Sai had become, her tearless, bloodshot eyes the only spot of colour on her face.

Almost shaking her, Ashwini said, “Kuch nahi hoga Virat ko! Suna tumne? Kuch nahi hoga tumhare Virat Sir ko!”

Her eyes dry, her voice rasping, her gaze distant and unfocussed, Sai merely replied, “Ji Aai, kyunki Virat Sir ki Sai bhi unke bina zinda nahi rahegi.”  

“Sai!” Ashwini almost yelled, shaking her, trying to get Sai back to her senses.”Kuch bhi bol rahi ho!”

Getting no response, Ashwini grabbed her close, looking at Ninad through her streaming eyes, asking for help. 

Thoroughly shaken himself, at the depth of Sai’s reaction, Ninad too moved up to them and crouching, kept his hand on Sai’s head.

“Sai, mai jaanta hoon ki tumne bas mere aur VIrat ke bikhre hue rishte ko hi dekha hai. Par yakeen maano, main apne bete ko jaanta hoon. Aur itna jaanta hoon ki koi bhi mushkil use  wapas aane se rok nahi paayenge…. Kuch bhi ho jaaye, Virat aayega, zaroor aayega.”

Apparently, Ninad’s voice penetrated through the haze that had been surrounding her, because Sai looked up, and her red eyes focussing on him, replied, “Vaade ke pakke hai, Virat Sir. Aur unhone mere Aaba ko mera dhyan rakhne ka vaada kiye the toh unko aana hi hoga naa, Baba? Aise chodke nahi jaayenge naa? Aayenge na?”

Nodding his head, he could only stroke her hair, for fear of breaking down completely if he spoke. 

Clutching his hand, Sai said, her tone going flat again, “Aapko shayad pata nahi hoga, Baba, jab Aaba gaye the naa, meri duniya hi khatam ho gayi thi. Aur shayad meri zindagi bhi usi din khatam ho jaati, Virat Sir nahi hote toh. Unse mera naahi sirf dil ka rishta hai, balki khoon ka bhi rishta hai.”

Not noticing the concerned and confused looks the family were giving each other, none of them aware of what had happened in Gadchiroli that night, not even Aai, Sai continued, “Uss rishte ke vaaste hi sahi, Bappa unhe nahi door kar sakte mujhse. Unke sivaay hai hi kaun mera? Virat Sir hi toh Sai ke liye…”

Her voice trailed off, her eyes shuttering again, withdrawing deep into herself.

Chilled to his bones at her words and expression, Ninad gathered her into his arms, cupping the back of her head and resting her face against his shoulder.

Feeling her go almost limp, he whispered, only for Sai’s ears, not sure if it would even register on her , “Jaanta hoon apne bete ko… Virat uski Sai ke paas aayega.”

There he sat holding her, relieved at the fact that Sai had put her arms also around him after his reassuring her. 

“Jissko aaj tak apni beti toh kya, apni bahu tak ka maan nahi diya, usski ye haalat aaj mujhe bardaasht hi nahi ho raha”, he cried silently.

Mentally cursing himself that it had taken something like this for him to understand the depth of the bond between his son and his daughter-in-law, Ninad just sat there, holding this young girl, giving as much comfort to her as he could, pushing down his own panic and fear.

Bhavani too couldn’t help but swallow down her cry at seeing Sai like this. “Kuch bhi kaho, moohphat hogi, ziddi hogi, jungli hogi, lekin Virat ko isse zyada pyaar aur parvah karnewali biwi hum bhi kahin se laa nahi sakte the. Bappa, humare Virat ko sai salamat wapas le aana”, she prayed.

Taking a deep breath, and wiping her own teary eyes and taking note of how exhausted everyone was, especially Ninad, Ashwini and Sai, Mansi Bua said, “Ninad, tum Ashwini ko leke jaao, thoda aaraam karo. Aur Sai beta, tum mere saath chalo, mai tumhe tumhare kamre me le jaati hoon.”

At their feeble protests, she raised her hand firmly, “Uss Inspector ne kaha na, khabar milte hi bataayenge. Aur tum teeno apne sehad ka dhyan nahi rakhenge toh jab Virat aayega, ussko jawab hume dene padenge! Chalo ab!” 

Turning to Bhavani, who had regained her composure, but was still sitting shell-shocked, she continued, “Vahini, aap bhi jaayiye, aaraam keejiye thoda.”

Looking over at Omkar and Sonali, she gestured at them to take Bhavani to her room, and after making sure that Ninad and Ashwini went up too, she took Sai to her and Virat’s room. 

