Chapter 36

Khushi got out of the main door of Shantivan & slowly started walking out towards the main gate. Her cheeks felt all hot & flushed as she kept going what all Arnav had said to her just minutes before. She had thought that... She had thought maybe he had given up on everything between them. Forgotten about it all. She had. She had given up when she hadn't seen him even once after that day in the studio. She had almost forgotten about all that transpired between them since she had heard about the horrible truth of her being. But he hadn't.

He didn't want to friends with her, because' Khushi shuddered as she recollected his words.

...I had just wanted to kiss you. Kiss you the way I had kissed you for the first time...

...I felt if I didn't press my face in your hair soon, I'd just loose it!

...There's just something about you...

Khushi's whole body quivered as she remembered his bold announcement. Why had she wanted to end things with him again? Oh, her mind reminded her, she had wanted commitment. Longtime commitment. She had wanted a label, a certified name to this 'something more than just chemistry' thing.

Name & commitment? Her father was in a committed relationship with her mother, wasn't he? He had sworn to protect her from any kind of danger or distress in life, & in the end he had proven to be the reason of all of her distress in life... & in death. He was her husband. There was a name for their relationship, a name that was regarded with the highest respect. Shaadi. & even that didn't stop him from mortally suspecting his wife wrongly.

& the Guptas? What were they to her in name? Mere relatives? When in reality, they had been the only family she had ever had.  It didn't matter to any one of them what their relationship was called, for all of them Khushi was their family. & that was it. They have always showered her with more love than anyone in their own family. These were bonds of love that Khushi had with them. Bonds, that were stronger than any commitments or any relations. & who was the one person that Khushi loved, truly loved, outside her family?

& only four days ago, Khushi had been heartbroken over Arnav, but even then, she had been a totally different person. She had belonged, surely belonged to a set of people. & today, she was a different person altogether. Try as she might, she couldn't help but feel thankful to her family for all the love they showered over her. But before, she was never thankful for it, she always demanded it & rightfully received it. It seems the only person with whom her equation hadn't changed was him! They still somehow invariably ended every conversation with him wanting to do something to her lips or her hair.

& if life was as unpredictable as hers had proven to be, pampered daughter one day to grateful outsider the next, then why the hell was she going on about lifelong commitments? People made lifelong promises to one another & the very next day one of them would drop dead in front a bus or in a riot. & if this was the way life was, with no guarantee for tomorrow, then she wasn't going to waste another minute by asking Arnav for a commitment. If anything the past three days had taught her, it was that what people felt for each other mattered, not how other people perceived their relationship or what they said about it.

Khushi stopped with a jolt as she realized she was in front of the main gate of Nikunja. The wind was blowing strongly now & she could feel pin pricks of water drops on her head. Any minute it would start drizzling in earnest & if she didn't want to get drenched in this cold, she had better went inside her home. Khushi swiveled the valve of the gate open & started to push the gate open. But then, she just couldn't go in. There was this immense feeling of restlessness that she needed to be somewhere else. & Khushi turned & started running off towards the direction she had just come from, ignoring the ever-increasing pelts of rain falling over her body.

She even ignored the curious glances she gained from the security people at the main gate of Shantivan, who had already gone inside their little hub just beside the gate to save themselves from the growing showers of rain. As she reached the main door of Shantivan, Khushi pushed forward with her body, she realized with surprise that the main door was locked shut. Normally, she had seen the main door of Shantivan to be just shut, not locked, as the outer security was pretty tight already. Khushi impatiently reached for the door bell, but before she could stab the button, the main door was swung open & a mildly surprised looking Om Prakash stuck his head out & said hurriedly, "Wo, Khushi didi, all this rain & wind, you see? We were just shutting off all the doors & windows. Sorry, I was late in opening the door, but I was coming as soon as Badri bhaiya called from the gate to say you were on your way..."

But unlike other days, today Khushi had no time to chit-chat with the Prakash brothers, as she hurriedly went inside side-stepping an apologetic OP & threw back over her shouldes as she made a dash for the stairs, "It's OK, Om Praksh ji. I just had to tell Arnavji something really urgent regarding the weddings... which I forgot to tell him earlier." & she climbed the stairs two at a time without a single backward glance, as Khushi was certain, the time for backward glances has passed.

But as soon as she reached outside Arnav's closed bedroom door, Khushi stopped short as if coming up against a stone wall as she suddenly felt all of her painfully achieved courage leaving her faster than the sudden rain had come. Khushi gulped down & rubbed her hands on her forearms to rub down the goosebumps that had started on them. & then suddenly, out of nowhere, she felt a world of fear clutching its hands around her pounding heart.

She had come here to tell the man she actually loved, that she was ready for anything he was ready to give her. But was her heart ready for all the bruises that will surely come as side effects to her decision? Just at that moment, she heard the rattling of doors from inside & then the strong sound of blowing wind. & Khushi stared at the door as if she could see through it. He was there. She knew it, in that weird that they were both attuned to the tiniest of movements surrounding the other, she knew that he was just there on the other side of the door.

& another thing that Khushi also realized at that same moment was, this was it for her. She loved him. & if by chance what she felt for him wasn't the very famous love everyone seemed to be always talking about, even then, this was the closest Khushi was ever gonna get to feeling that elusive emotion. So, now she only had to choose, not Arnav Singh Raizada, but did she dare to give her one & only love a second-chance at life?

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As soon as Arnav had closed the door, he decided the lengthened, unintentional celibacy had gone to his head. This is what he had worked hard to avoid! Wanting someone based on their physical attribute was one thing, but wanting to eradicate each & every source of pain from a person's life just to see her smiling a bit so that his world would brighten up just that much more was just unnecessary complication. A complication that he had worked hard to shield himself against.

Arnav moved towards his cupboard & after opening the large safe on the left hand side of the cupboard, he drew out the golden shoebox almost involuntarily & took out one of Khushi's nude-colored stilettos. Beautiful brat! What was the story she had cooked up to ruin his date with Rania? That he had been fooling around with Rania's best friend. In truth, Arnav had been getting friendly with the girl as he was hoping she'd agree to go on a double date with Rania & himself as Rohan's date for Rohan had taken quite a liking to her. But what had Rania's much Indian & very much up-to-date-in-local-gossip friend thrown at her after Rania had merely doused him with cold-coffee & left? That he was just as much a two-timing scumbag as his father had been.

Yes, everyone had more or less known why Devyani Raizada's grandchildren had come to live with her & why Ratna, who had lived in this very locality until her marriage & had come to visit regularly since then, had committed suicide.

That had stayed with Arnav for long. A two-timing scumbag. & he had worked to prepare himself against those words. There had been sweet, good-natured girls that he had dated in college, who had been so nice to him, that he had almost felt weak, & gradually he had decided, he was done with nice. From then on he had carefully chosen out the cunning ones, & they were a dozen a penny. & at last he had found equilibrium. They didn't do faithfulness, & hence they didn't expect faithfulness. & since then, the few incidences when he had actually two-timed a girl, it had been like a challenge thrown at an opponent, do dare & call me a two-timing scumbag, & see if I even deny it like my pathetic father.

& Arnav Singh Raizada had left his legacy & his father's tag long behind just like that. He was nothing like that man. That man might have supplied him with cheating genes, but Arnav Singh Raizada even cheated with a no-fear attitude. He even cheated with honesty. He had never tried to lie to any of his girl-friends or tried to hide anything from anyone. & thus he might have cheated by the end-period of some fleeting flings, but he knew he had never hurt someone as much as they would be goaded to the pits of killing themselves. He had never cheated on someone innocent, like his mother had been. & that's why the accusations hadn't even bothered him. Except once.