At her offer of keeping Sai company, she just turned and hugged her silently, and shaking her head, walked in alone. Sai couldn’t bear to be with anyone else any longer. 

She wanted her Virat Sir to come and make everything alright again, exhausted of the gut-deep stress and fear she was in.

She went to wash her face, the white faced girl in the mirror appearing to be a stranger to her. Walking out, she saw that Mansi Bua had left and closing the door, went and sat on the bed. 

Gently running her hand over Virat’s side, she swallowed a sob, and slowly lay across the bed, burying her face in his pillow. 

Feeling his presence envelop her, from the unique fragrance that was him filling up her lungs, she finally wept, in great racking sobs, the pillow getting wet thoroughly.

A long while later, she shifted her head sideways and her eyes lit upon the bouquet of roses he had gotten her, that was still kept on his side table. Remembering everything he had done for her birthday, and her last conversation with him over phone, she crumbled again, and exhausted, fell asleep.

All her dreams were of him.

“Kitne aadmi the....”

“Ab Sai ke sath mai hoon… aur jab tak mai hoon, Sai ke sath kuch bhi galat nahi ho sakta...”

“Ye haath mujhe de de Sai Joshi…”

“Mere liye tum winner ho…”

“Sai meri biwi hai…”

“Lekin mai tumhe pasand karta hu… I’m serious!”

“Isse hamesha pehenke rakhogi naa?”

“Isse kabhi mat utaarna….chaahe kuch bhi ho jaaye…”

“Agar mai iss duniya me naa rahu…”

“VIRAT SIR!!!”, she woke up with a scream.

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And a long way away, the cold of the water was unbearable as he went under. Steadily succumbing to the life-taking lethargy he had studied about, Virat almost breathed in the water, when a sudden laugh, burned into his memory somewhere, stopped his reflex. 

As his numb brain tried to process the memory, an agonised scream, coming from somewhere deep within him, shocked open his eyes. 

Sai… his heart whispered… 

Virat put every ounce of the energy he had left to stop from drawing breath underwater, forcing himself to ignore the burning in his oxygen-starved lungs. 

His white-water training kicking in, he relaxed his muscles, and stopping himself from fighting the current as he had subconsciously started to do in his exhaustion, formed his body into the spear-position and slowly turned with the current until he moved agonizingly slowly closer to the bank.

Feeling something hard against his legs finally, he kicked up from the bottom, having found a solid rock to kick against. His head finally breaking the surface, he drew in a great gasping breath. 

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“Sshhh, Sai… shaanth…”, Mansi Bua said, sitting next to her.

Understanding that Sai needed to be alone for a while, she had left and come back later, to sit with her as she slept. Stroking her hair, she made Sai lie down again, “Thodi der aur so jaao, beta…”

Sitting up and looking around blankly, Sai focussed on Buaji and replied slowly, “Nahi Buaji. Aap jaake aaraam keejiye, main theek hu. Bas sapna tha... Soungi nahi, bas thodi der aur aaraam karungi, aur fir phone try karungi Nishikantji ke.”

Seeing that Sai was almost back to normalcy, and the blank panic that had enveloped her had subsided, Mansi nodded and got up, “Kuch bhi chahiye ho toh batana. Shivani aur mai dono yhi honge, paas me.”

“Ji Buaji.”

Sitting up, after Buaji left, Sai took her phone, and seeing that the network was back, sent a quick message to Nishikant, asking if there were any updates. 

Gulping down a sob at thinking that as she sat there, her Virat Sir might be stuck in gushing waters, fighting for his life, Sai closed her eyes tight, grabbing a pillow from the remnants of the pillow wall to bury her face in. 

Suddenly, Virat’s face appeared in front of her eyes again, first irritated, as he talked about her putting up the Great wall of China, and then the next time with a knowing smirk, as if he knew something about her that she herself didn’t.

“Lekin ek baat tum samajh lo. Aaj tum beech me ye taqiye rakh rahi ho, lekin ek din aayega, jab tum hi mujhse kahegi ye taqiye hataane ko.”

Grabbing them all and throwing the pillows away, crying hard now, remembering how she had forgotten to keep the pillow fort a few nights around the time of his aborted mission, at how she had slept holding his hand as a pillow, Sai sobbed, “Wapas aa jaayiye, Virat Sir. Mai kabhi bhi humare beech aisi deewar khada nahi karungi. Aapke khabar mile bina nahi ho rahi mujhse khud ko sambhaalna!”