It had bothered, it had bristled him when she had accused him of two-timing her. Because, firstly, he just wasn't. Secondly, he wasn't even tempted to, & he would never like to delve into the reasons why. & most importantly, he would never even think of doing something like that to someone like Khushi! Someone who was so naive, so innocent, so much like... like his Ma had been.

Arnav frustratedly threw the shoe back in its nest & put the box back in the safe, finally closing the cupboard door with a loud clattering bang. Then he turned around & scanned the room like a caged animal. If he could, he would go back to Boston this instant! All of his carefully erected shields, & this damn little, tiny slip of a girl started from where the shields ended. She had seen him before he had even built those walls, & she kept witnessing him in surroundings where he let his guards down. & now, he f**king felt wounded if she was hurt, which was unacceptable as far as making himself disconnected from the world was concerned!

& feeling as if he would be running up the walls with his restlessness if he didn't go out of the room soon, Arnav marched towards the French doors, yanked them open with clattering noises, & went out in the poolside to stand straight under the freezing jets of water. In 5 seconds he felt his facial muscles getting numb from the hits of the icy sprays, & he welcomed the numbness by tilting his face upwards towards the heavens he didn't believe in anymore. & suddenly he wished he did.

Suddenly all Arnav wished that he did believe in some heaven, some deity, some power far above the realms of any human intervention, so that he would be able to pray to it. So that he would be able to wish upon it. & if he could, he would wish for a different childhood. For him, for her. & he would wish for a different history. For themselves. & then he would wish for her. For himself. Forever.

Suddenly Arnav thought he heard someone say something behind him & he spun around with a shocked expression as he hadn't even heard the door of his room open over the sounds of falling raindrops, & she was there. As if sent in answer to his unspoken wish. Arnav shook his head disbelievingly as he shot out, "What the-? Why are you-? What are you doing here?"

& then as if in a dream he saw Khushi continuously shaking her head from left to right, as if forbidding herself from doing something, & then she stepped over the threshold & stepped onto the poolside & in two steps she was standing before him. She was so close to him that he could feel her body trembling from the cold wind. Arnav's hand shot out & held her arms, & then he held her body a bit away form his, & it was to see her face properly, he told himself, not because he was having any kinds of difficulty cause of her proximity.

"You're getting drenched." his voice sounded croaked. & as soon as he finished, he saw her whole body jerk as she trembled once violently, & then she spoke through equally trembling lips, "I... I am here for you. & you've been rude to me today. & you... were... are a jerk to me on your best days. But there is just something about you that, even though everything is wrong about my existence right now, I feel that I am someone awesome, just because you said you want me... You do want me, right?" she screwed up her eyes to look at his eyes for the first time since she had stepped closer to him.

Arnav looked at her for the longest of moments, & then his hands tightened on her arms as he pulled her in the warmth of his body as his lips took hers inside the heat of them. He felt Khushi's whole body starting to tremble violently, & then it suddenly stopped, & she pressed herself more firmly against him. Arnav let go of her lips & raised his head to look at her seriously as he asked in somber voice, "What does that tell you about me wanting you?" Khushi's hands that were trapped between their bodies, clutched at his vest, as she said in an unsteady voice, "In plain English? Yes!... So I offer to you what you offered me... Then maybe I am saying yes to you offer?" she looked confused for a bit & then shook her head, "Whatever! I am here! For you! To be with you! On you terms! No commitments. No strings. Just me! Will you take... just me?"

& as soon as the words left her mouth Arnav again kissed her. More like pressed compulsive kisses on her parted lips, & then suddenly he let her go & stepped back a little away from her. Khushi was about to demand an indignant explanation for this distance in the freaking cold, when he spoke clearly & determinedly, "I will take... just you... on one condition." & Khushi felt so insulted at his words, that her palms itched to slap his handsome features as she shouted, "If you think, that just because I am here-" But Arnav continued as if she hadn't spoken at all, "Will you go on a date with me?"

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